85: Chapter 85 Before destroying the world, please fill out the "Demolition Application Form".
If the previous "safety helmets" and "mazes" were merely physical torment, then the scene that followed was a dimensional strike against the Soul.
Butcher Xiao led his one hundred thousand Black Armored Army, wearing those ridiculous little yellow hats, and with great difficulty, followed those damned road signs—alternating between walking on their hands and performing shamanic dances—until they finally emerged from the maze. However, what appeared before them was not the mountain gate of the Heavenly River Sword Sect, but a row of Service Windows that appeared out of thin air, suspended in mid-air.
It was a row of grey, lifeless windows, each hanging a cold sign: [Window 1: Violence Approval], [Window 2: Formation Dismantling Service], [Window 3: Killing Intent Identification Department], [Window 4: Last Will Notarization Office].
In front of all the windows, a semi-transparent red light curtain blocked the way, with a line of large scrolling text: [Please queue in a civilized manner and wait for your number to be called. Current number of people in queue: 0.]
"Playing god! Break for me!" Butcher Xiao was on the verge of exploding. As a dignified martial arts powerhouse at Foundation Establishment Perfection and a half-step into the Golden Core realm, when had he ever endured such nonsense? The war blade in his hand suddenly slashed out, and a hundred-zhang-long blood-colored blade light, carrying an Aura that could destroy everything, slammed fiercely toward the row of windows.
[Beep! Violation detected.] That cold mechanical voice sounded again. [According to the "Administrative Service Hall Management Regulations," loud shouting and the use of force are prohibited in the office area. Violators will be forced into a Cool-off Period.]
Buzz— The moment the blade light touched the red light curtain, it actually disappeared like a clay ox entering the sea. Immediately after, Butcher Xiao felt his entire body tighten. His dark gold precious armor, which was strong enough to withstand a Flying Sword, suddenly turned into... a blue-and-white striped Patient Gown. Even more ridiculous, the war blade in his hand was gone, replaced by a steaming cup of Health Tea with chrysanthemum and goji berries.
"This... what is this?!" Butcher Xiao looked at the thermos in his hand in horror. He tried to circulate his internal true essence, only to find his Dantian empty, as if all his power had been "Sealed" by this Patient Gown, leaving only a sense of lethargy known as "just wanting to retire."
"Marquis! Your... your Killing Intent is gone!" the adjutant exclaimed. At this moment, Butcher Xiao did not look like a god of slaughter, but rather like an old man walking his birds in a park, so kind-hearted it was terrifying.
"Customer A001, please proceed to Window 1 for service." The mechanical voice sounded again. A light slip of paper appeared in Butcher Xiao's hand out of thin air, with [A001] written on it.
With trembling hands, Butcher Xiao walked toward Window 1, uncontrolled—or rather, coerced by the rules. There was no one sitting inside the window, only a pitch-black hole from which a business-like voice emerged (Li Mo had used a Voice-Changing Talisman): "What are you here for?"
"This Marquis... I want to destroy the Heavenly River Sword Sect!" Butcher Xiao gritted his teeth, trying to reclaim a bit of dignity.
"Oh, applying for sect destruction, I see." A thick stack of forms, nearly half a meter high, was tossed out of the window. "Fill these out first."
Butcher Xiao looked at the pile of forms, his eyes nearly popping out. "Large-scale Violent Conflict Application Form," "Environmental Impact Assessment Report," "Intangible Cultural Heritage Building (Tianhe Sword Sect Mountain Gate) Demolition Permit," "Compensation Budget for Casualties," "Waste Sorting Commitment for Post-Sect Destruction"...
"I... I'm here to kill people! I still have to fill out forms?!" Butcher Xiao roared.
"Not filling them out?" The voice in the window turned a few degrees colder. "Not filling them out is Illegal Construction. Illegal Construction will result in being detained by Urban Management Officer... ahem, by the Law of the Heavenly Dao. You wouldn't want your army of a hundred thousand to be turned into stone bollards by the roadside, would you?"
