155: Chapter 155 My Inner Demon

Within the Chaos, Lu Mingyuan stood.

Before him was that shadow.

The person who looked exactly like him.

It was the self that had walked out of Heyin City.

It was the self that had stood before The Rift.

It was the self that had stood within Zixiao Palace.

It was the self that had walked through the Chaos.

It was the self that had overcome fear, doubt, and obsession.

The shadow stood there, watching him.

Its gaze was filled with questions.

"Who are you?"

Lu Mingyuan stood there, looking at the shadow.

He knew this was the last one.

Fear, doubt, and obsession—all had been surpassed.

Now, it was the 'Self'.

The most difficult one.

The trunk among the roots, branches, and trunk.

The one that, once passed, meant one had truly succeeded.

He looked at the shadow.

"I am Lu Mingyuan."

The shadow asked, "Who is Lu Mingyuan?"

Lu Mingyuan thought for a moment.

"Lu Mingyuan is the scholar who transcribed books in Heyin City. He is the Disciple of Master Xuanweizi. He is the person who stood before The Rift. He is the one who accepted the Legacy of the Seven Saints. He is the person living for Tie Niu. He is the person walking for those who have died."

The shadow looked at him.

"Those are all things you have done. Not who you are."

Lu Mingyuan fell silent.

The shadow took a step forward.

"You think you are those actions. But you aren't. You are the person who does those things. But who is the person doing them?"

Lu Mingyuan stood there, thinking.

Who was he?

He had never considered this question.

When he came out of Heyin City, he was the scholar who transcribed books. That was what Master Xuanweizi had told him.

When he stood before The Rift, he was the person standing before The Rift. That was what the Loose Cultivators called him.

When he stood in Zixiao Palace, he was the one who had accepted the Legacy of the Seven Saints. That was what the Saints had given him.

But those were all names given to him by others.

Who was he, himself?

The shadow looked at him, something in its gaze.

It was a certainty that said, 'See, you don't know'.

"You don't know who you are. You've walked so far, stood for so long, and done so much. But you don't know who you are."

Lu Mingyuan stood there, listening.

As he listened, his heart went empty.

Not the kind of emptiness that contained everything.

The kind of emptiness where there was nothing at all.

The kind of emptiness where even he himself did not exist.

He stood there, not knowing what to think, what to do, or where to go.

He didn't even know who he was.

The shadow smiled at his bewildered state.

That smile was complex.

There was mockery, sympathy, and... a hint of something inexplicable.

"You don't know who you are because you've never thought about it. You just walk, just stand, just do. You've never stopped to ask yourself—who am I?"

Lu Mingyuan stood there and thought for a long time.

Then, he spoke.

"I don't know who I am. But I know that I am walking. I am moving forward. I am stepping in those footprints. Those footprints belong to Tie Niu, to the Loose Cultivators, to everyone. By walking in them, I am them. I am Tie Niu, I am those Loose Cultivators, I am everyone who has ever stood up."

He paused.

"I don't know who I am. But I know I am their path. I am their footprints. I am that thing left behind after they have gone. That thing has no name. But that thing is walking."

The shadow's gaze changed as it looked at him.

"You are their path? You are their footprints? You are that thing left behind after they have gone? Then what about yourself? Where are you?"

Lu Mingyuan was stunned.

Where was he himself?

He thought and thought for a long time.

Then, he suddenly smiled.

It was a very bitter smile.

But within that bitterness, there was something.

"I myself am nowhere. I am that very thing. I am that path, those footprints, that thing left behind. I have no self. I am them."

The shadow watched him.

"You have no self? Then for whom do you live?"

Lu Mingyuan said, "For them. For Tie Niu, for those Loose Cultivators, for everyone who has ever stood up. For those who have died, for those who are living, and for those who are yet to be born."

The shadow asked, "Then what about yourself? What do you want?"

Lu Mingyuan thought for a moment.

What did he want?

He had never considered this question.

What did he want?

He wanted Tie Niu to come back to life. But Tie Niu could not come back.

He wanted The Rift to disappear. But The Rift was still there.

He wanted the Heavenly Dao to be mended. But the Heavenly Dao was still collapsing.

What did he want?

He wanted everything, yet he could change nothing.

He stood there, thinking for a long time.

Then, he spoke.

"I want nothing."

The shadow was stunned.

"You want nothing?"

Lu Mingyuan nodded.

"Correct. I want nothing. Tie Niu cannot come back, so I don't desire it. The Rift cannot disappear, so I don't desire it. The Heavenly Dao cannot be mended, so I don't desire it. I desire nothing. I only want to walk. To keep moving. To keep walking in their stead."

He paused.

"I don't want anything. Because wanting leads to obsession. Obsession leads to suffering. Suffering makes it impossible to walk. I don't want to be unable to walk. I want to walk forever. To keep walking for them forever."

The shadow watched him for a very long time.

Then, the shadow asked, "If you want nothing, then what do you fear?"

Lu Mingyuan thought for a moment.

"I fear being unable to walk. I fear that one day, I won't be able to move. I fear that one day, I won't want to walk anymore. I fear that one day, I will forget them. I fear that one day, I will forget Tie Niu, forget those Loose Cultivators, and forget everyone who has ever stood up."

The shadow asked, "And what if you truly can't walk anymore?"

