80: Chapter 80 The Day of the Upright Official

"King, please forgive me!"

King Xianlian was squatting on the ground, using his fingers to pick at the gold threads on the Daoist robe he had just stripped off Daoist Qingxuan.

Hearing the voice, he looked up; the fat on his face bunched up, and his two small eyes narrowed into slits.

"What is it? Why the panic? Has the sky fallen?"

Clever Ghost was panting heavily, his chest rising and falling violently. It took him a long while to catch his breath. "King, have you forgotten what day it is today?"

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"Day? What day? I just snatched a Daoist priest yesterday; isn't today a day for eating meat?"

"No, King! Today is the monthly Honorable Judge Day! There are three hundred and seventy-two cases piled up in the mountain, and all the little ghosts are waiting outside the court for you to hold court and pass judgment! If you don't go now, they're going to start fighting!"

"Oh! That's right!"

King Xianlian slapped his forehead hard, with so much force that he staggered. He quickly steadied himself against a nearby rock and shook his head.

"How could I have forgotten about this!"

He scrambled to his feet and threw the large Daoist robe over himself.

The robe was too long, its hem dragging on the ground. He stepped on it several times and nearly fell flat on his face.

He grumbled as he rolled up the sleeves and folded the hem up three times, finally managing to reveal his feet.

Then he grabbed the Qiankun bag from the ground, tied it around his waist, and patted it, producing a dull "thud-thud" sound.

"Hold court! Hold court!" He shouted at the top of his lungs, his voice sounding like a broken gong. "This King is the most fair and upright; I shall certainly give all my subjects justice!"

He swaggered toward Gualian Cave. After two steps, he suddenly stopped and turned back to point at Clever Ghost.

"Right, drag this little Daoist into the cave. Put him with the people we caught a couple of days ago. Watch him well, don't let him run away. After I finish judging the cases, I'll deal with him slowly."

"Yes! King!" Clever Ghost replied hastily.

King Xianlian nodded with satisfaction, humming an off-key tune as he swayed away. His footsteps were heavy; with every step he took, the pebbles on the ground jumped.

Clever Ghost watched him walk away before heaving a sigh of relief. He walked over to Daoist Qingxuan and kicked him in the stomach.

"Bang!" Daoist Qingxuan let out a muffled groan, his brows knitting tightly, but his eyes remained closed.

Blood flowed from the corner of his mouth, and his face was bruised black and blue; he had clearly been beaten quite severely.

"Stop playing dead!" Clever Ghost spat, bent down, grabbed one of Daoist Qingxuan's legs, and dragged him toward Gualian Cave.

The rough bluestone slabs scraped against Daoist Qingxuan's back, tearing his clothes and leaving streaks of blood on his skin. Fresh blood flowed down through the cracks in the stone slabs, leaving a long, winding trail of blood.

Gualian Cave was at the peak of Shameless Mountain. The cave entrance looked like a gaping, bloody maw, pitch-black and bottomless.

Outside the cave entrance, it was already crowded with all sorts of minor demons.

The Weasel Spirit stood on tiptoe, clutching a crumpled piece of paper, muttering something incessantly. The Hen Spirit stood with her hands on her hips, arguing until her face was red with the Duck Spirit next to her. The Boar Spirit carried a large wooden club, swinging it from time to time, scaring the surrounding minor demons into scattering. The Mouse Spirit darted back and forth through the crowd, his eyes darting around, plotting something.

Some of them held complaints, some were pushing each other, and some were cursing loudly; it was chaotic.

"My eggs! Those three eggs are clearly mine!" the Weasel Spirit shrieked.

"Bullshit! They're mine!" The Hen Spirit's voice was even shriller than his. "You're a male weasel, how can you lay eggs!"

"I want to! Can't I lay eggs if I want to?"

"You peeked at me bathing! You're a pervert!" The Fox Spirit pointed at the Boar Spirit's nose and cursed.

"Who peeked at you bathing?" The Boar Spirit's face turned red. "I was just passing by!"

"Passing by? You can stand there for an hour just passing by?"

"When are you going to pay back the five taels of silver you owe me?"

"When did I ever owe you silver? Do you have proof?"

Just then, someone shouted: "The King is here! The Honorable Judge is here!"

The voice rang out like a thunderclap, exploding instantly.

All the minor demons immediately quieted down. Those who were arguing shut their mouths instantly. Those who were pushing stopped immediately. They all turned around, knelt on the ground with a "thump-thump," pressed their heads tightly against the ground, and didn't even dare to breathe loudly.

