5: Chapter 5 Community Performance Artists

Viper was enraged. His vital energy erupted, and the dagger in his hand turned into a web of blades, enveloping Jiang You's entire body.

[Brain]:

"Analysis complete. Flaws in opponent's blade technique: 108."

"Too weak. Boring."

"Right Hand, take over the body. Execute the 'Nine Swords of Dugu'... Oh wait, we don't have a sword. Then execute the 'Nine Clothes-Hanger Swords'."

The next second.

Jiang You's right hand suddenly shot out, grabbing a pink plastic hanger at the head of the bed as fast as lightning.

It was left behind by his ex-girlfriend, and a sock was still hanging on it.

*Whoosh!*

Jiang You still had his eyes closed, and his sleeping posture was even a bit seductive.

But the hanger in his hand came alive.

Carrying the sock, the hanger turned into an afterimage, incredibly piercing through Viper's impenetrable web of blades with absolute precision.

*Smack!*

The hanger's hook precisely hooked into Viper's nostril.

Immediately after, with that as the center, the sock whipped fiercely onto Viper's face.

"Mph!"

Viper was dazed by this pungent strike, tears streaming down his face.

Before he could even react...

Jiang You's wrist flicked.

Like a divine weapon, the hanger swept downward, instantly disarming Viper by flicking the dagger out of his hand.

Then, the two corners of the hanger clamped onto Viper's throat like pincers.

[Right Hand]:

"Too weak! Too weak! There's absolutely no impact feel!"

"Can we get someone who can actually fight? This isn't even as fun as squeezing instant noodle bags!"

[Legs]:

"Let me do it! Let me do it! I want to try my newly practiced Cyclone Sweep!"

And so...

Under Viper's terrified gaze...

the boy with closed eyes suddenly sprang up from the bed.

His Legs clamped around Viper's waist like scissors.

Death Windmill!

*Rumble, rumble, rumble!*

Jiang You spun frantically with Viper in the small rented room.

Viper felt like his internal organs were about to be flung out, and his Brains were thoroughly scrambled.

Three minutes later.

Everything returned to silence.

Viper was foaming at the mouth, his eyes rolled back, slumped on the ground like a dead dog.

His worldview had completely collapsed.

He had been unilaterally battered by a sleeping person using a clothes hanger and a sock.

His professional career was completely over.

Jiang You stood in place, swayed twice, and then fell straight back onto the bed.

He pulled up the blanket and went back to sleep.

He hadn't woken up for even a single second throughout the entire process.

[Internal Chat Group]

[Brain]:

"Threat eliminated."

"But this pile of garbage is too much of an eyesore in the room, and it's likely to dirty the floor."

"liver, didn't you say you wanted to do some artistic creation earlier?"

[liver (pushing up glasses)]:

"Yes. I believe this kind of material delivered right to our door should be used to warn future generations, and incidentally show off our class."

"I suggest hanging him outside."

[Brain]:

"Approved. Legs, get to work."

...

The next morning.

The residents of Jiang City woke up and headed to work.

As they passed an intersection in the old district, everyone stopped in their tracks and gasped.

Many pulled out their phones, frantically taking pictures to post on their social media.

"Holy crap! What kind of performance art is this?"

"This is so hardcore!"

On the tallest streetlight at the intersection...

...hung a man wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

He was tied up securely, suspended in mid-air and swaying in the wind.

The most ridiculous part was...

...his body was covered in wild cursive writing done with a black marker:

Written on his chest: [Too Weak]

Written on his back: [Bad Review]

Written on his left cheek: [Is That It?]

Written on his right cheek: [Train for Another 500 Years]

And on his butt, there was even a quarantine stamp that Jiang You got from buying pork: [Inspected Pork].

At this moment.

Jiang You stretched, groggily walking to the window to breathe in some fresh air.

He rubbed his eyes, looking at the crowd packing the street below, and then at the 'artwork' swaying in the wind on the streetlight.

"Are community activities this avant-garde nowadays?"

Jiang You looked at the spinning, unlucky guy and marveled, "This performance art is quite something. It not only satirizes the fragility of modern people but also criticizes the societal phenomenon of having high ambitions but low abilities. Especially that phrase 'Is That It?', it's simply the finishing touch."

He didn't connect this miserable-looking victim with himself at all.

After all, in his mind, he was just a weak boy who couldn't even twist open a bottle cap.

Just then, Jiang You felt his pajama pocket weighing heavily.

He reached in and pulled something out.

A bulging black crocodile-skin wallet appeared in his hand.

Opening it, it was stuffed with red banknotes, estimated to be at least three to four thousand yuan, along with several black gold cards that looked very high-end.

Jiang You froze.

He recalled carefully.

Before going to sleep last night, there was clearly only a key to his rented room in his pocket.

"Where did this money come from?"

Jiang You scratched his head, then suddenly slapped his thigh. "I remember now! It must be that wealthy heir, Zhao Tai, from yesterday!"

"Though his character is lacking, I didn't expect him to have such a strong sense of compensation. After getting accidentally hurt when I slipped, he actually sneaked the medical expenses into my pocket?"

Jiang You counted the money, his mood instantly lifting.

"Though he's ugly, this money is given beautifully. Fine, since I've taken the money, I won't hold yesterday's matter against him."

He happily stuffed the money back into his pocket, completely failing to notice the ID card in the corner of the wallet that read 'Black List Assassin: Viper'.

...

Meanwhile, inside Jiang You's body.

The organs were holding an intense review meeting.

[Internal Chat Group]

[Kidney]:

"I told you pickpocketing was a good habit! That guy had too little vital energy, so I only absorbed a tiny bit, but this wallet is really thick! With this money, can we buy some high-end stuff?"

[Right Hand]:

"Tch, boring. That guy was too fragile; I didn't even finish warming up. Whipping someone with a hanger feels too light. Can I apply to use a brick next time?"

[Legs]:

"Come on, I was the one who had it hardest, okay? Last night there wasn't even a place to step in this room, and I had to control my strength so I wouldn't collapse the floor. It was practically ballet."

[Brain]:

"Alright, shut up, everyone. The Slacker Ruler is going to buy breakfast. All organs return to your positions. Pain block deactivated by 10%—let him feel a bit of soreness, otherwise he'll suspect something is wrong with his bodily functions."

"Also, this little bit of money is barely enough to get by. That so-called assassin last night was too weak, providing negligible energy. To evolve, we must go to a place with higher energy."

[Kidneys]:

"Agreed! Though last night's trip was fun, I didn't get my fill. I sensed it—the S-Rank Forbidden Zone five hundred miles outside the city. The taste of energy there... tsk tsk, it's practically a royal feast!"

[Legs]:

"Let's go tonight! Since the master loves sleeping so much, let's let him sleep all he wants. We'll take him on a tour of the forbidden zone!"

In reality...

Jiang You suddenly felt a bit of soreness in his Legs, but he didn't take it seriously, assuming he had just slept in an awkward position last night.

Carrying his fortune and humming a little tune, he went downstairs and headed straight for the breakfast stall.

"Boss! Give me two baskets of meat buns! The ones with the most meat! And add two bowls of soy milk—one to drink, and one to pour out!"