Chapter 128 You're Not an Outsider

After Liu Ruyan finished that sentence, she reopened her laptop, her gaze fixed on the screen, fingers sliding across the touchpad, with an air of "this topic ends here."

But Chen Yan noticed that her fingers were sliding across the touchpad much faster than before.

Fast meant absent-mindedness.

People who are truly focused have slow and steady movements. Only when the mind is thinking about other things do the fingers unconsciously speed up, as if trying to burn off that excess energy in this way.

"Liu Ruyan." Chen Yan called her.

"Hmm."

"Look at me."

"I am looking at something."

"Those things of yours aren't urgent." Chen Yan said, "What's urgent is that you're afraid I'll figure something out."

Liu Ruyan's fingers stopped. Not just a pause, but a complete stop. The cursor on the touchpad froze at a certain spot on the screen, motionless, like someone at a crossroads who suddenly doesn't know which way to go.

The wall clock in the study ticked away, each second seeming to be a reminder of something.

Liu Ruyan slowly raised her head and looked at him.

The light from the desk lamp hit her face from the side. Her expression didn't look special, but there was something in those eyes—not anger, not grievance, but a more complex, indescribable emotion that one would only have after someone had glimpsed through a crack into a room she had kept locked away.

"Do you think I'm afraid of you figuring something out?" she asked.

Chen Yan stood up from the sofa, walked to the desk, braced his hands on the desktop, and leaned forward slightly, closing the distance between them to less than half a meter.

"You're afraid that I'll figure out that you hope that dream talk was true."

The air in the study seemed to have been drained away.

Liu Ruyan leaned back against the chair, looking up at him with her chin slightly raised. This was a defensive posture, but also one of defiance—she was using this stance to tell him: even if you are right, I will not bow my head.

"Chen Yan," she said, her voice not loud, but every word sounded precisely weighed, "Have you ever thought about a question?"

"What question?"

"You say there is nothing between you and Su Muxue, I believe it. You say there is nothing between you and Shen Youchu, I believe that too." She paused, her gaze lingering on his face for two seconds, as if confirming something, "But have you ever thought that perhaps the key to the problem isn't what is between you and them, but that there is nothing between you and them, yet you still keep them very close to you?"

Chen Yan opened his mouth, then closed it again.

This sentence was like a knife, cutting into a place he had never thought about.

"Su Muxue helps you with your work, Shen Youchu acts in your plays; for every woman around you, you have a reasonable, logical, and perfectly legitimate excuse to explain why they are by your side." Liu Ruyan said, slowly straightening up from the chair back, hands crossed on the desk, the distance between them shortening a bit more, "But are these reasons for your own sake, or for them?"

Chen Yan didn't speak.

"I have never doubted that you have anything with any woman." Liu Ruyan said, her voice softening to a volume that only the two of them could hear, "What I doubt is, have you ever thought about why you never refuse?"

This question landed on the desk between them like an unexploded dud.

It wasn't that it wasn't dangerous; it just hadn't decided when to detonate.

Chen Yan took a deep breath, straightened up, and increased the distance between them.

Not retreating, just giving himself some breathing room.

"You're right." He said, his voice lower than usual, "I really have never thought about this question. Or rather, I have thought about it, but every time I get halfway through, I stop."

"Why stop?"

"Because when I get halfway through, I think of you."

Liu Ruyan's eyelashes trembled.

The tremor was very small, so small that if it weren't for the close distance and quiet lighting, one wouldn't have noticed at all.

"What happens when you think of me?" she asked, her voice carrying a cautious probe, as if afraid of startling something.

"I feel like I don't have the qualification to think about this question." Chen Yan said, his tone so flat it didn't sound like he was talking about something important, but precisely because it was so flat, every word seemed heavy, "Your affairs with Qin Shi, your affairs with the Liu family, the affairs of the Liu Group—these are what are truly important. The messy things around me are not worth mentioning compared to these."

Liu Ruyan looked at him for a few seconds, then suddenly smiled.

That smile was different from the one in the elevator earlier. The smile in the elevator was because she was amused, it was relaxed. This smile was bitter, the kind of helplessness that said, "You really don't understand anything."

"Chen Yan, do you think that you only have the right to stand beside me once you've handled your own affairs?"

"Isn't it?"

"No." Liu Ruyan stood up, walked around the long table to stand in front of him, and looked up at him. She was nearly a head shorter than him, but the sense of oppressive aura was no less— "Do you think I care about whether there are other women around you? What I care about is that you even find excuses for others when you refuse them. You take such good care of everyone, except for yourself. If you don't care about yourself, you don't care about me."

Chen Yan looked at her.

The light from the desk lamp shone from the side, casting their shadows onto the bookshelf behind them; the two shadows were very close, so close they almost overlapped.

He didn't know what to say.

