247: Chapter 0002 "Journey (여정)" with Kim Tae-yeon (TAEYEON)

(A character song for Kim Taeyeon after a Bad End finale)

(I believe that writing a novel should give everyone a beautiful ending. Although I know very little about the Korean entertainment industry, I want to treat every character under my pen with the most beautiful fantasies.)

(For example, I used to like Karina, but then she started dating and had that 'insulting China' controversy, and finally I! became a body fan!! Then I fell for Kim Minjeong because of the 'silly puppy woof woof' vibe, and then she fucking started dating too... Are the members of aespa from a planet where they'll die if they don't date?)

(Escaping reality and pursuing spiritual purity might be the choice of a defeatist like me, who has been beaten by reality.)

(Cutting ties feels so good! Minjeong sends me messages every day, she's such a clingy pest (tsundere), super cute little Minjeong ahhh!! Why can't I raise the Kim Minjeong from my writing?!?!)

(Screaming) (Twisting) (Crawling darkly) (Crawling) (Wriggling) (Creeping darkly) (Rolling) (Crawling intensely) (Twisting) (Spasming) (Roaring) (Wriggling) (Sinister low growl) (Crawling) (Splitting) (Walking ashore) (Wriggling) (Spasming) (Wriggling) (Walking distortedly) (Attacking indiscriminately)

(Kim Minjeong! You can only be my silly puppy!!) Blackened possessiveness, evil laugh, jie jie jie~~~~

(Finally, whether in reality, the Bad End Taeyeon, or the Happy End Taeyeon I'm currently writing, I hope they can all find happiness!!)

(Our Taeyeon has done well, she has always done well.)

(In the future, whether in reality or in my novel, keep walking the flower path! Although I can't decide reality, the Taeyeon under my pen will definitely be very, very happy! Even if she's not happy, I'll make her happy!)

Chapter One: Shadow of the Intense Light

The monitor screen in the recording studio glowed with a cold white light.

Kim Taeyeon took off her headphones and closed her eyes. Outside, Seoul was brightly lit, but at this moment, she could only hear the sound of her own breathing. The Producer asked cautiously, "Taeyeon-xi, should we record the chorus again? The high notes could be more..."

"No," she opened her eyes and smiled, "this is fine."

She remembered the first time she stood in the center of the stage, the spotlights were so hot and dazzling—"햇빛이 너무 강해 (The sunlight is too bright)"—she squinted her eyes and saw a boundless silver ocean below the stage. Those cheers lifted her up like a tide, but they also submerged the real her.

"Taeyeon-ah! Your condition is really good today!" The Manager handed her some warm water backstage.

"Taeyeon Unnie, this move can be adjusted like this..." the Choreographer gestured.

"Singer Kim, the concept for the next album..."

Countless voices, countless expectations. She smiled, bowed, and gave thanks perfectly amidst those voices. But the self in the mirror sometimes felt so strange it made her hold her breath—"보이지 않았어 내 그림자조차 (I couldn't even see my own shadow)".

She had once danced in the practice room late at night until her toes bled. She had also hidden in the restroom of the waiting room after winning a first-place trophy and cried silently. Those things that were missed—"지나쳐 버린 계절의 꽃향기 (The scent of flowers from the seasons that passed me by)"—birthdays in her twenties, family dinners, streets where cherry blossoms bloomed, ordinary date invitations from friends.

"이제야 느껴져 (I feel it only now)".

Chapter Two: Lost Starry Sky

In the early morning of 2014, she returned to the dormitory after finishing her schedule. Most of the members were already asleep, and only a small lamp was on in the living room. She curled up on the sofa, the light from her phone screen reflecting on her face.

Another text from a Sasaeng fan arrived. This time it was a photo of her medical records, with the message: "Unnie needs to rest well."

She felt a surge of suffocation.

During those years, she began to frequently have the same dream: running on a boundless stage, with no one in the audience, but the spotlight followed her like a shadow. She ran faster and faster, but she could never run out of that circle of light. Until she fell to the ground, only to find that the stage floor was a mirror, and the person in the mirror smiled at her—it was not her face.

"길 잃은 밤하늘에 (In the lost night sky)".

In the Psychological Counseling Room, she spoke that word for the first time: "Panic disorder."

