Chapter 467: Humble Beginnings

All around me came the din of a trembling forest. As the boughs shook, twigs and unripened acorns snapped against roots and freshly emptied burrows. Squirrels and all their friends fled through the undergrowth as a swirling gale centred itself around a misused sword twirling without stop.

However, even as a chorus of gathering leaves filled the air, one sound managed to rise above it all.

“Heh … heheh … heheheh …”

A false princess’s laughter.

Caring as little for her image as she did the wet strands of hair now drying in the wind, she allowed her grimace to fall. Instead, her lips twisted into a dark smile as a lack of creativity gave way to swatting at Coppelia in the only way she could. 

With a distinctly less-than-delicate breeze. 

“I can feel it … with every swing,” she said, her voice barely rising above the squall. “This sword … such strength coursing through me … it’s like a calling. I can hear the song of the wind. I can hear it whispering my name.”

She wore an expression as delighted as it was unhinged.

A far cry from who she was impersonating.

All I could do was delicately wince from behind a willow tree, one palm pressed against the trunk as I tried in vain to keep my hair from flying into my face. 

Naturally, I was appalled. Nor was I the only one.

Beside me, Coppelia clutched her fists to her chest, her alarm so severe that her eyes could only sparkle, all the while a receptionist scribbled events into a notebook that would never see the light of day. 

Nobody deserved to know what the doppelganger was doing, after all.

Her laughter made it plain. This was the satisfaction of a child discovering the joy of mixing paints on a canvas for the first time. Except the victims were no longer the art connoisseurs my father had hired to review my debut fruit bowl all the while staring unblinkingly at them. 

No … it was the poor willow tree, lurching even as I held onto it.

“Very well.” I nodded as I turned to the harbinger of doom. “I require your shoes.”

“Excuse me? Do you … wish to wear them?”

“No, I wish to throw them.”

“Oh, I see! You plan to disrupt the doppelganger by launching an improvised weapon at her.”

“Please. That’s just improper and underhanded. Which is why I plan to disrupt her by throwing the shoes into the thing that’s about to appear which definitely isn’t a [Ball Of Doom]. Given how unstable she is, I imagine it’ll be more than enough.”

The receptionist stared at me.

I hardly saw why. I wasn’t taking her shoes off for her.

“... Based on my working knowledge, there’s little guarantee any footwear absorbed would remain intact. Since I quite like my shoes, would it be possible to throw something I won’t need to walk home in? I’d feel a little bit uncomfortable in just my socks.”

I let out a small sigh.

“Ugh, fine. I suppose you can conjure the guild code book. She’ll never expect anything so dull. Although if you wish to show mercy, I suppose a fireball will do. Just as long as it doesn’t touch her hair. That’s already suffered enough.”

The receptionist pondered for a moment.

“I could try, but magic requires a stable environment. This gale is highly disruptive. I’m afraid I can’t guarantee the strength or direction of any spell. I’m also concerned that the thing which isn’t a [Ball Of Doom] might react unexpectedly to any fireballs.”

“Unexpectedly? In what way?”

“The composition is irregular. But wind as an element is highly absorptive. Given the intensity of the doppelganger’s efforts, it’s possible that any magic would create a volatile force of destruction capable of consuming all life around it.”

My mouth widened at once.

“No worries!” said Coppelia, nodding repeatedly. “If the receptionist casts a fireball at the [Ball Of Doom], something amazing like everything blowing up will definitely never happen!”

“That’s because it won’t,” I declared, all the while subtly poking the receptionist as she raised her hands. “My delicate gardening techniques are hardly anything so frightening … unless you’re a caterpillar. And frankly, I doubt she can do so much as trouble them.”

Indeed, despite the groaning of the forest, it was clear from the inefficient way she was twirling my sword that far from threatening the garden pests, all she was doing was disturbing them. 

It took precision and control to punt away insects smaller than a fingernail. 

But more than that, it took a princess’s gentle heart.

“I note we still have a scythe,” I said to Coppelia. “Can’t you simply throw it at her again?”

“Sure! But I can sense her debut taste-of-power speech coming. I don’t want to ruin it. The way the trees are shaking is really promising!”

“The only reason the trees are shaking is because she’s stepping on a daffodil. That will be her greatest victim. And maybe our eyes as well. With the way she’s acting, it’s clear she’s never once impersonated so much as a countryside baroness.”

Bwooomph.

All of a sudden, a large and bulky willow tree partially exploded. 

The trunk lurched with half its boughs lost, the roots groaning like ropes straining at sea. A cruel and gruesome sight. But nothing compared to the look of outrage that was now there for all to see.

After all, I could never make an expression so undignified.

“I’ve impersonated those of far worthier stature than you!” she insisted, hands clenching around my sword. “Whether or not they’re rural aristocrats has no bearing on that! It’s an attitude like that which makes you wholly unworthy of being a princess!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Please. A princess’s job is to look down on the countryside. That’s how the countryside is defined. Without us arbitrarily deciding who’s a farmer for life, it’d be famine and war as everybody tries to be a troll merchant instead. Is that what you want? Because I must say, that’s rather extreme.”

“What I want is justice for the people of this kingdom!”

“Well, I hardly see why. You’re not even one of our subjects. If a commoner wished to start a revolution while being secretly funded by a foreign power, I’d understand. But what did my family possibly do to you? The fact you could even pose as a maid should make you happy.”