Not because he had nothing to say, but because there was too much to say, so much that he didn't know where to start.

Liu Ruyan waited for a moment, seeing no reaction from him, stepped back, turned around, walked back behind the desk, and sat down again. She picked up the cup of cold tea, took a sip, and frowned at the sour taste, but this time she didn't put the cup down, instead taking another sip, as if trying to suppress some emotion with that sourness.

"Alright." She said, her tone returning to that business-like coldness, "Let's not talk about this anymore. You go back, I still have things to write."

Chen Yan stood where he was, not moving.

"You tell me to go back, so I go back?"

Liu Ruyan raised her head and looked at him, a flash of surprise in her eyes.

"Otherwise what?"

"Otherwise I'll just sit here." Chen Yan said, turning back to the sofa, sitting down, stuffing the latex cushion back behind his neck, and leaning back, "You never intended to let me leave tonight, otherwise you wouldn't have given me that medicine."

Liu Ruyan's fingers paused on the keyboard.

"What medicine?"

"Sleeping pills." Chen Yan said with his eyes closed, "White, round, no markings. You said vitamins, but vitamins wouldn't have such a bitter taste, and they wouldn't make me sleepy fifteen minutes after taking them. I slept in your study for nearly an hour after taking them, and you're telling me that was a vitamin?"

Silence.

The ticking of the wall clock seemed exceptionally clear in this silence.

"How do you know those were sleeping pills?" Liu Ruyan's voice came from somewhere far away.

"Because I've seen the exact same ones." Chen Yan opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her.

Liu Ruyan's gaze shifted from his face to the night outside the window, which had completely darkened.

"You didn't sleep well last night, and you ran around all day today." She said, her voice much softer than before, "If you don't catch up on sleep, you won't hold up."

"So you made me take sleeping pills, let me sleep in your study, and then waited until I woke up to argue with me?"

"I wasn't arguing with you."

"Then what were you doing just now?"

Liu Ruyan pursed her lips.

That expression was the most unlike her that Chen Yan had ever seen since he had known her—not strong, not determined, not that calm mastery of the situation. There was something clumsy in this expression, like she didn't know how to handle the situation in front of her, a sense of being at a loss.

"I was telling you some things that I didn't know how to say to you." She finally said this, then turned her gaze back to the screen, her fingers sliding on the touchpad, and the cursor began to move again from where it had stopped, "Go to sleep. When I finish writing this, I'll call you."

Chen Yan looked at her profile.

The light from the desk lamp illuminated half of her face brightly, while the other half was hidden in the shadows. The bright half looked very calm, so calm that it was as if the conversation just now had never happened. But the dark half, at the edge of the shadows, had some extremely subtle expressions flowing, like an undercurrent beneath a river surface; you couldn't see it standing on the bank, but you knew it was there.

He closed his eyes.

That clean scent, a mix of lavender and cotton fabric, drifted over again.

Not perfume, it was laundry detergent.

It was the scent that belonged to Liu Ruyan.

This time he didn't dream, nor did he talk in his sleep.

He slept very deeply, so deeply it was like sinking into a very, very deep well. The well water was warm, neither cold nor hot, just enough to envelop his whole body. The mouth of the well was small, small enough that he could only see a small patch of the sky, but there were stars in that small patch of sky—not many, but each one was very clear and bright.

He didn't know how long had passed.

Maybe half an hour, maybe an hour, maybe even longer.

A hand was placed on his shoulder.

That hand was very light, not patting, not pushing, just resting there. The temperature of the fingers was transmitted through the fabric, cool, like a piece of jade that had slightly warmed up after being held for a long time.

He opened his eyes.

Liu Ruyan was crouching beside the sofa, at his eye level, and the two of them were looking at each other on the same horizontal line. The light from the desk lamp shone from behind her, plating her hair with a halo of warm yellow light, but her face was in the backlight, her silhouette much softer, the lines between her brows and eyes no longer as sharp as they were during the day.

"Wake up." She said, her voice so soft it was as if she were afraid of waking something in the room other than him, "It's time to go."

"Go where?"

"Downstairs to eat." Liu Ruyan stood up, "You've only had a glass of water since this morning, aren't you hungry?"

She finished speaking, turned, and walked toward the door, then stopped after two steps and looked back at him.

"Or are you saying you want me to bring it up for you?"

Chen Yan sat up; the latex cushion slid from behind his neck to his lower back. He didn't pull it out, just let it stay there as a cushion.

"No need, I'll go down."

Liu Ruyan nodded, turned, pushed open the door, and walked out.

Chen Yan followed, stood up, walked two steps, and found his legs were a bit numb. Not from sleeping, but from sitting in that position for too long, his blood circulation wasn't flowing smoothly.

He walked while stretching his legs, following behind Liu Ruyan through the corridor and down the stairs.

