6: The sth declaration of war
At eight o'clock on Monday morning, Maria appeared at the shop entrance right on time.
She had changed into a set of clean clothes, her hair was neatly combed, and she wore a pair of old but scrubbed-clean sneakers.
Lin Feng was squatting by the door with a straw in his mouth, and he looked up at her.
"So early?"
Maria was taken aback. "Didn't you say work starts on Monday?"
Lin Feng nodded without standing up and pointed inside. "Go in and find the Mexican Guy; let him teach you how to fry chicken."
Maria stood her ground and didn't move.
Lin Feng looked up. "What's wrong?"
Maria hesitated for a moment. "Aren't you... going to ask if I can do a good job?"
Lin Feng blinked. "Would asking even matter?"
Maria remained silent.
Lin Feng stood up, patted his backside, walked over to her, and said seriously:
"I only have one standard for hiring—whether you're miserable enough. You're miserable enough, so you're qualified. As for everything else, you can just learn it."
Maria stared at him for three seconds, then laughed.
"You really are a weirdo."
Lin Feng nodded. "I know."
---
After Maria went inside, Lin Feng continued squatting at the entrance, scrolling through his phone.
He wasn't scrolling through TikTok; he was looking at Popeyes' official account.
He stared at their follower count, likes, and the view counts on their latest videos. Chewing on his straw, his mind began to race.
Over three thousand stores.
A nationwide chain.
Their new spicy chicken sandwich had just gone viral across the internet, with the TikTok hashtag reaching eighty-seven million views.
Then he looked at himself—
One run-down shop.
Five employees.
His most popular video had four point seven million views, and his hashtag barely squeezed past twenty-three million.
The gap between 2nd place and 1st place was more than just a little bit.
Lin Feng bit his straw flat.
Suddenly, someone squatted down beside him.
He turned his head and saw it was the Mexican Guy.
"Boss, what are you looking at?"
Lin Feng handed him the phone. "Looking at the enemy."
The guy took it, glanced at it, and his face fell. "Popeyes? Boss, are we comparing ourselves to them?"
Lin Feng looked at him. "You think we can't compete?"
The guy nodded honestly. "We can't."
Lin Feng also nodded. "I think so too."
The guy was stunned. "Then why are you still looking?"
Lin Feng took his phone back, stared at the eighty-seven million views on the screen, and said slowly:
"I'm thinking about how to make those views ours."
The guy didn't understand, but he didn't dare to ask.
---
On Tuesday, Lin Feng was out all day.
When he returned, he was carrying a plastic bag containing five portions of Popeyes fried chicken.
He dumped the fried chicken onto the table and said to his five employees:
"One portion for each of you. Eat."
The Mexican Guy looked at the fried chicken in front of him and swallowed hard. "Boss, this is the enemy's rations. If we eat this, will we..."
Lin Feng glanced at him. "Will you what?"
The guy: "...Mutiny?"
Lin Feng ignored him, picked up a drumstick first, and took a bite.
He chewed and frowned.
He chewed some more, and his frown deepened.
He turned to Maria. "What do you think?"
Maria tasted a bit and said seriously, "It's quite delicious."
Lin Feng nodded. "Yes, it is quite delicious."
He picked up another piece, took a bite, and continued chewing.
"But—"
Everyone pricked up their ears.
Lin Feng put down the drumstick, wiped his hands, and said unhurriedly:
"It's just delicious. Nothing else."
The Mexican Guy was confused. "Being delicious isn't enough?"
Lin Feng looked at him. "Do you know why our shop is popular?"
The guy thought for a moment. "Because... it's miserable?"
Lin Feng nodded. "Exactly. Misery. We aren't selling fried chicken; we're selling emotion."
He pointed at the Popeyes on the table. "They sell fried chicken. It's delicious, but not miserable. You eat it and forget it."
He then pointed outside. "We sell stories. Not delicious? No, our fried chicken is also quite good. But even if it weren't, people would still come because they want to see who is the most miserable today and hear what new stories there are."
The five employees fell silent.
Lin Feng continued, "Popeyes has three thousand stores; we only have one. We can't compete in reach. In marketing, they drop millions of dollars on celebrities. What do we drop? My shoe with the peeling sole?"
The Mexican Guy looked down at Lin Feng's shoe and said nothing.
Lin Feng stood up and patted his backside.
"So we don't compete with them on reach, or marketing, or who can hire the biggest star."
He paused and smiled.
"We compete on who is better at making people cry, making them laugh, and making them want to come see it for themselves after watching a video."
"This is our lane. This is where Popeyes can never beat us."
---
On Wednesday, Lin Feng posted a new notice at the entrance.
[DECLARING WAR ON POPEYES]
Those words were massive, bolded, and written in red ink.
Below them was a line of smaller text:
[They sell fried chicken. We sell stories. They have three stores? No, they have three thousand. We only have one. But—they don't have a lunatic boss named Lin Feng.]
