174: Evelyn's "inner conflict" and Su Mu's "ice-breaking" conversation

The post-battle restoration of 'Homeland' was progressing smoothly, thanks to the tireless, round-the-clock efforts of every member. Broken circuits were reconnected, damaged armor plating was cut and replaced, and the traces of the explosion were meticulously cleaned away. On the surface, the base was gradually recovering from its trauma. Yet, beneath this bustling scene of reconstruction, a silent, heavy pressure, like a steadily gathering undercurrent, weighed down on Evelyn's heart, growing heavier with each passing day.

As the technical core of 'Homeland,' the main proposer and head of the 'Bridge' project, and the chief scientist for Zhuoyue's ability research, Evelyn was unable to escape a deep-seated, almost harsh self-reflection and self-reproach. In her mind, several extremely perilous moments from the battle replayed repeatedly and uncontrollably: Zhuoyue's pale, convulsing face as he screamed and clutched his head in the corridor due to energy loss; the ominous, sharp buzzing and the spreading cracks on the surface of the 'Singing Stone' he held; the terrifying sight in the safe room where, even after falling into a coma, he was tormented by external consciousness attacks, his body seizing up and his forehead burning hot... Every single image felt like a red-hot branding iron searing her conscience.

She could not forgive herself. Within her highly rational analytical framework, the root cause of everything was clearly pointed toward her own 'errors' and 'deficiencies':

The 'Aggressiveness' of Research Guidance: Did she, during the early exploration of the 'Bridge' project, overly optimistically estimate Zhuoyue's tolerance, guiding him prematurely to attempt 'active resonance' and 'holographic sensing,' thereby failing to fully foresee the potential risks of ability loss of control and the mental backlash?

The 'Absence' of Protective Measures: Why did she fail to recognize earlier the resonance attack methods Morpheus might possess, which were based on the co-source 'Mother Ore'? Why couldn't she design a truly effective 'firewall' or 'shielding field' for Zhuoyue capable of isolating this level of consciousness intrusion? That troublesome stone should have been subjected to stricter risk assessment and quarantine long ago!

The 'Inadequacy' of Emergency Protocols: When the crisis truly erupted, the countermeasures she devised were so passive and weak! Their final reliance was a 'noise program' written by the child himself—a program that felt like child's play—and a nearly superstitious attempt at psychological comfort! To her, this represented a miserable failure of scientific rationality and a profound mockery of her professional competence as the lead researcher.

Although absolutely no one—not Wang Jianguo, Su Mu, or even Zhuoyue, who had just regained consciousness—had uttered a single word of blame or complaint; on the contrary, everyone was full of gratitude and affirmation for her calm judgment and decisive actions during the crisis, the stronger Evelyn's internal guilt of 'unworthiness' and 'betraying trust' became. She subconsciously shouldered all the responsibility alone, throwing herself frantically into working day and night in a manner bordering on self-punishment, attempting to numb her inner pain and fill the enormous void of anxiety and guilt with extreme busyness and exhaustion.

She became more taciturn than before, almost speaking in monosyllables. In the conference room, her statements were reduced to the most concise technical analysis and data conclusions, devoid of any personal emotion. Her daily interactions with Su Mu and Zhuoyue unconsciously adopted a cold, 'business-like' demeanor. She deliberately reduced time spent eating together or taking casual walks, confining herself like an ascetic in the laboratory and command center. Apart from necessary communication, most of her time was immersed in massive amounts of data, complex blueprints, and endless code. She seemed to be building a high wall with work and rationality, isolating herself from warm emotional connections, as if only this could alleviate her inner torment and prevent her 'mistakes' from harming those around her again. Dark shadows appeared under her eyes, her cheeks visibly thinned, and a hint of unconcealed fatigue and deep-seated anxiety often flickered in her previously clear and sharp gaze.

Sharp Insight: Su Mu's Worry

Su Mu witnessed all of Evelyn's changes firsthand and was consumed by worry. As the person who had lived and fought alongside Evelyn the longest, she knew her too well. She understood the profound sense of responsibility beneath her calm, rational exterior, the almost harsh demands she placed on herself in her pursuit of perfection, and even more, the inner self that, though poor at expression, valued emotions deeply.

She clearly saw that Evelyn was consuming herself at a dangerous rate. This was not merely due to the heavy workload, but the silent torment stemming from her inner self-reproach was devouring her energy. Su Mu knew that Evelyn had shouldered all the blame for Zhuoyue's injury and the near-fatal battle entirely on her own. She was walking alone toward the dangerous brink of emotional collapse. If she didn't intervene soon, this most vital technical pillar of 'Homeland' might truly break down.

“This cannot continue,” Su Mu told herself silently and firmly. She had to do something; she had to break down the cold, emotion-isolating high wall Evelyn had built around herself. What Evelyn needed was not technical assistance or shared workload, but an honest, heart-to-heart conversation—emotional guidance and support.

