231: Chapter 231 He even took out his room key for the sake of making paomo (a type of flatbread soup).

Shen Jue's shriek pierced through the phone's speaker.

The livestream screen went black instantly.

Error codes flashed alternately right in the center of the screen.

The server froze for a full three minutes before it managed to reboot.

The image lit up again, and the viewer count in the top right corner plummeted.

Fifty million.

Twenty million.

Ten million.

The style of the comments changed completely.

"Everyone disperse, they're actually on their honeymoon."

"They're kissing so intensely, it's definitely not a body double. That dork Shen Jue couldn't act out this level of sexual tension."

"The 'Zero-Dollar Shopping' brother is someone else. The Strategic Deception Bureau never lies to me. Stream over!"

The onlookers left, and the viewer count settled at the ten-million baseline that Jiang Rumu usually had when she started a stream.

The Eastern military cooperated with Li Li, performing this act of swapping the sky for the sun to perfection in front of the entire world.

Zhang Nan sat in the interrogation room's metal chair, dazed, having inexplicably taken the fall for a massive scandal.

Out in the Northwest Gobi Desert, Li Li wrapped his arms around Jiang Rumu's waist, kissing her passionately.

The script was perfectly closed-loop.

Okinawa, Kadena Air Base.

The tower command center.

General John Browning stood in front of the large screen, the image frozen on a screenshot of Li Li and Jiang Rumu kissing.

An adjutant handed him a document.

"Sir, the CIA's final assessment report shows that the person who stole the plane was Zhang Nan. There are no loopholes in the resume officially announced by the East."

John raised his hand and swatted the document away.

The papers scattered all over the floor.

"Bullshit!"

John pointed at Li Li's face on the screen.

"It's him."

"It's definitely him."

The adjutant lowered his head to look at his toes.

"Sir, the timeline doesn't match up; he is currently in the Northwest desert."

"Timelines can be forged!" John slammed both hands heavily onto the console. "Zhang Nan is a rookie who hasn't even fired a gun a few times; could he knock out Yamada Ichiro?"

"Could he skillfully pilot an F-35A? Could he disable his transponder and escape while being surrounded by twenty-five F-22s?"

John's voice grew louder and louder.

"The F-35 is not a tractor!"

"Without thousands of hours of simulator training, you can't even start the engine!"

The adjutant didn't dare to respond.

John gritted his teeth, squeezing a few words out from between them.

"Li Li has a record."

"He stole our F-18 Hornet in Ala Country."

The adjutant looked up sharply.

This matter was classified as top secret by The Pentagon, and only a very small number of people in the upper echelons of the U.S. military knew about it.

"A madman who could fly an F-18 like a work of art and even shoot down two enemy planes." John rested his chin on the back of his hand. "Except for him, no one would dare to do something so crazy."

"Connect me to the White House direct line."

The White House.

The Oval Office.

President Trump grabbed the receiver, and John's cracking, angry roar blasted out from it.

"Mr. President, I request an immediate, comprehensive investigation into Li Li! He is the thief!"

President Trump held the receiver away from his ear.

"General John."

"I don't care if that thief is Li Li or Zhang Nan."

"I only care about one thing right now." President Trump slammed the desk heavily. "Where is my F-35!"

John stalled.

"It's... in the East's hangar."

"Then go negotiate!" President Trump yelled back at the top of his lungs. "Go negotiate with the East! Get the plane back!"

John tried to argue.

"Sir, we must first confirm the identity of the thief in order to gain the upper hand at the negotiating table."

"To hell with the upper hand!" President Trump swore directly.

"Do you have any idea how terrifying the East's reverse engineering is?"

"Do you know that when we got that F-18 back, it had clearly been disassembled and reassembled, and the number of screws didn't even match up!"

"Those people can even replicate screws for you one-to-one!"

"If we drag this on, what we get back won't be an F-35!"

"It'll be a pile of Ship of Theseus parts!"

