58: Chapter 58 The truth behind ascension is "serving the food," and the Heavenly River Sword Sect's "refusal to be served" statement.
Heavenly River Sword Sect, second floor of the Scripture Pavilion.
Li Mo sat at the old wooden desk that had kept him company for who knows how many years.
In front of him lay an open notebook exuding an aura of ancient vicissitudes—the "ancient god medical record book."
Outside the window, the sky was clear. After a thrilling "plane-level minimally invasive surgery," the Spiritual Qi in this world was so thick it was almost inseparable, with its concentration having skyrocketed dozens of times.
In the plaza, Gu Canghai was rolling up his sleeves, spitting as he directed a group of Disciples.
They were... planting trees.
"Kong Gong! Yes, you! This hole isn't dug deep enough! Did you read "Plant Neurology" into a dog's stomach? The dragon vein nodes are the landlord's (Ancient God) nerve endings; you must precisely graft the roots of the 'Soothing Grass' onto them to effectively relieve his morning grumpiness!"
Beneath his hard hat, Kong Mengchang's lenses flashed with light. He adjusted his brim and corrected him sternly: "Dean Gu, according to "Civil Engineering," this is called a pile depth that does not meet the standard."
"And you! Deputy Minister Lei!" Gu Canghai pointed to the other side again, "Don't stand there like a lightning rod! Come over and set up the 'High-Voltage Micro-Current Stimulation Formation' for this newly reclaimed medicinal field! Promoting excellent genetic mutations in Spiritual Plants is a Nobel Prize-level project!"
The entire Heavenly River Sword Sect was permeated with a strange aesthetic combining "Scientific Cultivation" and "Cyber Farming," full of vibrant vitality.
Only Li Mo frowned deeply.
His fingertips rested on the thirteenth page of the medical record book, the paper under his skin icy cold.
On that page was a crude human meridian diagram, marked with striking "boils" in blood-red cinnabar.
The distribution of these boils was exactly the same as the legendary "Blessed Lands" in the Cultivation World.
What made his scalp tingle even more was the cold annotation written in small script below the diagram.
[Symptom manifestation: Excessive proliferation of bacterial colonies (Cultivators) in the body, stealing nutrients from the host (Ancient God). Some strong strains attempt to escape the body through the 'excretory orifice' (Ascension Channel).]
[Treatment plan: Periodically initiate the 'Harvesting Procedure' (Lightning Tribulation), screening for the most excellent quality strains.]
[Note: Transport the screened 'plump strains' (Tribulation Transcendence stage experts) through the channel to the 'outside of the body' as reserve food for the 'parasitic source'.]
Li Mo closed the medical record book.
A slight sound, exceptionally clear in the silent Scripture Pavilion.
The corners of his mouth lifted into a temperatureless arc.
"So the so-called 'Immortal Ascension'..."
"Is nothing more than mature leeks, neatly harvested and served on the dining table."
"And those high and mighty 'Immortal Realm' are not some pure land of ultimate bliss at all..."
"They are merely diners, parasitic outside the corpse of the Ancient God, waiting to be fed."
No wonder.
No wonder that since ancient times, those who ascended were like crucian carp crossing a river, yet not a single word had ever been passed back to the Lower Realm.
Dead people cannot speak.
Food that has been eaten clean, even less so.
Just then, a frantic, out-of-tune sound of footsteps came from outside the door.
"Mr. Li! Mr. Li, something big has happened!"
The newly appointed Disciplinary Committee Director, Sima Xing, clutched a gold-stamped "Employee Handbook" tightly, rushing in with a panicked expression, as if the sky were falling.
"What? Are those old fogies from the Central Plains Immortal Alliance sending an inspection team to 'send warmth' again?" Li Mo didn't even lift his eyelids.
"It's not sending warmth!"
Sima Xing gasped for air, his face as pale as paper, "It's... it's a 'Favor'! It's the highest directive issued by the Central Plains Immortal Alliance... specially approved Ascension!"
Li Mo's movements paused.
"Speak clearly."
"Because we successfully 'suppressed the Southern Wasteland dragon vein riot,' the Immortal Alliance judged that the Southern Wasteland's Luck has greatly increased, and our Karma is immeasurable! Therefore... they specially approved the Heavenly River Sword Sect... for the entire Sect to ascend!"
Sima Xing's voice was trembling.