Late Night Intervention: A Cup of Hot Cocoa and the Attempt to Break the Ice

One night, after settling the sleeping Zhuoyue, Su Mu habitually glanced toward the end of the corridor. Sure enough, the window of Evelyn's laboratory still emitted a cold, persistent light, appearing exceptionally solitary and harsh in the quiet dormitory area. Su Mu sighed softly, turned into the kitchen, and silently brewed two cups of richly fragrant hot cocoa, deliberately adding an extra spoon of Evelyn's favorite honey to her cup. Then, carrying the tray, she walked with determined steps toward the lit laboratory.

The door was ajar. Su Mu gently pushed it open and saw Evelyn with her back to the entrance, curled up in a huge computer chair. Her thin figure looked exceptionally gaunt and fragile against the backdrop of multiple large screens flashing complex code and waveform diagrams. Her fingers flew across the keyboard, making rapid and continuous clicking sounds. The screen light reflected on her slightly pale profile, where her tightly furrowed brow was deeply furrowed into a frown.

Su Mu did not speak immediately. She walked over gently and carefully placed one cup of steaming cocoa near Evelyn's hand, where it wouldn't interfere with her work. The rich sweet aroma filled the air, forming a strange mixture with the cold, characteristic scent of electronic components in the lab.

“Still busy? It’s very late,” Su Mu said, trying to make her voice sound calm and natural, not like a carefully planned 'intervention.'

Evelyn’s fingers didn't even pause on the keyboard. Her gaze remained fixed on the scrolling data stream on the screen, and she briefly replied in a nearly mechanical, emotionless tone: “Yes. There’s a newly discovered potential firewall vulnerability. The algorithm needs optimization, and it must be patched quickly.” Her voice was hoarse and dry, revealing deep exhaustion, yet she still used work to build a defensive wall.

Su Mu did not tactfully leave as usual. She silently pulled up a nearby chair and sat down next to Evelyn, holding her own cup of hot cocoa and feeling the warmth radiating from the mug. The laboratory fell into silence, broken only by the low hum of machines and the continuous clicking of the keyboard. It was a suffocating silence.

A Conversation Straight to the Heart: Gentle Deconstruction and Firm Support

After a long moment, Su Mu took a deep breath, as if having made up her mind. She turned her head, gazing gently and firmly at the tense profile of Evelyn's face. Her voice was very soft, yet carried an unavoidable penetrating power that broke the oppressive silence:

“Evelyn,” she softly called her name, omitting all titles and formalities, “Let’s talk. Right now. Not about work, not about the firewall, not about any data.” She paused, her gaze growing softer, and said word by word: “Let’s just talk... about you.”

Evelyn’s right index finger paused imperceptibly on the keyboard for half a second, but immediately struck down again at a faster speed, as if masking that moment of panic. She neither answered nor looked up, but the tense line of her shoulders betrayed her inner turmoil.

Su Mu didn't get discouraged; she knew that breaking through this layer of ice required patience and courage.

She continued in that steady, warm tone, as if stating a mutually understood fact, and slowly said, "I know what you're thinking.

These past few days, you've been cooped up here, working day and night.

You feel... that you failed to protect Zhuoyue, and he almost had a serious accident, right?

You feel that your research, your plans... almost became weapons to harm him... so you're punishing yourself, aren't you?"

"Isn't that right?!"

Evelyn suddenly looked up and turned around!

The words seemed not to come from her, but were forced out of her extremely suppressed chest!

Her eyes instantly reddened, those beautiful eyes, always full of wisdom and calm, were now bloodshot, brimming with unspeakable pain, self-reproach, and a nearly desperate exhaustion.

She stared intently at Su Mu, her voice trembling slightly with emotion, as the calm facade she had maintained for days finally cracked.

"My research... the 'Bridge' project... if I hadn't guided him to perceive, to connect, how could he... how could his energy go out of control, how could he suffer like that?!

And that stone!

I should have realized the risk long ago!

I actually... I actually exposed him to that... that kind of consciousness attack!

And in the end... in the end, I could only use that... that ridiculous method... I..." She was so agitated that she became incoherent, her words choked by sobs, tears swirling madly in her eyes, yet stubbornly refusing to fall.

"You fool!"

Su Mu interrupted her without hesitation, her tone filled with heartache and strong reproach!

She reached out and firmly grasped Evelyn's hand, which was resting on the keyboard, cold and even trembling, holding it tightly, as if to transmit her strength.

"Look into my eyes, Evelyn!"

Su Mu forced her to meet her gaze, her eyes burning, every word resounding clearly: "Without all your previous research and preparation!

Without the defensive strategies and emergency plans you designed!

If we knew nothing about the 'constant ripples' and 'resonance' you spoke of!

Do you think we'd still be standing here?

We might not even know how the enemy got in!

We might have been turned into a mess by that 'Abyss Resonance' long ago!

We might have been completely paralyzed and at their mercy after the first EMP attack!"

Su Mu's words came like a barrage of cannon fire, mercilessly shattering the logic of Evelyn's self-condemnation:

"Zhuoyue's ability loss of control was because that scoundrel Morpheus was too cunning!

The attack was too sudden! Too out of the ordinary!

That wasn't your fault!

That was the cruelty of war!

Moreover, at the last moment, who was the first to discover his abnormality?

