114: They can't cure my "disease" because my "medicine" is in the book

The first ray of morning sun pierced through the iron window, casting its light on the equally pale wall.

Sword River Fish slowly opened his eyes.

There was no confusion or sleepiness in them.

His gaze was clear, calm, and even held a hint of docility.

He sat up and folded his quilt into a perfectly square 'tofu block,' his movements meticulous, like a strictly trained soldier.

Then, he sat quietly on the edge of the bed, waiting.

Creak—

The door was pushed open.

A slightly plump nurse wearing a mask walked in, carrying a tray with pills and warm water.

It was Nurse Wang, who was in charge of his ward.

"Awake?"

Nurse Wang's voice carried a hint of perfunctory concern.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Very good, Sister Wang."

Sword River Fish looked up, a polite, even somewhat shy smile on his face.

"I slept very well last night, didn't wake up once."

A flicker of imperceptible satisfaction crossed Nurse Wang's eyes.

It seemed the increased dosage of sedatives was working.

This patient, who had been noisy and babbling nonsense just a few days ago, was finally starting to become "normal."

"That's good."

She handed over the tray.

"Here, take your medicine."

"Okay."

Sword River Fish obediently took the water glass, poured all the pills of various colors into his mouth, then tilted his head back and swallowed them in one gulp.

He even deliberately opened his mouth to let Nurse Wang check, ensuring he hadn't hidden any medicine.

"Good, keep it up."

Nurse Wang nodded in satisfaction, took back the tray, and turned to leave.

However, just as she turned away—

Sword River Fish's pupils suddenly constricted.

Because he "heard" it again.

That voice.

That whisper coming from Nurse Wang's heart.

The voice was subtle, viscous, like a worm parasitic in flesh, wriggling and emitting satisfied murmurs.

【Lies... another lie...】

【So fragrant... the smell of despair and pretense mixed together...】

【This skin... is also about to rot... her exhaustion... her resentment... are all my best nourishment...】

Only he knew that it was the 'Whisper Throat' that appeared in Chapter 23 of his work... Sword River Fish's nails dug deeply into his palms.

But the smile on his face remained unchanged.

He knew he couldn't show any abnormality.

He had to be "normal."

He had to "recover."

Ever since he was forcibly injected with sedatives and confined to this white cage three days ago, he had understood a truth.

Arguing with a group of "lunatics" who considered themselves "normal people" about who was truly "crazy" was the most foolish act in this world.

What he needed to do was not resist.

But to pretend.

To pretend to be what they expected.

Then, leave this place.

Return to his rented room, open his computer, and continue writing new chapters for Chen Yuan, for the character in whom he had placed all his heroic dreams.

He was the author.

He was God.

He absolutely could not be trapped and die in this asylum built by "reality"!

As the medication continued to "catalyze."

Sword River Fish found that his "hallucinations" did not disappear.

Instead, they became more and more severe, and more and more "real."

He could "see" and "hear" things that others could never perceive.

In the cafeteria.

He could "see" the old man who claimed to be Qin Shi Huang.

On his "dragon robe," made from bedsheets, a ferocious dragon shadow composed of black mist occasionally flickered.

He could "see" the woman who cried and laughed every day, hugging a pillow.

Inside her pillow, there seemed to be a curled-up phantom of an infant that would never grow up.

He could even "hear" in the doctor's office.

Dr. Liu Wenbo was, late at night, practicing a bizarre monologue to an empty room, over and over again, on "how to be more like a normal person."

These "hallucinations" made him afraid.

But they also strengthened his belief.

—This world has gone mad.

And I am the only one who is sober.

I am the prophet.

And this is the price of glimpsing "reality."

Until that afternoon.

The weather was very good that day.

It was the weekly "family visitation day" at the mental hospital.

Sword River Fish had no family.

He sat alone in the corner of the activity room, indifferently watching the scenes of "family affection" unfolding.

Just then.

The "Qin Shi Huang" old man was led in by a nurse.

"Old Zhao! Your son is here to see you!"

