81: Chapter 81 Battlefield Cleanup? No, this is collecting protection money.

The snoring in Thunder Roar Canyon rose in wave after wave, sounding much like a symphony in progress.

Gu Fan stretched, his bones popping and cracking.

He had slept soundly enough that he hadn't even had a single dream.

Rubbing his eyes, he looked at the "corpses" strewn all over the ground, especially Zhao Tiezhu, who was still sticking his butt out while hugging a pillow, and clicked his tongue twice.

"The quality of modern university students? Sleeping out in the open in broad daylight—where is the decorum?"

Gu Fan stood up from the sofa and casually kicked Zhao Tiezhu off his carpet.

"Wangcai, go wash your face. You've drooled all over my carpet."

Wangcai gave a wronged whimper.

It had been gnawing on braised ribs in its dream, but that kick had sent it back to reality. It could only droop its head and go to a nearby puddle to lick its fur.

"President, you're awake?"

Xiao Fan had woken up long ago and was standing guard like a door god, the frying pan in his hand polished to a shine.

"I counted. There are fifty-eight people in total. Aside from the four of us, everyone is lying here like a stiff."

" 'Lying like a stiff' sounds so unpleasant. This is called deep meditation."

Gu Fan corrected him, his gaze sweeping over these "sleeping beauties" like an old farmer looking at his own bountiful harvest.

"Xiao Fan, don't you think it's a bit too heavy for them to sleep with so many worldly possessions in these desolate mountains?"

Xiao Fan was stunned for a moment.

"Heavy? President, you mean..."

"Look at that one."

Gu Fan pointed at the wrist of the Blazing Rose president.

"Such a large gold-inlaid jade spatial bracelet—doesn't it dig into her wrist? Sleeping requires good blood circulation. If that thing constricts her, what happens if there's insufficient blood supply?"

He then pointed at the few Top-Grade Spirit Stones tightly clutched in Zhao Tiezhu's hand.

"And this. This stone has sharp edges. What if he rolls over and scratches his face? How sad would he be when he wakes up? As his classmates, can we just stand by and watch such a tragedy happen?"

Xiao Fan's eyes lit up.

"I understand!"

He was so excited his body was shaking.

"The President is teaching me the great wisdom of 'letting go'! To let them sleep more peacefully and prevent them from being troubled by worldly things when they wake up, we must help them bear this 'heaviness'! What a compassionate heart!"

"A student worth teaching."

Gu Fan nodded with satisfaction and waved his hand.

"Keep your movements light. Don't wake them up. One should be low-key when doing good deeds."

Thus, a brutal... no, a rescue mission full of humanitarian concern began.

Lin Xue was originally a bit hesitant, feeling that as a secret agent, doing this was a bit beneath her.

But when she rummaged through a long-legged girl's bag and found a limited edition 'Ice Muscle Jade Bone' skincare set, her eyes instantly changed.

"This thing... it'll be perfect to bring back for my second sister."

Lin Xue muttered while skillfully stuffing the entire set of cosmetics into her Storage Pouch.

"Anyway, she won't be able to use it while exposed to the elements in the canyon. It would be a waste if it expired."

Soon, the trio's division of labor became clear.

Xiao Fan was responsible for carrying the large items—Black Iron Heavy Armor, Alloy Battle Sabers, spare tents—anything that looked valuable, he stuffed under Gu Fan's sofa.

Gu Fan's sofa was like a bottomless pit; it could swallow any amount of items.

Lin Xue was in charge of the delicate work, specifically looting Medicinal Pills, Talismans, and some strange little gadgets.

She was fast; often with a single swipe of her hand, the other party's pockets would be empty.

As for Gu Fan, he was only responsible for the most core task—swiping cards.

Holding the point-swiping machine he had snatched from the Extreme Speed Society, he 'beeped' it against each sleeping person's point nameplate.

Beep! Iron Brotherhood, 8,800 points transferred out.

Beep! Mad Blade Society, 6,500 points transferred out.

Beep! Blazing Rose, 9,200 points transferred out.

That crisp electronic sound was the most beautiful music in the world to Gu Fan's ears.

With every beep, the Lying Flat Society's ranking on the leaderboard, which had been negative, jumped up a notch.

In less than ten minutes, the fifty-plus people on the field were basically left with nothing but their pure bodies, aside from their underwear and the small scraps of cloth covering their shame.

On the large screen in the academy's central plaza, a shocking jump in data occurred on the leaderboard.

First Place: Lying Flat Mutual Aid Society.

Points: 485,000.

Second Place: Divine Dragon Society.

Points: 42,000.

A massive gap.

A complete and utter crushing gap.

Inside the monitoring room, it was terrifyingly quiet.