"Understand!"

"The engine, radar, stealth coating—they'll have every bit of it figured out!"

There was no sound on the other end of the line.

President Trump panted heavily.

"The negotiation team has already set off. Don't mention Li Li's name in the media."

"I don't want to see netizens all over the world mocking the United States' security system again, for not even being able to stop an Eastern variety show star."

The call ended.

President Trump leaned back in his chair.

Mark handed over a document with a red cover.

"Sir, the CIA's top-secret assessment."

President Trump opened it.

There was only one page.

Li Li's photo was printed right in the center.

Below it was a line of red text.

Target Threat Level: Alpha-3.

President Trump stared at the code.

Alpha-7 was the previous wanted level.

Now it had been raised directly to 3.

This was Osama Bin Laden-level treatment.

"Alpha-3?"

President Trump threw the file back on the table.

"Are you crazy?"

"Assigning Alpha-3 to an Eastern variety show star?"

"Are you planning on sending SEAL Team Six to his livestream to gift him rockets?"

Mark stood straight.

"Sir, this is the result of the comprehensive assessment."

"According to intelligence pieced together by our informants in Hong Kong."

"The person who carried out the rescue at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel the day Snowden was abducted."

Mark pulled up a photo and placed it on top of the file.

"Height, build, gait—they are highly consistent with Li Li's biological characteristics."

President Trump looked at the photo.

"He, by himself, slaughtered his way through all the terrorists in the hotel?"

Mark nodded.

"Not only that."

"We suspect he also hacked into the MI5 system while in Hong Kong."

President Trump rubbed his temples.

"Stop."

"Don't say any more."

"I don't want to hear how many incredible things this person has done on Earth right now."

"I only want to know, has our negotiation delegation arrived in the East yet?"

Mark checked his watch.

"They just landed in the capital."

"The reception protocol dispatched by the East is very high-level."

"But they have stated that the F-35A is currently in an 'unknown malfunction' state, and in order to ensure the safety of the U.S. pilot, they are organizing experts to conduct a 'comprehensive physical examination'."

President Trump slammed his fist onto the desk.

The coffee cup jumped.

"Physical examination?"

"They're taking my plane apart!"

"Tell the delegation!"

"No matter the cost, even if we have to pay to buy it!"

"Get that plane back to me in one piece!"

One month later.

Xianyang.

A century-old mutton paomo restaurant.

Li Li looked down, breaking the flatbread.

His fingers flew, pinching the unleavened bread into crumbs the size of soybeans.

Jiang Rumu sat across from him, holding her phone to livestream.

"Everyone, look." Jiang Rumu aimed the camera at Li Li's hands.

"Dean Li says this bread must be broken by hand to taste good; machine-cut ones have no soul."

The comments scrolled by rapidly.

"Dean Li's hand speed, must have been practiced from twenty years of being single."

"This isn't breaking bread, this is micro-sculpting!"

Li Li didn't even look up.

"This is called patience."

"You have to treat food like you treat an enemy—dismantle it piece by piece, chew it up, and swallow it."

Jiang Rumu rolled her eyes.

"Why are there so many big principles just for eating a meal."

She pushed the large flatbread in front of her, which she had only broken into four pieces, over to him.

"Since you're so patient, help me break this one too."

Li Li stopped what he was doing.

He looked at the four pieces of bread that were comparable to bricks.

"Boss Jiang."

"I charge by the piece."

Jiang Rumu pulled a card out of her bag and slapped it on the table.

"Is this enough?"

Li Li pushed the card back.

"You took the wrong one; look clearly at what this is."

Jiang Rumu looked down.

Lying on the table wasn't a black card.

It was the hotel room key from the five-star hotel they stayed at last night.

The temperature on Jiang Rumu's face rose sharply.

The comments section exploded.

"Holy crap, I'm a local, I'm great at breaking paomo, don't let him do it!"

