Chapter 361: Gainful Employment

I leaned down and brushed my palm over the flattened wheat stubs.Soft. Level. Tickly.

It was like the top of my father’s hair following the time Clarise tripped over and launched her latest invention over him. After the unscheduled trim by the royal barber, the result was something both oddly springy and smooth–and was thus fun to brush my hand over for all of 5 minutes.

This time, I only needed a single moment.

Feeling none of the golden roots passing above my fingers, I stood up and gave a hum of consideration.

A moment later … I nodded.

“Acceptable.”

Before me, a small group of hoodlums stared with sweat washing away the mud from their faces.

Their lips quivered, their wide eyes alert and disbelieving, all the while their constantly shaking hands gripped around the pitchforks, sickles and scythes they held or leaned against for support. 

They waited for me to issue a complaint. 

I didn’t. And so a jumbled cry of joy, exhaustion and relief met my ears. 

Especially as there was still more to come.

I held up my finger. The exuberance ceased at once.

“Indeed, this is an acceptable start,” I said with a kind smile. “Now you must take all you’ve learned and apply it to every field of wheat you see. Once you’ve finished, you can make a start on the other crops as well.”

The expressions of happiness only grew more pronounced.

Indeed, the hoodlums were so delighted that the tears threatening to dry suddenly reappeared. 

I wasn’t quite that overjoyed, but I was still satisfied.

All around me, a field which was previously overgrown to the point of confusing my princess senses was now on its way to becoming tidy. Where dipping stalks of wheat existed before, only a perfectly measured square of roots and stems now shone–mostly owing to the continuous nourishment of tears.

To the side, bundles of tomorrow’s flour were meticulously stacked in a steadily growing pile assorted by grade.

Not by me, of course. 

But rather, the farmers beaming while idly drinking.

“Hm, not bad,” said Mr … the owner of these fields. “Really wasn’t planning on harvesting this batch. The grain yield is poor. But if I’m going to have mischief makers hiding in them, I may as well use it as feed. Not much value in it otherwise.”

“The value is in teaching ruffians the error of their ways,” I replied, nodding wisely while placing my hand upon my chest. “Sweat washes away both mud and foulness of spirit.” 

“Well, they’ve certainly got spirit. I’m surprised. They picked this up faster than I imagined. But I suppose you also need good hands if you want to be an outlaw.”

The farmer sounded impressed. 

I could only raise a brow. 

Frankly, these ruffians had better legs than hands given how often they’d escaped justice. 

… Fortunately, they now had an opportunity to make good on their arrears!

Indeed, this was officially the start of their journey to compensate the kingdom for their mishaps, and although the horizon before them was as endless as my kindness, I had little doubt they could reach it. 

Eventually. Maybe.

After all, even Coppelia was helping them.

“Hey! You’re still doing it wrong!” she said, looking aggrieved as she pointed at the only hoodlum to use a scythe. “There’s no point cutting it one bundle at a time! I told you to swing with 2% of your strength! If you do that, you can clear this field in one sweep!”

“Uuuh … but … but I don’t think I can …”

“Sure you can! Just try slightly harder!”

“I’m … I’m trying but … my arms ache so much … I … I  think it’s about to fall off …”

“If it does, you can just stick it back on! The only reason it aches is because you’re not swinging the scythe with feeling! If you don’t respect your scythe, your scythe won’t respect you!”

“I … I don’t think I can even feel anymore … everything is becoming numb …”

The hoodlum with the scythe made a pitiful sweep with his farming tool, managing to do just enough to cause a ladybird to land upon it before flying off again.

Sensing the danger, I stepped forwards just before Coppelia could volunteer to farm.

“Very well!” I said brightly. “Given your efforts so far, I shall permit one of you a brief rest–”

The hoodlums all brightened at once.

“–so that one of you may answer my queries regarding your sordid presence.”

The sounds of farming instruments at work and laborious breathing immediately filled the air. 