"The Ascension Light... is already on its way!"
...
Almost at the same time, in the plaza, cheers erupted like a landslide or tsunami, piercing the clouds.
"Ascension! Our Sect is going to ascend as a whole!"
"Ancestor Master above! As a small Golden Core Stage Cultivator, I never dared to dream of catching the bus to Ascension!"
"Quick! Quickly bring my copy of the "Complete Guide to Postpartum Care for Spiritual Pigs"! When I get to the Immortal Realm, I will also dedicate my life to the pig-farming industry of the Immortal Realm!"
The Disciples, who didn't know the truth, were ecstatic, their faces glowing as if they had already seen the path to longevity beckoning to them.
In the crowd, only Gu Canghai and Kong Mengchang looked at each other, seeing the gravity in each other's eyes.
"Old Kong, don't you think this matter... is a bit too smooth?" Gu Canghai lowered his voice, his eyes full of suspicion, "We just lulled the landlord to sleep, and the 'property management' outside the landlord is urging us to move? How could there be such a good thing in the world?"
"When things are abnormal, there must be demons."
Kong Mengchang pushed up the hard hat on his head, his lenses reflecting the sky light, looking unfathomable, "According to Chapter 3, Section 1 of "Basic Logic": Pies don't fall from the sky, only traps do. There is a huge logical gap between the input conditions and the output results of this 'Favor'."
Just as they were whispering.
Boom—!!!
The sky cracked open without warning.
A brilliant nine-colored Immortal light, like a river flowing backwards, broke through the clouds and descended, instantly enveloping the entire Heavenly River Sword Sect.
The light was sacred and vast, and the Immortal Spiritual Qi contained within it was so thick that every Cultivator's pores opened comfortably.
Within the light, Immortal sounds lingered, and illusions of jade buildings and cranes flying among clouds appeared and disappeared, constructing a paradise that people yearned for infinitely.
A grand, ethereal voice, devoid of any emotion, descended from the beam of light, resounding in everyone's heart.
"Heavenly River Sword Sect, receive the decree!"
"In view of your meritorious service in suppressing chaos and your profound blessings, you are specially granted... Ascension for the whole Sect!"
"Enter the reception channel quickly, take your place among the Immortals, and enjoy ten thousand years of leisure!"
This voice carried an irresistible magic.
Many Disciples with lower cultivation had their eyes instantly become blurred, infatuated smiles appearing on their faces, their bodies floating uncontrollably toward the beam of light.
"So fragrant... it smells like braised pork... mom's cooking..."
"Fairies... so many beautiful fairy sisters are waving at me..."
Seeing that the first batch of Disciples was about to be sucked into the beam of light.
"Eating shit in your dreams?"
A lazy voice, carrying a bit of electronic distortion, abruptly cut off the sacred and solemn background music.
Zzz— Zzz—
The amplification Formation on top of the Scripture Pavilion let out a piercing screech.
Li Mo appeared on the balcony of the Scripture Pavilion at some point, one hand in his pocket, holding a large brass megaphone in the other, his voice drowning out the Immortal music in the sky.
"Attention everyone—!"
"About—face!"
"Target, Sect Canteen! Hundred-meter dash—run!"
"Whoever dares to move another half step into that shitty beam of light, I will have Director Kong give him a special session of "Ideological and Moral Cultivation and Marxist Philosophy" for a whole semester!"
This shout was even more effective than the Nine Heavens Divine Thunder.
Those Disciples who were originally floating in the air, upon hearing the words "Ideological and Moral," had the fear of being dominated in the depths of their Souls instantly awakened.
They shuddered violently, their bodies reacting faster than their brains. With a sharp brake, they did an about-face and, with the fastest speed in their lives, ran away from the deadly beam of light like crazy.
The scene was very chaotic, yet very orderly.
In the sky, the grand voice clearly stuttered.
"Audacious!"
"This is a gift from the Heavenly Dao, a supreme Opportunity! You ants, how dare you disobey the decree?!"
"Opportunity?"
Li Mo sneered, his figure suddenly disappearing from the balcony.
The next moment, he had appeared in front of the beam of light that penetrated the sky and earth.
He raised his eyes.
[Eye of True Sight], activated.
In an instant, all the disguises before him were stripped away.
The sacred and vast Immortal light, in his eyes, turned into a giant esophagus covered in barbs, dripping with thick saliva, and constantly wriggling.