"Greetings to the Honorable Judge!"

The voices were uniform, shaking the loose stones on the cave ceiling until they fell down.

"No need for formalities, no need!"

King Xianlian swaggered over. He was wearing that ill-fitting Daoist robe, the hem dragging on the ground, stained with quite a bit of mud.

The Qiankun bag at his waist swayed back and forth, making strange sounds. He held a wooden board he had picked up from somewhere, using it as a gavel.

He walked to the main seat of the court and sat down with a thud.

"Crack!" The chair made of stone was actually cracked by him.

King Xianlian didn't care at all; he raised the wooden board in his hand and slammed it down hard.

"Clap!" The sound was deafening.

"Hold court!" "Wei—Wu—"

The two little ghosts standing on the side shouted, drawing out the sound. Their voices were weird and eerie, making one's scalp tingle.

"Present all the complaints!" King Xianlian said loudly.

Filthy Ghost hurried over from the side, holding a thick stack of complaints in his arms, panting from exhaustion.

"King, they are all here, three hundred and seventy-two in total."

King Xianlian nodded, picked up the topmost complaint, and squinted at it for a long time.

"Plaintiff: Weasel Spirit. Defendant: Hen Spirit. Case: The Hen Spirit stole three eggs from the Weasel Spirit."

He looked up at the court below.

"Weasel Spirit, Hen Spirit, you two, who wants to speak first?"

The Weasel Spirit immediately knelt forward and kowtowed three times with a "thud-thud-thud."

"Honorable Judge! You must uphold justice for me!" He cried. "I worked hard for three months to save up three eggs, intending to save them to hatch chicks. But last night, this Hen Spirit stole them! She is too wicked! You must punish her severely!"

The Hen Spirit was not to be outdone; she knelt forward, her voice sharp enough to pierce one's eardrums.

"Honorable Judge! Don't listen to his nonsense!" She pointed at the Weasel Spirit's nose and cursed. "Those three eggs were clearly laid by me! He is the thief! He is slandering me!"

"You're lying!" "You're the one lying!" The two minor demons started arguing again, spittle flying everywhere.

"Enough!" King Xianlian slammed the gavel, his voice like a thunderclap.

The two minor demons immediately shut their mouths, trembling with fear.

"You both say the eggs were laid by yourselves, do you have any evidence?" King Xianlian rubbed his chin and asked.

The Weasel Spirit quickly said: "I have a witness! The Mouse Spirit next door can testify! He saw the Hen Spirit go to my house to steal the eggs with his own eyes last night!"

The Hen Spirit also said: "I also have a witness! The Duck Spirit opposite can testify! She saw me lay three eggs with her own eyes last night!"

"Witnesses?" King Xianlian waved his hand, a look of disdain appearing on his face.

"No need to call witnesses. This King never uses evidence when judging cases."

All the minor demons quieted down and listened quietly. There was no expression of surprise on their faces; they were clearly accustomed to this method of judgment.

King Xianlian cleared his throat and continued: "Weasel Spirit, you've spent your whole life stealing chickens and dogs; the eggs you've stolen number at least eight hundred, if not a thousand. Stealing three eggs is nothing to you. Even if the Hen Spirit really did steal your eggs this time, it serves you right."

He paused and looked at the Hen Spirit.

"Hen Spirit, you've been honest your whole life and have never stolen anything. The fact that you dared to steal eggs this time shows that you are more shameless and have more potential than the Weasel Spirit. This King has always appreciated people with potential."

He raised the gavel and slammed it down hard.

"Clap!" "Therefore, this King rules in favor of the Hen Spirit! Those three eggs belong to the Hen Spirit!"

"Ah?" The Weasel Spirit was stunned. "Honorable Judge! This is unreasonable!" He finally reacted and shouted.

"Unreasonable?" King Xianlian glared and slammed the gavel again.

"If this King says it's reasonable, it's reasonable! On this Shameless Mountain, this King is the law!"

He pointed at the Weasel Spirit's nose and said fiercely: "Let me tell you, the entire Shameless Mountain is my territory; it's useless no matter where you go to complain!"

"If you dare say one more word, I will sentence you to compensate the Hen Spirit with one hundred eggs!"

The Weasel Spirit shuddered in fear, his face turning pale. He quickly lowered his head, not daring to speak anymore. He had no choice but to obediently take out ten eggs from his bosom and tremblingly hand them to the Hen Spirit.

The Hen Spirit triumphantly took the eggs and kowtowed to King Xianlian.

