13: Never mess with a chef, especially one who can turn on you.

Night fell, and the lights of the Gu Family Manor remained brightly lit, though a sense of indescribable misery and absurdity permeated the glow.

At the long European-style dining table on the first floor, which could seat twenty people, the "remnants" of the Gu Family had finally gathered.

The atmosphere of this dinner was so eerie it rivaled a scene from a horror movie.

Gu Zhan, sitting at the head of the table, had three thick sponge cushions under his buttocks. Even so, half his body was suspended in the air, and he leaned against the armrest in a non-standard "side-plank" posture, his dignified face twitching from time to time due to the persistent throbbing pain in his tailbone.

To his left was Madam Li, her face wrapped in white bandages, leaving only a pair of sinister eyes and nostrils exposed.

Aside from the aroma of food, the air was faintly tinged with the smell of scorched protein and heavy burn ointment.

Further down was Gu Yu, whose right leg was in a cast and face was covered in gauze; he insisted on coming to the table even while sitting in a wheelchair.

His eyes wandered, occasionally casting spiteful glances across the table, his silver steak knife screeching against the plate.

Beside Gu Yu sat the silent Gu Qingluan.

This former ice goddess was now pursing her lips tightly, even wearing a silk scarf around her neck to hide her twitching throat.

Only a few spoonfuls of liquid food sat on the plate before her, clearly intended to prevent the embarrassing amphibian sounds she'd make if she opened her mouth to eat.

As for the furthest corner, there was Gu Linger, who had regressed into a "three-year-old baby."

A nanny was fastening a bib on her, while she was trying to shove a fork into the nanny's nostril, happily muttering, "Hole, digging a hole."

Only the second sister, Gu Wanqing, lowered her head and silently cut the broccoli on her plate, wishing she could shrink herself under the table.

"Is everyone here?"

Gu Fan had changed into a clean set of loungewear he had just scavenged from Gu Yu's wardrobe. It had to be said that although this fake brother's character was lacking, the fabric of his clothes was indeed excellent.

He swaggered down the stairs, pulled out the chair to Gu Zhan's right—the seat symbolizing the "eldest son"—and sat down.

"Looks like I made it just in time for dinner."

Gu Fan scanned the room with a smile, showing zero self-awareness as the "culprit." "Has our family's food standard dropped? Why does everyone look like they just ate a dead fly? Oh, right, Third Sister seems to be eating quite happily."

Slap!

Gu Zhan slammed his chopsticks onto the table. Just as he was about to lose his temper, a sharp pain shot through his tailbone, turning his intended curse into a Soul-stirring "Hiss—".

"Eat!"

Gu Zhan squeezed the word out through gritted teeth.

He had learned his lesson; if a head-on confrontation didn't work, he would resort to underhanded tactics.

A trace of malice flashed in Madam Li's eyes behind the bandages.

She raised her hand, which was also wrapped in gauze, and beckoned to a servant standing nearby.

"Serve the Young Master his soup."

Madam Li's voice was somewhat muffled due to her stiff facial muscles, but the gloominess in it could not be hidden. "This is a nourishing soup I specifically had the kitchen simmer for three hours. Fan'er just returned from the Forbidden Zone; his body is weak and needs proper nourishment."

The servant walked over carrying an exquisite porcelain bowl, her hands visibly trembling.

The lid was lifted.

An incredibly pungent herbal scent, even tinged with a hint of fluorescent green, wafted out.

The soup's color was a glowing green, a shade that made one's heart race with unease.

Not only had expired potent laxatives been added, but just in case, Gu Yu had "thoughtfully" mixed in some hallucinogens procured from the black market.

Once Gu Fan drank it, within ten minutes, he would perform as a "jet fighter" at the dining table, and under the influence of the hallucinogens, he would perceive it as a joyful fountain show.

This was the "Plan B" they had discussed all afternoon.

