316: Chapter 315 Stealing monsters? Stealing treasures? They'll even steal your underwear!

A blood-red crescent moon hung high, and the wind in the Secret Realm carried a nauseating stench of decay. However, in a forest clearing, this smell was forcibly suppressed by an incredibly domineering aroma of cumin, chili powder, and the charred scent of fat.

Beside a massive bonfire, Lin Feng sat unceremoniously on the corpse of a Golden Immortal-level Wolf King. The Wolf King, once majestic in life, was now "shining and heating" in death, roasted until golden and crispy, with oil constantly dripping into the fire, making an alluring "sizzle" sound.

Not far from him, the few unlucky Cultivators who had tried to run but failed were now huddled in a circle, holding various Magic Treasures and Flying Swords—not to fight enemies, but to slice meat.

"You in the blue, do you know how to slice? The kidney needs to be cross-cut! Do you understand cross-cutting? If you don't understand, go to Lanxiang to study culinary arts before you come to cultivate, alright?" Lin Feng held a massive wolf leg bone, picking his teeth while pointing out the landscape.

"Yes, yes, yes! The Immortal is right, Junior will change the cut right now!" The Cultivator's hand shook in fear, almost slicing his own thigh, and he quickly channeled his Qi, carefully carving patterns into the wolf kidney.

Just then, a chaotic and heavy sound of footsteps came from the depths of the forest, accompanied by the sound of branches being roughly snapped, along with a few extremely impatient shouts.

"Hurry up! There's firelight ahead, and the Aura of Qi and blood is so rich; there must be a rare treasure appearing! Or maybe some high-level Yao Beast is injured!"

"This area is now under the jurisdiction of our 'Heavenly Court Enforcement Team 7'! Idle people, if you don't want to die, get lost!"

As soon as the words fell, a group of people charged out of the bushes with a fierce Aura.

There were about fifteen or sixteen of them, all in uniform silver armor, with the "Cloud Pattern Thunder Department" emblem symbolizing the majesty of the Heavenly Court embroidered on their chests. They looked arrogant, noses in the air, exuding the Aura of Golden Immortal Early Stage, clearly accustomed to throwing their weight around.

The leader was a burly man with a face full of flesh, holding a long spear flickering with thunder. He had originally come for the "rare treasure," but when he saw the scene before him, he froze.

Meat roasting everywhere, piles of wolf corpses, and a young man in white using a wolf leg as a conductor's baton.

"Gulp."

The captain swallowed a mouthful of saliva ungracefully. This smell was too fragrant! And the Qi and blood contained in this wolf meat was even richer than ordinary Grade 2 Medicinal Pills!

"Hey! You, the one eating alone!"

The captain came back to his senses. To hide his greed, he immediately put on a stern, official face and pointed his spear tip at Lin Feng: "This is a 'Temporary Control Zone' designated by the Heavenly Court! According to Article 300 of the 'Heavenly Court Secret Realm Management Regulations', you are illegally lighting fires and hunting rare Yao Beasts in the control zone. We are now confiscating your… tools of the crime and the illicit loot according to the law!"

"The loot includes this roasted meat, and the storage ring on your body!"

The few Cultivators slicing meat lowered their heads, shoulders shaking violently as they desperately tried to hold back their laughter, their faces turning purple.

This group of Heavenly Court idiots really had spent too much time in the System; did they not check the calendar before going out? They had kicked a titanium alloy steel plate!

Lin Feng's movements paused, and he slowly put down the bone in his hand. He picked up a bottle of chilled happy water he'd gotten from who knows where, took a sip, let out a long burp, and then slowly looked up, staring at them as if they were mentally challenged.

"Are you… trying to rob me?"

"What robbery? Can a scholar's business be called robbery? This is called requisitioning! It's called law enforcement!"

The captain puffed out his chest righteously, "Under the whole heaven, is it not the king's land? Since this Secret Realm has opened in the Immortal Realm, every blade of grass and tree here theoretically belongs to the Jade Emperor! Hand it over quickly! We can count it as 'resisting law enforcement' and treat you leniently, or we can even give you a 'Good Citizen' banner!"

As he spoke, he waved his hand, and a dozen subordinates immediately spread out, forming a surrounding posture, their weapons flashing with cold light, clearly not intending to end this peacefully.

Lin Feng sighed and shook his head helplessly.

"I originally wanted to be a quiet foodie and think about the origin of the Universe. But you forced me to be a robber."

He stood up, patted the dust off his buttocks, and a playful smile curled at the corner of his mouth: "Since you claim to be the Heavenly Court's enforcement team, we can be considered old acquaintances. Although you might not have seen me in person, I guess my portrait should be posted on your dormitory beds to ward off evil spirits, right?"

"What do you mean?" The captain frowned, feeling the voice was a bit familiar. He looked closely at Lin Feng's face, which was still incredibly handsome despite the sunglasses, and suddenly a bolt of lightning flashed through his mind.

He gasped sharply, his finger pointing at Lin Feng trembling: "You… you are that… that guy who sold the City Lord's head, beat up the Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King, and turned the City of Sin into a foot bath center… Lin Feng?!"

"Correct, but unfortunately there is no prize, only punishment."

Lin Feng grinned, revealing a mouthful of pearly white teeth.

The next second, his figure vanished from the spot.

"Not good! Form up! Quickly form the 'Heavenly Net Formation'!" The captain was shocked and roared.

However, it was too late.

In the face of absolute speed and strength, the so-called Formation was like a toy made of paper.

"Slap!"

A crisp, extremely loud slapping sound exploded in the forest.

