11: Third Sister has gone mad? No, she's just returning to her true self!

The air in the hall seemed to freeze, everyone remained frozen in their positions.

Only Gu Linger, who now had the IQ of a three-year-old, was lightheartedly playing with her 'water-water'.

Gu Zhan looked at his third daughter, who was hugging his leg with eyes that were clear yet filled with stupidity. He felt a surge of blood rush to his head; if his blood pressure monitor didn't explode right now, it would be doing his current mood a disservice.

"Linger! What are you doing! Let go!"

Ignoring the pain in his tailbone, Gu Zhan desperately tried to shake off his daughter, who was clinging to his leg like a koala.

But although Gu Linger's brain was fried, her physical fitness as a Mental Energy Esper remained.

Not only did she not let go, but her attention was drawn to Gu Zhan's custom-made crocodile leather shoes, worth 120,000 Federal Credits.

"Wow! Blackie! Da Qiang!"

Gu Linger's eyes lit up, as if she had mistaken the shoes for some kind of toy within her current intellectual capacity—or perhaps a chew toy.

In the next second.

"A-woo!"

She opened her mouth, revealing a set of white, sharp teeth, and bit down hard on Gu Zhan's instep.

"Aaaaagh!!!"

Gu Zhan let out a shrill howl.

This was a real, solid bite.

The sharp teeth instantly pierced the tough crocodile skin, punching several holes directly into Gu Zhan's foot, which already suffered from chronic rheumatism.

"Let go! You crazy girl! Let go of me!"

Gu Zhan's facial features contorted in pain. His walking stick fell on Gu Linger's back like raindrops, but the girl was thick-skinned. Instead, she thought he was playing a game with her and bit down even harder, even making a "gurgling" sound like an animal protecting its food.

Gu Fan, watching the show from the side, peeled a segment of an orange and stuffed it into his mouth, juice spraying everywhere.

"Dad, don't get so worked up."

While chewing the orange, Gu Fan gave a muffled live commentary, "As the saying goes, a child doesn't mind a mother's ugliness, and a dog doesn't mind a home's poverty. Third Sister is just expressing her deep love for you. This is what they call 'hitting is affection, scolding is love, and two bites show you're for real'."

"Look how focused and dedicated her bite is. It shows you chose your shoes well; they must have a very chewy texture."

"I suppose this is what they call... returning to one's roots?"

"Shut up! You rebellious son!"

With the help of two servants, Gu Zhan finally managed to pry Gu Linger off with great effort.

By now, his right shoe was chewed to shreds, and his foot was swollen like a freshly cooked braised pig's trotter.

Panting and drenched in sweat, Gu Zhan looked at Gu Fan with eyes full of hatred.

It was all because of this jinx!

In just half an hour since his return, the Gu Family had turned from a prestigious household into a circus!

"Gu Fan! What kind of Demonic Technique did you use on Linger?" Gu Zhan roared. "She's your own sister! You actually turned her into an idiot!"

"Whoa, I'm not taking the blame for this."

Gu Fan spread his hands innocently. "Everyone saw it just now; Third Sister insisted on performing some 'Mental Piercing' for me. Maybe because she stays up late binge-watching shows too often, her Mental Energy was overextended, causing that 'Mind-Opening' move to backfire on herself."

"This is a workplace injury, or an operational error. What does it have to do with me?"

"If I were you, I'd hurry and take her to a pediatrician. Maybe those last few remaining brain cells can still be saved."

"You're full of it!"

Gu Zhan had lost his mind with rage.

What backfire?

What operational error?

It was clearly this little animal's doing!

Though he didn't know what methods were used, as long as he dealt with him, all problems would be solved!

"Guards! Bodyguards! Where the hell are you!"

Gu Zhan slammed the armrest of his wheelchair, his roar echoing through the hall.

Thump, thump, thump!

A series of heavy footsteps approached.

Two two-meter-tall men with bulging muscles in black suits rushed in.

They were C-Rank Genetic Warriors hired by the Gu Family at high cost. Injected with the 'Berserk Black Bear' Gene Serum, they could overturn an armored vehicle with one hand. They were the Gu Family's elite enforcers.

