149: Chapter 148 Contending for the Central Plains

The "warm-up activities" currently unfolding on the stage were arguably the most ridiculous, chaotic, and nonsensical scenes Im Yoona had ever witnessed in her variety show career (and her life):

First, there were the contestants.

On one side were three staff members in crude mascot costumes. One was the pink-and-white Hello Kitty seen previously (it looked washed and a bit cleaner), one was that Golden Retriever (also washed), and the other was... a newcomer, a staff member in a grey plush wolf costume! The three "animal" mascots were bobbing their heads on the stage, striking various childish "mighty" poses while making corresponding electronically distorted roars ("Meow!" "Woof!" "Awoo!"). They possessed zero intimidation, only a sense of complete absurdity.

On the other side was... that two-and-a-half-meter-tall lion-shaped robot with a garish, tacky paint job and "Lionheart Sovereign MK-I" written on its chest! It was pacing back and forth on one side of the stage with heavy, clanking steps (controlled by staff inside), its blue LED eyes flashing and its large plastic mouth agape, as if patrolling its territory.

Why is there a real-life version of a street fighting game?! Im Yoona ranted internally. Has Jiang Zhiyu's imagination broken through the heavens and started racing toward cheap arcade games and children's cartoons?! Making mascots fight a robot? What kind of variety effect is that? Aside from being funny (and juvenile)?!

Next, she noticed the situation beside the stage.

There were actually "weapon racks" on both sides of the stage! Naturally, the so-called "weapons" left one even more speechless.

On one rack hung several giant, plastic fish bones painted silver-white (clearly a setting aimed at "pisces" Choi Yena), along with some colorful, inflatable "foam rollers" (purpose unknown).

On the other rack were several equally giant, plastic bones painted the color of meat bones (corresponding to Kitty and the Golden Retriever?), and some limp, face-shaped sandbags (with exaggerated expressions of pain drawn on them).

Why do the staff members next to them have to wear mascot costumes? Im Yoona continued to complain. Are they going to have to take these "weapons" and beat each other up later? Just imagining the scene felt like an insult to her intelligence.

However, reality soon proved that her imagination was still not "rich" enough.

On the stage, the new "Grey Wolf" mascot seemed to take an interest in the "weapon rack." It wobbled over to the side with the fish bones, clumsily reached out its mascot paw, grabbed the largest plastic fish bone, weighed it in its hand (with a comical motion), and turned to face the center of the stage.

At the same time, the "Golden Retriever" mascot was also inspired. It ran to the other side and picked up a meat-bone club.

The two mascots, each holding a "weapon," stood facing each other in the center of the stage.

And then—

"Awoo!" The Grey Wolf let out a distorted howl, gripped the fish bone with both hands (mascot paws), and like a knight holding a lance, lunged it toward the Golden Retriever mascot's "mouth" (the opening of the costume)!

"Woof!" The Golden Retriever mascot seemed prepared (or perhaps it was in the script). It didn't use the bone club to parry; instead, it also gripped its bone club with both hands, aimed for the Grey Wolf mascot's "mouth," and lunged back fiercely!

The two giant plastic "bones" crossed in the air, and then—

“Puff! Puff!”

Two soft, muffled sounds of plastic colliding.

The tip of the fish bone, without missing a beat, poked into the open "dog mouth" of the Golden Retriever mascot (the costume's opening).

The front of the meat-bone club was simultaneously and precisely stuffed into the gaping "wolf mouth" of the Grey Wolf mascot.

The two mascots remained in this bizarre pose of "mutual feeding" (?) or rather "mutual silencing," frozen in the center of the stage.

They both seemed stunned for a moment, then began trying to pull the other's "weapon" out of their mouth, or perhaps shove their own "weapon" in deeper? Due to the heavy mascot costumes, their movements were exceptionally clumsy and hilarious, like performing a kindergarten-level slapstick mime fight.

Ugh... please stop poking each other's mouths with fish bones and meat bones, okay?!! Im Yoona felt the corner of her eye twitching. What kind of upgraded kindergarten fight scene is this? And why the mouth poking?! What's the point?! Jiang Zhiyu, what on earth are you thinking!!!

Meanwhile, the Hello Kitty mascot seemed uninterested in the close-quarters combat (the mouth-poking war). It pulled out that familiar multicolored ball of yarn from somewhere (possibly a corner of the stage) and began rolling around on the edge of the stage, having the time of its life, completely ignoring the intense "mouth-poking duel" on the field.

As for the lion robot, it continued its clanking pacing on one side of the stage like an indifferent referee (or a boss waiting to enter the fray). Its LED eyes occasionally scanned the chaotic battle on the field, remaining unmoved.