The doctor asked gently, "When did you start having these feelings?"

She thought for a moment: "Maybe it was... from the moment everyone started calling me 'Girls Generation's Taeyeon'."

That title was once a crown, but later it became a glass dome. She sang and smiled safely inside it, becoming a "legend," yet she also watched the world outside through the glass—within reach, yet impossible to truly touch.

"별보다 밝던 너의 눈빛 (Your eyes that were brighter than the stars)".

She remembered other eyes. The visually impaired fan who waited for a long time at the locker room door, touching her face with trembling hands: "I want to know what Taeyeon-xi looks like when she smiles." The little girl with cancer at the fansign, saying weakly: "Unnie's songs accompanied me through all my chemotherapy." The fan still holding up a cheering banner in the heavy rain, soaked to the bone yet smiling brightly: "Taeyeon-ah! Keep singing forever!"

The light in those eyes was not the heat of a spotlight, but the gentleness of starlight.

Chapter Three: Clock Specimen

2022, the top floor recording studio of the new SM building.

Kim Taeyeon was recording "INVU". When she reached the line "Why do I always chase your gaze," she suddenly stopped.

"Sorry, I need five minutes."

She walked to the floor-to-ceiling window and looked out over the Han River. Over the years, she had learned many things: learned to regulate her breathing during panic attacks, learned to say "no" to excessive attention, and learned to separate the self on stage from the self in life.

She also learned to say goodbye.

On the day of her father's funeral, she sang "U R". It was her father's favorite song of hers. Tears blurred her vision, but she didn't stop. She knew that her singing at that moment was not a performance, but a most sincere farewell.

"But the clock keeps ticking on".

Time waits for no one. Girls Generation went from nine members to eight, then to five. Her teammates gradually fell in love, got married, and had children. She looked at their wedding photos, sent a string of congratulatory emojis in the group chat, and then stayed in the studio alone until late at night.

It wasn't loneliness, but a choice.

"흔적들은 나의 지도가 되어 (All the traces become my map)".

She began to collect time. The scribbled lyrics she wrote during panic attacks, all the letters she received after her first solo concert, the old-fashioned watch her father left behind, the funny comics her members drew on a whim... She locked them all in a sandalwood box.

She named that box: "아픔도 전부 다 / My precious road signs now (Even all the pain / Is my precious road signs now)".

Chapter Four: Broken Flower

The rehearsal site for the "INVU" concert.

The Dance Director was demonstrating a new choreography, a move that involved falling backward from a height. The staff immediately objected: "It's too dangerous, Taeyeon-xi has a waist injury."

Kim Taeyeon, however, looked at the move in a daze.

"I want to try it."

She stood on a two-meter-high platform and closed her eyes. When the music started, she didn't hesitate—falling backward like a descending feather. Of course, there was a thick crash pad below.

Lying on the mat, she suddenly laughed.

It turned out that falling wasn't scary. What was scary was being constantly tense, afraid of making mistakes, afraid of being imperfect, and afraid of failing everyone's expectations.

"이 여정은 끝이 아닌 걸 (This journey is not the end)".

Before the concert officially started, she checked her in-ear monitors one last time in the waiting room. The woman in the mirror was already thirty-five years old, with fine lines at the corners of her eyes, but her gaze was clearer than when she was twenty.

The Director's voice came through the intercom: "Taeyeon-xi, three minutes."

She took a deep breath and said to her reflection in the mirror:

"내가 숨 쉬는 그 자체인 걸 (It is the very act of me breathing)".

Then she walked onto the stage. The spotlight enveloped her again, but this time, she didn't squint. She opened her eyes and looked directly at that light.

"[High Note] 햇살에 데인 가슴도 / 이젠 나를 감싸는 달빛이야 ([High Note] Even the heart burned by the sunlight / Is now the moonlight that embraces me)".

The moment the high note resonated through the venue, she seemed to see all her past unfolding before her eyes: the little girl participating in a singing competition in Gwangju, the trainee who was so nervous she forgot the lyrics in the SM audition, the young girl wearing colorful skinny jeans on the "Gee" stage, the singer who burst into tears after winning first place for her first solo...

"[High Note] 부서진 조각들 속에서 / 피어나는 나를 봐 ([High Note] Among the broken pieces / Look at me blooming)".