The manor's dining room was on the first floor, a medium-sized room. Saying it wasn't big was because compared to the other rooms in this house, its area really wasn't large. Saying it wasn't small was because after placing that six-seater long dining table, there was still room by the window to fit a set of low cabinets and two single chairs.

Two places had already been set on the dining table.

Two sets of bowls and chopsticks, and in the middle were four dishes—a plate of stir-fried seasonal vegetables, a bowl of fish with pickled mustard greens, a plate of braised pork ribs, and a bowl of tomato and egg drop soup. They were all home-cooked dishes, but each one looked very good, as if someone had been waiting in the kitchen for a long time, making them just at the right time.

"When did you have people prepare this?" Chen Yan pulled out a chair and sat down.

"When you were asleep." Liu Ruyan sat down opposite him and picked up her chopsticks, "Don't ask, just eat."

Chen Yan picked up the bowl of tomato and egg drop soup and took a sip. The soup was hot, not burning, and the sourness of the tomato and the fragrance of the egg were mixed together, warming him all the way from his throat to his stomach.

He suddenly felt this scene was a bit strange.

Not strange, but too normal. Normal to the point of seeming like an ordinary couple having an ordinary dinner on an ordinary night. No Qin Shi, no Su Muxue, no public opinion crisis for the Liu Group, no urgent matters requiring his immediate response.

Only a table of dishes, a bowl of soup, and the person opposite him.

He raised his head and glanced at Liu Ruyan.

She was picking up a piece of pork rib, her movements very slow, so slow that it was as if she were deliberately slowing down the pace. Her chopsticks gripped the edge of the rib, lifting it gently and placing it into her own bowl, then she put down the chopsticks, held one end of the rib with her hand, and lowered her head to take a bite.

Her way of eating was completely different from how she was in the conference room. The Liu Ruyan in the conference room was precise, efficient, and every sentence was filtered. But this Liu Ruyan eating pork ribs was just an ordinary young woman who would gnaw on a bone held in her hand, with a bit of sauce on the corner of her mouth.

She raised her head, noticed Chen Yan looking at her, and wiped the corner of her mouth with her finger.

"What are you looking at?"

"Looking at you." Chen Yan said, picking up the soup bowl and taking another sip, "Do you usually eat with your hands in restaurants?"

"I don't need to put on an act at home." Liu Ruyan placed the gnawed bone on the edge of the plate and picked up a napkin to wipe her fingers, "You are not an outsider."

You are not an outsider.

She said this sentence very casually, so casually that it seemed to have been said without thinking. But it was precisely this lack of thought that made something in Chen Yan's heart stir.

Someone who was used to maintaining an image in front of everyone had dropped all pretenses in front of another person. This fact in itself was heavier than any deliberate confession.

"When do you plan to make a move on Qin Shi's side?" Chen Yan suddenly asked.

He didn't intentionally want to break this atmosphere, but he suddenly realized that this overly normal scene gave him a sense of unreality—so unreal that he wanted to use some "real" questions to confirm that he wasn't in a dream.

Liu Ruyan put down the napkin and looked at him.

"You are at my dining table, eating my food, and then asking me when I will make a move against my opponent?"

"Is there a problem?"

Liu Ruyan picked up her soup bowl, blew on it, took a sip, and put it down.

"No." She said, "He is waiting for a suitable opportunity, and I am waiting too. He is waiting for my loophole, and I am waiting for him to lose his patience."

"What happens if he loses his patience?"

"He will make mistakes." Liu Ruyan picked up her chopsticks and placed a mouthful of greens into her bowl, "Qin Shi is the most patient person, and also the most impatient. He can wait a long time, but he cannot tolerate 'uncertainty.' As long as he discovers a discrepancy between his expectations and reality, he will accelerate. Once he accelerates, he will reveal flaws."

Chen Yan thought about it and felt this judgment was correct.

Qin Shi meeting financial magazine people at Wanghu Hall, sending anonymous emails—these were all layouts. The person doing the layout fears not counterattacks from the opponent, but the opponent not following the route he designed. If you step into his trap, he is happy. If you don't, he isn't anxious either, because he has backup plans. But if you neither step into his trap nor dodge it, but instead fill the trap in a way he never expected and build a house on top of it, he will start to get anxious.

"Are you meeting with brokerage analysts tomorrow to create that discrepancy?" Chen Yan asked.

"Partly." Liu Ruyan said, "The other part is for you."

"For me?"

"Your short drama project." Liu Ruyan put down her chopsticks, her hands crossed on the table, returning to that determined posture from the conference room, "I will talk to Su Muxue about the promotional plan, but regarding the content, you must guarantee the quality for me. A four-week deadline, not a day more, not a fraction less."

"I know."

"You don't know." Liu Ruyan looked at him, her gaze very serious, not seeming to be joking.