The entire "warm-up rehearsal" scene was filled with childishness, chaos, nonsense, and a sense of the absurd that made one not know whether to laugh or cry. The staff members seemed quite used to (or perhaps numbed by) this setting, going about their business checking equipment and adjusting lights, with the occasional look toward the stage carrying a hint of suppressed laughter and the resignation of "the PD is having an episode again."

Im Yoona stood where she was, the chill of the two cups of iced americano in her hands seeping through the paper cups into her palms, yet unable to calm the surging urge to complain within her. She watched the two mascots on stage still obsessed with "poking each other's mouths," watched Kitty rolling the yarn ball, watched the pacing robot, and then recalled Jiang Zhiyu's previous ideas for "torturing" IZ*ONE...

She suddenly felt that this iced americano she had specially ordered with extra bitterness might be far from enough of a "condolence" for this PD Jiang, who had such a peculiar imagination and was so keen on rubbing idols' dignity into the ground repeatedly.

How was this a variety show warm-up? This was clearly a showcase of daily activities at a massive psychiatric hospital!

And Jiang Zhiyu was currently standing with his back to her in front of the monitors, rubbing his chin and watching with great interest, occasionally pointing things out to the assistants nearby:

"Mm, the Grey Wolf's mouth-poking force could be a bit more vigorous to seem more 'ferocious'!"

"The Golden Retriever's reaction could be a bit slower to increase the comedic effect!"

"Kitty's yarn-rolling path could be more erratic to create a Zen-like feeling of 'the world's affairs have nothing to do with me'!"

"Robot! The rhythm of the robot's positioning! It needs to hit the beats! Imagine yourself as the final boss guarding the last stage!"

Im Yoona: "..."

Zen-like feeling? Guarding general?

She silently took a deep breath and then stepped forward, walking toward Jiang Zhiyu.

It seemed that today's iced americano shouldn't just be bitter; perhaps... she should also 'accidentally' spill a bit to wake up this 'genius' PD immersed in his own fantasies?

She walked up behind Jiang Zhiyu and gently placed one of the iced americanos, labeled "Extra Bitter," on the equipment box next to him.

"PD Jiang, your coffee." Her voice was calm, devoid of any emotion.

Jiang Zhiyu was focused on his "artistic creation" and didn't even turn his head, replying casually, "Oh, thanks, Noona." He reached out to take it.

Im Yoona looked at his profile, then at the absolutely absurd scene on the stage, and suddenly spoke up in her characteristic tone, tinged with a bit of (feigned) curiosity and innocence:

"PD Jiang, can I ask something?"

"This... setting of the 'Astral Colosseum,' and these... 'combat methods'..."

"When the IZ*ONE girls arrive, will they... have to participate in this too?"

Her question was soft, yet it was like a small pebble dropped into the pool of Jiang Zhiyu's focused mind.

Jiang Zhiyu's hand holding the coffee paused, and he finally turned his head to look at Im Yoona. A bright smile, full of confidence and anticipation, appeared on his face, his eyes shining brilliantly:

"Of course, Noona!"

"This is a 'teamwork and courage trial' custom-made for them!"

"Think about it! On the busiest street of Myeong-dong! Under the gaze of the masses! Overcoming shame, picking up 'Star Weapons' (referring to the fish and meat bones), and engaging in a hot-blooded (?) and hilarious battle against the 'Star Demon Claws' (the mascots) and the 'Mechanical Guard' (the robot)!"

"This will be the most unforgettable, self-breaking moment of their idol careers, and the moment that best showcases the united spirit of the 'twelve star envoys'!"

He spoke with passionate intensity, as if describing some epic blockbuster.

Im Yoona looked at the genuine excitement and conviction in his eyes, then thought about the scene the IZ*ONE girls might face—perhaps wearing lion or duck headgear, holding plastic fish bones, and poking mouths with staff members in mascot costumes on stage, or dodging the robot's clumsy "attacks"...

She silently picked up her own iced americano and took a large gulp.

Mm, truly bitter.

But perhaps, it couldn't compare to the bitterness in the hearts of the IZ*ONE girls at this moment (or soon).

She suddenly felt a bit of pity for those twelve girls.

Being stuck with such a PD, was it luck, or... eight lifetimes of bad luck?

After Jiang Zhiyu finished his passionate description of the "epic" street team trial in his mind, he seemed to feel that just describing it wasn't satisfying enough. He rubbed his hands together, his face glowing with the excitement of a mad scientist about to conduct a great experiment.

"Just rehearsing the mascot duel isn't enough!" he said to the assistant and several core staff members nearby. "The Lion Charge Duck Punch, as the powerful (?) and highly representative combined ultimate move we verified yesterday, must also be included in today's warm-up process to ensure nothing goes wrong! Especially the launch system; yesterday's manual throwing was too crude and lacked that 'Astral tech feel'!"