The doppelganger threw up her arms in a huff. Starlight Grace was almost flung to the side.

“Indeed! It did! … Finally, I had a chance to study life in a royal setting! I could add a princess or two to my reference collection, knowing that at least 30% of the information would be useful when I was hired by a wealthier royal family!”

“E-Excuse me?!”

“And what do I see? … 0% is useful! There is a 1st Princess who spends all her time idling on a pirate island! A 2nd Princess who only knows how to make things flammable! And a 3rd Princess who doesn’t even have the decency to picnic in a corner while someone else offers to do her job! Every Contzen is worse than the last–but you princesses are somehow the worst of them all!”

I let out a gasp.

“How dare you! … You may not speak poorly of me, but you may speak even less poorly of my sisters! They work tirelessly to advance the prosperity of this kingdom! That you would believe the lies of our rivals speaks poorly of your judgement!” 

“My judgement is based on what I see–and so I offer my gratitude. You’ve all thoroughly confirmed my suspicions. There are some things royalty can do. But there are many others doppelgangers can do better.”

“Well, it’s certainly not fleeing! You’ve done a terrible job so far. I even helped you with a head start and all you’ve done is taken a swim!”

A vein I didn’t know I had started throbbing on the doppelganger’s temple.

In that moment, a thousand rebuttals and complaints flickered behind her eyes. I heard them all, even without the ability to peek into her thoughts.

But in the end, that was enough.

She forced a smile as she lifted my sword.

“Then I must disappoint you, Your Highness. Neither the lances of any knight nor the scythe of a clockwork doll can strike me. The only one who could give me pause is you, and I see in your ceaseless arrogance that you’ve failed to bring a replacement sword.”

I tilted my head slightly.

“Oh? And why would I need a replacement? I know where mine is. Thank you for ensuring Starlight Grace wasn’t lonely while I was bathing. You may now return it.”

“Of course. You may have it back. But only after I’m finished with it. I warn you, however, that I intend for all its hidden powers to be spent first.”

“Excuse me?”

“Its hidden powers.” The doppelganger narrowed her eyes slightly. “You may empty your mind of all thought. But the simple truth is that you cannot possess the strength you do without a powerful artifact aiding you. Such absurd abilities cannot be explained by any martial training. This sword is clearly enchanted to perform wonders when in your hands. I intend to make use of it to ensure that’s no longer possible.”

I stared for several moments.

And then–

“Ohohohohooh … ohhoho … ohohohohoho … !”

I laughed.

I laughed until tears teased the corner of my eyes, my body folding as the beautiful sound refused to stop. The echo of it carried through the trees, mixing with the restless whisper of leaves until even the woods seemed uncertain whether to join me.

Only after several moments did the laughter fade. 

I drew a deep breath, straightened, and smiled.

“Ohoho … ahem, my apologies.”

The doppelganger frowned.

“Did something I say amuse you?”

“Yes. But since it was accidental, I’m afraid I can’t fast track your jester application.”

“I do not want to be a jester.”

“Good. I would have declined you, anyway.”

“Why do I have to repeat myself?! I do not–”

“But rest assured, it’s not due to your latest misconception–so allow me to explain. Starlight Grace is a reading light and multipurpose gardening tool, and although its craftsmanship is unrivalled, it imbues me with no greater ability to prune a begonia than any other highly expensive royal heirloom sword.”

“That’s impossible. You cannot do what you’re capable of without the use of powerful magic.”

“Well, then I suggest you learn how to grow a rhododendron. Once you can do that while hedgehogs are constantly digging up the roots, everything else is simple.”

The doppelganger pointed.

Not at me. But at herself.

“For what I need to do, that is not enough. I don’t intend to idle in your orchard. Not when I can do so much more. With this sword, I do not need your cooperation. I could become a princess-in-exile, but I could also become a wanderer helping those in need. A pilgrim dealing in righteousness. Or perhaps simply an adventurer.”

I blinked.

“... Hm? What was that?”

“An adventurer.” The doppelganger smiled proudly. “The oldest and most fashionable profession for those with kind hearts and strong wills. With your sword, it’s a crime to do anything else. While you were dancing in some meadow these past months, you could have instead helped the people. Perhaps incognito. There are countless ways it could have been achieved. Just as I intend to show you.”

She tightly gripped the stolen sword in her hand. And so the true extent of her scheming came to light.

It wasn’t to take over my kingdom, nor to replace me, nor to incite my subjects into rebellion.

It was something far, far worse.

“With this, my horizon is unlimited,” declared the prospective F-rank adventurer, not seeing the horrified expression I was wearing. “It simply needs to begin with humble beginnings. I see now that my ambitions are far too righteous to remain imprisoned in any tower. I must thank the receptionist for her presence. I know not for what bizarre reason she’s here, but I’m aware they ask few questions from those who join their ranks. Perhaps I shall make a name for myself across the bars and taverns where the common people reside. With enough time and effort, I can easily surpass what I could do as a princess, such is the nature of these tales.”

I noted the confidence upon her smile.

There was a spark of earnestness in her eyes. As she gripped my sword, it was much like a peppy farmgirl without a day’s training.

A sight I saw only in my nightmares. Yet never with my face.

Thus, I nodded.

And then–

I rolled up my sleeves.