Chapter 372: A Princess’s Innocence

A beautiful sight greeted me upon my return to the farm.A stream of unbroken moonlight pouring down upon fields of golden wheat. And also the volunteers preparing to work them, shepherded by the knights who’d now decided to make their appearance.

Armoured steeds lined the dirt road in the near distance while their bearers waltzed through the fields. Except that this time, they weren’t simply hiding from the fathers whose rage they’d earned. 

Instead, they were busying themselves with gathering together the ruffians as they crawled from the forest like mice scurrying from a bar of soap. 

A difficult task.

But not because the hoodlums were fleeing from them. 

On the contrary, they were crowding around my knights like drunkards desperate for the attention of a barkeeper. Despite Coppelia generously helping to prod the ruffians into one group, it was enough to overwhelm even the bravest of my defenders.

As powerful as the musk of hair wax was, nothing was as debilitating as the odour which all common hoodlums proudly boasted.

Even so, I was delighted!

Now finally freed from the grasp of an errant vampire, the vagrants populating these forests had finally seen the error of their ways. 

Granted a second chance to offer themselves to the kingdom, many were already upon their knees, their cries of relief filling the air as they practically banged on the armour of my knights.

“Please! Put me in prison! I’m begging you!”

“No, take me away first! I’ve done the worst crimes! Put me somewhere with the biggest walls!”

“We’re doomed. We’re doomed. We’re doomed.”

“A monster! You gotta go in there! It’s … It’s still around! A monster in the shape of a girl! She can fly and beam down unholy fire! You need to stop her before it’s too late!”

“Please … I have this letter … give this to my daughter … then tell her to run …”

I-Indeed!

Why, they were so relieved that their memories were jumbled up, recalling events which never occurred! 

Fortunately, not all of the hoodlums were busy muddying their knees. 

“Haah … haaah … haaah …”

Some were muddying their hands.

There, in the only part of the wheat field to be satisfyingly level, were a group of hoodlums whose only concerns were building upon a tower of bales. 

It rose magnificently. A structure imposing enough that if I could fit it with windows and a door, I could use it to mark the 99 floor dungeon I’d soon be building nearby.

Sweat dribbled from the brows as they harvested the field I’d left them to into a geometrically perfect rectangle. However, despite the joy of toil washing away their past mischief, the most pleased were the actual farmers themselves. And why not?

I had just ensured their unending productivity.

Ohohohohoho!

Indeed!

An entire forest cleared of distractions! Now there was no excuse to lounge in a cart while only waking when a royal procession woke them! 

With nothing but the regular carnivorous monsters, prowling forest wolves and ravenous badgers to make anyone wonder why farming was a viable profession, I fully expected the shortcakes produced by this farm’s flour to begin flowing again.

There was just one problem.

“Puh.”

The glob of liquid which casually exited the orifice of the nearest farmer.

I almost fainted on the spot.

There was no communication behind it. 

No meaning. No protest. No agreement. 

Just a casual act of wanton destruction of etiquette, followed by a yawn, a scratch of the head and a rub of the nostrils to sweep away any speck of propriety which remained.

My hands covered my mouth. Horror beyond words or gasps filled me. All the more so as the farmer noticed my shock, then simply gave me a thumbs-up. Yet just as I was about to order my knights to arrest this vandal, I was instead greeted by the only one who technically wasn’t mine.

Technically, of course, being a highly flexible word.

“Well, now,” said the minotaur, offering a courteous nod as he approached. “It seems my thoughts of assisting were an exercise in hubris. I alerted what knights were sober enough to ride. But perhaps I should have brought the kegs instead. I take it you were successful in your quest?”

I offered a kindly smile in return … all the more so as his presence stopped the nearby farmer from doing something unspeakable with his nose.

“Not in the slightest. I’ve only ever one desire. That is to return to my orchard, where I may tend to the begonias who are sorely missing my gentle touch.”

“A noble desire. To nurture life is to wound evil more than any blade could do.”

“My, I agree with the sentiment. But gardening is more than simply a means to spite those who lurk in the dark. It is a method to enlighten the soul. As some here have already come to know.”

The minotaur glanced at a group of hoodlums already at work with their sickles.

The ones who I’d earlier left here.

It was almost impressive. They were like squires on their first day of being a lackey. If all my farmers worked with such fervour, I’d be tossing gâteau aux cerises très moelleux through my window at twice the usual rate. 

He simply nodded.

“I’m certain more will have the chance to indulge. It was quite the surprise. The brigands exited in their droves. When they first came rushing out, my first thought was that these farmers were being assailed.”

“Then you needn’t fear. These farmers have been spared. Just not from work. I’ve made sure of that. And certainly not by using anything other than a gentle smile, no matter what slanderous rumours you might have heard.”

“I’ve heard no such rumours,” said the minotaur, his white lie as shining as his armour. “The only ones which concern me are those regarding a powerful vampire, if I heard true. Would this be correct?”

“Ohohoho … not at all. I only encountered a flying leech.”

“... A flying leech?”

“Yes. One with a poor sense of taste. That it somehow moulted into ash is a deep shame.”

The look I received was no different to the way knights stared whenever they saw a slightly newer and shinier sword … something I was mildly mortified at.

