9: Chapter 9: Consort Hua looks just like her senior sister? The Holy Maiden is obsessed with palace dramas and doesn't want to kill anymore.

That night, the fourth level underground of the National Security Bureau was livelier than during the Lunar New Year.

The originally austere interrogation room had been converted into a temporary cross-realm logistics packing center.

A dozen top engineers wearing anti-static suits were gathered around a freshly unboxed, top-of-the-line tablet, handling it with more caution than if they were dismantling an unexploded bomb.

"Reinforce it! It must be reinforced!"

Academician Wang Jianguo held a welding torch in his hand, his eyes behind his goggles wide as copper bells.

"The magnetic field environment over there is extremely unstable, and it might also face the scouring of spiritual energy tides. A regular circuit board would be dead on arrival! We must use aerospace-grade insulating coating, apply three layers! No, five layers!"

"What about the battery? How are we going to solve the battery issue?"

Beside him, Academician Li Zhenbang was so anxious he was slapping his thigh.

"The Taichu Realm has no sockets! No 220V AC power! Are we supposed to have the Saintess of Taichu use a lightning spirit stone to charge it every time she watches two episodes of a TV show? That will blow the tablet to ashes!"

"Solar power!"

In the corner, a young expert from the National Photovoltaic Laboratory held up a shiny black board, his face full of excitement.

"This is a black gold high-efficiency photovoltaic panel still in the verification stage at our lab. The photoelectric conversion rate is as high as 45%! As long as there is light, even moonlight, it can charge! Stick it on the back of the tablet, and it's like a large phone case!"

"Good! Let's use that!"

Lei Keming had completely stepped into the role of chief Director by now, waving his hand, "Move fast! There are less than twenty hours left until the ultimatum!"

Jiang Chen huddled in his chair, watching this group of pillars of the nation, who were usually composed and eloquent in the news, arguing until they were red in the face over how to apply a screen protector to the tablet and how to download TV shows.

This magical sense of realism made him feel like he was dreaming.

"Director..." Jiang Chen raised his hand weakly, "Um, are the TV shows downloaded?"

"Downloading now!"

The agent in charge of the software didn't even lift his head, his fingers typing so fast they left afterimages on the keyboard.

"Following the Director's instructions, we have pre-installed three terabytes of resources. This includes but is not limited to the complete series of the legend of zhen huan, The Temptation to Go Home, Meteor Garden (four versions), and five hundred selected audiobooks of the 'Domineering Prince Falls in Love with Me' genre."

"That much?" Jiang Chen clicked his tongue, "Can she finish watching all of it?"

"It's better if she can't finish it!"

Lei Keming walked over and handed Jiang Chen a bottle of water, his eyes flashing with the cunning of an old fox.

"What we want is to make her obsessed! Make her addicted! Let her find spiritual sustenance in those long, boring years of cultivation! As long as she gets hooked on the shows, why would she have the mind to kill? Why would she have the mind to blow up the Earth?"

Jiang Chen felt a chill down his spine as he listened.

This is hardly a return gift.

This is mental drugs!

This is cultural invasion!

"But," Jiang Chen thought of another problem, "if she asks me what these are, what do I say?"

"Do I have to teach you that too?" Lei Keming poked Jiang Chen's forehead, feeling frustrated at his lack of progress.

"Just say that these are recording artifacts from the mortal world, specifically designed to record the various states of human life, used to temper one's Dao heart! Doesn't that sound high-class immediately?"

"Tempering the Dao heart..."

Jiang Chen's mouth twitched.

"Watching 'The Temptation to Go Home' to temper the Dao heart? That Dao heart would probably end up as mush."

"Stop talking nonsense! And what about that massage chair!"

Lei Keming turned and roared.

"Old Zhao! Is the chair tuned up yet? That is our heavy weapon this time!"

"It's ready, it's ready!"

The head of the logistics department, Old Zhao, directed several strong men as they huffed and puffed while carrying in a behemoth.

It was an extremely luxurious, futuristic-looking space capsule massage chair.

Wrapped in genuine leather and inlaid with Swarovski crystals (a bit tacky, but Ji Linglong liked shiny things), it had also been specially modified.

"This is the Carefree Chair No. 1!"

Old Zhao patted the back of the chair, looking proud.

"We removed all the complex electronic control panels and changed it to a foolproof one-button start. The internal motors were replaced with military-grade ones; it's powerful enough to knead right into your bone joints. Plus, it comes with a solar canopy, so it can be used right in the courtyard."

"The most critical part is..."

Old Zhao smiled mysteriously and pressed a button on the armrest.

"Hum—"

The chair began to vibrate, and at the same time, a melodious guqin piece, mixed with gentle white noise, emanated from the speakers hidden on both sides of the headrest.

"This is the sonic sleep-aid system."

Old Zhao said triumphantly.

"It can emit alpha waves; even an old monster who has been suffering from insomnia for eight hundred years would fall asleep within five minutes of lying on it."

Lei Keming nodded with satisfaction, circling the chair twice as if inspecting a tank about to go to war.

"Not bad. Sending this over will definitely be a dimensionality-reduction strike against the ascetic lifestyle."

He turned to look at Jiang Chen with burning eyes: "Jiang Chen, think about it. When she has been meditating in a cold stone cave for hundreds of years, with a sore back and cramping legs, and suddenly has this soft, automatic massage-giving, music-playing artifact... will she still be able to leave you?"

Jiang Chen imagined the scene.

