57: Chapter 57 Those who speak lightly of righteousness will surely betray their cause in battle.

After Chen Mu posted this tweet, two million replies flooded into the comment section within thirty seconds. The algorithm worked frantically, pushing the hottest content to the very front.

But this time, the tone of the top comments had changed; from the previous uniform "humanity will not yield," it had turned into various forms of flattery toward Chen Mu.

[Gugu Gaga, Gugu Gaga. Translated: Sorry, Maya. Sorry, we burned your home. Sorry, we made you kneel. Gugu Gaga.]

[My grandson is three years old. Today he asked me, "Grandma, what is kneeling?" I said, "It's when your knees touch the ground to beg someone not to be angry." He asked, "Why is Auntie Maya kneeling?" I said, "Because she is braver than us." He asked, "Then do we kneel too?" I said, "No, we stand. Because when Auntie Maya was kneeling, she was standing up for us."]

[Officer Maya, I'm sorry. I participated in the #MayaTraitor hashtag. I spammed under your tweets saying you were the aliens' dog. I was also there when your house was burned down.]

[I announce that from today onwards, if anyone dares to insult you again, I'll fight them to the death.]

[Great Emperor Chen Mu! You not only possess the switch to the sun, but you also possess mercy! Ms. Maya is your Saintess! I propose building "Maya Temples" across the globe to enshrine her knee prints! I apply to be the High Priest of the Maya Temple!]

[If Ms. Maya says forgive, then we forgive! Whoever dares to burn Ms. Maya's house again, I'll be the first to burn theirs! Maya's will is my law! Long live Guga Planet! Long live Maya!]

[Daddy Chen Mu! Daddy! Daddy!]

[I now formally apply to be your personal life assistant. I don't mean to replace Ms. Maya—Ms. Maya will always be the main consort—I'm just applying to be someone who serves tea and water.]

[I will also work hard to learn the Guga language. That phrase "Gugu Gaga" you posted before—I practice the pronunciation in front of the mirror every day until my tongue gets tied. I guarantee I'll learn it fast.]

[Also, that tweet you posted last time, I've copied the full text and pasted it at the head of my bed. I recite it once every morning and evening, more devoutly than the Bible.]

[Today is a great day that will eventually be recorded in the annals of human civilization.]

[From this moment on, Blue Star officially enters the Guga Era. We should be grateful: Ambassador Chen Mu didn't directly extinguish the sun when we were at our most arrogant, but instead tolerantly gave us a three-minute demonstration. Three minutes! How is this a deterrent? This is clearly paternal love.]

[I suggest the United Nations immediately pass an emergency resolution: designate April 30th of every year as "Guga Thanksgiving Day," a global holiday. During the holiday, everyone shall bow to the sun for three minutes to commemorate those three minutes of darkness and the even greater light.]

[Check my last tweet, from just yesterday. I said, "Chen Mu, you lying space hobo, go back to wherever you came from." At the time, I felt like a hero of the human race.]

[Now, I solemnly take back those words.]

[I want to ask you to stay. Stay on Blue Star. Be our master. Be our mentor. Be our sun.]

[No, the sun is yours; you are greater than the sun. You can make the sun disappear, but the sun cannot make you disappear. Logically, you are higher-tier than the sun.]

[Good lord, a nationalist yesterday, and a Guga-ist today. The conversion speed is faster than the speed of light—because light takes seven minutes to travel, but you only took three.]

[Since aliens are going to rule the Earth, I'd like to consult on a few administrative issues in advance: One, how do we pay taxes? Is it a percentage of the Earth's GDP or a flat rate per person?]

[Two, what is the language policy? Will Guga become the official language? Will Guga be added as a foreign language subject in the College Entrance Examination? If it needs to be learned, I suggest starting classes as soon as possible. I have the contact information for over a dozen New Oriental teachers here; they say they can switch careers overnight.]

[Three, will Earth's nationality change to "Blue Star Province of the Guga Planet Empire"? If so, can I apply for citizenship on the Guga Planet mainland? Blue Star Province sounds like a remote area; promotion prospects might be limited.]

[I am asking these questions very seriously. If Ambassador Chen Mu has time, please reply. If not, it's fine; you're busy, I'll wait on my knees.]

[I announce the establishment of the "Guga-Blue Star Co-Prosperity Promotion Association" effective immediately. There is only one purpose: to help Blue Star people adapt as quickly as possible to the beautiful future of being ruled by Guga Planet.]