As he spoke, he strode toward the stationary, two-and-a-half-meter-tall lion robot by the stage. Im Yoona raised an eyebrow and, holding her coffee, followed him with interest, wanting to see what new tricks he was up to.

She saw Jiang Zhiyu walk up to the lion robot, pat its hard (plastic shell) calf, and then gesture to the staff member (hidden inside) controlling the robot.

"Come! Activate the 'MK-I Special Launch Unit'! Prepare for the first official field test!" Jiang Zhiyu ordered.

The controller inside the lion robot seemed to receive the command. The robot emitted a soft "hum—" sound, its blue LED eyes flashed, and then its thick right arm, ending in a square "fist," began to rise slowly with a mechanical movement.

But unlike yesterday, the "fist" part of the robot's right arm seemed to have been modified. In the middle of that square "fist," a circular hole had opened, revealing a metallic spring and latch mechanism inside. And on the robot's "waist" on the other side (where a small hatch had been opened in the shell), Im Yoona's sharp eyes spotted what seemed to be fixed inside... a shiny, plump, lifelike... roast duck model?

It wasn't yesterday's yellow rubber bath duck, but a roast duck that looked incredibly realistic, where one could even see the fine feather texture and caramel-colored crispy skin! There was even a small but clear logo printed on the duck's body—Jufuzhai.

Im Yoona: "..." She recognized it; this was the investor of that BB-brand roast duck from yesterday's TikTok video. So... the roast duck endorsement from the gold-master daddy had been seamlessly integrated into the upgraded version of the "Lion Charge Duck Punch"? From a bath duck to a roast duck, this upgrade in "duck" species was truly... down-to-earth (and full of commercial flavor)!

Jiang Zhiyu was clearly very satisfied with his "creativity" and "business acumen." He pointed to the launch device on the robot's arm and the roast duck model at its waist, explaining proudly to Im Yoona (and the surrounding staff):

"Look! An upgrade! Yesterday's rubber duck was a projectile, a one-time consumable (effect) weapon. But today, we've adopted a more advanced launch system with an automatic retraction and recovery device!"

He walked beside the robot, gesturing: "The principle is simple, but the effect is outstanding! Upon launch, a compression spring provides the power to shoot the 'roast duck' (a special lightweight model) at high speed. After hitting the target (like those mascots), a special latch and connecting line on the duck will be triggered by the resistance, using an elastic retraction device to automatically pull the roast duck back into the launcher!"

He clenched his fist, his eyes shining with a mixture of a tech geek (?) and a profiteer (√):

"This way, the gold-master daddy never has to worry about the roast ducks flying out and not coming back! It can be used repeatedly, saving on prop costs, and it adds to the 'tech feel' and the 'sustainable combat' setting! It kills multiple birds with one stone!"

Listening to this "lofty discourse" and looking at that roast duck model fixed to the robot's waist, seemingly ready to sacrifice itself for "Astral tech" and "roast duck endorsement," Im Yoona for a moment didn't know where to start complaining.

Saving costs? Tech feel? Sustainable combat?

Jiang Zhiyu, do you really think that on the streets of Myeong-dong, using a robot to launch a roast duck model at mascots, and then having the roast duck fly back on its own... looks very "tech" and "sustainable"? This is clearly a low-quality sci-fi version of a children's toy!

And the "Lion Charge Duck Punch"... yesterday it was a rubber duck, today it's upgraded to a roast duck... will there be Peking duck, salted duck, or beer duck in the future? Jiang Zhiyu, what kind of obsession do you have with "ducks"?!

Just as Im Yoona's mind was frantically scrolling through complaints, Jiang Zhiyu had completed his "pre-battle inspection." He stepped back to a safe distance (in his own mind), and like a general commanding an artillery battery, he raised his right hand high, his gaze sharp (in his own mind) as he locked onto the Grey Wolf and Golden Retriever mascots who had just finished their "mouth-poking duel" and were standing blankly on the stage.

"Alright! All departments attention!" Jiang Zhiyu's voice spread through the small megaphone in his hand (not Kim Minju's plastic one, but a professional one). "'Lion Charge Duck Punch' MK-I launch system, first field equipment test—"

He took a deep breath, centered his qi, and with all his strength, issued a clear command toward the lion robot:

"Aim—!!"

The lion robot seemed to receive the command (actually, the internal controller heard it). Its raised right arm slightly adjusted its angle, and the launch hole was aimed at the Grey Wolf mascot on the stage (randomly selected?).

"Fire—!!"