151: Chapter 150 Vadawo

Location: A KBS radio live studio

Amidst soft background music, the host's warm voice came through the microphone: "...So, I heard that besides their musical activities, the members of IZ*ONE have been filming a very special variety show lately? Could you give our listeners a little teaser? I believe the theme is something about 'Star Envoys'?"

The air in the live studio instantly froze for a fraction of a second.

The twelve girls sitting around the microphones all showed an extremely subtle, almost imperceptible stiffness in their professional smiles. The atmosphere, which had been relatively relaxed while chatting about music and their recent lives, seemed to be sucked away instantly, replaced by a heavy curtain of "shameful memories."

As the leader, Kwon Eunbi's fingers tightened slightly around her microphone. She struggled to keep the corners of her mouth turned up, but a flash of panic and a "how do I even describe this" look of bewilderment crossed her eyes. She cleared her throat, attempting to gloss over it with the most official and vague language possible:

"Ah... yes, it's a... special project where we experience different lives." She chose her words carefully. "The production team designed some... very challenging segments for us, allowing us to try things we wouldn't normally encounter. It's been... a kind of exercise for our teamwork and adaptability." She spoke extremely implicitly, blurring specific details like "ramen shop slogans," "market Purple Cabbage," "TikTok demonic chases," and "Slimes and rubber ducks" into "challenging" and "exercise."

Beside her, An Yujin immediately nodded in agreement, her voice sounding a bit dry: "Yes... it was a very... unique experience." So unique she wished she could forget it.

Jang Wonyoung tried to make her smile look sweet and innocent: "That's right, we encountered many... unexpected situations and learned a lot." For example, how to balance a water bottle on her head and the "sacred" uses of Purple Cabbage.

Kim Minju added softly: "It really... helped a lot with our team chemistry." After all, having gone through so many shameful moments together, it would be hard not to have good chemistry.

The others nodded one after another, wearing complex expressions that said "indeed" and "unforgettable," but they didn't mention any specific content. Their language was highly abstract, filled with diplomatic caution and a tendency to avoid the main issues.

The host clearly noticed their evasiveness and the awkwardness they found hard to mention, but out of professional courtesy, he didn't dig deeper. Instead, he gave a considerate smile: "That sounds very interesting! I'm sure it will bring a lot of freshness and laughter to the audience once it airs. We're looking forward to seeing a different side of IZ*ONE! Next, let's listen to a song..."

The background music swelled, temporarily masking the subtle atmosphere in the studio. The girls collectively breathed a sigh of relief, exchanging knowing glances that were a mix of relief, helplessness, and "thank goodness we got through that."

However, they had no idea that while they were trying to cover up the variety show's "truth" with official rhetoric, a more absurd and ridiculous "new script" test—with them as the protagonists (or stand-ins?)—was in full swing at the Astral Colosseum in Myeong-dong, under the personal "performance" of Producer Jiang Zhi Yu.

Location: Myeong-dong, Astral Colosseum Filming Area

Behind the temporary monitoring area, a simple wire rig and safety air cushions had been added. Jiang Zhiyu had changed out of his work clothes and into a slightly oversized "Choi Yena style" apron printed with crooked little fish patterns (clearly the largest size they could find on short notice). On his head, he wore an equally oversized yellow duck headgear (with two holes cut out for the eyes so he could see). Although his height and physique were far from Choi Yena's, this outfit, combined with his "serious" and devoted expression, created a peculiar and hilariously cringeworthy sight.

Im Yoona was still holding her long-cooled iced Americano, standing at a safe distance and leaning against a prop box. The look in her eyes behind her sunglasses was filled with a complex emotion that said, "I want to see what kind of stunt you're going to pull now." She had tried to convince herself to leave earlier, but her curiosity (or rather, the wicked humor of wanting to see Jiang Zhiyu make a bigger fool of himself) ultimately won out over her reason.

"Attention all departments! 'Operation: Save Yena' new script Act One test, Action!" the assistant director (a deputy designated by Jiang Zhiyu) shouted through a megaphone.

The "Pseudo-Choi Yena," Jiang Zhiyu, stepped onto the Astral Colosseum stage with a heroic—yet slightly clumsy—stride that was completely different from the petite and agile Choi Yena. Facing him were the Hello Kitty and Golden Retriever dolls, standing ready (and bobbing their heads).