Those magnificent jade buildings were merely hallucinogenic mucus secreted by the esophageal wall, refracting mirages.
And at the end of the channel, deep within the so-called "Immortal Realm," giant mouths that could not be described in words were opening and closing in the darkness, greedily waiting for the "food" to be delivered automatically.
"If you are inviting us to be a dish, then this Opportunity..."
Li Mo's gaze turned cold.
"I don't want it."
He slowly raised the spring and autumn brush in his hand, and against the "esophagus" that was still exuding a sacred aura, he fiercely drew a blood-red "×".
"From today on, the Heavenly River Sword Sect issues the first Sect declaration."
Li Mo's voice became cold and domineering through the amplification Formation, spreading to every corner of this world.
"We refuse to be served."
His voice paused, and he cracked a sinister smile.
"Not only will we not be served, but today, I am going to flip this table of yours!"
Before the words fell!
The "dragon vein heavenly book" in Li Mo's hand turned without wind, flipping to a certain page with a rustle.
[Entry Activated: Forced Classification (Advanced Version)!]
[Specified Target: Immortal Light (Attribute: Digestive Tract).]
[Execute Operation: Attribute Reversal, Function Modification.]
"Change for me!"
Li Mo shouted, and the tip of the spring and autumn brush heavily dotted the Void Realm!
Hum—!!!
That sacred nine-colored Immortal light, like a giant beast whose throat was strangled, suddenly twisted and expanded violently!
The originally irresistible suction force was reversed in an instant, turning into a violently unparalleled... repulsive force!
"Reception" was forcibly modified by Li Mo in the crudest way into "Excretion"!
"Ugh—!!!"
A vague and painful retching sound seemed to come from another dimension.
Immediately afterwards, in the horrified eyes of everyone, a large amount of black sludge, foul-smelling exhaust gas, and countless indescribable solid residues poured down along the Immortal light channel that was originally used for Ascension, just like a burst septic tank!
That was the metabolic waste that the "Immortal Realm" had accumulated for hundreds of millions of years.
"Holy shit! What the hell is that? Why does it smell worse than Old Wang's outhouse?!"
"Run! Shit is falling from the sky!!"
The Disciples in the plaza instantly scattered like birds and beasts, fleeing with their heads covered.
But Li Mo stood where he was, neither dodging nor avoiding.
He looked at the "Immortal Realm trash" falling from the sky, his eyes not filled with disgust, but shining with the light of seeing a Treasure Trove.
"Good stuff, it's all good stuff."
He muttered to himself.
"This is energy waste discharged by high-dimensional life forms. Although it looks a bit bad, the Spiritual Qi and Law fragments contained within are simply the best of the best to use as fertilizer for our 'Soothing Grass'!"
"Gu Canghai! Kong Mengchang!"
Li Mo roared downwards.
"Here!" The two crawled out from under a stone table in a sorry state.
"Stop hiding! Immediately organize the Logistics Department, bring all the Storage Pouch and Magic Treasure manure buckets, and catch it for me!"
Li Mo kicked away a foul-smelling black crystal (the Immortal Realm's discarded energy core) that fell at his feet, his voice like a bell.
"This is 'Golden Kela' fallen from the sky! With this stuff, our Spiritual field yield will directly increase by one hundred times!"
"Huh? Catch... catch shit?" Gu Canghai was completely stunned.
"This is called 'Interstellar Resource Strategic Recovery'! Do you understand?!"
Li Mo roared, "Get moving! Don't waste a single drop! This is the aged shit of the Immortal Realm, a great tonic!"
And so.
A "Whole Sect Ascension Ceremony" that should have been solemn, sacred, and glorious for eternity completely degenerated into a vigorous, foul-smelling "Collective Manure Collection Movement."
The Disciples of the Heavenly River Sword Sect, who were ecstatic about ascending to immortality the second before, were pinching their noses the next second, waving engineering shovels, packing up the high-energy organic fertilizer pouring down from the "Immortal Realm," preparing to transport it to various Spiritual fields.
And at the end of the channel.
The "Immortal Realm breeder" responsible for the reception, looking at the channel that suddenly sprayed backwards, smearing his own face with his own aged trash, fell into a long and profound... philosophical reflection.
This group of "bacterial colonies" growing so well down there...
How did they not only fail to mature on time, but also learn how to... ruminate and spit?