Chapter 125: You can’t see the state she’s in

"If something happens to you just because I let go right now, Ari, I might die." He said and I could hear the torture in his voice.The way his eyes glimmered with desperation to stay by my side as he looked at me anxiously conveyed his strong intentions to me.

He wasn’t going to let go no matter what.

I don’t think I can convince him, not when I am also filled with so much uncertainty about what I am about to find.

I might indeed get hurt, so instead of pushing my luck and assuming the best, I decided to give in to his stubbornness.

"Alright then," I said and turned to Fenric. "Let’s go together."

With every step, my heart hammered louder, my thoughts blurring into a single, terrifying question:

What if she doesn’t recognize me?

Or worse—

What if she does and she actually hates me?

I stopped just in front of the door. This hut had a door, unlike the huts in the tribe that only had curtains.

I believed this door was made in order to keep the inside safe from the salty dust.

And... Keep her safe from any wild animal that accidentally ventures into this area.

I raised my hand, fingers trembling, hovering inches from the weathered wood.

I had to knock.

But even if I did knock, it’s not like she would be able to open it.

I had to open the door myself.

And just when I was contemplating opening the door by myself, I heard footsteps. Heavy and big footsteps.

I quickly stepped back, only for the door to open and my father to show himself in a defensive stance, about to attack whoever was at the door.

But as soon as he saw it was me, he froze, his eyes trembling in shock.

"A-Arinya?" He called and I gulped.

"Father?"

"What are you doing here?" He asked and his brows knitted together in anger. "How did you know to come here?"

My heart was racing. It was hard and uneven.

Was that what he wanted to know? How did I know to come here?

What? Did he want me to never find out?

"Father," I called. "What did you expect when you suddenly mentioned my mother to me after so long?" I asked, my gaze sweeping past him and trying to get a view of the inside but he blocked it.

"Arinya," he palmed his face in disappointment. "You can’t be here. You have to leave."

"I will," I said. "Just as soon as I’ve seen mother’s face."

"You can’t," he said and gritted his teeth, pain coursing through his visage. "Not like this. You can’t see the state she’s in."

I went silent, watching his arm on the door, trembling, and how his jaw tightened every second.

He was trying hard not to let me in even as I’d come this far.

Did he really not want me to see my mother?

"Would it kill you to let me take just one look?" I suddenly asked, looking at him fearlessly and determined. "I’m not asking for much, I just... Want to see her face. I don’t remember what she looks like and..."

I clenched my fists on the side wondering if this could get him to soften up.

His daughter just wanted to see her mother’s face one last time.

I understand why he is here at this time even when the possibility of him getting caught is high. Just think about it, why would the chief be absent from his cave?

What if an emergency occurred?

How would the tribe folks know where he was?

However, he didn’t consider that and instead decided to spend time with his wife.

I’m wondering if it’s because he’s trying to console her, since she can’t see me and I am leaving soon.

I’m just making guesses. I don’t know my mother’s condition well enough to know that.

I watched my father hesitate for a moment longer and then I sighed.

"You said mother wanted to see me." I didn’t want to bring this up, but here I am. "I’m just here to fulfill that wish. Let me see mother and let her see me. Just what are you afraid of, father?"

"I’m afraid of the image you will have in your mind concerning your mother." He said and I paused.

"What?"

"She’s not in a condition that you want to see. You won’t be able to see her because of how she is. So when you say you want to see her because you’ve forgotten what she looks like, it makes me hesitate even more, because I do not want any of Siena’s image to be replaced with whatever is inside. I want her to be remembered only when she looked her best. This... Was also a request from her."

I went silent, judging the situation for myself after listening to my father.

It seems my mother, Siena as I’ve just found out, had great pride in her beauty.

Even if beauty isn’t everything here, some still hold their appearance in high regard, sitting on top of their egos as they move the beast world with a simple smile on their lips or even a wink.

To my mother... Her beauty must’ve been her greatest asset... One she was incredibly proud of.

So, for her to lose that beauty and now look like a living corpse, she couldn’t bear to face the world.

Then... I clenched my fists even harder, gnashing my teeth and eyes narrowing in anger... Is that more important than her daughter who wished to see her for the last time before leaving?

She wanted to see me so bad that despite her condition, she expressed her feelings to my father, so I assume father’s been talking about me and everything that’s been going on in the tribe to her.

And because of that, her longing for me grew.

But is that not enough for her to let me in and see me?

Will she really not regret wanting to see me now or...? I looked at my father... Could this be his decision alone, trying to hold up his promise to his wife?

"Father," I called, my feet digging into the dried and salty ground. "...are you sure... That you will not regret letting me see my mother right now?" I tilted my head, gazing with a dead stare. "If I leave right now without seeing her, it’s over. I might never see her again, is that really okay with you?"