Chapter 389: The Most Likely Suspect

A golden brush of afternoon sunlight washed over the old town of Wirtzhaven.Ordinarily, this was the same colour which would be glinting from the tankards of every drunkard. 

As the main trading port of my kingdom’s south, it was only natural that every inch of its winding alleys and docks would play host to a bar, a pub, a tavern or an inn. 

Each played an important role, diligently containing the sailors who’d otherwise accidentally wander into a guild hall and make the leap into becoming drunken adventurers instead.

Of course, the fact that I knew the difference between these various establishments was a scar against my purity that would never heal. And the fact that I also knew to avert my gaze from every sewer grate in order to preserve what remained was so appalling that other princesses would feel duty-bound to lob plant pots at my head until I forgot such wisdom. 

Today, however, things were different.

I wasn’t required to warily watch the tallest windows for vigilante princesses seeking to ease my ordeal. 

In fact … I didn’t even need to tightly hold onto Apple’s reins, ready to urge him to sneeze on any layabout agile enough to stumble past Coppelia’s wandering foot.

The raucousness of drunken sailors mysteriously falling on their faces had been replaced.

A different joy was in the air instead. 

A cacophony of cheering, rapturous applause and barely contained glee. Like the conclusion of a play at the Royal Arc Theatre after the audience had peeked up at my royal box and confirmed I was withholding my final projectile fruit, all of Wirtzhaven was jumping on the spot. 

And the reason was clear.

Me.

Ohohohohohoho!

It was … It was wonderful!!

All around me, loyalty shone past the mud upon the faces of my subjects!

Hands waved for my attention as they celebrated the arrival of their beloved princess! Children sat smiling upon shoulders! Pouches of copper, silver and gold were desperately flung towards the Royal Treasury!

At long last, a reception befitting my high status … and also my bright smile!

There was just one problem.

“Look, look! I have gold! My entire savings! I’m right here! Let me spend it!”

“It’s amazing! They have everything I didn’t even know I needed!”

“A hat that makes your hair flutter without a breeze … a fork which can lift up soup … a pair of socks that will never be mismatched … I want it all!”

“My turn! Let me through, I’ve been camping here since yesterday!”  

They weren’t actually looking at me.

Naturally, my beauty was as mesmerising as a medusa’s gaze. To seek out my reflection instead was only prudent. Except that as Apple continually parted the crowd, the abundance of unpolished silverware usually touted by the stallkeepers lining my towns were absent. As were the stalls themselves. 

They’d decided to move elsewhere. And the reason was soon clear.

There was no business to be had.

Despite the size of the crowd, not a single crown remained to be spent. 

Because against their new competition, there could be no victory. Only a sheer drop into bankruptcy.

I wrinkled my nose as a familiar odour disturbed me. 

That of blatant profiteering.

“Trolls.”

I let out a groan.

“Trolls!” Coppelia beamed as she raised her arms in enthusiasm, accidentally misplacing the proper look of utter horror. “Oooh, this is great! I wasn’t expecting a troll caravan here! This means I get to discreetly sell some of my legally acquired loot!”

I nodded and frowned … all the while wisely forgetting the last words she just said.

Indeed, this was a travesty!

With a bear having taken up residence on a bridge, the trolls clearly felt they couldn’t allow their status as the royalty of inconveniences to be usurped! Now they were causing a public scene in one of my towns as well!

I was utterly appalled.

After all … that was my role!

“Wha– how dare they! With trolls distracting the people, they can no longer cheer us upon our arrival!”

“I mean, I don’t think they ever cheered us anyway.”

“Well, perhaps not in voice … but certainly in spirit! Our presence is always enough to lift the hearts of all to see us! How will the downtrodden ever raise themselves once they realise we were once here? Such regret is enough to see any commoner turn into a layabout!”

“Hmm … if I had to guess, probably by indulging in great bargains! We should have a look!”

“At the trolls?” I let out a gasp. “Absolutely not. As a princess, I will not embolden their stay as they pillage my kingdom. Moreover, we’re not here for trinkets and baubles, but an errant mage.”

Coppelia gave me a wide smile. 

It was harder to ignore than the strands of luminous hair I glimpsed around me. 

“In that case, we should definitely visit the trolls. They get around a lot. And they hear everything. I bet they’ll know something about a stressed woman who can’t go anywhere without people pointing at her.”

“Yes … and I’m certain such information will only cost half of the Royal Vault.” I shook my head. “No, I shall not entertain whatever bargains they hope to drive with me.”