Who determined it was a consciousness attack?

Who thought of using his self-made program to try and interfere?

It was you! Evelyn! It was you and I, together, who pulled him back from the brink of death!

It was you!"

She shook Evelyn's hand firmly, emphasizing: "How can you only remember the bad, accidental parts, and forget all the good, life-saving efforts you made?!

Is that fair?!

Is that right?!"

Evelyn was completely stunned, staring blankly at Su Mu, opening her mouth, but finding she couldn't utter a single word.

Su Mu's words were like a strong light, shining into her heart, which had been closed and dark due to self-reproach, forcing her to see the facts she had deliberately ignored.

Su Mu's tone softened, becoming gentler and full of strength.

She enveloped Evelyn's cold hands with both of hers and whispered, "Evelyn, we are a team, remember?

We are family.

We share good times and bad times.

When problems arise, we face them together, and we figure out solutions together.

You cannot, and should not, carry all the burdens alone!

You'll be crushed!

Look at Zhuoyue; he went through something so terrible, and now he's working hard, recovering little by little; he hasn't given up.

As his older sister, and one of the mainstays of our family, how can you be the first to fall?

How can you be the first to give up on yourself?"

The Collapse of the Dam and the Tears of Redemption

These words, like a precise and gentle key, finally completely opened Evelyn's long-closed heart.

The dam she had struggled to maintain for days, built with rationality, calmness, and frantic work, collapsed under the torrent of Su Mu's understanding, support, and unquestioning trust.

Evelyn's tears could no longer be held back; they rolled down silently, large and continuous, like broken pearls.

Initially, there were silent sobs, her shoulders trembling violently, then it turned into uncontrollable whimpers, like a wounded animal.

Finally, she abandoned all resistance and pretense, burying her face in Su Mu's shoulder and sobbing uncontrollably.

The accumulated fear, lingering terror, heavy self-reproach, and immense pressure of many days, at this moment, poured out like a breaching flood.

Her cries were filled with grievances, release, and a vulnerability that finally found reliance.

Su Mu didn't say another word.

She just held Evelyn tightly, one hand gently and rhythmically patting her back, the other stroking her hair, like comforting a frightened child.

She silently offered tissues, letting Evelyn's tears soak her shoulder.

She knew that Evelyn didn't need more reason (reasoning), but a safe haven where she could fully release her emotions, a silent yet firm support.

After the Rain: New Understanding and Moving Forward

After crying for an unknown amount of time, Evelyn's sobs gradually turned into low whimpers and finally subsided.

She lifted her head from Su Mu's shoulder, her eyes and nose red from crying, tear stains still on her face, looking a bit disheveled.

However, the heavy, suffocating gloom in her eyes had largely dissipated, replaced by a sense of relieved exhaustion and clarity.

She somewhat awkwardly took the fresh tissue Su Mu offered, wiped her face, and with a thick nasal voice, choked out, "Thank you... Su Mu... really... thank you...

I just... I was just really scared... scared that my mistakes... would let everyone down... scared I couldn't protect you all..."

"Trust isn't something to be afraid of, Evelyn."

Su Mu looked at her, a warm and firm smile on her face, and squeezed her hand tightly.

"Trust is the cornerstone for working together.

It's the source of our courage to face any difficulties together."

She pushed the cup of lukewarm hot cocoa on the table towards her.

"Drink this, and then, I order you, right now, immediately, go to bed!

Don't think about anything else!

Even if the sky falls, I'll be here with you to hold it up!"

Evelyn looked at Su Mu's unquestioning gaze, then at the sweet-smelling hot cocoa, and finally, she broke into a smile through her tears.

The smile, though tear-stained, was incredibly sincere and relaxed.

She nodded, picked up the cup, and obediently took a big sip.

The warm, sweet liquid slid down her throat, as if warming her heart, which had been cold for a long time.

"Oh, by the way," Su Mu said in a light tone, as if suddenly remembering something, "Don't bury yourself in data tomorrow.

That little guy Zhuoyue has a new idea, a wild one, to make some kind of 'automatic cat-petting robot,' saying it's to reward the heroic therapy dogs at the base.

His drawings are simply dreadful; he definitely needs your guidance, you 'great scientist,' otherwise, I suspect he'll end up petting the dogs bald."

Upon hearing this, Evelyn couldn't help but burst out laughing, the gloom on her face completely swept away.

She nodded, and the familiar light, a light of warmth and anticipation, flickered in her eyes once more.

"Okay, let's go together tomorrow."

That late-night candid conversation became an important turning point.

The shackles in Evelyn's heart were broken.

She learned to no longer shoulder all burdens alone, and began to share her work pressures and confusions more openly with Su Mu, and even with Wang Jianguo, actively seeking support and collaboration.

And her relationship with Su Mu, having overcome this emotional ordeal together, became even more indestructible.

They were not only the best work partners but also close family in life, becoming each other's most solid emotional support and last line of defense.

This friendship, forged in the fires of war and tears, was stronger than any agreement and more precious than any power.

They truly, and irreplaceable, became one of the core cornerstones supporting the future hope of "Home."