The captain hadn't even had time to raise his spear before he was hit as if by a high-speed train, flying sideways and spitting out seven or eight bloody teeth in mid-air.

Immediately following, was a series of "slap-slap" sounds like firecrackers.

Lin Feng's figure moved like a ghost, weaving through the crowd. Every pause was accompanied by a scream and a flying figure. He didn't even use a shred of magic power, relying purely on the strength and speed of his Physical Body to carry out a one-sided slaughter.

Ten breaths later.

The world was quiet.

The dozen or so Heavenly Court enforcement members who had been so arrogant just a moment ago were now kneeling neatly in a row on the ground. Everyone's face was swollen like a freshly steamed pig's head, their eyes narrowed into slits, blood hanging from the corners of their mouths, doubting their lives.

Lin Feng sat back on the Wolf King's corpse, crossing his legs, gnawing on the wolf kidney he hadn't finished, and said indistinctly:

"Now, roles are reversed. I am the robber, you are the victims. If you understand, applaud."

"Clap, clap, clap…"

Nezha, standing nearby, clapped very cooperatively and even whistled: "Boss is mighty! This applause is for the socialites!"

The group of kneeling Heavenly Court Disciples were trembling with fear and quickly followed suit, clapping, fearing that if they were a beat slow, they would get another slap.

"Men stand on the left, women… bad luck, why are they all men? Does the Heavenly Court not recruit female soldiers? You deserve to be single."

Lin Feng waved his hand in disgust, "All stand on the left! Hand over your storage rings, Magic Treasures, and weapons. Don't hide anything. Fugui is a… oh no, is a Fugui. Whoever dares to hide a single Spirit Stone, I'll have Nezha give him a fire treatment."

"Squeak squeak!" Fugui stood on Lin Feng's shoulder, waving its little claws, looking fierce.

"Give, give, give! We'll give everything!"

The captain cried, taking the lead in stripping off his storage ring and throwing it on the ground. Others followed suit, and soon a small mountain piled up on the ground.

Lin Feng scanned with his Divine Sense and was immediately disappointed.

"Tsk tsk tsk, so poor. Is the Heavenly Court's fiscal deficit this serious now? Why are these storage rings full of Low Grade Immortal Crystals and bruise medicine? There isn't even a decent Cultivation Technique, it's all 'Heavenly Court Civil Servant Code of Conduct'?"

"Forget it, mosquito legs are meat too, I won't complain."

Lin Feng waved his hand and collected everything. Then, his gaze fell on this group of people again, looking them up and down, his eyes gradually becoming somewhat… perverted.

"However, I think the clothes you are wearing are not bad. This silver armor is made of 'Heavenly River Silver Sand', right? These boots are made of 'Treading Cloud Beast' leather, right? Although the style of this Dharma robe is a bit rustic, the defense is decent."

A extremely ominous premonition rose in the hearts of the Disciples, and they subconsciously hugged their chests, terrified: "What are you doing? Death is better than humiliation!"

"Cut the crap, strip."

Lin Feng was concise, saying only one word.

"Lin Feng! Don't go too far! We are the face of the Heavenly Court…"

"Nezha, light a fire on his crotch."

"Alright! Charcoal-grilled quail eggs are my specialty!" Nezha shot a Samadhi True Fire from his palm and walked over with a grin.

"Ahhh! I'll strip! I'll strip, okay! Don't burn! I have hemorrhoids!"

The captain was scared out of his wits. Where could he care about any face? He started unarming in a panic.

A moment later.

A "world-famous painting" destined to be recorded in the history of the God-Demon Secret Realm was born.

In the cold wind, a dozen once-majestic Heavenly Court elites were now only wearing colorful underpants, shivering in the wind.

The most conspicuous was the captain, wearing bright red "Ben Ming Nian" red underpants, with the four golden characters "Peace in and out" embroidered on them.

Their armor, Dharma robes, undergarments, boots, socks, and even the jade crowns binding their hair had been stripped clean by Lin Feng.

"This is more like it, how good it is to be honest with each other."

Lin Feng looked at this pile of "second-hand clothing" with satisfaction and said to the System: "System, recycle everything, exchange for some critical hit points to buy spicy sticks."

[Ding! Recycled a batch of second-hand equipment, obtained five million critical hit points. The host is truly a thrifty little expert.]

Lin Feng clapped his hands, looked at the group of naked, ashamed, and angry Disciples, and waved his hand mercifully:

"Alright, get lost. Remember, don't talk nonsense when you go out. Just say you met a pervert… oh no, met a hero who robs the rich and helps the poor."

"Also, Captain, that pair of red underpants of yours is quite festive, I'll buy one next year too."

"Wah—!"

The Heavenly Court captain finally broke down, crying out loud, covering his face, and took his subordinates, running barefoot into the thorn-filled forest, his back looking desolate and bleak.

"Hahaha! I'm dying of laughter!"

Nezha rolled on the ground laughing, tears coming out, "Boss, you are too mean! You didn't even leave them a thread! How are they going to explain this when they go back?"

"How they explain it is their business." Lin Feng picked up a skewer of roasted meat and handed it to the meat-slicing Cultivator who was stunned nearby, "What are you looking at? Keep slicing! If your knife skills regress, do you want to join the 'Naked Running Club' too?"

"No, no, no! I'll slice! I'll slice it super thin!"

The Cultivator was so scared that his knife skills instantly improved by three levels, and the sliced meat was as thin as a cicada's wing, transparent enough to read a newspaper through.

This was no Immortal Cultivation World, this was clearly a bandit's den! And a super bandit who wouldn't even let go of their underpants!