“Okie~ does that mean we’re going to the guild? Because I’m sure the receptionist lady there will help.” 

I paused.

“O-On the other hand, as a princess, I must also look to ensure that no stone is left unturned when it comes to securing the prosperity of my kingdom. Perhaps I could afford to make a cursory inquiry while the trolls are still here …”

“Uwah~ being a princess sounds hard. You need to do two things you equally don’t want to do.”

“Then I simply need to do something wildly in my favour to balance it out.” I raised my head in pride–all the while ignoring the giggling which came my way. “... Very well! If we must converse with trolls, then I can at least remind them of the tax obligations they continually worm their way out of.”

“Eeeeh … I dunno, trolls don’t really do taxes. Anywhere.”

I nodded as I tugged on Apple’s reins.

True, to impress the concept of taxes onto trolls was a thing only slightly less likely than my noble steed trotting faster. But where there was a princess, there was a way. 

I didn’t accept no for an answer. 

Just like Apple didn’t accept obstacles.

There was no sense of organisation to this crowd. No queue. Only a mass of excited faces eager to see their coins vanish into the abyss. And that meant ignoring the grumbling of everyone now officially in our way.

Apple snorted as he trotted his way through the centre of Wirtzhaven. Eventually, however, an open square rewarded his effort. Or at least as open as any location occupied by trolls could be.

They were utterly shameless.

8 foot tall, armoured in black iron and wielding clubs as large as tree trunks, the trolls formed a ring around their precious carriages, scratching their backs as they only allowed prospective buyers to view their wares from a distance. Polished glass, jewellery and weapons conned from a distant ancestor of mine glimmered from the retractable shelves upon the side of the carriages.

As I encouraged Apple to approach, a troll immediately came to answer.

But there was no raising of a club. No pointing to the back of an invisible line.

After all–

“Greetings, madame. It is a delight to see a returning customer. I hope your last purchase has served you well?”

Trolls would not have their reputation if they could not recognise their most valuable clientele.

Especially ones they’d met before.

I held back my surprise.

Why … these were the same ones as before! 

The trolls who’d willfully blocked my path until the moment I’d used my financial acumen to swindle … I mean, to exchange a cursed seashell for 500 gold crowns which somehow became a bottomless pouch! Which was excellent!

They already knew to fear my skills of diplomacy!

Ohohohoho! … And that meant an opportunity for them to learn to fear it even more!

“The bottomless pouch is underwhelming,” I declared at once. “Anything which it can carry, so can a normal pouch. And with far better results. It’s utterly unsuitable as a container for bakery products. There’s a distinct taste which occurs to anything placed within it. I wish for reimbursement.” 

The troll nodded at once, a deep concern ready to be feigned in whatever excuse to come. 

“I see. It is unfortunate that the madame has been unable to use such a versatile item which was nevertheless not designed for the storage of perishable food items to its full extent. I regret, however, that all sales are final.”

I leaned in slightly, hovering over Apple’s mane.

“I was sold a bottomless pouch which was described as indispensable. It isn’t. The product is unfit for purpose. If it cannot hold a croissant, then what good is it for? … I demand a partial refund of 600 gold crowns.”

“Madame, 600 gold crowns is not a partial refund. That number exceeds the 500 gold crowns used to purchase it.”

“Exactly. This is a discount. Because for the harm caused to my expectations, nothing short of every crown you possess is suitable as compensation. Be glad that I’m both charitable and generous.” 

The troll stared at me.

A moment later, he turned to the nearest other troll. 

A scratch of their backs, a murmur and another scratch of their backs later, I was offered a blink.

“I have consulted with my colleague. We apologise for any inconvenience. But while I still cannot issue a refund, I would like to offer a highly discretionary discount as a token of redress. May I direct you to look upon the carriage reserved for our most valuable customers to your left?”

“Absolutely not. I want gold. Not a discount.”

“And gold you may have … in the form of the Meridian Bracelet, famously worn by the Queen Under The Sea to bring sunlight down into the very depths of the ocean.”

“No.”

“There is also the Everlasting Hourglass, used by the Pirate Lord Regalon the Golden to ensure the prosperity of his glittering domain for so long as the sand continues to pour.” 

“No.”

“The Gilded Veil, used as a curtain by the Elven Countess Delyana of the Singing Hearth to ensure that even when winter came, the warmth of summer would always shine upon her study.”

“No.”

The troll paused.