"Master!" the two bodyguards shouted in unison, their voices booming.

"Get him! Take down this rebellious son!"

Gu Zhan pointed at Gu Fan, who was still leisurely peeling oranges on the sofa, and gave a sinister command, "Don't hold back! Just keep him breathing! Break his four limbs and throw him into the septic tank to sober up!"

"Yes!"

The two bodyguards looked at each other, a hint of cruelty flashing in their eyes.

Dealing with such a scrawny pretty boy was like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

"Kid, don't blame us for being rough. In your next life, remember to keep your eyes open!"

Bodyguard A grinned savagely, his large hand reaching for Gu Fan's shoulder with a whistling wind.

He already imagined the wonderful cracking sound when he crushed Gu Fan's collarbone.

Meanwhile, Bodyguard B wasn't idle either, delivering a powerful whip kick aimed straight at Gu Fan's knee.

With this kick, let alone a knee, even a steel bar would bend.

Gu Fan sat there, not even lifting an eyelid.

He was waiting.

Waiting for that pleasant System notification tone.

[Ding! Malice of physical violence detected from C-Rank Genetic Warriors.]

[Malice includes: Intent for comminuted fractures, intent for permanent disability.]

[Malice Rank: B+.]

[Backfire triggered! Multiplier: 15x.]

[Random effect generating... Since you like using your hands and feet so much, let them have a mind of their own for the rest of your lives.]

Just as Bodyguard A's fingers were 0.01 centimeters away from Gu Fan's shoulder...

A sudden change occurred.

Bodyguard A's face, originally filled with a cruel grin, suddenly became terrified.

His right hand actually defied his brain's command and took a sharp turn in mid-air.

Smack!

The slap landed squarely on his own left cheek.

The force was so great it even created a sonic boom.

Several teeth flew out, mixed with blood.

But that was only the beginning.

His left hand refused to be outdone and immediately slapped his right cheek in return.

Smack! Smack! Smack! Smack!

Bodyguard A was like a broken drum player, his hands swinging left and right, frantically beating his own face.

The frequency was so fast it left only afterimages.

Every slap was delivered with full strength—he was truly beating himself to death.

"No... mph... help... mph..."

He tried to speak, but the sequence of slaps gave him no chance to open his mouth. In just a few seconds, his face had swollen into a steamed bun.

On the other side, Bodyguard B's situation was even more tragic.

The leg he had kicked out suddenly suffered a bizarre neural signal malfunction in mid-air.

The original horizontal sweep was forced into... a vertical split.

And it was a 180-degree vertical split that exceeded the limits of the human body.

Crack!

Accompanied by the tooth-aching sound of snapping ligaments and tearing fabric.

Bodyguard B performed a textbook-perfect "vertical split" on the polished marble floor.

But for a burly man who had never practiced flexibility, this was pure torture.

Even more terrifying...

The crotch... "Riiip—"

His pants split open.

Followed by a dull sound, like an eggshell breaking.

Bodyguard B's eyeballs bulged so much they nearly popped out of their sockets. His face turned from red to white, from white to purple, and finally to a ghastly iron-blue.

"AAAAAAGH——————!!!"

A scream that didn't sound human erupted.

That kind of pain was an unbearable lightness of being, the deepest despair for any man.

He clutched his crotch with both hands, his body arched, twitching frantically in that perfect vertical split as he foamed at the mouth.

The room once again fell into a bizarre standstill.

Gu Fan hadn't even finished the half-orange in his hand.

He looked at the two burly men whose performance resembled performance art and marveled:

"Oh, not bad."

"One is performing 'Self-Slapping Rhythmic Storytelling,' and the other is doing 'Instant Iron Crotch Splits'."

"The hiring threshold for our family's bodyguards is quite high; you wouldn't dare take the job without some special talents."

Gu Zhan's brain completely short-circuited as he watched this scene.

Were these the elite bodyguards he had spent a fortune on?

How did they all turn into ridiculous clowns in front of Gu Fan?

Fear.

