942: Extra: Gardenia Dream Childhood [First Person]

My name is Zhuang Zhi Meng. Mother said she hoped I would be as pure, carefree, beautiful, elegant, and noble as a gardenia flower.

But this was ultimately just a beautiful dream shared by Mother and me. I was like a stray dog that everyone despised. Everyone called me a bastard, and no one cared whether I lived or died.

Even Mother, who initially loved me, began to loathe me, hating me for not being a boy.

She would always pinch me and douse me with cold water. Because if I got sick, Mother could have someone call Father to come see us, mother and daughter.

Father came at first, but after a few times, he stopped coming.

But Mother didn't give up. Even in winter, she would douse me with cold water. Several times, I almost died.

Mother grew increasingly deranged. The doctor said she had gone mad. We were both driven out to a dilapidated woodshed, given no food or water, left to fend for ourselves.

But Mother still didn't give up, constantly muttering Father's name.

But I knew Father would never come to see us again.

Because I overheard from the servants that Father was going to marry a princess. He cursed Mother for her delusions, for being shameless, for daring to dream of becoming the young mistress of the Zhuang Family.

In the end, he even called Mother a sinner of the Zhuang Family, a mere dancing girl raised by the Family who ruined the chance for a marriage alliance with the royal Family.

Unable to form an alliance with the royal Family, Father married the legitimate daughter of a great Family. But Mother and I were not taken back to the main residence.

It was as if we, mother and daughter, had been forgotten by the Zhuang Family. No one cared about our lives or deaths.

Mother soon fell ill. One winter day, Mother suddenly stopped being mad. She looked at me and asked gently, 'Meng'er, do you hate Mother?'

Without waiting for my answer, she went on by herself, 'You must hate Mother very much, right? After all, Mother treated you like that. You have no reason not to hate Mother. But Meng'er, Mother didn't want to either. Mother just wanted to live, to live well without worries about food and clothing.'

'Meng'er, you must remember, your life is your own. Life is above all else. To survive, you can use any means necessary. When your life is threatened, anything you do is right.'

'Meng'er, do you remember? Repeat it three times for Mother. Quickly.'

As she spoke, Mother suddenly grabbed my hand tightly, using great force. It hurt me so much.

I obediently repeated it three times. After I finished, Mother closed her eyes forever. No matter how much I called, she didn't respond to me, nor did she open her eyes again.

Mother's body started to smell worse and worse, attracting the servants. That's when I learned that Mother had died, that she would never stand up or speak again.

After they threw Mother away, they paid no attention to me either. They forbade me from going to the main compound, forbade me from coming out to be a disgrace, or else they would beat me.

They didn't give me any food either. When I was hungry, I ate wild vegetables and even very beautiful flowers.

But the beautiful flowers were for viewing, not for eating. They beat me, beat me until it hurt terribly. After beating me, they threw me back into the woodshed to fend for myself.

But I still didn't die. And I firmly remembered Mother's words: survive.

When hungry, I ate grass. After finishing the grass outside the woodshed, I dug holes to sneak out and eat elsewhere. Sometimes when I couldn't find food, I drank water, drank until I was full. That's how I lived, surviving tenaciously like inexhaustible wild grass and endless water.

My hair grew longer, my clothes became more tattered, my whole body stank. I was ugly and wretched, looking more and more like Mother in the woodshed.

One day, I saw a very pretty little girl. She wore beautiful clothes and was fair and plump.

The little girl was held in the arms of a beautiful woman, who was coaxing her to eat, to eat a chicken leg, to eat a little more.

I seemed to have been like that before too. I had servants attending to me, endless bowls of white rice, big chicken legs. Mother would gently hold me and coax me to eat more.

But after Mother was driven to the dilapidated woodshed, I never had those things again.

The aroma of roast chicken wafted through the air. I hid in the flower bushes, swallowing my saliva frantically.

'Come out.'

'Who are you?'

Perhaps the sound of me swallowing saliva was too loud, startling the woman. When the woman saw me, she looked very surprised.

The servants and maids called me a bastard and told me to get lost quickly. But the woman didn't make me leave. Instead, she let me eat, tearing off a big chicken leg for me.

I was starving. I didn't care what the woman was saying, just wolfed down the food recklessly.

After eating my fill, I saw a middle-aged man. I thought he looked somewhat familiar, but I didn't dare think too much about it because his expression was terrifying, very frightening. Disregarding the woman's objections, he had the servants take me back to the woodshed.

Later, I often went to the garden and often saw that fair, plump little girl in beautiful clothes.

Because every time I saw the little girl and the woman, they would give me food.

Later, I learned that the little girl was my younger sister, and the woman was my auntie.

So the woman and the little girl had taken the place that originally belonged to Mother and me.

Suddenly, I really wanted to kill the woman and the little girl, because they had taken what should have been mine and Mother's.

Several times, I wanted to take a stick and hit the woman on the head from behind.

Several times, I tricked the little girl into going to play by the well, then pushed her into the well.

Several times, when the weather was so cold I couldn't sleep, I sneaked into the little girl's room at night, wanting to strangle her.

But I knew that if I killed the woman and the little girl, no one would give me food anymore.

Father definitely wouldn't care about me. No one would care if I lived or died. I would return to a life of eating grass.

