12: Chapter 12 Business is booming

Chen Ergou's stall was on fire.

To be precise, it had completely blown up.

Ever since the title "empresss nightmare" was revealed, players came to buy things from him as if they were rushing to a market, wave after wave, lining up from the crooked tree where he set up his stall all the way to the blacksmith shop at the entrance of the Novice Village.

Chen Ergou was so busy he barely touched the ground, not even having time to take a sip of water.

"Do you still have any regret potion?"

"Yes! 80 gold coins a bottle!"

"Damn, so expensive? Wasn't it 60 last time?"

"Price hike. Take it or leave it."

"...Give me one."

"What about the substitute scarecrow?"

"100 gold coins each!"

"This went up too?"

"Supply and demand, get it? Next!"

Chen Ergou was beaming as he collected the money, his smile as bright as the shopkeeper at the Novice Village grocery store—no, even brighter, because the shopkeeper smiled because she was eyeing handsome guys, while he smiled because he was actually making money.

In just one morning, his gold coin balance skyrocketed from three digits to five digits.

"I'm rich, I'm rich..." Chen Ergou counted his gold coins happily, feeling that he was one step closer to his dream of buying a house in the game.

However, if one had to name the best-selling item today, it was definitely the substitute scarecrow.

This thing was simply an artifact for players exploring new dungeons—got aggro in a dungeon? Drop a substitute scarecrow! Being chased by monsters in the wild? Drop a substitute scarecrow! Accidentally aggroed an elite monster? Quickly drop a substitute scarecrow and run for your life!

But what really made the substitute scarecrow a hit across the entire server wasn't its practical function, but rather—its AI behavior was just too damn hilarious.

The substitute scarecrow was set to attract aggro for 30 seconds, during which the scarecrow would execute random AI behaviors. The system called it "random behavior," but Chen Ergou felt this wasn't random at all; it was clearly intentional.

Because the scarecrow's AI behaviors included, but were not limited to: reasoning with the boss, dancing for the boss, acting cute for the boss, trying to negotiate with the boss, and even singing lullabies to the boss.

Just this noon, a player with the ID "Dungeon Killer Wang Tiezhu" posted a video on the forum with the title—《My Scarecrow Reasoned with the Boss, and the Boss Actually Listened Intently》.

In the video, Wang Tiezhu's team was fighting a level 15 dungeon boss—the Shadow Cave Troll. This troll was burly and rough, capable of punching someone ten meters away; it was a tough character that normally required five people working together to defeat.

As it turned out, Wang Tiezhu accidentally pulled aggro (lost control of aggro), and the troll charged at him with red eyes. Wang Tiezhu was scared out of his wits and quickly pulled out a substitute scarecrow and stuck it into the ground.

The substitute scarecrow popped out with a "pfft" sound, sporting two crooked bean eyes and a few dry straws sticking out of its body, looking like a joke.

The troll slapped at the substitute scarecrow—

The substitute scarecrow didn't budge. Substitute state, invincible for 30 seconds.

Then the substitute scarecrow spoke.

"Big brother, big brother, don't start fighting yet, listen to me—"

The troll paused, its palm frozen in mid-air.

The substitute scarecrow continued: "What good does hitting us do for you? Think about it, you guard this cave every day, day after day, year after year, aren't you bored? Have you ever thought that your life shouldn't just be about fighting and killing? Do you have any dreams? Like... learning to bake?"

The video's bullet comments exploded instantly.

"Hahahaha, it's giving the boss psychological counseling!"

"Troll: What you said makes so much sense, I am speechless."

"Was this substitute scarecrow a psychologist in its past life?"

"The boss tilted its head! It's actually listening! Holy crap!"

In the video, the troll really tilted its head, looking at the substitute scarecrow with a confused expression, as if it were genuinely pondering the meaning of life.

The substitute scarecrow struck while the iron was hot: "Look at you, big and strong, what a waste. If you learned baking, with your physique, you'd definitely be top-tier at kneading dough. You could open a bakery, and maybe even find a female troll to start a family..."

The troll's eyes actually turned red.

The bullet comments went completely wild.

"I'm crying, what about you guys? A substitute scarecrow made the boss cry!"

"Troll: You understand me... You are the first person who understands me..."

"What kind of god-tier item is this! Where is Ergous Stall? I want to buy a hundred!"

"I suggest awarding the substitute scarecrow NPC of the Year; it acts better than the real NPCs!"