Even the Dean of Students, who was used to big scenes, was currently gaping, not even reacting when his cigarette butt burned his hand.

"Is... is this within the rules?"

A new young instructor asked tremulously.

"The rules say... there are no restrictions on methods."

Dean of Students stubbed out the cigarette on the table, his mouth twitching.

"As long as he doesn't kill anyone, even if he strips them to their underwear and sells them, it's compliant with the rules."

"But..."

The young instructor looked at the screen where Gu Fan was using Zhao Tiezhu's bald head as a mirror. An indescribable sense of shame made him want to cover his face.

"This is too... too..."

Too shameless!

Ding! Detected 'speechless' malice from the instructors in the monitoring room.

Malice Evaluation: Extremely complex emotional entanglement.

malice points +1,500.

The notification sounded in Gu Fan's mind, making his mood even better.

Taking the last gold chain for protection off Zhao Tiezhu's neck and hanging it on Wangcai's, Gu Fan clapped his hands.

"Alright, we're done."

At that moment, Zhao Tiezhu suddenly rolled over and mumbled.

"Mom... braised pork... want more..."

Wangcai happened to lower its head, and its wet, hot tongue gave Zhao Tiezhu's shiny bald head a lick.

Slurp—

Zhao Tiezhu had a look of extreme happiness and satisfaction on his face, even rubbing against Wangcai's tongue as if he really was eating his mother's braised pork.

Watching this scene, Lin Xue silently turned her head away, her shoulders shaking violently.

Too wicked.

Seriously, she had never seen such a wicked person in her life.

When Zhao Tiezhu woke up and realized the "braised pork flavor" on his face was actually lion drool, he would probably sever his own Meridians on the spot.

"Let's go, let's go. This isn't a place to linger."

Gu Fan looked at the sky; the lightning in the clouds was starting to become restless again.

"These people will probably sleep for another two hours. We need to move before they wake up. I'm someone who fears trouble most, especially people crying and begging me to give them back their pants."

"President, are we walking?"

Xiao Fan shouldered his greatsword, ready to lead the way.

"Walk?"

Gu Fan looked at him as if he were an alien.

"The word 'walk' doesn't exist in my dictionary. If I can lie down, I won't sit; if I can slide, I won't walk."

He pointed at the pile of looted spoils, mainly the dozen or so heavy Tower Shields.

"Xiao Fan, it's time to show off your craftsmanship. String these shields together to make a sled. Let Wangcai pull it."

Five minutes later.

An extremely bizarre-looking vehicle was born.

A dozen elite-grade alloy Tower Shields were strung together with high-strength cables, and a thick layer of lubricant looted from the Extreme Speed Society was smeared underneath.

Gu Fan's golden lazy sofa was firmly fixed onto the shields.

In front, Wangcai had a bitter face, wearing a harness and acting as a sled dog.

"Let's go! Mush!"

Gu Fan lay on the sofa, even opening a parasol he had swiped from Blazing Rose, holding a bottle of iced cola, looking as relaxed as if he were on vacation in Hawaii.

Wangcai roared, its four legs exerting force, dragging this large mass across the muddy ground of Thunder Roar Canyon at high speed.

With the lubricant and the smooth surface of the Tower Shields, combined with Wangcai's brute strength, this "Shield Sled" was incredibly fast, leaving a deep trail in its wake with sparks and lightning flying.

Less than ten minutes after they left.

On the ground, a cool breeze blew past.

Zhao Tiezhu suddenly sneezed and woke up.

He sat up groggily, feeling a chill all over his body, and looked down.

He was naked.

Except for the red underwear with a bear pattern for his zodiac year, everything was gone.

Even the giant axe that had been with him for years was missing.

"My... my gear?! My points?!"

Zhao Tiezhu frantically felt around, and his hand touched a piece of paper.

It was left by Gu Fan, the handwriting incredibly sloppy.

[Seeing everyone sleeping so soundly, I was afraid the gear would dig into you, so I'm keeping it safe for you. No need to thank me, I'm a Good Samaritan. PS: Your head feels pretty good, very smooth.]

"GU——FAN——!!!"

A shrill roar that cracked with emotion echoed through the entire Thunder Roar Canyon.

"It's one thing to sleep me! But you even stripped me bare! You're not human!!!"

A few kilometers away, Gu Fan, who was sliding on the sled, twitched his ears and pulled his eye mask down a bit.

"Xiao Fan, did you hear something?"

Xiao Fan was in front giving Wangcai directions. The wind was too loud for him to hear clearly, so he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"What did you say, President?! I only heard what sounded like a wild boar in heat!"

Gu Fan nodded with satisfaction.

"Hmm, it seems the ecology of this canyon is quite good; the wildlife is very energetic. Wangcai, speed up, drift through that curve ahead. Don't spill your President's cola."