Butcher Xiao looked back. He saw his subordinates now squatting on the ground one by one, each holding a pen and a "Temporary Entry Personnel Registration Form," scratching their heads as they wrote. The originally bloodthirsty Vanguard Officer was currently staring at a column on the form labeled "History of Mental Illness," lost in thought. "Marquis... how do I fill this out? If I put 'None,' will he think my motive for killing isn't pure? If I put 'Yes,' will he cancel my qualification to kill?"
Everything went dark before Butcher Xiao's eyes. At this moment, he finally understood the terror of that "Hidden Saint." How was this a battle of techniques? This was an attack on the heart! The opponent didn't treat him as a rival at all, but as a troublesome citizen coming to "conduct business," using endless processes and procedures to forcefully grind down his sharp edges.
"I'll fill it out..." Butcher Xiao tremblingly picked up the pen. That hand, accustomed to holding a blade and severing countless heads, now held a light brush that felt as heavy as a thousand tons.
...
Scripture Pavilion, second floor.
Li Mo watched this scene from the window and took a satisfied sip of tea. "That's more like it. The world is so beautiful, yet you are so irritable; that's not good, not good."
He glanced at the "Administrative Approval Process and Service Guide" in his hand and casually added two words to the "Audit Period" column: [Twenty working days].
"Take your time filling it out." Li Mo stretched. "Once you're done, you still have to go to the 'Relevant Departments' to get it stamped. As for where the 'Relevant Departments' are... well, that depends on my mood. Maybe in the Eastern Sea Dragon Palace, maybe in the Extreme North Ice Field."
Just then, the System prompt suddenly sounded: [Ding! You have utilized the power of rules to successfully resolve a catastrophe into 'Administrative Congestion.'] [Obtained new term: Procrastination (Active Release Version).] [Term Effect: You can designate any ongoing objective, causing its progress bar to get stuck at 99%, making it forever impossible to complete.]
Li Mo's eyes lit up. Good stuff! In the future, if anyone dared to use a powerful move in front of him, having the charging bar get stuck halfway... that image...
"Junior Martial Uncle! Junior Martial Uncle, help!" A frantic shout suddenly came from downstairs. A blood-covered Inner Sect Disciple stumbled to the entrance of the Scripture Pavilion, but because he hadn't performed the "Pavilion Entry Verification," he was blocked by the light curtain. "What's wrong?" Li Mo frowned slightly and tapped his finger, removing the Soundproofing Barrier.
"It's... it's the Netherworld Sect!" the Disciple cried. "While the Great Zhou Dynasty's army was surrounding the mountain, the 'Ghost King' of the Netherworld Sect led the Ten Great Ghost Generals to launch a sneak attack from the Back Mountain Forbidden Ground! The Sect Head and Elders are all at the front mountain watching Butcher Xiao. The back mountain... there are only Utility Disciples at the back mountain right now!"
Hearing this, Li Mo's expression darkened slightly. At the front door were "civilized people" willing to follow the process, but at the back door came "home-raiders" who lacked martial ethics?
"Ghost King?" Li Mo put down his teacup, a trace of coldness flashing in his eyes. He hated people who interrupted his show the most. Especially since his newly cultivated vegetable garden was right next to the Back Mountain Forbidden Ground.
"Squeak." Li Mo tapped the table. The Treasure-Seeking Rat immediately scurried out, rubbing its little paws with excitement.
"Go, get that book I have tucked away at the very top of the bookshelf." Li Mo stood up and stretched his neck. "Since they don't want to follow the administrative process, I'll let them experience... what is called a 'Biochemical Crisis.'"
Squeak froze for a moment, then its entire grey fur bristled as if it had thought of something extremely terrifying, but it still forced itself to dive into the pile of books. A moment later, it dragged out a black book with a bizarre green skull drawn on the cover.
Book Title: "Basics of Virology and Zombie Survival Guide."
Li Mo took the book, a cruel curve hooking the corner of his mouth. "Ghost King, is it? Playing with corpses, are we?" "Today, I'll show you what a professional 'Corpse Driving' looks like."