Chapter Five: The Name in the Mirror

2023, "Journey" recording studio.

The Producer played the initial demo. A simple piano melody, like raindrops tapping on a window.

Kim Taeyeon listened, her fingers unconsciously tapping the rhythm on her knee. This was the first solo track she participated in writing lyrics for, and also the first song for her "Personal Brand Project."

"What does Taeyeon-xi want to express?" the Lyricist asked.

[part:gemini-3.1-flash-lite]

She thought for a long time and said, "I want to write... a story about 'moving forward.' But not the kind of passionate, blood-boiling progress, but rather... a state of choosing to keep walking even when you're exhausted, even when you're carrying wounds, and even when you know you might never reach the finish line."

The Lyricist recorded, "What are the keywords?"

"The process. Clarity. And also..." She paused, "Gentle determination."

The lyrics were revised draft after draft. She insisted on adding the line: "Mirror mirror on the wall / 더 이상 다른 답을 원치 않아 (Mirror mirror / I no longer need any other answer)."

This was her greatest realization over the years.

In the past, she was always searching for answers: How could she be more perfect? How could she avoid being disliked? How could she stand at the peak forever? She asked the company, asked the fans, asked the market, and even asked that imagined "perfect Kim Taeyeon."

Until one day, after a counseling session, she passed by a shop window. Her reflection appeared on the glass, and in that moment, she suddenly understood:

"흐릿했던 내 얼굴에 / 선명해지는 내 이름 (On my once blurry face / what becomes clear is my name)."

The name wasn't "Girls Generation leader," wasn't "shin-ting-tae," wasn't "Digital Music Queen."

It was just Kim Taeyeon.

Chapter 6: Time Capsule

On the set of the "Journey" MV, by the seaside of Jeju Island.

The Director wanted a shot of her walking alone along the coastal road, from dawn until sunrise.

At four in the morning, the makeup artist did the final touch-ups. The sea breeze was strong, messing up her freshly styled hair. The stylist wanted to step forward to fix it, but Kim Taeyeon waved her hand, "Leave it like this."

She walked slowly along the road. The camera followed from a car in the distance.

The sky began to turn white, and the sound of the waves was as rhythmic as breathing. She thought of many things: the first time she traveled to Jeju Island with the members, being trapped in a guesthouse for two days playing cards because of a typhoon; the last phone call with her father, where he said, "The tangerines in Jeju Island are ripe, I'll bring you some next time"; those early mornings when she drove to the seaside alone to watch the sunrise...

"모퉁이마다 새겨진 / 추억이라는 타임 캡슐 (Engraved at every corner / a time capsule called memory)."

She suddenly stopped and faced the sea.

The sunrise began. Orange-red light burst forth from the horizon, dyeing the whole world in warm colors. The sea breeze lifted her hair and the hem of her clothes, and she closed her eyes in the light.

"열지 않아도 좋아 / 이미 내 안에 있어 (It's okay not to open it / it's already inside me)."

After the Director shouted "cut," all the staff applauded. The assistant ran over to hand her a coat, "Taeyeon Unnie, that shot just now... was so beautiful."

She took the coat and smiled, "It's not because it's beautiful."

"Huh?"

"It's because it's real." She turned to look at the fully risen sun, "That is the real me."

Chapter 7: Wings of Scars

At the new album press conference, a reporter asked, "Taeyeon-xi, what message do you want to convey to the fans with your title track 'Journey' this time?"

She thought for a moment and said, "I want to say... thank you for walking with me for so long. But more importantly, I hope everyone can find their own 'journey.' It's not about following someone else's footsteps, but about walking your own path."

A fan in the audience shouted, "Taeyeon! We will always support you!"

Her eyes grew warm, but she continued to smile, "Over the years, I've learned one thing—'But the wind keeps blowing on.' Whether you are happy or sad, successful or failing, time will keep moving forward. So, why not... '상처조차 날개가 되어 (Even the wounds become wings).'"

After the press conference ended, she returned to the car. The Manager handed her his phone, "Taeyeon, look at this."

It was a topic started by fans on Twitter: #JourneyWithTaeyeon#. Clicking into it, there were countless shares:

"Because of Taeyeon Unnie's 'I,' I gathered the courage to quit a job I hated, and now I'm an illustrator."