The aloof Saintess of Taichu, sprawled on the massage chair, drinking happy water, watching a palace drama on the tablet, letting out "hehehe" silly laughs...

The image is too beautiful to look at.

"Alright! Pack it up!"

Lei Keming glanced at the time.

"There are two hours left until the countdown ends. Jiang Chen, get ready to open the transmission channel!"

Ten minutes later.

In the open space in the center of the interrogation room, a mountain of supplies was piled up.

The most conspicuous item was the modified massage chair, next to which were several boxes of specially supplied happy water (to prevent the bottles from exploding due to pressure changes, they were specially replaced with thickened military-grade water bottles), as well as that tablet with the "black gold" photovoltaic panel attached.

In addition, there were tons of potato chips, spicy strips, self-heating hot pots, and even a few sets of Hanfu, which, although made of ordinary materials, had extremely intricate and exquisite designs.

"Activate the system."

Jiang Chen took a deep breath and woke up that deadly phone.

"[Ding! Detected that the Host is preparing a return gift.]"

"[Scanning items...]"

"[Scanning complete. Item list: Mortal mechanical chair x1, black sugar water x10 boxes, image-recording artifact x1, various sundries.]"

"[Total value assessment: Approximately 0 in the cultivation world (trash), approximately... well, quite expensive in the mortal world.]"

"[System prompt: Due to the large volume of items being transmitted this time, it requires consuming three months of the Host's lifespan as postage. Do you wish to pay?]"

"What?" Jiang Chen jumped up, "Three months? Didn't you say last time that there was no need to deduct lifespan?"

"[Last time the female side paid the postage. This time you pay. Even eating soft rice has a cost.]"

The system's voice was cold.

"Pay it! The country will make it up for you!"

Lei Keming roared from the side.

"Forget three months, as long as this works, when we get back, Professor Chen will give you a shot of that 'telomerase' thing, and those three months will be made up! Hurry up!"

Jiang Chen gritted his teeth: "Pay!"

"Hum—"

The phone screen rippled again.

This time, the commotion was even bigger than when Ji Linglong sent the stones last time.

The space above the interrogation room seemed to be forcibly torn open by an invisible giant hand, and a pitch-black vortex appeared.

A strong wind blew, sending the surrounding experimental reports flying everywhere.

"Go!"

Lei Keming and several agents worked together to shove all those supplies into the vortex in one go.

The moment the heavy massage chair touched the edge of the vortex, it seemed to be captured by some force, instantly shrinking into a stream of light and disappearing into the endless darkness.

Immediately after came the happy water, the tablet, the potato chips...

In just a few seconds, that mountain of supplies disappeared completely.

The vortex slowly closed.

The interrogation room returned to calm, leaving only the mess on the floor and the group of scientists panting with exhaustion.

"Sent... sent away?"

Academician Li Zhenbang wiped his sweat, holding his old waist.

"I've never worked as a porter in my life; this job is really not meant for humans."

"Now we just wait."

Lei Keming pulled over a chair and sat down, staring intently at Jiang Chen's phone.

"Waiting for her feedback. Whether it's a pleasant surprise or a shock, it all depends on this."

Waiting was long.

Every second felt like torture.

Jiang Chen held the phone, feeling the sweat in his palms soaking the phone case.

What if she doesn't like it?

What if she thinks this is an insult?

That heavenly thunder talisman was still tucked in his pocket.

Ten minutes passed.

Twenty minutes passed.

Just when Jiang Chen felt that hope was slim, and even suspected that the items might have been lost in the space-time tunnel.

"Ding-dong!"

A crisp notification sound rang out.

It wasn't the system's mechanical sound, but the sound of a new WeChat message.

Everyone in the room stood up instantly. A dozen pairs of eyes focused on that small screen like searchlights.

"[Saintess of Taichu (Irritable Version)] sent a voice message."

Duration: 59 seconds.

Jiang Chen's finger hovered over the screen, trembling for a long time, not daring to tap it.

"Tap it!" Lei Keming was so anxious he wished he could tap it for him.

Jiang Chen closed his eyes, hardened his heart, and pressed it.

From the speaker, what came through first wasn't Ji Linglong's voice, but a strange and very rhythmic background sound.

"Hum... hum... hum..."

That was the sound of the massage chair's motor operating.

Immediately after, came Ji Linglong's familiar, yet completely strange voice.

The reason it was strange was that at this moment, her voice completely lacked the high-and-mighty, murderous coldness from before; instead, it revealed a soft, glutinous, and even somewhat intoxicating laziness.

"Mm... ah... Husband..."

"What kind of artifact is this? The strength is even more precise than my few foot-massaging puppets... It's pressing exactly on my Mingmen acupoint... Hiss... so comfortable..."

"Glug... glug..." (This was the sound of drinking happy water)

"Burp~"

Another loud burp.

"This black sugar water is very strange. It's a bit prickly when it first enters the mouth, but after going down the throat, there's a coolness that rushes straight to the crown of my head, and even my inner demons have been suppressed a little. Delicious! Very delicious!"

"And this board..."

The voice paused for a moment, and in the background, the sound of the opening theme of the TV show the legend of zhen huan could be heard.

"Husband, why are the little people in this box dressed so gaudily? That woman called Consort Hua has a rather vicious look in her eyes, just like that bitchy Senior Sister who competed with me for the position of Saintess. Very good, very good! I must study the palace intrigue techniques in this properly, to use against that bitch in the future..."

The voice message ended there.