196: Chapter 196 The First Sense of Chaos

There was no time in Chaos, but Lu Mingyuan knew he was walking.

He wasn't measuring with his feet, but feeling with his heart. With every step, his heart beat once. One beat was one step. Ten thousand beats were ten thousand steps. But what were ten thousand steps in Chaos? They were nothing. Because there was no distance, there was no difference between ten thousand steps and one step. Without near or far, there was no difference between walking and staying still.

Then why continue walking?

Because if one does not walk, one will never arrive. Only by walking is it possible. Even if there is no distance, no proximity, and no direction, the act of walking itself is the meaning. Just like cultivation, it is not for the sake of reaching a certain place, but for the sake of the path itself. Walking is cultivation, and cultivation is walking.

Lu Mingyuan walked very slowly. It wasn't that he was slow, but that there was no fast or slow in Chaos. Fast and slow are concepts of time, and since there is no time in Chaos, there is no fast or slow. He just walked, lifting a leg, setting down a foot, and lifting a leg again. Mechanically repeating, repeating mechanically.

Bai Ze crouched on his shoulder, silent. It was also sensing Chaos in its own way. Its bai ze map was unfurled, golden light flickering, but that light did not reach far, only illuminating three feet around them. Beyond three feet, there was still the gray 'nothingness'. Zhao Sanniang's oil lamp was also lit, its wick flickering like a heartbeat. That light was even weaker, only illuminating one foot.

The two beams of light converged, illuminating Lu Mingyuan's face. There was no expression on his face—not numbness, but calmness. A deep calmness, like the water at the bottom of a lake; no matter how great the wind and waves above, the depths remain motionless.

"Bai Ze, you said there is no time in Chaos, so how do we know how long has passed?"

"We don't know. Nor do we need to."

"But I want to know. I want to know how much time has passed in the Great Desolation. I want to know how long they have been waiting."

"Bai Ze was silent for a moment. \"Time in Chaos and the Great Desolation is not equivalent. You might walk for a year in Chaos, and only a day might have passed in the Great Desolation. Or perhaps a hundred years. There is no pattern, no ratio; it all depends on the mood of Chaos.\""

"Chaos has moods?"

"Chaos does not. But you do. Your mood is the mood of Chaos. If you are anxious, Chaos is fast. If you are slow, Chaos is leisurely. If you are restless, Chaos is chaotic. If you are still, Chaos is at peace."

"Lu Mingyuan stopped walking. He stood in Chaos, in the gray 'nothingness', and closed his eyes. He felt his own heart, his heartbeat, his blood flow, and his breathing. His heartbeat was steady—thump, thump, thump—like a drumbeat. His blood flowed smoothly—shh, shh, shh—like a river. His breathing was even—inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale—like a bellows."

"His heart was still. Not because Chaos was still, but because he was still. When the heart is still, Chaos is still. When the heart is at peace, Chaos is at peace. When the heart is settled, Chaos is settled."

"He continued walking."

"---"

"As he walked, he found he no longer needed to look at the road. Not because there was a road, but because it was no longer necessary. The road was in his heart; the heart was walking, and walking was the road. Chaos was no longer an obstacle, but a background. Just as the sky is to a bird, or water is to a fish. A bird does not ask where the sky is, and a fish does not ask where the water is. They are simply within it, merged as one."

"Lu Mingyuan was also in Chaos, merged as one with it. It wasn't that he had become Chaos, but that Chaos had become him. His breathing was the breathing of Chaos. His heartbeat was the heartbeat of Chaos. His footsteps were the pulse of Chaos."

"He felt a sense of freedom he had never experienced before. Not the freedom to do whatever he wanted, but the freedom of being without restraint. In the world, there are the restraints of heaven and earth. There are mountains and rivers, up and down, front and back. Those are all restraints; though invisible, they exist. To exist is to limit. To limit is to be unfree."

"Chaos had none of those. No mountains, no rivers, no up or down, no front or back. There were no restraints at all, only him and himself. He was the only existence in Chaos, the only heart, the only Dao."

"But this freedom also made him feel lonely."

"Not the loneliness of having no one around, but the loneliness of being the only person in existence. No sound, no color, no life. Only the gray 'nothingness' and yourself. You don't know who you are because no one calls your name. You don't know where you are because there is no reference. You don't know what you want because there are no needs."

"Lu Mingyuan stopped and sat in Chaos. He sat cross-legged, hands on his knees, and closed his eyes. The oil lamp was placed before him, its wick flickering. Bai Ze crouched on his shoulder and also closed its eyes."

"He was meditating, meditating in Chaos. No Spiritual Qi, no heaven and earth, no myriad things. Only him and his heart. Within his Dantian, the Wanxiang True Qi was circulating. That Qi was not absorbed from the world, but born from his own heart. The heart is the source, the heart is the Qi, the heart is the Dao."

