154: Chapter 154 The Inner Demon of Obsession
The mist dispersed. It didn't vanish all at once, but bit by bit. As it cleared, the road ahead became visible. Those footprints were still there. Tie Niu's, the Loose Cultivators', everyone's. They stretched from the front of The Rift all the way into the distance. Lu Mingyuan stood there, looking at those footprints. He suddenly remembered a sentence. It was something Master Xuanweizi had said. "Cultivation is like walking. If you walk the path beneath your feet well, you will naturally know how to proceed afterward."
He understood now. When walking, there was no need to worry about right or wrong. One just had to walk. By walking, one would come to know. Know right from wrong, know what should or shouldn't be, know if it was worth it or not. If one didn't walk, one would know nothing.
He smiled. The smile was very light. Light as the wind. Yet within that wind, there was something. There was a lightness of "finally not having to worry about right or wrong." He walked. Step by step. Not fast. Not slow. He simply walked.
As he walked, something appeared on the road ahead again. It wasn't mist, but stones. Many stones. Large and small, piled on the road. On every stone, words were carved. "Must succeed." "Must be right." "Must arrive." "Must mend." "Must live." "Must be worth it." Those words were deep. So deep they seemed carved into bone. He looked at those stones and knew what they were. They were Obsession. They were the "musts" in his heart. They were the "musts" he had used to force himself as he walked for so long, stood for so long, and did so much for so long.
He stood there, looking at the stones. Waiting, waiting for that Heart Demon to emerge. Waiting for that "Obsession" to emerge. Waiting for the thing that had been constantly pushing him to come out. He knew he had passed Fear and Doubt. But Obsession was harder than Fear and Doubt. Because Obsession was the reason he could make it here. It was also the reason he could barely keep going.
He stood there, looking at the stones. Then, he spoke. "Come out."
Those stones moved. They didn't roll away; they gathered together. They gathered into a person. That person was very tall. Tall as a mountain. That person was very hard. Hard as iron. That person was very obsessed. Obsessed like... himself.
That was his Obsession. It was the "must" in his heart. It was the thing that had made him walk from Heyin City to this place. It was the thing that had made him stand before The Rift, in Zixiao Palace, and in the Chaos. It was the thing that had allowed him to pass Fear and Doubt. It was also the thing that made him unable to walk.
The person looked at him, his gaze full of obsession. "You must walk." Lu Mingyuan nodded. "I know." The person said, "You must arrive." Lu Mingyuan said, "I know." The person said, "You must mend it." Lu Mingyuan said, "I know." The person said, "You must live." Lu Mingyuan said, "I know." The person said, "You must be worth it." Lu Mingyuan fell silent.
Must be worth it? He had never thought about this question. Was it worth it? He had walked so far, stood for so long, and done so many things—was it worth it? Tie Niu was dead; was it worth it? The Loose Cultivators were dead; was it worth it? The Rift was still there; was it worth it? The Heavenly Dao was still collapsing; was it worth it? He had walked so long, stood so long, and done so much—was it worth it?
The person looked at him. "You cannot answer." Lu Mingyuan nodded. "I cannot answer." The person asked, "Why can't you answer?" Lu Mingyuan thought for a moment. "Because I don't know what 'worth it' means. Tie Niu died, but he didn't resent me. The Loose Cultivators died, but they didn't blame me. The Rift is still there, but it hasn't expanded. The Heavenly Dao is still collapsing, but someone is mending it. Does that count as being worth it? I don't know."
The person said, "You don't know because you have always been walking. You have never stopped to think if it was worth it." Lu Mingyuan was stunned. Then, he smiled. The smile was very bitter. Yet within that bitterness, there was something. "You're right. I've always been walking. I've never stopped to think if it was worth it. Because I didn't dare to think. I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't want to walk anymore."
The person looked at him. "And now? Do you dare to think about it?" Lu Mingyuan stood there and thought for a long time. Then, he spoke. "It is worth it. Not because I changed anything. But because I did what I should have done. Tie Niu died, but he didn't resent me, because I was by his side. The Loose Cultivators died, but they didn't blame me, because I stood for them. The Rift is still there, but it hasn't expanded, because I stood in front of it. The Heavenly Dao is still collapsing, but someone is mending it, because I am mending it."
He paused. "Worth it is not the result. Worth it is the process. It is the process of walking, the process of standing, the process of doing. It was the process of me being by Tie Niu's side when he died. It was the process of me standing for the Loose Cultivators when they died. It was the process of me standing in front when The Rift was there. It was the process of me being on the path while the Heavenly Dao was collapsing."
He looked at the person. "It's not that it's only worth it once you arrive. It's worth it just by walking."
The person looked at him for a long, long time. Then, he smiled. That smile was no longer hard. It was the kind of smile that comes with finally letting go. "You are stronger than me." His figure began to fade. "Go on. Walk a bit for me too." Then, he disappeared. He vanished into that pile of stones. Vanished into those countless "musts." Vanished into the void that was nothing at all.
Lu Mingyuan stood there, looking at those stones. The stones were still there, but the words on them were gone. They had turned into ordinary stones scattered on the road. He bent down and picked one up. He placed it by the side of the road. He picked up another and placed it by the side of the road. One by one, he moved those stones off the road. As he moved them, the path cleared. There were no more stones ahead. Only footprints. Those footprints were still there. They stretched from the front of The Rift all the way into the distance. Stretched even further.
He stood there, looking at those footprints. Then, he smiled. The smile was very light. Light as the wind. Yet within that wind, there was something. There was a lightness of "finally not having to force myself anymore."
He took a step and continued walking forward. As he walked, he suddenly remembered a sentence. It was something he had said himself. "It's not that it's only worth it once you arrive. It's worth it just by walking."
He walked. Step by step. Not fast. Not slow. He simply walked.
In Zixiao Palace, the Seven Saints looked into the depths of Chaos. Laozi spoke. "He has passed Doubt." Tongtian nodded. "He has." Jieyin said, "He has also passed Obsession." Zhunti said, "Doubt is the root, and Obsession is the branch. Both the root and the branch have been passed." Nuwa looked into the depths of Chaos. "But there is still me. I am the trunk. The trunk is harder than both the root and the branch." Houtu nodded. "Correct. Only after passing me will he have truly passed." Yuanshi Tianzun looked into the depths of Chaos. "He can pass. Because he has walked."
Within the Chaos, Lu Mingyuan continued walking. As he walked, something appeared on the road ahead again. It wasn't mist, nor was it stones. It was a shadow. A very familiar shadow. It was himself. It was the self that had walked out of Heyin City. It was the self that had stood before The Rift. It was the self that had stood in Zixiao Palace. It was the self that was walking in the Chaos. That shadow stood there, looking at him. Its gaze was full of questions. "Who are you?"