"Presumptuous! I am the First Emperor! How can I have a son?!"

The old man, still wearing his "dragon robe," reprimanded with a majestic expression.

Then, he saw a middle-aged couple standing at the door, waving at him.

The man carried a thermos, and the woman carried a bag of fruit.

Their faces showed undisguised fatigue and sorrow.

"Dad."

The man spoke, his voice a little hoarse.

"We came to see you."

"I said! I am not your dad!"

The old man continued to maintain his ridiculous "dignity."

A mocking sneer appeared at the corner of Sword River Fish's mouth.

See?

Another group of mortals who couldn't see the "true Son of Heaven."

However, the scene that followed completely froze the sneer on his face.

The middle-aged couple didn't get angry or impatient.

They just walked forward and skillfully pressed the old man into a chair.

The man opened the thermos, and an aroma of "human warmth" wafted out.

"Dad, your favorite, stewed pork with vermicelli."

"I asked your wife, oh no, I asked my wife, to stew it all morning."

"Hurry and eat it while it's hot."

The woman picked up an apple and carefully peeled it with a small knife.

"Dad, have you been sleeping better lately?"

"The doctor said you still refuse to take your medicine on time."

"If you keep this up, we... we're very worried..."

"...I am protected by millions of soldiers, why would I need mortal medicine?"

The old man's voice noticeably weakened.

His gaze was fixed on the steaming bowl of stewed pork with vermicelli, and his Adam's apple involuntarily bobbed up and down.

Sword River Fish stood there, watching quietly.

The expression on his face changed from mockery to astonishment, then to bewilderment.

He "saw."

The "dragon robe" on the old man, and the "black dragon phantom" coiled upon it, were gradually dimming.

In its place was an old bedsheet, faded from washing, with several holes on its edges.

He "heard."

The man was quietly explaining something to the nurse beside him.

"...My dad, he used to be a middle school history teacher, taught his whole life..."

"...Three years ago, my mom passed away in a car accident..."

"...Ever since then, he's been a little... not right."

"He'd lock himself in his study all day, researching Qin Dynasty history, saying he wanted to..."

"Saying he wanted to build a tomb for my mom, even bigger than an imperial mausoleum..."

"...Later, it got worse and worse. He started saying he was Qin Shi Huang, saying we were treacherous officials trying to usurp his throne..."

"...Doctor, can he still be saved?"

"...This bedsheet was my mom's favorite when she was alive. My dad has always cherished it, unwilling to let go..."

Boom—!!

Every word the man spoke was like a heavy hammer, fiercely striking Sword River Fish's heart!

He felt his mind go blank.

The whole world was spinning!

It's a lie... This must be a lie!

This must be a "play" arranged by Dr. Liu!

It's a play performed to "treat" me!

Yes! It must be like this!

Sword River Fish roared at himself in his heart, frantically.

But... he looked at the old man, who was wolfing down the stewed pork with vermicelli.

Watching him eat, while turbid old tears streamed down his face uncontrollably.

Watching the couple force smiles, telling him to eat slowly, while secretly wiping away their tears.

That sorrow, that helplessness, that familial love thicker than blood... it was so real it suffocated him!

So real that he began to doubt himself!

If... if that "Qin Shi Huang" was truly just a pitiful teacher who went mad from the pain of losing his wife... Then... what about me?

What about me, Sword River Fish?

The orphan who grew up in an orphanage, with no family, no friends, who only survived until now by relying on "stories" he imagined... Were the things I "saw" truly "real"?

Or... were they just my "imaginations"?

Chen Yuan... Ye Ningxue... Gu Jianghan... Do they really exist?

Or is this just a... dream... that I wove for myself to escape this lonely and cruel reality?

Dr. Liu's words echoed in his mind once again, like a curse.

【You have overly immersed yourself in the characters you write about.】

【The world you created, those characters, are your 'family,' your 'spiritual sustenance.'】

【When you feel 'abandoned,' your brain, to protect you, starts to develop 'stress-induced disorders'...】

No... No!