"When I had my heart broken, I listened to 'Fine' every day. Now I can smile and say, 'I was so silly back then.'"

"My mom is a fan of Taeyeon. When she was sick last year, we listened to 'Four Seasons' together. Mom said, 'Taeyeon's songs are like medicine.' Mom is recovering very well now."

"From middle school to college, Taeyeon Unnie's songs accompanied me through every important moment."

She read them one by one, tears sliding down silently.

"놓친 것들 전부 다 / My hidden treasures now (Everything I missed / is my hidden treasure)."

So it turns out her journey was never a solitary one.

Chapter 8: All Seasons

The final stage of the "Journey" promotional period.

A candidate for first place on Music Bank. The opponent was a popular boy group, with very strong digital and sales data. The staff said privately, "It might be hard to get first place."

Before going on stage, she practiced one last time in the waiting room. Not practicing the song, but practicing her breathing.

She recalled fifteen years ago, when they won first place for the first time as Girls Generation, nine girls crying in a huddle on stage. She recalled seven years ago, when "I" won first place, she cried so much she could barely perform the encore. She recalled every encore stage, the sound of fans singing along...

"Thank you for the light."

"Thank you for the night."

The host announced the winner, "The first place on this week's Music Bank is—Kim Taeyeon, 'Journey'!"

The moment the ribbons fell, she didn't cry. She took the trophy and bowed deeply.

When the encore music started, she walked to the edge of the stage, squatted down, and high-fived the fans in the front row. Some handed her letters, some cried out "Taeyeon," and some held up banners that read "Walking with you to the end."

She returned to the center of the stage and said into the microphone:

"[고음 대폭발] 이제 난 내 안의 모든 계절을 / 안아 줄 수 있어 ([High note explosion] Now I can embrace / all the seasons within me)."

Then she started singing the encore song. It wasn't a song from the album, but an improvised a cappella—like wind blowing through wind chimes, like raindrops falling on the eaves, like talking to oneself in the middle of the night.

"[고음] 추워도, 더워도, 외로워도 / 이게 나인걸 ([High note] Whether it's cold, hot, or lonely / this is who I am)."

Chapter 9: Never-ending

The encore segment of the concert. The lights in the venue dimmed, leaving only one spotlight chasing her.

She sat at the very front of the extended stage, her legs dangling, as if sitting on the edge of a cliff. Below were tens of thousands of silver starlights—those were the fans' light sticks.

"The last song," she said, "is one that hasn't been officially released yet. It's called 'Journey.'"

The piano prelude started, so simple it was almost pale.

She started to sing. It wasn't a performance, but a confession. Singing about those confused nights, singing about those moments of forcing a smile, singing about those instants of wanting to run away, and also singing about those dawns saved by love.

When she sang "[파워 하이노트] 이 여정은 끝이 없음을 / 나는 안다 ([Power high note] I know / that this journey has no end)," her voice was like a sharp sword splitting the darkness, reaching straight to the dome.

Then came that high-note relay that made everyone hold their breath:

"[고음] 모든 상처가 꽃이 되고 / 모든 눈물이 강이 되어 ([High note] All wounds turn into flowers / all tears flow into rivers)."

"[최고음] 지금 이 순간 / 나는 나를 만나는 중이야 ([Highest note] Right at this moment / I am meeting myself)."

When the last note fell, the whole venue was silent.

Then, applause and cheers like a tsunami submerged her. She stood up and bowed deeply. Once, twice, three times.

When she looked up, she saw someone in the audience holding a sign like this:

"이 길 위에서 / Always on my journey (On this road / Always on my journey)."

She smiled, and tears finally fell.

Kim Taeyeon put down the guitar, faced the microphone, and said softly in a voice only she could hear:

"Kim Taeyeon, you did a great job."

Then, she bowed deeply to everyone.

Snowflakes fell quietly on the glass curtain wall of the art museum, like countless tiny journeys, starting from the sky and finally arriving at the earth.

And the singing continued, in everyone's headphones, in their hearts, in their breathing—

"My beautiful journey"

My beautiful journey

(End of story, to Taeyeon: You really did a great job.)