Within ten minutes of the notice being posted, someone took a photo and uploaded it to TikTok.
Title: "This fried chicken shop just declared war on Popeyes???"
Views: Over one million in two hours.
Comment section:
"What the hell, LOL. One shop declaring war on three thousand?"
"This boss is insane, but I love it."
"Popeyes: Who are you? Lin Feng: I'm your daddy."
"Wait, isn't this the shop from that 'Miserable King Championship'? This boss comes up with new stunts every time."
"I just finished crying over the story of that mom he hired, and now I'm dying of laughter."
"Popeyes, come look, someone wants to fight you."
Lin Feng squatted by the door, scrolling through the comments, his grin reaching his ears.
His phone vibrated.
[Ding—Task progress updated: Joe's Fried Chicken topic discussion volume, current US fried chicken shop ranking: 2nd (Unchanged).]
[But—#JoeVsPopeyes topic volume: Over five million in three hours.]
Lin Feng stared at that five million, his eyes lighting up.
This was exactly what he was waiting for.
---
On Thursday, Popeyes' official account posted an update.
It was a picture of a single piece of fried chicken with a line of text next to it:
[Who?]
Just one word and a question mark.
The entire internet went wild with laughter.
Comment section:
"Hahaha, Popeyes finally responded!"
"Who? — That single word is so savage."
"Lin Feng: I'm here to take you down. Popeyes: Who are you?"
"The two shops are fighting! Grab your popcorn!"
"Lin Feng, look! Popeyes is asking who you are!"
Lin Feng saw it.
He stared at that "Who?" for three seconds, then laughed.
He pulled out his phone and started typing.
Five minutes later, Joe's Fried Chicken's official account posted a new update:
[Three thousand stores, and not a single Miserable King. I have them.]
The attached image was a photo—
In the photo were Maria, the Bald Strong Man, the Google Girl, the Old Man, and the Mexican Guy. The five of them stood in a row, each holding a sign:
Maria: [My daughter is gone.]
Bald Strong Man: [My wife ran off with my bro.]
Google Girl: [Owe $200,000, still unemployed.]
Old Man: [My wife has been dead for three years.]
Mexican Guy: [Was buried alive, no worker's comp.]
In the very front, Lin Feng was squatting, holding the largest sign:
[I'm more miserable than all of them.]
One hour after this update was posted, it had two hundred thousand shares.
Two hours, five hundred thousand.
Three hours, and it was blowing up across all platforms: TikTok, X, and INS.
Topic volume: #JoeVsPopeyes broke thirty million.
---
Lin Feng squatted at the shop entrance, scrolling through his phone and laughing like an idiot.
His phone vibrated.
[Ding—Task progress updated: Joe's Fried Chicken topic discussion volume, current US fried chicken shop ranking: 1st.]
[Congratulations to the host for completing the task: Become the fried chicken shop with the highest topic discussion in the US within 30 days.]
[Time taken to complete task: 23 days.]
[Reward issued: $2,000,000 has been credited to your account.]
[Special Skill Gift Pack has been issued, please check.]
Lin Feng stared at that "$2,000,000" for three seconds, stunned.
Then he stood up and shouted into the shop:
"Closing early tonight! Everyone's going out to eat! My treat!"
The Mexican Guy poked his head out from the kitchen. "What are we eating?"
Lin Feng thought for a moment and said:
"Popeyes."
Everyone was stunned.
Lin Feng grinned like a moron:
"We're not going there to eat their fried chicken. We're going to squat at their door and hold up signs."
"What signs?"
Lin Feng pulled out his phone and opened his notes, where seven words were written:
[Thank you for making us famous.]
---
That night, six figures appeared in front of that Popeyes in Los Angeles.
They squatted at the shop entrance, each holding a sign, smiling at every customer who entered.
Some people recognized them and pulled out their phones to take photos.
Some laughed and took group photos with them.
Some went in to buy fried chicken and came out to give each of them a piece.
Lin Feng squatted in the very middle, a straw in his mouth, watching the people come and go. He suddenly remembered how two weeks ago, he was also squatting like this on a street corner, handing out those coffee cups covered in emojis.
Back then, he only had $2.37.
Now he had—
He pulled out his phone and took a look:
[Current Balance: $2,550,002.37]
Lin Feng stared at the number and smiled.
He stuffed the phone back into his pocket and said to the people beside him:
"What do you think the boss of Popeyes is thinking right now?"
The Mexican Guy thought for a moment. "Probably cursing you."
Lin Feng nodded. "Then we've succeeded."
Maria glanced at him, the corner of her mouth twitching upward:
"You really are a lunatic."
Lin Feng didn't argue.
He looked up at the Popeyes sign and said slowly:
"What's wrong with being a lunatic? A lunatic can make people laugh, make them cry, and make a giant with three thousand stores reply with a single 'Who?'."
He paused, his smile full of deep meaning:
"Isn't this exactly what happiness is?"
[End of Chapter 6]