Sword River Fish suddenly stood up and staggered out of the activity room.

He felt like he was going crazy!

This time, he was truly going crazy!

He couldn't distinguish anymore between what was "real" and what was "illusory"!

He ran back to his ward, buried his head deep in the cold quilt, his body trembling violently.

For the first time, he doubted himself.

Am I... truly sick?

Once this thought arose, it instantly wrapped around his entire heart like crazily growing vines!

He began to recall.

Recalling those "bizarre incidents" he considered "evidence."

That bell under the pillow... Could it just be something I picked up somewhere and then forgot?

That uninvited takeout... Could it be a prank by a reader who knew my address?

My cat... Hakimi... No, I don't have a cat.

That was just a dirty doll I picked up from a trash can... Sword River Fish's defenses completely collapsed at this moment.

He curled up on the bed like a lost child, emitting suppressed and painful whimpers.

He lost.

He was no "prophet."

He was just a wretch sicker than Qin Shi Huang.

He curled up on the bed, wrapping himself tightly in the quilt.

Like a prisoner who had finally given up struggling, ready to accept "fate."

He resigned himself.

He gave up resisting.

Since this world was "normal."

Then the one who was crazy must be me.

Let it be.

Starting tomorrow, I'll take my medicine properly and accept treatment.

Forget that "story," forget those "people."

Forget that ridiculous self who thought he was "God."

Even if it meant killing Chen Yuan, killing Ye Ningxue.

Killing the "world" he had personally created, the only one that could bring him solace.

He accepted it.

Because he was tired.

He was truly, too tired... Perhaps, when he got "better."

He could leave this place.

Then, find an ordinary job.

Live like a truly "normal person."

Although such a life might be very boring, very meaningless.

But at least... he wouldn't have to live every day in this endless fear and struggle anymore.

Just as he accepted "reality" and prepared to embrace his fate as a "madman."

He closed his eyes, ready to embrace that "normal" tomorrow.

He habitually put his hand into the pocket of his hospital gown, which he had been wearing for three days.

He wanted to touch the only "souvenir" he had brought from home.

—That cat doll, so dirty its color was unrecognizable.

However... his fingertips touched something cold and hard.

Hmm?

Sword River Fish's brow furrowed slightly.

He remembered that when he was brought in, all his other irrelevant belongings should have been taken away.

How could there be something like this in his pocket?

With a hint of doubt, he pulled the object out of his pocket.

Borrowing the bright sunlight from outside the window.

He saw it clearly.

It was a bell, made entirely of an unknown metal, engraved with intricate and ancient patterns.

Ding-a-ling... A faint, crisp sound, like a wisp of silk, gently rang by his ear.

Sword River Fish's body stiffened abruptly!

His eyes, which had just regained some "calm," now contracted to their extreme!

This bell... this bell... He recognized it!

Isn't this the token of a love that spanned ten thousand years, appearing in Chapter 32 of his novel, between Zhang Wei and Su Ke Ke?!

Why... would it appear here?!

Why would it appear in the pocket of him, this "madman"?!

Sword River Fish's mind went blank.

He felt as if an invisible giant hand had fiercely squeezed his heart!

He couldn't breathe!

He couldn't think!

His fragile "perception of reality," which had just been established, was shattered into pieces by this "illusory object" that shouldn't have existed here!

He trembled, reaching out with his other hand, wanting to touch the bell.

Wanting to confirm if this was another one of his hallucinations.

However, when his fingertips touched the cold metal.

That incredibly real, hard touch, with a hint of biting chill, was transmitted clearly and distinctly to his brain through his nerve endings!

It's not a hallucination!

This is not a hallucination!

This is... real!

Boom—!!!!!!

Sword River Fish felt as if his entire world had completely collapsed at this moment.

If he truly was crazy... then why would this thing, which only existed in his "imagination," become "reality"?!

If he wasn't crazy... then what exactly was this "real world" that confined him here, gave him medicine every day, and told him "you are sick"?!