Chapter 222: I’m here for directions.

Chapter 222: I’m here for directions."What the f..." Lee couldn’t resist, and blurted, noticing the resident.

A moment earlier the sound of cutting wood stopped, and he guessed the shack’s owner had noticed him. He got ready to greet the hunter residing here, either with words or, if needed, explaining the reason for the visit by hand signs.

What shocked him was that not a hunter lived here, but an old woman. She was barely five feet tall, slightly hunched, and dressed in worn linen rags. She currently carried a stack of firewood to her house, ignoring the approaching guest.

"Hi! Do you need any help with that?" Lee politely said. He didn’t want to impose and stay here – he offered assistance to the elderly purely based on instinct.

She paused in her step, said no! and walked in, leaving Lee awkwardly standing outside.

He thought for a moment, went over to the stream and washed himself. Then he roasted a piece of deer and had dinner.

The stupidest thing he could do was to try to pester someone who was living in the middle of nowhere. Obviously the person had to be eccentric in nature, more importantly, with how old she was, it was possible she wasn’t living alone. She also spoke the Unified dialect and that meant she could be a cultivator.

If she turned out to be a short tempered elemental lord, Lee wouldn’t even notice how he died, thus for the next three days he patiently waited until the owner of the shack decided to speak to him.

As expected, the day inevitably came.

"What do you want?"

Lee didn’t need to look at her to know how annoyed she was by his presence. The old madam came to get water, similar to how she had done during previous days, but this time spoke to him.



"My apologies for coming here. I got lost" Lee said with a slight bow, "I’ll leave immediately if you wish. But, madam, could you please at least point me toward the nearest human settlement? A town, or preferably – a city?"

"There!" She pointed to the side, and turned to walk away.

For a moment Lee gawked speechless at the top of the middle mountain her index finger was directed at, but swallowed a curse, and said, "Thank, you! But I doubt mortals live up there."

The old woman stopped, glanced back at him with furrowed brows. Then she looked up and then back at Lee in disbelief.

"Not on the mountain, idiot! On the other side of it!" She ridiculed, and turned away again.

"You know, I kind of came from there." Lee said, "But I honestly appreciate the prank. You have a good sense of humor."

"Sucking up won’t help you!" The woman snorted in return.

"Not trying to." Lee said with a shrug, "If I lived here and a random fool came over, I’d probably do the same."

"You’re really lost?" She asked, but this time fully turned around and looked so closely Lee in the eye, he felt she saw directly through him.

"Mhm." He said, "I’m for the first time in this particular world and have no clue of geography, politics or anything."

He didn’t need to fake honesty for a change, and the experienced woman probably guessed he was telling the truth.

"Alright!" She said, "If it’s only that, I can help you. But first you’ll have to promise to do something for me!"

Lee barely held back a burst of laughter, but the woman picked up on the change in his expression.



"What’s so funny?" She asked.

"I’m sorry! That reminded me of an old dirty joke." He said, "What is that you want me to do?"

"What’s the joke?" She asked.

"It’s kind of improper." Lee said, scratching the back of his head.

"Spill it!" She ordered, "That’s what I want you to do."

"Alright! But please don’t get mad at me." Lee said.

Then he gathered his thoughts, and continued, "There was this middle aged man, formerly quite successful. But then his business got ruined, and wife left him with his best friend. He couldn’t stand the public ridicule and wanted to leave the home town, but his house burned down and he was left with nothing."

"That’s not funny." The old woman stated.

"That’s not the joke part." Lee said, paused, and continued, "Even his former friends refused a shelter, and left with nothing, the man left the town. He wondered places, looking for opportunities to start over, but no matter what he tried, the only thing he got was debts. Desperate, he sat in a tavern, watching other people sing and drink ..."

"That’s still not funny." She interrupted again.

"You have somewhere to be?" Lee said with a grin, and continued, "But then he heard people whispering that somewhere deep in woods, right at the edge of a swamp, lived an old witch. She had the ability to change a man’s fate, granting any possible wish one could think of."

Lee pretended to not notice the changes in the old woman’s expression, and said, "So he went into the dark forest, battled his way through hungry wolf packs for days. Surprisingly, he did find a small house at the edge of a swamp where incredibly old, wrinkled lady lived, old like the world. Not cute and pretty like you, madam!"

"No sucking up! Tell the story!" She ordered.

"Realizing it was the witch he was looking for, the man told her about his pain." Lee obediently continued, "The witch patiently listened and said, that she could fix everything and even increase his luck, but there was something the man had to do."



"What?" The old woman asked impatiently.

"She said – you have to do me! Like, really hard and all night long!" Lee continued, already regretting the idea and praying the lady in front of him wouldn’t be offended, "Left without a choice, the man agreed and did the witch as she requested. She stopped riding him only when the sun rose, and slumped next to the exhausted poor man, trying to catch her breath."

"Not f..." The old woman tried to interrupt him, but Lee continued.

"Then the man said – I did as you asked, could you fix my life now, please!" Lee said, "But she looked at him, and still out of breath, said – idiot! Old and bold, but still believes in fairy tales!"

There was a prolonged moment of awkward silence. Lee pondered whether the old madam was considering the best punishment for the improper joke, when suddenly she began to laugh.

Lee had never seen or heard anyone laughing like that. At first, she burst into laughter like a young girl, but then grabbed her belly, heartily cackling, not being able to stop. She even sat on the ground, wiping tears, while periodic giggles continued to occasionally bubble out and it took a while for her to calm down.

"Don’t get any ideas." Lee said, when she was more or less back to normal, "I’m here only to ask for directions."

Unfortunately it only caused another laughter attack, and she left, but all through the night Lee heard her occasional laughter pierce the dark mountain slope.

***

The next morning the old woman came out of her shack, and said a few sentences to Lee. Then, ignoring his thanks, went back to chopping wood, as if returning to the moment before he arrived.

The tone she used was completely different from how she previously spoke and for some reason her words resonated in Lee’s ears for days.

"You need to go directly west. Around the mountains, obviously. It’ll take you around three months to meet the first human. But watch out. This world is much more devious than you can imagine!"