89: Chapter 89 Fatal Error: Villain Character Design Failed to Load
The world was getting stranger and stranger. If the previous "missing Physics engine" and "pixelated clouds" were barely acceptable, what was happening now was simply challenging the limits of human sanity.
Second floor of the Scripture Pavilion. Li Mo was frantically tapping on a virtual keyboard in front of him (actually gesturing in the Void Realm). On the screen, countless red error pop-ups were falling like snowflakes.
[Warning: NPC behavior logic module conflict.] [Error Description: "Persona files" for some high-level Cultivators are missing, resulting in random personality resets.] [Scope of Impact: Server-wide.]
"Oops, I was careless." Li Mo scratched his hair with a look of annoyance. "When I was modifying the code just now, I accidentally set the priority of the 'Hate System' below 'Life Skills.' This is trouble."
What did this mean? It meant that those Devil Heads who were originally supposed to kill without blinking might now have their primary task as... embroidery? Or farming?
"Squeak." The Treasure-Seeking Rat jumped onto the table and pointed out the window. On the plaza of the Heavenly River Sword Sect, a certain grumpy Elder who was originally about to go on a rampage because he "didn't get a hard hat" was now squatting on the ground with a kind face... feeding sugar to ants. He was even muttering, "Eat, eat, all living beings are equal, we must have love."
Li Mo covered his face. "This art style... is too broken." "No, I have to write a patch quickly. Otherwise, this Cultivation World will turn into a 'Sunset Red Nursing Home'."
...
Meanwhile, five hundred miles away from the Heavenly River Sword Sect at "Black Wind Ridge."
This was a famous gathering place for villains in the Cultivation World; within a hundred-mile radius, even a passing dog would get kicked twice. However, at this moment, Chu Linger was standing in front of the Gathering Hall of Black Wind Ridge, her expression as complicated as if she had been constipated for three days.
She had originally been passing through here, intending to conveniently complete a "eliminate evil and protect the peaceful" side quest. But the current scene made her hand tremble slightly as she held her sword, unable to pull it out.
Inside the Gathering Hall, there was none of the blood and slaughter one would imagine. Instead, the terrifying "Black Wind Stronghold Master," a Golden Core Stage villain—One-Eyed Dragon—was currently wearing a pink apron, holding a spatula, and busily working in front of a stove.
"Boys! The heat is right! Out of the pot!" One-Eyed Dragon roared, his voice still rough and overbearing, but what he said was: "This 'Sweet and Sour Spare Ribs' must be simmered over a low heat to lock in the freshness of the juices!"
Below the stage, several hundred bandits who should have been ferocious were now neatly gathered around the dining tables, chopsticks in hand, eagerly waiting for the meal to start. There was no Killing Intent, only the aroma of food.
"Is... is this an illusion?" Chu Linger rubbed her eyes. She suspected she had fallen into some advanced bewitching formation.
"No, this isn't an illusion." Li Mo's voice rang in her mind again, carrying a hint of embarrassment. "This is... a System bug. That One-Eyed Dragon's 'Villain Driver' crashed, and the System automatically loaded the backup 'Chef' template for him."
"Then what should I do now?" Chu Linger asked. "Should I still kill him?" Looking at the happy One-Eyed Dragon who was serving food to his subordinates, she really couldn't bring herself to do it. The scene was too heartwarming; killing him felt like it would invite divine retribution.
"Don't worry, the System is attempting an automatic repair." Just as Li Mo's voice faded, a sudden change occurred.
Zzt-zzt— A sound of electric current suddenly came from the air. One-Eyed Dragon, who was portioning out the ribs, suddenly froze. His left eye (the one that was originally blind) suddenly flashed with a red light, while his originally kind right eye remained dazed.
[System Prompt: Reloading 'Extreme Evil' personality... Loading progress: 50%...]
"I... I'm going to kill you all!" One-Eyed Dragon suddenly let out a roar, the spatula in his hand raised abruptly, bringing with it a sharp Killing Intent. But his next sentence was: "...Because you don't eat green peppers! Children who are picky eaters are not good children!"