“Madame, you appear to not be looking.”

“Indeed,” I said as I confidently stared towards the sky. “My apologies, but I’m hardly one of the curious stablegirls you’re distracting from housing my horse. I’m aware of how this works. You intend to enamour me with a litany of artifacts until I can no longer see anything else.” 

“A most astute observation. Our exclusive artifacts are truly blinding. All the more so when they would literally diminish if presented before unsuitable customers … such as the fabled Tiara of the Last Dawn, the greatest work to be crafted by the artisans of the mythical Sunforge. Reserved exclusively for our most discerning clientele, its dazzling light fades when peered upon by the unworthy. Yet if it continues to shine, then it is proof that you are truly of the finest character.”

I pursed my lips.

Then … I quickly stole a peek.

A tiara set with a dozen white diamonds lay on a cushion nearby, newly revealed in a carriage window. It was like my face in the mornings. An unblemished treasure which reflected … no, exuded sunlight.

The troll nodded. 

“I see it is indeed shining. As expected, the madame is a most worthy candidate.”

I rolled my eyes, utterly unimpressed by such novelty.

After all … it was only natural that any self-respecting artifact would recognise me for being worthy!

“Ohohohohoho!! O-Of course! For a rare and flawless tiara to continue to shine in my presence is the least of expectations! To see my own light and hope to match it is the desire of all bright things! Even so, such a trinket pales in comparison!”

“Precisely. The Tiara of the Last Dawn is suitable to complement the madame’s high stature. Its dimmer light serves as both a contrast and a message to rivals, friends and foes. Rarely have I seen such a fitting a match. I am therefore offering this tiara at a 97% discount.”

My mouth widened.

I was prepared to decline whatever ridiculous offer was made to me … but a 97% discount?

Why, that was the same price Apple was being mistakenly sold for when in that library gift shop!

“E-Excuse me? Did I hear that correctly? … You wish to sell this tiara for such a steep discount?”

“Indeed I do. For it is the largest concession I can offer in recognition for such a valued customer.”

“I … I see! … And what is the cost usually?”

“Its current value is 784,630 gold crowns. You may, however, have it for a nominal cost of 27,462 gold crowns. It is essentially a small administrative fee for our time in keeping the tiara immaculately maintained for your arrival. A minor, but necessary expense to ensure our continued ability to trade.”

I was utterly stunned.

To pay such a small fee made it practically free! I was practically duty-bound to purchase it!

Even so … 27,462 gold crowns was a somewhat larger sum than I had on hand … considerably so … in fact, to offer such an amount would drastically impact our crêpe budget … 

Unless …

“It was a pleasure doing business with you,” said a beaming Coppelia, shaking hands with a troll off to the side. “If you need anything else you never ever bought from me, just let me know!”

I clapped my hands in delight.

My, how convenient!

Indeed, Coppelia had gold! I could simply ask her! Once I purchased the tiara, it’d be a simple matter of compensating her once I’d returned to the Royal Villa! 

All we had to do first was … hmmmm?

Wait, what did we come here to do?

Or rather, why was I even outside the Royal Villa in the first place? 

Wirtzhaven was so far from my orchard. The air was filled with salt and squawking gulls. It’s hardly like there was anything else here … not unless I’d come to …

Ah … !!?

It happened again … !!

“C-Cease this at once!” I said, shielding my eyes with my arm. “Your foul sorcery will not work on me! I’m not here to trade! I came seeking information!” 

“Oh?” The troll didn’t betray a hint of disappointment in his voice. “And how may I assist such a prominent customer?”

“I need to know if you’ve seen a woman. That is all. She dresses in scandalous attire, reacts unfavourably to being referred to by name, gives villainous speeches and is the origin of the gaudy streaks of luminous hair which plagues this town.”

A hum met my detailed query.

“Then perhaps I might be of use. Our caravan came to Wirtzhaven to purchase a sample of the vials which result in the luminous hair. And while I cannot say if this is the same woman you seek, we have made our own enquiries regarding the source.”

Far from relief, all I felt was horror.

It was the worst case scenario. The trolls had come for the vials. If Miss Lainsfont’s fashion travesty was not stopped, then this disease against common sensibility would spread to all the kingdom!

“I see.” I nodded seriously. “Then I’ve come not a moment too late. Do you know her whereabouts?”

“We have heard rumours. But we trolls are merchants of fine items. Not dealers of hearsay. We could not abide the possibility of offering information which might prove incorrect or harmful. It would be poor for our standing.” 