"He felt that tree in his Dantian. It was three and a half zhang tall and still growing. It grew very slowly, as slow as a snail's crawl. But it was growing, growing in Chaos, growing in a place without Spiritual Qi. Because it did not need Spiritual Qi; it needed the heart. As long as the heart existed, it existed. As the heart grew, it grew. As the heart stilled, it became steady."

"The roots were planted in his Dantian, the trunk passed through his body, and the branches reached into Chaos. That tree was not a real tree, but a manifestation of the Dao. The roots were the Dao Foundation, the trunk was the Dao Body, and the branches were the Dao Application. If the roots are deep, the tree is steady. If the trunk is straight, the tree is upright. If the branches reach far, the tree is great."

"He suddenly understood what it meant for 'All Methods Return to the Origin'."

"All dharmas do not come from the outside; they are born from the heart. The heart is the source, and all dharmas return to it. Returning is not going back, but coming back. Back to the heart, back to the source, back to the place where it all began. Chaos is not the source of all things; the heart is. Chaos is merely a mirror of the heart; whatever the heart is like, Chaos will be like."

"He opened his eyes."

"Chaos was still the same Chaos—gray and empty. But he felt different. It wasn't that Chaos had changed, but that he had changed. He no longer found Chaos terrifying, no longer felt lonely, and no longer felt lost. Chaos was just Chaos—no good or bad, no right or wrong, no good or evil. It simply existed, just as the heart existed."

"Bai Ze, I understand."

"Understand what?"

"Chaos is not a place, but a state. It is not the space before heaven and earth opened, but the state before the heart moved. When the heart has not moved and all dharmas have not yet been born, that is Chaos. Once the heart moves, all dharmas are born, and heaven and earth open."

"Bai Ze looked at him, a complex light in its eyes. It was relief, emotion, and admiration. It had lived for tens of thousands of years and seen countless Cultivators, but it had never seen one like this. After walking in Chaos for an unknown amount of time, he had realized this. This truth was something many Saints could not grasp in their entire lives. Yet this scholar had realized it in an unknown amount of time."

"Then what do you plan to do now?"

"Continue walking. Walk into the depths of Chaos and find the Seven Saints Evolution of the Way. Find them, master them, and attain the Dao of Hunyuan. Then go back and finish Mending the Heavens."

"You're not afraid anymore?"

"I am. But I must still walk. Fear is not a reason to retreat, but a motivation to advance. Because I am afraid, I must walk even more. Walk until I am no longer afraid."

"Lu Mingyuan stood up, put away the oil lamp, and patted Bai Ze's head. Bai Ze's head was very hard, like stone. But its heart was very soft, like water. It had followed him from the Northwest to Zixiao Palace, and from Zixiao Palace into Chaos. It had witnessed every step of his growth, every Epiphany, and every Breakthrough."

"Let's go."

"Let's go."

"He set off, continuing forward. He was not rushed, not restless, and not clinging. He walked slowly, steadily, and lightly. Taking it one step at a time, one day at a time, one year at a time."

"There was no time in Chaos, so he did not know how long he walked. Perhaps a day, perhaps a year, perhaps a hundred years. But he no longer cared, because time was not important. What was important was the walking, the heart, and the Dao."

"As he walked, he saw something again. Not bones, but light. A very faint light shining in the depths of Chaos. That light was not from his oil lamp, nor was it the bai ze map. It was another light, coming from very far away."

"Bai Ze, what is that?"

"Bai Ze unfurled the bai ze map, golden light flashing toward the direction of that light. But it could not reach; it was too far. Even in Chaos, where there is no distance, there was proximity. Because the heart had a direction, distance appeared. Wherever the heart went, the distance would shrink."

"I don't know. It could be the Seven Saints Evolution of the Way, it could be a Remnant of the Demon God, or it could be a shattered world. Regardless of what it is, let's go and see."

"Lu Mingyuan nodded and walked toward that light."

"In his heart, that small tree was still growing. Three point six zhang, three point seven, three point eight. It was very slow, like a snail's crawl. But it was growing, growing in Chaos, growing in a place without time. As it grew, it would eventually become large. Once it grew large, it could support a greater heaven, block more demons, and save more people."

"That tree was called Xuan Shu. That tree was called Wanxiang. That tree was called Quasi-Saint. That tree was called Lu Mingyuan."

"The oil lamp glowed in his hand, flickering like a heartbeat. That light was a single beam in Chaos, very weak, like a firefly. But that light would not go out, because Zhao Sanniang had given him her heart, and he had brought that heart into Chaos."

"In the depths of Chaos, another light was waiting for him. That light was very weak, like a firefly. But that light would not go out, because it was the source of all dharmas, the manifestation of the Dao, and the summons of the Seven Saints Evolution of the Way."

"The two lights drew closer to each other in Chaos. Very slowly, like a snail's crawl. But they were drawing closer, and as they did, they would eventually meet. When they met, they would be mastered and integrated. Once mastered and integrated, he could attain the Dao of Hunyuan."