Wang Tiezhu's team took advantage of the troll being stunned to output crazy damage, managing to grind the boss to death. After finishing, the whole team bowed three times to the corpse of the substitute scarecrow.

This video's view count exceeded 500,000 in just one morning, and the comment section was filled with people asking "Where is Ergous Stall" and "Do you still have substitute scarecrows in stock."

Chen Ergou finished watching the video and laughed so hard he almost fell off his chair.

"When I designed this thing, I just wanted it to be a bit of fun. I didn't expect the effect to be this explosive..." He wiped away the tears of laughter, "But then again, is this scarecrow's AI too smart? What the heck is giving a boss psychological counseling? System, come out and explain!"

The system ignored him.

But with gold coins rolling in, Chen Ergou didn't mind.

In the afternoon, a familiar figure squeezed in front of the stall.

Iron-Head Qiang.

It was that guy who had previously bought the regret potion and was trolled by the side effects into confessing in front of the entire server.

He was wearing a cloak, covering his face tightly, and crept up to Chen Ergou like a thief.

"Brother Ergou..." Iron-Head Qiang's voice was extremely low, "Do you still have any regret potion?"

Chen Ergou looked him up and down: "Yo, Brother Iron-Head, back again? You seemed to enjoy that confession last time, the whole server saw it."

Iron-Head Qiang's face flushed red—although it couldn't be seen through the cloak, Chen Ergou could feel the heat.

"Don't mention it, don't mention it..." Iron-Head Qiang waved his hand in pain, "My girlfriend in real life saw that video and almost smashed my keyboard. I had to kneel on a washboard all night to coax her."

"Then you still want to buy?"

"Yes!" Iron-Head Qiang slapped his thigh, "But this time I have a request—do you have that kind of... version with no side effects?"

Chen Ergou was overjoyed inside.

No side effects? Which item produced by this system of mine doesn't have side effects? What do you call an item without side effects? That's called a BUG!

But he kept a straight face and pretended to be troubled: "A version without side effects... that does exist, but the price is quite expensive, and the quantity is limited..."

Iron-Head Qiang's eyes lit up: "How much?"

"300 gold coins."

"So expensive?!"

"You get what you pay for, Brother Iron-Head." Chen Ergou said with a sincere face, "The no-side-effect version uses a high-grade formula, so the cost is high. If you think it's too expensive, then forget it—"

"Buy, buy, buy!" Iron-Head Qiang gritted his teeth, "300 is 300! Give me one!"

Chen Ergou collected the money, took a bottle of regret potion from his system inventory, and handed it over.

Iron-Head Qiang left with profuse thanks.

Chen Ergou watched his back, his conscience hurting for a mere 0.1 seconds.

Don't worry, Brother Iron-Head, this bottle is exactly the same as the last one; you'll still have to speak your true feelings. Remember to buy a soft cushion next time you kneel on the washboard.

Business continued until dusk; Chen Ergou was exhausted and aching, and just as he was about to pack up his stall to rest, suddenly—

A strange sound came into his ears.

The effect of the clairaudience potion hadn't completely faded yet; although most sounds were no longer clear, he could still occasionally catch some particularly strong sounds.

And this sound came from the direction of the west corner of the Novice Village.

It was a kind of... sound of metal clashing? No, it was duller than metal clashing, like something ancient vibrating underground.

"Hum—hum—hum—"

It was intermittent, like a heartbeat, or perhaps like breathing.

Chen Ergou frowned.

The west corner of the Novice Village... wasn't that the place the system prompted him to go to yesterday?

He hesitated and looked at the sky. It was getting dark in the game, and that wasteland at the west corner of the Novice Village was eerie at night; usually, no one ever went there.

But that sound...

"Forget it, I'll go take a look tomorrow." Chen Ergou shook his head and packed up the stall.

What he didn't know was that at the very moment he turned around, in the corner of the west side of the Novice Village, a pair of cloudy old eyes slowly opened.

"...Came and left? This kid, he doesn't have much guts."

The voice was old and low, carrying a trace of helplessness.

"Forget it, no rush. This master has waited so long, one more day doesn't matter."

Moonlight shone on the broken wall at the west corner of the Novice Village, and a hunched figure leaned against the corner, wearing tattered clothes and looking disheveled.

If Chen Ergou looked back at this moment, he would discover—

That in that spot, when he passed by yesterday, there was clearly nothing there.