417: on the road

"Yaner, I know you feel wronged."

Li Xuan's voice seemed to still echo in her ears, carrying his usual weary plea and helplessness:

"But I have no other choice. With Tianqi's vast lands and millions of citizens, I cannot gamble, nor can I afford to. No matter the cost, I must protect the stability of this world and the continuation of the Li family's rule."

These words were like ice-dipped poisonous spikes, repeatedly slicing through the softest parts of her heart.

The cost.

She was that cost.

How could she not know his difficulties?

As an Emperor, he carried the weight of the common people and the vast rivers and mountains on his shoulders.

She understood; she had always understood.

But she was also a woman, a wife who had stayed by his side for twenty years, not a gift to be given away at will, not a sacrifice used to strengthen the national fortune.

She understood that this trip was called a prayer for blessings, but in reality, it was a sacrifice of herself.

Going to the Northern Border, she would no longer be the noble Mother of the State of Tianqi, no longer Empress Jiang who stood side-by-side with the Emperor and ruled the inner palace; instead, she was a "gift" personally sent by her own husband to another powerful man's side in exchange for the stability of the national fortune.

Humiliation, resentment, despair... all sorts of emotions had already burned her heart to ashes like a raging fire during those first few days.

Now, all that remained was a desolate numbness.

She didn't even bother to hate Li Xuan.

Perhaps, as an Emperor, he had his own lack of choice.

She was merely grieving for herself, for the fate of the inner palace that seemed infinitely honorable but was actually fraught with danger at every step, and for all the women in this world who were unable to control their own destinies.

"Imperial Sister-in-law, are you tired? Do you want to lean back for a while?"

Looking at Jiang Yan's perpetually silent profile, her frail shoulders against her plain palace attire looked as if they would break with a single gust of wind. Li Danying couldn't help but feel a pang of sorrow in her heart as she spoke softly.

As she spoke, she opened the food box beside her, which contained freshly made hibiscus cakes still emitting a faint steam:

"The Imperial Kitchen made these before we left the palace. They're sweet but not greasy. Would you like to try some?"

Jiang Yan slowly turned her head, her gaze lingering for a moment on Li Danying's concerned face.

Then, she gave an extremely faint, almost imperceptible smile, one that was even colder than the freezing wind outside the window.

She shook her head gently, her voice light, as if it could be scattered by a breeze:

"It's fine. Princess, you are heavy with child, so just rest well. You don't need to worry about me."

Her voice was calm and waveless, devoid of any emotion, yet it made Li Danying's heart ache for no reason.

The Imperial Sister-in-law in her memory was always dignified and gentle, with a smile in her eyes, possessing the composure and bearing of one who mothered the world in every gesture.

She would smile while listening to her complain about the trivialities of the court, would gently tidy her hair, and would laugh and play with the sisters of the inner palace.

When had she ever looked so devoid of Life Qi, so... like withered branches and fallen leaves that had lost their Soul.

Li Danying silently withdrew her hand and set the food box aside. Watching Jiang Yan turn her head back to look at the vast, desolate world outside the window, her heart was filled with mixed emotions, along with an indescribable sense of awkwardness and unease.

She knew the Imperial Sister-in-law had always been unhappy but was powerless to help. She could only pray silently in her heart that after reaching Northern Border City, the Imperial Sister-in-law could become happy again.

She tried to find light topics, talking about how rich and mellow the koumiss in the Northern Border was, melting in the mouth with a dense milky fragrance; about how holy the snow lotuses on the Snowy Ridge were, pure as ice and translucent as jade, rarely seen in a hundred years; about the Apricot Grove in the Northern Border City Lord's Manor, which in spring was like clouds and rosy mist, with falling petals everywhere.

But Jiang Yan mostly just gave a faint nod, occasionally responding with a word or two, her tone as flat as a pool of stagnant water, distant and polite.

"Imperial Sister-in-law, although the Northern Border is not as prosperous as the Royal Capital, the folk customs are simple and the scenery is magnificent, especially the City Lord's Manor..."

Li Danying racked her brains, her voice growing softer:

"My husband is actually a person who values friendship and loyalty very much. Imperial Sister-in-law, you don't need to worry about your safety during the prayer period."

Jiang Yan finally turned her head and glanced at her.

Those eyes that once shone brightly at the Royal Capital's palace banquets were now covered with a layer of mist that wouldn't dissipate, calm enough to make Li Danying's heart flutter with anxiety.

"Princess, do not trouble yourself for me."

Her voice was very light, yet it carried a power that pierced through the heart:

"Since I have already agreed to come to the Northern Border, I know how to conduct myself."

She paused, her fingertips gently stroking the wood grain on the window frame, her tone becoming even flatter:

"Only, do not call me Imperial Sister-in-law anymore. On this journey to the Northern Border, I am simply... Jiang Yan."

Li Danying opened her mouth but ultimately said nothing more, only sighing secretly in her heart.

She knew that her Royal Brother must have deeply hurt her sister-in-law Jiang Yan. Some scars cannot be smoothed over by a few words of comfort... The convoy traveled by day and rested by night. The further north they went, the fiercer the wind became, scraping against one's face like a knife, causing sharp pain.

The weather also grew increasingly cold. During the day, they could still rely on hand warmers for heat, but at night, even wrapped in thick fur coats, one could feel that bone-chilling cold seeping through the seams of the clothes, bit by bit into the bones.

The scenery also became more rugged.

The former verdancy had long been replaced by withered yellow. The grasslands gradually turned into Gobi deserts. On the barren land where not a blade of grass grew, there were only jagged rocks standing silent in the wind.

Jiang Yan often stayed awake all night, listening to the howling north wind outside through the carriage curtain, listening to the low conversations of the guards, and listening to the distant howls of wolves from the wilderness.

She watched the endless grasslands, the barren Gobi, and the year-round snow-capped mountains passing by the window. The despair and numbness in her heart seemed to be struck by this vast and primitive land, giving rise to some subtle changes that even she had not noticed.

Everything here was completely different from the exquisite but oppressive royal palace.

The four corners of the Royal Capital's palace walls, with their flying eaves and carved beams, trapped a woman's entire life, full of endless calculations and struggles.

But the world of the Northern Border was vast and boundless. Even the wind carried a wild sense of freedom, capable of blowing away the haze in one's heart and allowing one to see clearly that this world, as it turned out, was not just the small space within the palace walls.

In the towns they passed along the way, although the local officials had received secret orders from the Royal Capital to receive them discreetly and not make a scene, the arrival of the Empress's Phoenix Carriage, even under the guise of praying for blessings, was still a major event for the local area.

There was no lack of cautious welcoming and sending off. The prepared warm sedans, hot soups, and fur coats for protection against the cold filled an entire courtyard, but they were all politely declined by Jiang Yan.

She did not wish to see people, nor did she wish to be seen.

Every time, Jiang Yan would only accept the local officials' kowtows through the carriage curtain with indifference, never showing her face and rarely speaking.

She was like a shadow in this convoy, clearly existing, yet appearing as if she could disappear into this vast world at any time, merging with the wind and snow of the Northern Border.