Since physical attacks were easily reflected, they would use a magical attack—poisoning.

Everyone's eyes were fixed on the eerily green soup in front of Gu Fan.

The corners of Gu Yu's mouth could no longer suppress a gloating smile as he screamed inwardly: Drink!

Drink it quickly!

Drink yourself to death, you bastard!

Gu Fan looked at the soup and stirred it with a spoon.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk."

"Mom, you're too good to me, aren't you?"

Gu Fan picked up the porcelain bowl and brought it to his nose to sniff. "This smell... it's a bit overpowering. Did you add some rare treasure? Why does it smell like... toilet cleaner mixed with expired mustard oil?"

"Nonsense!"

Madam Li's eyes flickered as she barked with feigned confidence, "This is a medicinal meal made with Arctic Snow Lotus and the essence of a hundred herbs! What does a country bumpkin like you know? Drink it quickly! This is your mother's token of affection!"

"Affection, huh..."

Gu Fan drawled with a meaningful tone.

[Ding! High concentration of biochemical malice detected.]

[Composition Analysis: Potent Croton Extract (near-lethal dose), Neurotoxic Hallucinogenic Mushroom Powder (Level 3 contraband).]

[Source of Malice: Madam Li (Mastermind), Gu Yu (Provider), Gu Qingluan (Aware but silent, and expectant).]

[Backfire triggered! Multiplier: 40x.]

[Random effect generating... Congratulations, selected: Karma Shift - "Internal Consumption" and "Equal Distribution."]

[Effect Description: The surprise prepared for others should naturally be tasted by oneself first. Given the extreme intensity of the malice, this backfire will deliver a dual blow—both physical and physiological.]

The smile on Gu Fan's face deepened.

He raised the porcelain bowl, making it look like he was about to take a sip.

Gu Yu gripped the wheelchair armrest so tightly he almost stood up in excitement.

Gu Qingluan's eyes widened as well.

Just as Gu Fan's lips were about to touch the liquid.

"Mom."

Gu Fan suddenly stopped, looking up at Madam Li. "Since this is such a good thing, and you're currently seriously injured, shouldn't you take the first sip?"

"I'm not drinking it! This was specifically for you!"

Madam Li reflexively refused.

But in the next second.

Her right hand seemed to have its nervous System forcibly hijacked by some invisible ghost.

It was a movement that completely defied human ergonomics.

She suddenly reached out with startling speed and snatched the porcelain bowl from Gu Fan's hand.

"Since you're so filial, I won't be polite!"

These words spilled uncontrollably from Madam Li's mouth, while her heart screamed in terror: No!

What am I doing!

That's poison!

Stop!

Stop now!

But her hand wouldn't listen at all.

Instead of stopping, she raised it high.

And then.

With a flick of her wrist.

Splash—

That bowl of scalding, green medicinal soup wasn't delivered to her mouth; instead, it was poured straight down from the top of her head.

Sizzle—

The scalding liquid flowed down the white bandages, instantly soaking through.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Madam Li let out a wail more wretched than a slaughtered pig.

Her already burned skin was now doused in high-temperature soup; it was like rubbing salt into a wound—no, like pouring sulfuric acid.

Even worse, the green soup flowed down the bandages into her mouth and nose.

She was forced to swallow several large gulps.

"Pfft... cough, cough, cough!"

Madam Li flailed her arms wildly, her facial bandages dyed a vibrant shade of green, looking like a green mummy that had just crawled out of a swamp.

But this was only the beginning.

The System's "Equal Distribution" effect took place.

The medicinal effects originally intended for Gu Fan were, according to the law of Karma, distributed equally among the other two sources of malice.

Gu Yu was staring dumbfoundedly, having not yet recovered from the shock of his mother dousing herself with hot soup.

Suddenly.

Grumble—

A thunderous roar erupted from his stomach.

It was an indescribable cramp, as if a hundred electric drills were working simultaneously in his intestines.

