165: Chapter 164 If we really go to Chongqing!!

Sakura sat on a cushion with a small table in front of her, laid out with dried squid and juice. She looked up at Nako, who looked hilarious with an apple candy stuffed in her mouth. Sakura tried to keep her expression calm and profound, using her unique, slightly cool voice to deliver her lines:

"Fighting will only breed anger, Nako the Marshmallow Swordsman."

She paused, giving the audience time to digest the words.

"Why don't we... live in peace."

The laughter from the audience died down slightly, as some were drawn into the plot by her suddenly serious tone.

However, in the next second, Sakura's tone suddenly spiked, becoming passionate and even a bit shrill, carrying a sense of desperate determination as she shouted at the top of her lungs:

"But! That is not the reason I am afraid of you!!"

She suddenly pointed at Nako (her aim was a bit off because Nako was too tall):

"Written as 'Benevolence'—but read as 'Mermaid'!!!"

She practically screamed the word "Mermaid," her voice cracking with a bizarre sense of grief and the sheer breakdown of "what on earth is this script even saying?"

The entire audience: "...?"

There was a brief, dead silence.

Then, an even louder roar of laughter, enough to blow the roof off, exploded!

"Hahahaha!!!"

"Benevolence? Mermaid??"

"What is even going on!!"

"Sakura's expression! I'm dying!"

"Who wrote this script?! They're a genius (or insane)!!"

Even the other members in the waiting area couldn't help but cover their mouths and laugh, their shoulders shaking. Kwon Eunbi laughed while slapping An Yujin, and An Yujin laughed until she was almost in tears. Jang Wonyoung covered her mouth, her eyes curving into crescents, and the "crown water bottle" on her head trembled along with her. Kim Minju, as the head judge, tried desperately to hold back her laughter, her face turning bright red.

Choi Yena was already squatting behind the sausage cart laughing. Her commentary came through the microphone in intermittent, breathless giggles: "Be-Benevolence? Mer-Mermaid? What is Sakura Unnie saying? Nako Unnie hasn't even taken the candy out of her mouth! What are they acting? But it's so funny! Everyone, look! Hurry and buy a sausage to eat while you watch!"

On stage, after shouting that ridiculous line, Sakura felt a wave of exhaustion and her cheeks burned. The apple candy in Nako's mouth almost flew out; she struggled to keep it in, pleading for help from Sakura with her eyes: What's next? The script only goes up to here!

Just then, the background music suddenly switched to a bright, rhythmic, and humorous "ding-ding-dang-dang" fighting sound effect.

The production team promptly held up a prompt card: [Please perform an "Apple Candy vs. Marshmallow" slow-motion blind fight! 30 seconds!]

Sakura and Nako saw the card and immediately understood.

Sakura quickly fished out another apple candy (a spare) from under the table where it had been hidden and stood up. Nako also hurried to take the (sticky) apple candy out of her mouth and gripped the marshmallow with both hands again.

The two shared a look, seeing the same "let's just do it" resolve in each other's eyes.

Then, accompanied by the comical sound effects, the two began an "epic slow-motion duel" that could only be described as peak awkward acting.

Holding the apple candy, Sakura "fiercely" lunged at Nako at one-tenth speed. Nako "blocked" with the giant marshmallow at the same slow pace. The marshmallow was fluffy and soft; when it made contact with the apple candy, there was no sound, but it did get stuck to some sugar threads.

"Ha! Take this!" Sakura mouthed (without making a sound).

"Ugh! Not a chance!" Nako also tried her best to make a menacing expression.

Their movements were deliberately slowed down like movie special effects, yet they were filled with the clumsiness and earnestness of kindergarteners fighting. Sakura's "attack" was blocked by Nako's marshmallow "shield." Nako tried to "counterattack" by "smashing" Sakura with the marshmallow, but it was light as a feather and had zero impact; instead, she stumbled because her height-increasing insoles were unstable.

The audience was already doubled over with laughter, many clutching their stomachs and crying out, "Stop, it's too funny!" "What kind of celestial battle is this!" "Can a marshmallow even kill someone?" "Apple candy hidden weapon vs. Marshmallow shield! The most peaceful duel in history!"

The thirty seconds of "blind fighting" passed quickly, and the sound effects stopped. Sakura and Nako froze in their final interlocking pose, stuck once again—what next? It wasn't in the script!

Their eyes simultaneously drifted toward the production team.

Sure enough, a new prompt card was quickly raised:

[Sakura, please shout the sonic wave move (voice must break): Ancient Mermaid Lyrics: Poem of Sleep!]

Sakura: "..."

She closed her eyes, her chest heaving, then snapped them open. As if exhausting her lifetime's worth of shame and professional ethics, she screamed toward Nako (actually toward the sky) with all her might, her voice nearly cracking:

"Ancient Mermaid Lyrics: Poem of Sleep————!!!"

After shouting, she felt as if a part of her soul had left her body.

Immediately after, the background music changed abruptly!