An unprecedented fear seized him.

But he was the head of the family after all; decades of authority made it impossible for him to bow his head before this rebellious son.

"You... what Demonic Technique did you use!"

Gu Zhan trembled with rage. He grabbed the mahogany cane next to him—if the bodyguards couldn't do it, he'd do it himself!

He lunged up from his wheelchair (despite the sharp pain in his tailbone) and raised the cane to strike Gu Fan.

"I'll beat you to death, you monster!"

Gu Fan watched the whistling cane with a hint of pity in his eyes.

"Dad, if I were you, I wouldn't do that."

"Because when people get old, certain sphincters... they might not be very obedient."

[Ding! Impulsive rage malice detected from 'Gu Zhan'.]

[Malice Rank: A.]

[Backfire triggered! Multiplier: 20x.]

[Random effect generating... Congratulations, you've selected: Flying Down Three Thousand Feet.]

[Effect description: It's time to give the intestinal tract a thorough spring cleaning.]

Gu Zhan's cane was just raised halfway.

His stomach.

Suddenly let out a loud roar.

"Gurgle—Boom!"

The sound was like a volcano that had been dormant for a thousand years suddenly erupting in that small abdominal cavity.

An irresistible, unbearable, overwhelming urge to defecate instantly crushed all his reason and defenses.

It wasn't just the feeling of needing a bathroom.

It was the feeling that if he didn't solve it immediately, his entire person would explode on a physical level.

Gu Zhan's face turned pale instantly, and cold sweat poured down his forehead like a waterfall.

The cane he held in mid-air froze.

His dignified expression twisted into an extremely strange shape.

"Pfft..."

An extremely ungraceful sound of gas escaping rang out.

Gu Zhan's whole body stiffened, and he clamped his legs shut tightly.

"Dad? Are you... trying to fart to liven things up?"

Gu Fan pinched his nose and shrank back with a face full of disgust. "But the pitch is a bit high."

"You... you..."

Gu Zhan was in no mood to scold anyone now.

He felt like a balloon filled by a high-pressure water hose, ready to burst at any moment.

The fear of spraying in public made him instantly lose all combat capability.

"Get out of the way! Everyone get out of my way!"

Gu Zhan dropped his cane and, in an extremely weird, pigeon-toed gait similar to a competitive-walking penguin, frantically rushed toward the bathroom on the first floor.

He didn't even want his wheelchair anymore.

That speed and posture completely broke the limits of his age and physical condition.

"Hey, run slower, watch out for that tailbone!"

Gu Fan called out "thoughtfully" from behind.

"Bang!"

The bathroom door was slammed shut.

Immediately after, earth-shattering sounds came from inside, as if someone were blasting a mountain.

Gu Fan shook his head and sighed helplessly.

"Why bother?"

"Wouldn't it be better for everyone to sit down and have a calm chat? You just had to make things so... flavorful."

In the hall at this moment.

Gu Yu was still playing dead on the floor (with a broken leg and fainted from fright).

Gu Linger was still playing with her saliva.

One bodyguard was still slapping himself, while the other was still clutching his crotch and twitching.

The eldest sister, Gu Qingluan, stood in the corner, her face exceptionally grim.

She couldn't speak (fearing she'd croak like a frog) and couldn't act (fearing she'd become the next bodyguard).

She stared fixedly at Gu Fan, her eyes wishing she could cut him into a thousand pieces.

She quietly reached into her pocket and tightly gripped a specially made encrypted communicator.

That was her final trump card.

The existence that could resolve all anomalies.

Gu Fan seemed to sense her gaze.

He turned his head and gave Gu Qingluan a brilliant smile.

"Eldest Sister, want to call for backup?"

"Go ahead and call."

"It just so happens the house is too quiet; call more people to liven things up."

After speaking, he clapped his hands and stood up.

"Alright, I'm tired of watching this farce."

"I'm going upstairs to check out my room."

"After all, now that the real young master is back, I can't keep sleeping on the streets, can I?"

He stepped out, walking toward the red-carpeted spiral staircase.

Leaving behind a total mess.