Naturally, I was overjoyed. None of them wished to be overtaken on the road to redemption. Even so, I still needed answers.

“You.” I clicked my fingers towards the hoodlum with the most teeth. “I hereby deem you ruffian #1. Explain. How did you escape from Trierport’s cells?”

The man looked up, then glanced towards his colleagues. None of them met his eyes.

He swallowed a gulp and raised himself.

“We, uh, we didn’t escape. We were set free.”

“Excuse me?” I was utterly stunned. “Are you saying you have accomplices? Amongst who? Guards? Judges? Who would lack the standards to accept whatever bribes you could offer?”

“Well, no, we didn’t bribe anyone. We were only in the cells for a few nights.”

“W-Wha–?! How is that possible? You committed arduous crimes in broad daylight!”

“Ma’am, we … we only kidnapped some cats.”

The man ended his sentence there, as though it was all which needed to be said.

I was aghast.

“Only?! … That debacle was a humiliation for me! The acknowledgement I received from accidentally rescuing those cats is a blotch against my reputation I’ll have to live with until I can find the drawer which holds all the official records!”

“I’m … I’m very sorry? But, uh, for what it’s worth, you don’t look like someone who’d rescue cats.”

The sound of labour immediately halted.

Jaws dropped as the man’s colleagues stared at his back. I shared in their shock.

After all … that was one of the most appropriate things I’d ever heard!

“My, so you do know courtesy!” I said, offering a bright smile. “That is the exact sort of politeness which can go a long way … just not enough for me to ignore you disregarding the mercy of a justice system in need of clear overhaul. Or my famed kindness. To repeat your mistakes is a poor decision.”

“We didn’t mean to!” replied ruffian #1 at once, his eyes wide. “We tried to change! We did!”

“Oh? And what happened?”

“Nothing happened! That’s … well, that’s the problem! That’s always the problem! It’s not like we want to be outlaws living off the land–but nobody will take us in. There’s nothing we can do. Not when we’ve got dumb names like Sourface, Patches and Lemmy.”

“Very well. Then change your names.”

The ruffian paused.

“... We like our names,” he admitted, his meek words drawing a few nods in response.

I briefly sighed into my palms.

“Fine. So you’re cursed with inappropriate names. Is this why you choose to rob farmers of their possessions? One of them is even celebrating their birthday. That is awful.”

“We had no choice,” claimed the ruffian, pointing instantly towards the nearby forest. “It’s … It’s the boss.”

“The boss.”

“The boss. The new one, I mean. Not the old one. He, uh … he went off to farm, pretty much just like this. But the new boss–he ain’t good. And I say that from us. That man’s not just the bad type. I’m pretty sure he’s … well, evil.”

“Oh? Do you mean he robbed a tax inspector?”

“Um … I don’t rightly know. But he’s evil. As in actually evil.”

I leaned in slightly.

“... How evil?”

“More evil than you can know. You see it around him. Like a fog.”

The ruffian dented his brows in seriousness. I offered a nod.

And then–

“Ohhohohohooohohohoho!!”

I raised a hand to my lips, rewarding the bewildered hoodlums with the gift of my healing laughter.

My, but wasn’t this wonderful? 

A bandit with a slightly unpleasant aura. 

I see this one was truly pushing the boundaries. It was little wonder none of my knights had found this unique scoundrel yet. He was so utterly mundane that it acted as its own invisibility spell.

“... Very well, then.” I offered a smile. “Quite frightening, indeed. Would he also be habitually rude, a frequent cackler and in possession of a scar?”

The ruffian didn’t immediately answer. His eyes glanced towards the forest instead.

“I’m … I’m not too sure on the scar. He always wears a helmet. I don’t hear much laughing or rudeness, either. But that’s the thing about him. He only needs a few words to drain the life out of you. He calls himself the Pale Knight, but I reckon it’s everyone else that’s pale around him.”