“Then I dare say the world will sleep easier. Leeches often equate to disease. I cannot imagine the calamity that might have followed had it remained whole. Certainly, anything so foul would be poorly suited for a task as virtuous as farming.”

“Is that so? … Yet I must disagree.”

“Oh?”

“To wield a pitchfork is to cast away one’s misdeeds–as long as it’s pointed towards the ground and nowhere else. For here in the Kingdom of Tirea, all debts can be repaid. And I do believe that the road of redemption first begins with the road of productivity. Luckily for these hoodlums, it shall be both a long and joyful one.”

The minotaur nodded … albeit with just a hint of concern.

“A truly fine notion. I only wish justice were so pragmatic in other kingdoms. Even so, I must admit my surprise. In my experience, trust is rarely admired by brigands. Although a number appear remarkably … zealous, I fear that most will flee on the first night.”

I offered an angelic smile, my hands clasped together against my chest.

“Ordinarily, perhaps so. But that is only more cause for us to offer our kindness. Those of a desperate past think only of a desperate future, where every road is steeped in fog and paved in doubt. To swipe it away, we must therefore offer a guiding hand. To be the light that they miss. They simply need encouragement. An opportunity … and also someone to impress upon them the gravity of what should occur if such opportunity is squandered.”

Thus, I looked up and nodded.

“Sir Arthur Tranlingway. I have for you a quest.”

The minotaur snapped to attention, much to his own clear surprise. 

I hardly saw why.

For a questing knight, there was no ambition greater than to see out the most worthy of tasks given to them. And none were more cherished than those gifted by a princess.

“Really?” The minotaur blinked, seemingly now very confused. “And … what would that be?”

“Ohohoho … why, it’s simple. Please ensure that these hoodlums do not meander from the road of productivity. Because if they do, I will consider alternative arrangements.” 

Growing astonishment was all the minotaur had to offer as the silver of his armour almost seemed to glow with a pale shine. It was nothing compared to his sword. 

That had become a light which every nearby knight could only gawp at.

I nodded in satisfaction.

“Once they’ve been rehabilitated to your satisfaction, I kindly invite you to the Royal Villa to receive a fitting reward–as well as an audience with the royal family. To guests from the Spiral Isle, we offer nothing but our hospitality … I look forward to our next meeting.”

The minotaur stared.

Then, his eyes widened–then only continued widening as I turned on my heels, my parting smile all the reward any questing knight needed in the interim.

Now with this corner of the countryside brightened, I went to my next order of business. Back towards the edge of the forest. But it wasn’t to survey where the barely hidden trail used to lure miscreants coming to undo my work would go. 

Not yet, anyway.

Instead, I made my way over to the maiden with silver hair and pink pyjamas, who being a vampire had a passable excuse to avoid social occasions … at least until I was personally there to see how the Holy Church’s representative would splutter when we outrageously denied everything.

Naturally, she knew this as well.

That’s why in the diagram she was drawing with a fine line of ice, several broom cupboards had been added so that the maids could tidy up whatever wine glass was dropped while in the expanded library.

“It’s done,” said Miriam with a satisfied nod. “What do you think?”

I kneeled down to study the drawing in the grass.

It was bigger than I imagined. And there were entire rooms marked simply with the word ‘culture’.

That was all that was required.

“I approve,” I said with a clap of my hands. “This is wonderful. Nothing else needs to be added. In fact, perhaps some things can be removed. If the shelves scribbled with the word ‘poetry’ could be–”

“That is beyond my ability.”

I pursed my lips, only temporarily thwarted.

First things first … water my begonias, bathe, eat and sleep, then repeated several times. But afterwards, I’d see to ensuring my agreement with a certain dragon was fulfilled in full. More than full.

After all–what example would I be if I didn’t honour my debts with interest?

Ohohohohohoho!

“I’m relieved,” said Miriam, looking not the least bit relieved as she studiously went over her drawing. “To be responsible for expanding the Royal Villa is something I never could have expected. But I suppose such activities are the norm now. It’s certainly different from my crypt.” 

“Well, I’d hope so! As … cosy as your crypt sounds, the Royal Villa is flush with warmth. Especially with loyal servants dedicated to discreetly burning our deliveries of carrots in every hearth.”

Miriam nodded, doubtless having admired the sight in the middle of the night.

“Are you certain there’s nothing you wish to change? While later renovations can still be done, it’d be simpler if they were organised now.”

“I’ve no changes I wish to make. In truth, I spend little time in the library. I trust that any alterations you deem suitable will be a marked improvement.”

“Understood. Then I shall return to work at once.”

Without fanfare, she brushed aside the drawing with a sweep of her hand–

Fwup.

… and sprouted a small pair of bat-like wings. She gave them a little flap.

I absolutely was not resisting the temptation to touch them.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” I said with a click of my fingers. “I’ve a message I wish to be delivered to my mother and father.”

“Of course. What would you like me to convey?” 

“Please tell them the following: I did not do that.”

Miriam waited.

After a moment, she tilted her head slightly.

“... Is that it?”

“Yes.”

“Should I tell them what you specifically did not do?”

“That would defeat the purpose. I want them to know that whatever they think I did, I most certainly did not.”

Miriam blinked.

Then, she looked up in thought. In those brief seconds, I could almost see every memory she had of me flashing through her eyes.

“Should I mention–”

“No.”