Total silence. The bandits were so scared they dropped their chopsticks. What was wrong with the boss? Was he going to give a lecture on nutrition before killing people?
"It's a loading conflict." Li Mo sighed. "Right now, he's in a superposition of 'Serial Killer' and 'Michelin Chef.' This state is very dangerous. Once the logic completely collapses, he will treat everything around him as ingredients."
Sure enough, One-Eyed Dragon's expression began to twist. He looked at Chu Linger, the red light in his eyes intensifying. "You... you are a Righteous Path Cultivator!" Murderous intent surged. "...Your meat is very firm, suitable for making... Steamed Lion's Head Meatballs!" The Killing Intent instantly turned into an appetite.
Boom! The pressure of the Golden Core Stage erupted. One-Eyed Dragon brandished the spatula—originally used for cooking but now enveloped in terrifying spiritual power—and charged at Chu Linger. "Prepare to die!! ...Become delicious!"
Chu Linger's scalp tingled. What was this? Being attacked as an ingredient? This was more insulting than a simple battle!
"Master! Give me a solution, quick!" she shouted in her heart while dodging the giant spatula.
"Don't panic, open your copy of 'Introduction to Computer Science'." Li Mo directed calmly. "Turn to page 404."
Chu Linger opened it as instructed. On that page was a strange icon: a rotating hourglass, with a line of text below it: [Task Manager: Force End Process]
"Select him, then recite the command."
Looking at the One-Eyed Dragon who had already fallen into madness, shouting "slaughter" one moment and "add salt" the next, Chu Linger took a deep breath, reached out her finger, and pointed it at the center of his forehead from a distance.
"End Task!"
Weng— A flash of white light. One-Eyed Dragon's movements instantly froze. He remained in the posture of raising the spatula, his facial expression frozen between ferocity and tenderness, looking both hilarious and eerie.
Then, his body began to flicker like a poorly connected holographic projection. A few seconds later, a line of gray text appeared above his head: [Program Not Responding.]
Thump. One-Eyed Dragon fell straight down, fast asleep. But the spatula in his hand was still held tightly, as if guarding his last bit of stubbornness.
"Phew..." Chu Linger wiped away cold sweat. "This Cultivation World... is really getting harder and harder to understand."
Just then, the bandits finally reacted. The boss was down; should they attack? However, before they could draw their blades, that familiar mechanical voice rang out again over Black Wind Ridge:
[Ding! Large amount of idle labor (bandits) detected.] [System automatically dispatching orders...] [Dispatch successful. Task Name: 'Ele.me' Food Delivery (Cultivation Version).] [Task Description: Since your boss is such a good cook, don't let it go to waste. As of today, Black Wind Stronghold is transformed into 'Black Wind Catering Group,' responsible for lunch box delivery within a five-hundred-mile radius.]
Bandits: "???"
The next moment, the machetes in their hands suddenly turned into yellow thermal boxes. The ferocious tiger-skin skirts they wore also turned into uniform blue uniforms.
"Deliver the food, or die (erased by rules)." Li Mo's voice came coldly. "Choose."
One minute later. On Black Wind Ridge, thousands of bandits riding Flying Swords, carrying thermal boxes, charged in all directions with tears in their eyes. "Your meal has arrived! Please give a five-star review, dear!" Their voices were shrill and heart-wrenching.
Chu Linger stood in front of the empty Gathering Hall, looking at the increasingly thick book in her hand, lost in deep thought. "Is Master... trying to save the world, or turn it into one giant joke?"
...
Inside the Scripture Pavilion. Li Mo looked at the "blue dots" (delivery men) lighting up on the map and closed his computer with satisfaction. "This is called optimal resource allocation." "Alright, now that the livelihood issues are solved, it's time to solve some big problems."
His gaze turned to the northernmost tip of the map. There was a dark zone labeled as the "Mojibake Zone." And in that darkness, a huge, flashing red progress bar was slowly loading.
[Version 2.1: Abyss DLC (Downloading... 98%)]
"Xiao Hei's hometown is about to go online?" Li Mo's eyes narrowed slightly, his fingers tapping gently on the table. "I hope the internet speed over there isn't too fast; my Firewall... hasn't been built yet."