“Well, I’d expect nothing less. A petty hooligan pretending to be a bandit knight is shameless beyond measure.” 

The ruffian shook his head maniacally. 

“He’s more than that,” he said, his voice lowering. “Whatever you think he is, it’s worse. He’s gathered everyone. Even friends of the old boss. And they follow because he’s strong. So strong we don’t know why he needs us collecting tithes for him.”

“I see  … and I suppose you’re pretending to follow along, is it?”

“Yes. Because we’ve seen what happens to those who say no. Those who try to run. It’s like a game to him. He finds them quick as a hound, stares them right in the eye … and then they’re not right anymore.”

The man scrunched up his fists. 

Those behind him nodded. Their earnestness was clear. 

Apparently, this pale vagabond was so odorous that even brigands couldn’t recover. A truly horrifying prospect. But all the more reason to sweep the blemish away.

“Very well. I thank you for the warning. And so where might I find this hoodlum?”

The ruffian blinked for several moments, astonished that I’d dare risk my nose. 

It wasn’t until I began tapping my foot that he pointed again towards the forest.

“... Well, uh, I don’t know where he is. But he has the higher ups collecting the tithes. They’ll know. There’s a stream nearby. If you follow it, that’ll take you straight to one of the bigger camps. But I don’t think you should go. That man … he’s different. He’s not like us good-for-nothings.”

“True. You’re worth far more.”

“What?”

“You’ve harvested wheat,” I said simply. “Your worth is already greater than any of your peers. For while the gold you now gather is different from the gold you’ve illegally taxed through your numerous misdeeds, the joy it brings is no different. It is the gift from which every smile and perfectly springy shortcake blooms.”

I gestured at the fruits of their labour. 

In unison, all the louts took in the piled up bundles of wheat and the flattened field as though only seeing past their tears for the first time.

“Yeah … you might be right,” came a reply caught in a sniffle. “I … I think I understand the boss now. I dunno why, but this does feel a lot better than what we usually do.”

“Wonderful!” I clapped my hands in joy. “In that case, you may continue your rehabilitation under the supervision of these helpful farmers! … At least until I’ve time to discuss matters of soap.” 

“S-Soap?”

“Yes. Soap. This will be a very important conversation. But since this new forest gnat clearly requires it more, I’ll allow a pause until my return. In the meanwhile, please do your best to harvest until you reach the horizon and not to go mysteriously missing. Otherwise, my smile will take on a different shape.”

The edges of my lips curled very slightly, threatening to shift from a smile to a frown.

A small gulp answered.

“I … we understand … please have a safe trip.” 

“Why, thank you.”

Satisfied all was done, I turned to find my noble steed.

I found him making friends with the farmers. 

It filled me with pride to see that they were clearly more enthusiastic about Apple than they were about their temporary workers. At the same time, it was somewhat dire that he wasn’t recognised as a royal steed.

“–Wait.”

Suddenly, Ruffian #1 called out to me. I duly glanced behind.

“There’s … well, there’s something else you should probably know,” he said, wearing a clear expression of hesitation. “If you’re going into the forest, that is. To talk to the new boss. About soap.”

“Yes … ?”

“It’s just that … there’s something in there. Something other than freakish knights and worthless louts like us. There’s a darkness. A shadow. A thing hiding in the forest. Haunting it.” 

Ughhhhhhhhh.

I let out a small groan. 

Of course there was a thing. Why wouldn’t there be? 

“Fine. What is this unnecessary nuisance, then? … Some drooling demon?” 

“We don’t know. None of us do. But it’s a ferocious, growling beast which takes people away … a monster in the shape of a girl.”

He paused.

“... Sort of your size,” he added meekly.

A wall of fervent nods was directed towards me.

I raised an eyebrow.

Then, I simply continued towards Apple.

“Is that so? … Excellent. Perhaps I can ask her for directions.”