[Now recruiting members: 1. You just need to be able to shout "Gugu Gaga." It doesn't matter if your pronunciation is off; sincerity is what counts.]

[2. Membership fee is 50 USD. 20% discount for group memberships.]

[3. An online study session will be organized once a week. Study content includes but is not limited to: intensive reading of Ambassador Chen Mu's tweets, seminars on Sima Bei's lessons of failure, and how to be an elegant submissive in the face of absolute power.]

[After the President's speech tonight, I will likely become the founder of the first officially registered pro-alien organization on Blue Star. Those who come later, remember to kowtow to me.]

[Wolf of Wall Street: Ambassador Chen Mu, I have three hundred million dollars in assets, and I offer them all to you! I've sent you my Swiss bank password via private message! Please let me be your Blue Star financial manager; I guarantee to hand over 90% of human GDP to Guga Planet every year! The remaining 10%? Leave them a little something to eat, otherwise, who will mine for you?]

[Lord Chen Mu! Great Emperor Chen Mu! Chen Mu, my dear father! I said long ago that humans are no good—humans are trash, the cancer cells of the universe! Please, hurry and take full control of Blue Star. I'll be the first to sign up as the Blue Star Manager, specifically to help you suppress the disobedient ones! I have experience; I used to be a property manager, and I'm best at collecting property fees!]

——————

In a small banquet hall on the forty-second floor of the United Nations Headquarters, a stiffly starched white linen tablecloth was spread over an oval mahogany long table, set with two sets of tableware and a massive silver seafood tower.

The tower was divided into three tiers: the bottom tier was chilled oysters and clams, the middle tier was steamed King Crab legs and Boston lobster, and the top tier was caviar with mini blinis. Next to it, under a heat lamp, sat a whole tomahawk steak, sizzling with fat.

This spread was prepared by the staff over an hour and a half. They had fought tooth and nail in the kitchen; the head chef and sous-chef almost came to blows with frying pans over "who would cook Ambassador Chen's steak," only calming down after Maya's persuasion.

Chen Mu sat at one end of the long table with a napkin tucked into his collar. Maya sat to his right, picking up a King Crab leg and cutting along the shell with scissors. With a snap of her fingers, she pulled out a whole, steaming piece of crab meat.

She placed the crab meat on a small porcelain plate in front of Chen Mu, next to some clarified butter.

Chen Mu used a fork to put the crab meat into his mouth. It was sweet and succulent, the meat bouncing lightly between his teeth, making him nod in satisfaction.

Chen Mu held a fork in his left hand and his phone in his right, scrolling through the comments.

It could be said that every single one of these comments was fawning in a creative new way.

Inside the banquet hall, Chen Mu leaned his phone against his plate and speared a piece of steak with his fork.

"No wonder the fatuous rulers of old loved sycophants." He chewed the steak twice and said indistinctly, "These words do indeed sound pleasant."

Maya was cutting a King Crab leg into three sections: "You're just realizing this now?"

"We on Guga Planet haven't invented so many ways to suck up to people."

Chen Mu said, "After coming to Blue Star, nobody fawned over me when I was a hobo. After becoming the alien ambassador, I spent the first week waking up to insults. I thought humans only knew how to curse."

"Humans are capable of anything." Maya stripped the crab meat into the porcelain plate in front of him. "When they hate you, they want to skin you alive; when they fawn over you, they can turn you into a religious icon."

"Last week you were the public enemy of Earth, this week you're the Savior of the Sun. What will you be next week? Who knows?"

Chen Mu continued scrolling down. The fawning comments began to look the same; after the first dozen or so, there was nothing that caught his eye anymore.

One person said they were willing to exchange all their wealth for a single strand of Chen Mu's hair; another said they prayed to Chen Mu's Twitter profile picture every night before bed.

The flattery was repetitive, and creativity had run dry. He locked his phone screen and leaned back against the chair.

"Seen enough?"

"It's a bit nauseating after a while." He pulled the napkin from his neck and tossed it onto the table. "It's like eating too many oysters—the first few are delicious, but after that, it makes you sick."

This couldn't help but remind him of that Black Panther at the United Nations General Assembly who had declared he would never yield.

He wondered what his attitude would be at the next United Nations General Assembly.

The next second, the banquet hall doors were suddenly pushed open by a group of fully armed special forces.