"Evil Star Demon Claws! Let go of that girl... wait, no, stay away from my Sausage Stand!" Jiang Zhiyu pinched his throat, trying to imitate Choi Yena's voice. The result was somewhere between a cracking eunuch and a deliberate prank, making the staff's shoulders shake with laughter and Im Yoona's lips twitch uncontrollably.

According to the script, "Choi Yena" (Jiang Zhiyu's version) was supposed to engage in a "fierce" battle with the dolls. Jiang Zhiyu brandished the plastic Sausage Tongs he was using as a temporary "weapon," slashing through the air with great gusto while providing his own sound effects: "Heh! Ha! Take my Sausage Tongs Attack!"

The Hello Kitty and Golden Retriever dolls cooperated by making various exaggerated dodges and "screams," occasionally "lightly" patting the protective gear on Jiang Zhiyu with their doll paws, making dull "thud" sounds. The scene looked like a high-budget, violent version of a kindergarten play.

"Just then!" Jiang Zhiyu (acting as writer and director) suddenly shouted, jumping out of character to wave toward the person playing "Kwon Eunbi" (a tall, sturdy stuntman in a lion mascot suit). "Lionheart Sovereign! Now! Combined Ultimate Skill!"

The staff member playing Kwon Eunbi immediately rushed forward, carrying a massive, toy-like inflatable Lion King Hammer, and stood back-to-back with Jiang Zhiyu (Choi Yena).

Jiang Zhiyu (Choi Yena) immediately got into character, chanting the incantation in his bizarre, "emotional" tone: "Pisces swims the star sea, rippling waves of trust and happiness!" (He certainly remembered the lines well.)

The "Kwon Eunbi" (staff member) then recited the leo portion in a muffled voice.

Then the two turned around and shouted in unison: "Combined Strike of leo and Pisces—Lion Charge Duck Punch!!"

As soon as the shout ended, the nearby Lion Robot clicked as it turned, raising its right arm to aim at the Hello Kitty doll—but! According to the "new script," at the moment of firing, "due to energy instability," the robot's arm "accidentally" veered off. The firing port emitted a burst of flashing LED lights and "crackle" sound effects. A roasted duck model zipped out, but it hit the empty ground nearby, bounced a few times, and was pulled back by the recovery device.

"Oh no! Energy rampage! Yena, be careful!" Jiang Zhiyu (Choi Yena) added his own lines, letting out a "terrified" cry.

At the same time, the Hello Kitty and Golden Retriever dolls "took the opportunity" to pounce. One on each side, they "tightly grabbed" Jiang Zhiyu's (Choi Yena) arms and apron with their doll paws. They then began to "struggle" to drag him toward the edge of the stage at an extremely slow, slow-motion-like pace, toward a foam board prop painted with an exaggerated vortex (representing the "Entrance to the Star Demon Claws Base").

"Unnie! Save me—!!!" Jiang Zhiyu's (Choi Yena) "cry for help" was drawn out long, filled with dramatic despair (and a hint of undisguisable excitement?). He even tried to kick his legs in a show of struggling, but since the staff in the doll suits were being very careful, his struggling looked more like a comical tap dance.

At this moment, Im Yoona's mind was flooded with bullet comments:

[Help! This acting... did he learn it from a street performer? It's appallingly exaggerated!]

[That struggling motion... is that an early symptom of Parkinson's?]

[How exactly does he manage to portray a sense of "delicate helplessness" with such a large body? Is it the headgear?]

[And those "unstable energy" special effects... flashing LEDs and sound effects? This couldn't have cost more than fifty thousand won, right?!]

[The speed the dolls are dragging him... a snail could move faster! Is this a "kidnapping" or "helping the elderly"?]

[Jiang Zhiyu, is there some serious deviation in your self-awareness regarding your writing and performing abilities?!]

[I'm starting to pity IZ*ONE. Do they really have to perform this kind of script?! This will be a devastating blow to their careers if it's broadcast!]

Just as Im Yoona was frantically complaining in her head, the script test entered the next stage.

The "Kwon Eunbi" (staff member) and the other "Star Envoys" who had "rushed to support" (played by other staff members wearing T-shirts with different zodiac symbols) gathered together. Watching "Choi Yena" being dragged into the "vortex entrance," they wore expressions of "extreme tension" and "anxiety" (struggling to keep a straight face).

Then, according to Jiang Zhiyu's new script, the rescue operation began.