Lu Mingyuan said, "If I can't walk, I'll crawl. If I can't crawl, I'll lie down. Even lying down, I'll be walking. Because I'll be walking in my heart. As long as my heart is walking, I haven't stopped. If I haven't stopped, I'm still walking."

The shadow looked at him, something appearing in its gaze.

It was the realization that 'you are harder to deal with than I thought'.

"You want nothing and fear nothing. Then what do you still have?"

Lu Mingyuan thought for a moment.

"I have them. I have Tie Niu, those Loose Cultivators, and everyone who has ever stood up. They are in my heart, walking in my heart. As they walk, I walk. As long as they are here, I am here."

The shadow asked, "And what if they are gone?"

Lu Mingyuan said, "They will never be gone. Because they are in my heart. As long as I am here, they are here."

The shadow asked, "And what if you are no longer here?"

Lu Mingyuan froze.

What if he was no longer here?

What if he died?

Would those who died still be in his heart?

He thought for a moment.

"If I die, they will be in someone else's heart. In the hearts of the living. In the hearts of those who continue to walk. Even if I am gone, they will remain. Because they are not mine. They belong to everyone. To those who walk. To those who stand. To those who live."

He paused.

"I am merely holding onto them for now. And as I hold them, I must pass them on. Pass them to the next person who walks. To the next person who stands. To the next person who lives. By passing them on, they remain. By passing them on, the path is not broken. By passing them on, the journey does not stop."

The shadow watched him for a very long time.

Then, the shadow smiled.

That smile was no longer complex.

It was a smile of final understanding.

"You are stronger than me."

Lu Mingyuan shook his head.

"It's not about being strong. It's about walking. By walking, I know who I am. You stood still, so you always thought you were yourself."

He paused.

"You are not yourself. You are the path. You are the footprints. You are the thing left behind. You are no one. But you are everyone's path, everyone's footprints, the thing left behind by everyone. As long as you are here, they are here. As long as you walk, they walk. As long as you live, they live."

The shadow looked at him, something in its gaze.

It was a regret that said, 'I also want to walk, but I cannot'.

"I am your 'Self'. If you walk away, I will be gone."

Its figure began to fade.

Fading more and more.

Fading away.

Finally, it gave a small smile.

"Go then. Walk a bit for me as well."

And then, it vanished.

Vanished into that emptiness that was nothing at all.

Vanished into that final question.

Vanished into the inquiry of 'Who am I?'

Lu Mingyuan stood there, looking at the place where the shadow had disappeared.

He knew it wasn't real.

That was his 'Self'.

It was the 'Self' in his heart, taking on a human form to question him.

But the questions that 'Self' had asked were real.

Who was he?

For whom did he live?

What did he want?

What did he fear?

What did he have?

What if he was no longer here?

He thought for a long time.

Then, he smiled.

The smile was very light.

Light as a breeze.

But within that breeze, there was something.

A lightness from finally fearing nothing.

A lightness from finally wanting nothing.

A lightness from finally knowing who he was.

He knew who he was.

He was the person walking.

He was the one who was on the journey.

He was the path, the footprints, the thing left behind.

That thing had no name.

But that thing was walking.

Walking was enough.

He took a step.

Continuing forward.

As he walked, he suddenly remembered a sentence.

A sentence he had said himself.

"I am no one. I am the person walking. I am the one on the journey. I am the path, the footprints, the thing left behind."

He smiled.

The smile was very light.

Light as a breeze.

But within that breeze, there was something.

A lightness from finally fearing nothing.

A lightness from finally doubting nothing.

A lightness from finally being obsessed with nothing.

A lightness from finally knowing 'Who I am'.

He walked.

Step by step.

Not fast.

Not slow.

Just walking.

As he walked, light appeared in the Chaos ahead.

That light was not the faintness of Laozi, the azure of Tongtian, the gold of Jieyin and Zhunti, the colors of Nüwa, the yellow of Houtu, or the white of Yuanshi.

It was... his own light.

It was the light of his heart.

It was the light he had realized after walking so many paths, standing for so long, and doing so much.

It was the light born in his heart after he had overcome fear, doubt, obsession, and the self.

He looked at that light.

He smiled.

The smile was very light.

Light as a breeze.

But within that breeze, there was something.

A profound sentiment from finally reaching this point.

He spoke.

"Fear, doubt, obsession, and the self—all have been surpassed. Not gone, but transformed into a part of my journey. Fear lets me know what to be wary of. Doubt lets me know what to question. Obsession lets me know what I desire. The self lets me know who I am."

He paused.

"I am no one. I am the person walking. I am the one on the journey. I am the path, the footprints, the thing left behind. That thing has no name. But that thing is walking. By walking, I come to know. By walking, I understand. By walking, I arrive."

Then, he took a step.

Toward that light.

Toward his own path.

Toward the place he should go.

He walked on.

In Zixiao Palace, the Seven Saints looked into the depths of the Chaos.

Laozi spoke.

"He has surpassed the self."

Tongtian nodded.

"Surpassed."

Jieyin said, "All four have been surpassed."

Zhunti said, "He passed them very cleanly."

Nüwa looked into the depths of the Chaos.

"He has surpassed the self. To surpass the self is to truly pass."

Houtu nodded.

"Correct. Having surpassed the self, he is no longer just 'him'. He is the person walking."

Yuanshi Tianzun looked into the depths of the Chaos.

"Now, let us see how he establishes his Dao."