167: Chapter 167 Earth Instance: The Fighting Emperor's Barbecue Stand and the God of Magic's Local Area Network
Real World · China · S City Central Plaza.
This place was once a bustling commercial center, but now it has fallen into a paradise for conceptual monsters. Floating in the sky is a massive [Data Corruption Beast] composed of countless '404 Not Found' pop-up windows. On the ground, a hundred-meter-tall [Internet Troll Materialization] covered in keyboards is wreaking havoc. With every tap on its keyboard, it emits a materialized sound wave attack: 'U mad? You mad bro?' 'Is that it? Is that it?' 'If I scattered some rice on the keyboard, a chicken would write better than you!'
"Hold the line! We must hold!" Thunder War, wielding his [Ship-Slaying Saber], was leading hundreds of players who had materialized their abilities, struggling to hold on. Although they were well-equipped, they felt incredibly frustrated fighting these conceptual monsters with high 'mental pollution.' "Captain! We can't fight this thing! It doesn't just have high physical defense, it also has mental penetration!" One player covered his ears and shouted in pain, "It just called me 'trash who loves to play,' and my Dao Heart almost collapsed!"
Thunder War grit his teeth and slashed through a sound wave. "These are 'Keyboard Warrior' rules! Don't listen! Don't think! Use suppressive fire!" "Call for backup! Why hasn't the reinforcements from Tianhe Academy arrived yet?"
Just as the defensive line was about to collapse.
Rumble—! A deafening sonic boom suddenly echoed from the sky. Immediately after, a brilliant flash of fire tore through the gloomy clouds. It wasn't a missile, nor was it a meteor. It was... a horse. A horse made of Qi, shrouded in three-colored Heavenly Flames, and even equipped with a [Nitrous Oxide Accelerator] (player-modified version).
Sitting on the horse was a youth dressed in black robes, carrying a heavy ruler on his back. He held a skewer of Grilled Gluten he'd just swiped from a roadside stall, his mouth oily from eating. "Is this Earth?" Xiao Yan chewed the gluten and looked down at the troll monster still frantically tapping its keyboard, a hint of disdain flashing in his eyes. "So noisy." "No matter which world it is, only the weak boast with their mouths."
Xiao Yan reined in the horse with one hand (even though it was an energy entity) and slowly raised the other. "Students (referring to the players), watch closely." "This is the true... Physical Muting Technique."
He flipped his palm, and an exquisite fire lotus slowly emerged. But this fire lotus was different from before. At its center, it was no longer just pure Heavenly Flames, but embedded with a... Micro-Hydrogen Warhead (confiscated from players). "Angry Buddha Lotus: Nuclear Peace Edition." "Go!"
Whoosh—! The fire lotus turned into a streak of light, precisely stuffing itself into the troll monster's big mouth that was still blabbering.
"Gulp." The troll monster swallowed it. The next second. "You... you're not being honor— mmmph?!"
Rumble, rumble, rumble—!!! A thousand-meter-high mushroom cloud rose in the center of the city. Miraculously, however, the explosion didn't produce a shockwave to destroy the surrounding buildings; all the energy was perfectly confined within a spherical force field—that was Xiao Yan's ultimate control over fire. The high temperature instantly vaporized the troll monster, and even the materialized words like 'U mad' and 'Is that it' were burned into nothingness.
"Terrifyingly powerful..." The players below all looked up, watching the man calmly eating gluten atop the mushroom cloud, and let out heartfelt praise. "Is this the true value of a Dou Di?" "Not only is the blast precise, it even comes with an eco-friendly force field?" "Look! His pose coming down is so cool!"
Xiao Yan retracted the Heavenly Flames and landed his horse in front of Thunder War. He glanced at the Ship-Slaying Saber in Thunder War's hand and shook his head. "Nice weapon, but too clunky." "Also..." Xiao Yan pointed to a "Northeast BBQ Shop" that had survived the battle nearby. "Can anyone tell me where I can get that divine substance called 'Cumin'? I just had a taste, and it felt like my Heavenly Flames found their soulmate."
Thunder War: "..." He took a deep breath and shouted to the team members behind him: "Quick! To the supermarket! Bring all the Cumin powder and chili flakes here!" "Director Xiao wants to... perform Alchemy (grill meat)!"
...
Meanwhile · Earth Internet Data Center.
If Xiao Yan was responsible for purification on a physical level, then the Magic God was responsible for the "transcendence" on the information level. At this moment, this Supreme from the magic world was standing in the middle of the server room. He didn't use a staff to hit the servers, but instead... turned himself into a stream of data.
Since studying programming at Tianhe Academy, the Magic God's understanding of "elements" had undergone a qualitative leap. In his eyes, wind, fire, thunder, and lightning were elements, and 0s and 1s were also elements.
[Consciousness Dive: Global Internet.] [Current Status: Administrator (Self-appointed).]
In the network world, that massive [Data Corruption Beast] was frantically devouring humanity's information network. Everywhere it went, bank Systems crashed, traffic lights flickered wildly, and all web pages became "404." It was a conceptual monster formed by humanity's fear and anxiety over being "offline."