An ethereal, melodious, and strangely repetitive female chant echoed through the venue:

"Blue Spirit Monkey~ Blue Spirit Monkey~ Blue~ Blue~ Blue Spirit Monkey~~~"

"Blue Spirit Monkey~ Blue Spirit Monkey~ Blue~ Blue~ Blue Spirit Monkey~~~"

The melody was childishly simple and the lyrics were nonsensical (what on earth is a "Blue Spirit Monkey"?), but paired with the airy female chanting and the absurd scene, it produced a bizarre and scalp-tingling comedic effect!

The laughter from the audience escalated again, turning into wild hysterics and people joining in to chant "Blue Spirit Monkey." What kind of hypnotic divine song was this?!

The prompt card was raised again: [Nako, please act out being hypnotized into a sleeping state!]

Nako reacted extremely fast, immediately rolling her eyes back (trying to look dizzy). Her body began to wobble, and the marshmallow in her hand dropped "weakly." She swayed for a few moments and then slowly tilted backward in slow motion—she didn't actually fall; a staff member stepped forward just in time to catch her and gently lay her on the ground in a "peaceful" sleeping pose.

The audience: "zzZZZ..." (The audience spontaneously provided snoring sounds amidst constant laughter).

Sakura looked at the "sleeping" Nako, apple candy still in hand, with a look of utter confusion—and then what? I won? Is that it?

The production team did not disappoint her. The final prompt card appeared, written in an extremely eye-catching font and in a tone that could be perfectly imagined as Jiang Zhiyu's:

[Sakura-chan~ (heart symbol)]

[Please shout your ultimate move—]

["Sakura Kill of Love and Justice! Rice Cake Ball Instant Kill Array!!"]

[(After shouting, strike a cool pose!)]

When Sakura saw the words "Rice Cake Ball Instant Kill Array," the shameful memories of yesterday's market flooded back, and she felt her vision go dark. But since things had already come to this... she clenched her fists, her nails nearly digging into her palms. Using her last bit of strength, she discarded all idol baggage and logic. Facing the camera and the countless audience members doubled over with laughter, she let out her loudest, most voice-cracking, and most "tragic" shout of the day:

"Sakura Kill of Love and Justice! Rice Cake Ball————Instant Kill Array!!!!"

After shouting, she threw her arms wide, striking what she thought was a very "kill array" pose (it was actually more like a "give me strength" pose), and the foam cherry blossoms on her shoulders shook violently.

The moment she shouted the word "Array," a staff member quickly placed a tablet next to the "sleeping" Nako.

The tablet began to play a crude but highly effective animated video on loop:

First, an image of cherry blossom petals (clipart) falling.

Then, countless chibi rice cake balls (also clipart) appeared out of thin air, bombarding a stick figure in the center of the screen.

The stick figure was beaten senseless and finally collapsed, struggling to hold up a small white flag.

The screen froze, then turned into a solid white background with two large characters written in flamboyant calligraphy (computer font):

"DEFEAT"

The video music was an upbeat electronic game boss defeat track.

"Pfft—!!!"

"Hahahaha!!!"

"Defeat! It's defeat!"

"The rice cake balls won! Sakura Kill won!"

"What kind of ghost animation is that! It's so lazy! But so funny!!"

The audience had already collapsed into laughter. Applause, laughter, whistles, and calls imitating the "Blue Spirit Monkey" mixed together, bringing the atmosphere to its peak. Many people were laughing so hard they were in tears, wiping them away while still laughing.

Choi Yena had long since collapsed in laughter by the sausage cart, unable to even hold the microphone steady. Her voice came through in bursts of heavy laughter: "Is... is it over? Nako Unnie was... defeated by Sakura Unnie's rice cake balls? That animation... pffft hahaha! Is our IZ*ONE variety show... really this kind of style? Everyone... if you're tired from laughing, remember to buy a sausage to recharge! Laughing burns a lot of energy too!"

On stage, Sakura maintained that shameful pose, watching the "Defeat" animation looping on the tablet beside her and listening to the deafening laughter. She felt like she had suffered a social death. But strangely, after the initial extreme shame, a sense of relief from just letting go and a bizarre calm of "it's already like this anyway" slowly welled up.

Nako also "woke up" from her "sleep" (crawling up on her own) and shared a look with Sakura. Both saw in each other's eyes the exhaustion of survivors and a hint of wry understanding. They supported each other (mainly because Nako found it difficult to walk in the high clogs) and bowed to the audience, who were still roaring with laughter.

The second performance thus concluded in this completely uninhibited, absurdly mixed bag of "Japanese style(?) martial arts(?) hypnosis(?) anime(?)." It might have had zero artistic merit, its logic was completely broken, and the shame factor was off the charts, but there was no denying that—the variety show effect was explosive.

The other members in the waiting area had gone from laughing until their stomachs hurt to a feeling of deep awe and... even greater pressure.

How... how were the people coming after them supposed to follow that?!