"Thank you, Honorable Judge! You are truly fair and upright, and your insight is meticulous!"

"That goes without saying!" King Xianlian smiled smugly, the fat on his face bunching up. "This King is the famous Honorable Judge reborn."

He picked up the next complaint and looked at it.

"Next! Plaintiff: Fox Spirit. Defendant: Boar Spirit. Case: The Boar Spirit peeked at the Fox Spirit bathing."

He looked up at the Fox Spirit and the Boar Spirit below the court.

The Fox Spirit was wearing a red dress, her face painted with thick rouge. Seeing King Xianlian look over, she immediately squeezed out a few tears and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief.

"Honorable Judge! You must uphold justice for me!" She cried, her voice delicate and sweet, making one's bones melt. "Yesterday afternoon, I was bathing in the stream behind the mountain. This Boar Spirit actually hid behind a rock and peeked at me! He has ruined my purity! You must punish him severely!"

The Boar Spirit was big and burly, covered in black hair. He scratched his head and said honestly: "Honorable Judge, I didn't peek at her bathing. I was just passing by to get some water. Who knew she happened to be bathing? I didn't see anything."

"You're lying!" The Fox Spirit shrieked. "You clearly watched! You watched for a long time!"

"I really didn't watch!" The Boar Spirit was so anxious his face turned red, and cold sweat broke out on his forehead.

"Alright, alright, stop arguing." King Xianlian waved his hand, interrupting their quarrel.

He rubbed his chin and thought for a moment. "Fox Spirit, you are so beautiful, it's normal for people to peek at you. Besides, peeking won't make you lose a piece of meat. What's the big deal?"

He looked at the Boar Spirit. "Boar Spirit, you too. Peeking at someone bathing, how could you let yourself be discovered? Too careless. Remember to be more hidden next time."

He raised the gavel and slammed it down.

"Clap!" "Therefore, this King rules the Boar Spirit not guilty! However, to punish his carelessness, I sentence him to chop firewood for the Fox Spirit for a month and carry water for a month."

"Ah?" The Boar Spirit was stunned, an unwilling expression on his face.

"But I really didn't peek!"

"What? You refuse to accept this?" King Xianlian glared. "If you refuse, I'll sentence you to chop firewood for a year and carry water for a year!"

"I accept! I accept!" The Boar Spirit said quickly, nodding his head like a chicken pecking at rice.

The Fox Spirit nodded with satisfaction and cast a flirtatious glance at King Xianlian.

"Thank you, Honorable Judge!"

"Next!"

King Xianlian picked up one complaint after another, dealing with the various disputes in the mountain using his unique standard for judging cases.

"Plaintiff: Mouse Spirit. Defendant: Cat Spirit. Case: The Cat Spirit chased the Mouse Spirit for three streets, scaring the Mouse Spirit so much he didn't dare go out for three days. Verdict: The Cat Spirit is not guilty. Who told you to be a mouse? Cats chasing mice is only natural. Sentence the Mouse Spirit to deliver ten fish to the Cat Spirit as an apology."

"Plaintiff: Turtle Spirit. Defendant: Rabbit Spirit. Case: The Rabbit Spirit and Turtle Spirit raced, the Rabbit Spirit won and mocked the Turtle Spirit for running slowly. Verdict: The Rabbit Spirit is not guilty. Being fast is impressive. Sentence the Turtle Spirit to race the Rabbit Spirit again; it only counts when he wins."

One case after another was judged. Some minor demons left satisfied, with smug smiles on their faces. Some minor demons left dejected, muttering incessantly, but no one dared to refuse.

Because they all knew that on this Shameless Mountain, King Xianlian was heaven. His words were imperial edicts. Whoever dared to refuse would receive even harsher punishment.

The sun gradually slanted to the west, and the number of minor demons outside the court became fewer and fewer.

King Xianlian stretched and let out a big yawn. Tears even flowed out.

"I'm exhausted. How many cases are left?" He rubbed his eyes and asked.

"Reporting to the King, there is one last one." Filthy Ghost said quickly.

"Oh? Bring it up." Filthy Ghost handed up the last complaint.

King Xianlian took the complaint and looked at it; there wasn't a single word on the paper.

The pure white paper was clean, without even a speck of ink.

"Hmm?" King Xianlian frowned, a look of confusion appearing on his face.

"Whose complaint is this? Why isn't there a single word?"

Just then! A voice came from the cave entrance.

"I am Wu Xi."

"I accuse King Xianlian of abducting my five friends."