All of a sudden, the light seeping past my arm diminished.

I braved a peek to see the cushion bearing the tiara being swept away by a gauntleted hand somewhere in the carriage. It was replaced scarcely a breath later by another cushion, this time bearing a black orb as suspicious as it was shiny.

“The Seeing Stone, however, is a different matter,” said the troll confidently. “It is an item of unparalleled craftsmanship recently retrieved from the depths of the Emerald Sea, capable of pointing its user towards wherever they need to go. And it is yours … all for a bargain price of 10,000 gold crowns.”

I was outraged.

“Excuse me! I will not purchase an oversized pebble just for it to point me off a cliff!”

“If the price is a concern, that is negotiable.”

“Very well. Then I shall accept it for 0 gold crowns. After all, that’s the cost for me to obtain any information I need. Loathe as I am to admit it, those at the guild have a talent for mild usefulness when it comes to news.”

“Indeed. The network of the Adventurer’s Guild is highly capable. But also not infallible.”

“And this trinket is, then?”

“Not at all. Such a claim would be the realm of deceit, and we only speak the truth regarding our wares. But it can be useful. And also yours for 0 gold crowns as requested … providing you’ve something of appropriate value to exchange.”

I gasped at the insult.

Why, I was a princess! That meant everything I carried was beyond value! If he wanted to trade, he’d need to offer everything he possessed for even whatever was on my soles!

“Is that so? … Then I decline. I’m afraid I’ve absolutely nothing which would be appropriate to exchange for a mere rock.”

“That is no obstacle.” A familiar glint of opportunism appeared in the troll’s dark eyes. “On the contrary, what we’d like is not something which the madame currently possesses. We’ve a request–if there is time to hear it.”

“Time is something I have in short supply. The only thing less is patience for requests to dig up cursed seashells possessed by revenants without informing me of such details.”

The troll scratched his back.

“A gross oversight for which we have already offered recompense. It is an error we will not make again. Fortunately, such concerns are not warranted now. The item we seek this time poses no danger, for it was already in our possession … before it was stolen.”

I raised an eyebrow.

My, but wasn’t this something?

I’d thought that nothing would stop me from ordering Apple to snort on my behalf. Yet instead of giving his reins the secret tug, I found myself almost curious. 

Trolls were known for many things. But to be victims of theft was very rare. 

Few were so foolish as to try. And even fewer were successful. More than clubs guarded their carriages, after all.

“... Is that so? And what is the nature of this stolen item? It must be considerable to risk the ire of trolls.”

“The item itself is unimportant. It is a pearl necklace. The likes of which the madame has likely seen many times before. Ordinarily, we would not have it in our possession, but it was included as part of a broader purchase. Yet it is as you suggest. To steal from a troll caravan is unacceptable. There must be a resolution. We are therefore willing to offer a reward far in excess of the value of the stolen item for its return.”

I nodded … all the while barely concealing my smile.

Well now. Wasn’t this the quaintest thing? 

A troll pretending that anything they carried was anything short of outrageously priced. Which meant if they were willing to offer me a bauble for this necklace, then they would be willing to offer more as well once it was before them.

After all … it would be truly tragic if word of this lapse of famed troll security were ever to escape.

Ohohohoohhohohohohoho!!

“I see. I truly grieve for such an insult against you. Who would dare commit such a heinous crime?”

“A cat.”

I paused.

“Excuse me?”

“A black cat.” The troll scratched his back. “Bombay, I believe. With sleek black fur and unusually green eyes. Aside from that, there are no distinguishing characteristics. It was last seen scampering towards the direction of the park. It is a cunning thief, far too nimble for us to capture.”

The troll waited for a response.

None came.

“... It is most fortunate that the madame is here. Your name was extensively recommended by the Adventurer’s Guild when we posted our commission. They informed us that you are renowned for the rescuing of felines, having broken numerous long-standing records. If I may say so, the reputation you have garnered is most impressive. Few adventurers are so ardent in their pursuit of the safe return of household cats. I myself own one, albeit it is less troublesome than the thief responsible for this missing necklace.”

I simply nodded.

Then, I tugged on Apple’s reins and turned him around.

“Madame? That is not the direction to the park.”

“Oh, I know. I’m heading for the guild.”

“Ah, I see. Does the madame wish to enlist assistance?”

“No.” I offered an angelic smile. “I’m going to seek compensation for irreparable damage to my reputation.”