So every time, at the last moment, thinking of the fragrant white rice, the snow-white steamed buns, the delicious big chicken legs, I gave up.

I wanted to live, by any means necessary, to survive no matter what method I used.

But to live well, I had to learn to please the woman and the little girl.

Under my deliberate efforts to please, the little girl grew to like me more and more. I also learned the little girl's name; she was called Zhuang Luo Rou.

It's just that the little girl seemed to be a bit of an idiot, clumsy at everything she did.

But I was very capable. I could learn things just by looking at them once.

One day, an old woman felt me all over and said with great surprise that I had a willow waist, that I was a natural, peerless beauty.

I didn't understand the meaning of their words, but that middle-aged man, who was my father, looked at me for a long while. Then, with annoyance, he had someone take me to live in a large room. Every day, servants brought me food and drink, and people were sent to teach me to dance.

With no worries about food or clothing, I stopped trying to please Auntie and younger sister. I also really liked dancing; it gave me a feeling of freedom and abandon. I was very happy every day, looking forward to dancing each day.

But one day, Auntie saw me dancing and flew into a great rage, forbidding me to dance anymore.

Holding me, she said gently, 'Meng'er, dancing is to please men. But when your youthful beauty fades, men will heartlessly abandon you. A young lady from a good Family should study music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, accumulate cultural refinement, and be well-mannered and courteous.'

I didn't quite understand Auntie's words, but I understood what being abandoned meant. I never wanted to be abandoned again.

I don't know what Auntie said to Father, but he actually allowed me to be adopted under Auntie's name.

So I started pleasing Auntie again, going to greet her every day, taking care of younger sister every day, even living with younger sister. Our relationship got better and better, and I no longer thought about killing Auntie and younger sister.

But Father still didn't like me. Grandfather and Grandmother didn't like me either. Uncles, aunts, cousins—none of them liked me.

But I didn't care. As long as I had clothes to wear and food to eat, I didn't care whether they liked me or not.

I just wanted to be well-fed and warmly clothed, because being hungry and cold was too miserable.

One day, I saw my stern, authoritative father fawning over a beautiful woman with extreme obsequiousness.

I heard words like School, Cultivate...

It was as if a raging fire ignited within me, almost shattering my reason.

At that moment, I had only one thought: to join a School, become a Cultivator, to make Father fawn over me with extreme obsequiousness too, to make him act cautiously and carefully, watching my every expression.

I also wanted to have the servants press Father to the ground and beat him hard with sticks.

I also wanted to not rely on anyone, to not have to please anyone. I wanted to step by step become a powerful Cultivator, control my own destiny, eat white rice and delicious big chicken legs every meal, wear beautiful clothes.

I studied even more diligently, growing up day by day. Under Auntie's guidance, I understood more and more principles.

I also grew more and more beautiful. Father started to treat me better too, speaking to me kindly and amiably.

But I never gave up on the idea of Cultivating. Because I knew that in the Zhuang Family, I was a rootless duckweed. A single word from Father could Dominate my fate.

My ambitions were no longer limited to rice, chicken legs, and clothes.

I wanted to Cultivate the Dao for longevity, to stand above all living beings, to become an uncrowned king, like a demon, like a god.

If the Zhuang Family wouldn't let me Cultivate, I would go outside to learn Cultivation methods. I would steal, cheat, rob Cultivation Techniques to Cultivate, using any means necessary to get what I wanted.

My talent and Comprehension Ability were excellent. I soon reached the Divine Sea Realm, comparable to the royal Family's Old Ancestor.

Everything proceeded smoothly according to my plan. But one day, sudden bad news came: Auntie had died, killed by an enemy who infiltrated the Zhuang Family.

During the funeral, everyone cried very sadly. That idiot younger sister even cried herself unconscious. Only I didn't cry. A fire ignited in my heart, and my gaze turned icy.

Many people cursed me for being heartless and ungrateful, as vicious and venomous as my birth mother.

But I didn't care about any of it.

I didn't kill Auntie. Auntie's death wasn't my fault. Why should I cry?

The ones who should cry are the people who caused Auntie's death.

I began to investigate the cause of Auntie's death. After all, I didn't believe Auntie was killed by an enemy. Auntie was so gentle and kind, and she stayed in the main residence every day, never stepping outside the inner gates. How could she make enemies?

If it was an enemy provoked by Auntie's Family, then the revenge should have been against Auntie's Family. But not a single person from Auntie's Family died, and there was no news of any enemy seeking revenge.

So I suspected the Zhuang Family had killed Auntie, and the biggest suspect was likely my father.

And that indeed turned out to be the case. As for why they wanted to kill Auntie, I didn't want to know anymore. I just wanted the Zhuang Family to pay the price.

The next day, the pillar of the Zhuang Family, my grandfather, died.

Everyone in the Zhuang Family cried, and each one cried with genuine emotion, not at all like the fake crying when Auntie died.

The second day, the third day... The direct line of the Zhuang Family died one after another.

All those surnamed Zhuang died. Only younger sister and I remained alive.

Looking at that foolish younger sister, I added another vow: not only would I myself live, but I would also make sure that idiot younger sister lived.

Also, from this moment on, I do not bear the surname Zhuang, and I forbid younger sister from bearing it either.

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