That Soul-piercing urge to defecate came without warning and was overwhelmingly powerful.

"Holy... crap..."

Gu Yu's face instantly turned the color of pig liver, and beads of sweat the size of beans rolled down his forehead.

At the same time, Gu Qingluan, sitting beside him, also stiffened.

Her aloof goddess posture instantly collapsed.

She squeezed her legs together tightly, her hands clutching her lower abdomen, her face turning deathly pale in an instant.

This was dozens of times the effect of the laxative.

Enough to make an elephant "jet" within three seconds.

"To... toilet..."

Gu Yu didn't care about the cast on his leg anymore; he frantically controlled the spare wheelchair, trying to sprint toward the first-floor bathroom.

"Get out of the way!"

Gu Qingluan didn't care about her inability to speak either; she stood up abruptly, knocking over her chair in the process.

"Ribbit—!"

A shrill frog croak burst from her mouth, but that was no longer important.

Right now, even if she turned into a toad in public, she had to claim that toilet.

The two scrambled to be the first to reach the bathroom.

"That's mine! My leg is broken! I have priority!"

Gu Yu roared in his mind.

"I'm your sister! Respect your elders!"

Gu Qingluan bellowed internally.

Just at the bathroom door, an accident occurred.

Because the wheelchair was moving too fast, it drifted out of control during the turn and got stuck in the door frame.

Gu Qingluan, following closely behind, couldn't brake in time and crashed directly into the back of the wheelchair.

Thud!

The two were squeezed into the doorway like a human pyramid, neither able to enter.

But the damned medicine wouldn't wait.

Pfft—

Splatter—

Following two desperate, continuous sounds of flatulence.

The air instantly froze.

An unspeakable stench quickly spread from the bathroom door toward the entire dining room.

Gu Yu closed his eyes in despair.

It was over.

Everything was over.

Gu Qingluan's body went limp, and she slid down the wheelchair, tears of humiliation streaming from the corners of her eyes.

"Ribbit..."

This frog croak was filled with endless desolation.

At the dining table.

Gu Zhan was stunned.

He looked at his wife, who was covered in green soup and still screaming, and then at his children, who had just soiled themselves in public at the doorway.

His mouth hung open, feeling as though his blood pressure had hit the roof.

"This... this..."

Only Gu Fan remained calmly seated.

He picked up his knife and fork, cut a piece of medium-rare steak, and elegantly chewed it.

The meat was succulent, the texture tender.

"Hmm, today's steak is well-seared, cooked just right."

While eating, Gu Fan watched the family drama unfold and casually wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

He turned to the servant, who was already dumbstruck with fear.

"Nanny Wang, although this soup is very nutritious, it seems my mother prefers applying it topically."

"Remember to prepare more next time. Look at her facial mask; it's so evenly applied."

"And..."

Gu Fan pointed at the two unlucky Souls at the door who were still questioning their life choices.

"Remember to remind them that this kind of performance art is better done in their rooms next time."

"Although we're family, this smell... it really affects the appetite."

Gu Fan shook his head, put down his utensils, and stood up.

"Second Sister."

He suddenly called out.

Gu Wanqing, who had been shrinking under the table, shuddered violently and looked up like a startled quail, her eyes full of terror.

"I assume you're full too?"

Gu Fan said with a smile. "Why don't you walk me back to my room? I happen to have some thoughts about this 'green soup' that I'd like to discuss with you."

Looking into Gu Fan's deep eyes, Gu Wanqing's hair stood on end.

But she glanced at the tragedy nearby.

Then she looked at the demonic brother before her.

Without any hesitation, even though her legs were as soft as noodles, she quickly stood up.

"Yes... yes... Brother Fan."

"I'll walk you."

In this foul-smelling, wailing luxury dining room.

Gu Fan, with his hands behind his back, humming a little tune and guided by his humble second sister, walked with composed steps out of this literal den of chaos.