"Forget the paomo, you can break me instead!"

"Stop eating paomo, I beg you."

Li Li pulled Jiang Rumu's bowl over and tore the large pieces of bread into smaller bits again.

"I'll help you break it."

"You have to promise me one thing."

Jiang Rumu became alert.

"What thing?"

Li Li spread the broken bread bits evenly.

"We're watching a movie tonight; you're buying the popcorn."

Jiang Rumu was stunned.

The comments exploded for another round.

"Holy crap! What kind of condition is that?"

"Dean Li, where is your ambition? A room card is sitting right in front of you, and you only want a bucket of popcorn?"

"This is f***ing pure love incarnate!"

Jiang Rumu put the room card back into her bag.

"Fine."

"I'll buy you the biggest bucket, with bubble tea."

The atmosphere between the two was sickeningly sweet.

At this moment, the livestream had a stable viewer count of around five million.

The onlookers who had come to see the 'international agent' had long since dispersed.

The ones remaining were all die-hard fans and shippers.

Occasionally someone would mention in the comments, "Do you guys think, what has that F-35 been dismantled into by now?"

The system prompt appeared in seconds.

"User 'Military Observer' has been permanently banned by the administrator."

Clean and swift.

Chengdu Ring Expressway.

The RV was driving steadily in the traffic flow.

Li Li rested one hand on the steering wheel.

In the back seat, Xiao Chai was sleeping with all four paws in the air.

Xiao Qian was lying next to it, chin resting on its paws, staying alert.

Xiao Chai had eaten five skewers of the mutton skewers Li Li bought in Xianyang in one go and was currently in a carb-induced coma.

"You've been in a good mood these past few days." Li Li glanced at the rearview mirror.

Jiang Rumu was leaning in the passenger seat, eating potato chips.

"Of course."

"No need to face the stinking faces of those capitalists every day."

"No need to rush to appointments."

"Sleeping until I wake up naturally every day."

She turned her head to look at Li Li.

"The most important thing is, someone is finally being himself."

Li Li smiled.

The canine tooth on his left side showed.

"That was tactical dormancy."

This one-month trip had no script, no missions.

Just two people and one vehicle.

Jiang Rumu's guard was completely let down.

She wore a loose T-shirt, with no makeup on.

When Li Li got sleepy driving, she would peel an orange and stuff it directly into his mouth.

When resting at night, they naturally squeezed into the same sleeping bag.

Everything was a matter of course.

The navigation voice broadcast broke the silence inside the vehicle.

"Approaching destination, Mount Qingcheng."

Li Li's grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly.

Qingcheng Orphanage.

The only property he inherited after transmigrating here.

It was also the place where he would flex his muscles next.

Jiang Rumu looked at the mountain scenery getting closer outside the window.

"How is the construction of the orphanage going? You were by my side, so I didn't feel right asking Mother Zhang."

Li Li turned the steering wheel.

"The main structure was topped out long ago."

"I've been monitoring the interior renovation and equipment procurement online for this past month."

"Going back now is just in time for the final inspection."

Jiang Rumu turned to look at him.

"Are you really planning to be the dean in this mountain valley from now on?"

Li Li nodded.

"Room and board included, good air, no KPI assessments."

"It's quite a wonderful thing."

Jiang Rumu snorted.

"No ambition."

Li Li turned his head.

"Then, does the great star Jiang want to come and invest?"

"I'll save a vice-dean position for you."

Jiang Rumu turned her face back to the window.

Her earlobes were a bit red.

"Depends on your performance."

The RV turned onto the side road at the foot of Mount Qingcheng.

The trees were lush and shady.

The vehicle stopped in front of a brand-new, heavy iron-wrought gate.

Li Li pushed the car door open and got out.

Jiang Rumu followed and jumped down, looking up at the mountainside along with Li Li's gaze.

"Boss Jiang."

"Let's go, I'll take you to inspect our new base."