"Foolish creation." A grand voice echoed within the network's underlying code. The Magic God's figure appeared before the corruption beast. He was no longer an old man in robes, but a giant of light composed of countless lines of golden C++ code.
"You think chaos is power?" The Magic God extended a finger and lightly tapped the void. "In my BGM (Background Code), no one can report an error."
"Forbidden Spell: Formatting Great Prophecy!" "sudo rm -rf / (In the name of God, delete everything)!"
Buzz—! A command that couldn't be intercepted by any firewall instantly pierced through the core of the corruption beast. The beast let out a piercing electronic scream: "No! I am a BUG! I am irreparable!" "You can't delete me! This doesn't comply with the TCP/IP protocol!"
"Protocol?" The Magic God sneered. "I am the protocol." "I am... the firewall."
Enter key, pressed.
Snap! The massive corruption beast instantly disintegrated, turning into countless green "OK" characters. Immediately after, the Magic God waved his hands, and countless repair codes rained down on the global network like a meteor shower. Paralyzed bank Systems rebooted. Flickering traffic lights returned to normal. Even the 'study material' folders hidden in some players' computers were conveniently... encrypted and backed up by the Magic God (as research material).
...
Real World · Bureau of Unusual Affairs Command Hall.
The Minister of Technology looked at the global network monitoring map on the large screen, which had instantly turned green (restored to normal), and slumped into his chair. "A miracle... this is a miracle..." "That old man... no, that Magic God, he rewrote the underlying architecture of the global internet in one second!" "The current network latency... is actually 0ms?!" "And... it seems he also 'physically transcended' several foreign hacker bases (their computers exploded)."
The Director looked at the Magic God on the screen, who was now eating BBQ with Xiao Yan, his expression complex. "Is this... aid from a high-dimensional civilization?" "One treats nuclear bombs like fireworks, and the other treats the internet like his own backyard." "To them, our Earth... is probably just a Newbie Village."
...
S City · Before the BBQ stall.
The crisis was resolved. Xiao Yan and the Magic God were sitting on small plastic stools by the roadside, with hundreds of lamb skewers in front of them. Thunder War and a group of special forces members acted as waiters, frantically sprinkling Cumin.
"Old Magic, try this." Xiao Yan handed over a skewer of kidneys, "This stuff might not have as much energy as Demonic Beast meat, but this seasoning called 'Cumin' has simply breathed Soul into it."
The Magic God took the kidney, took a bite, and his eyes lit up. "Mmm... excellent sensory feedback." "I just analyzed its chemical composition and found it can stimulate dopamine secretion. This kind of low-cost happiness is indeed what the Cultivation World lacks." "When I go back, I'm taking a few tons with me."
"Taking a few tons?" Xiao Yan laughed, "I'm going to buy the recipe for this 'Northeast BBQ' and open a branch back at Tianhe Academy." "I've already thought of the name, it'll be called... [Heavenly Flame BBQ]." "The slogan will be 'Nuclear-heated, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.'"
As the two chatted and laughed, more and more brave citizens and players gathered around. Countless phones were aimed at them, snapping photos. The livestream chat rooms were exploding: [Holy crap! Is that Xiao Yan?! A living Xiao Yan?!] [That ruler! That fire lotus! It's definitely him!] [The Magic God's code forbidden spell just now was so cool! I want to learn programming!] [Requesting an autograph! Requesting a photo! Please take me with you for Ascension!]
A bold female streamer approached, tremblingly handing the microphone to Xiao Yan's mouth: "Um... Great Flame Emperor, what is your impression of Earth? Besides fighting monsters, do you have any other plans for this visit?"
Xiao Yan wiped the grease from the corner of his mouth and gave the camera a brilliant (and slightly arrogant) smile. "The impression is good, the ingredients are very rich." "As for the plan..." He pointed to the sky above. "Our Dean said it." "Earth is too small, we need to broaden our horizons." "We plan to build a... [Tianhe Academy · Earth Branch] here." "Specifically recruiting... the 'fourth calamity' who have active imaginations and dare to think and act."
Boom! This sentence, through the livestream signal, instantly ignited the entire world. A branch?! A cultivation university is going to open right at our doorstep?!
...
Thirty-Third Heavens · Star Gazing Platform.
Li Mo looked at the fanatical atmosphere on Earth and nodded with satisfaction. "The groundwork is almost complete." "Xiao Yan and the Magic God's 'roadshow' was very successful." "Now, the Earthlings' acceptance of 'cultivation' has reached its peak."
He turned around and looked at the massive [black box] behind him. Inside the box, the [Rule Ink] snatched from the Narrative Layer Disciplinary Committee and the [Core Code] snatched from the Main God Space were being sealed. There was also the [World Origin] contributed by countless discarded draft worlds.
"T-9." "Present." "Start the [Ultimate Fusion Program]." A frantic light flickered in Li Mo's eyes. "I don't just want to build a branch." "I want to... bundle Earth, pangu-003, and those discarded worlds together..." "And refine them into a... true [New World]."
"Dean, you mean..." T-9 said in shock.
"That's right." Li Mo picked up the spring and autumn brush and drew a massive circle in the void. "Refining once more... the earth, fire, water, and wind." "Let reality and illusion merge completely." "Let everyone on Earth... be like a Dragon."