Chapter 430: Eviction Plan

I was almost impressed.Each time a dwarven delegation left the Royal Villa, they did so with enough commotion that I had to rearrange the books tucked away at the back of my shelves. Now they scarpered like hedgehogs in the night, leaving behind nothing but their pride, their weapons and their spoils.

With talent like this, perhaps there was hope yet.

After all, if they could learn to flee from my smile, they could also learn to flee from Coppelia’s. 

“Heheheh … the big guy isn’t here … he can’t take this away from me~”

My loyal handmaiden was currently inspecting an assorted heap of jewellery.

Mostly by rolling in it.

Claiming the pile of valuables like a cat on a bed, Coppelia was diligently taking count of enough necklaces, bracelets and rings to require several carts to haul.

Although it wasn’t necessary to inventory everything before taking it all away, seeing everything together was useful for approximating how much compensation the dwarves still had left to pay.

The answer … lots.

Especially since not all of it was going to the Royal Treasury.

Off to the side, the Snow Dancer was whistling while scrutinising various swords of elven craftsmanship. She stabbed the air from various angles, including those I had no idea how she’d end up in. She also stabbed using the blunt hilt more than the sharp blade. 

That was somewhat concerning.

Why the elven sword saint didn’t even have her own sword, I had no idea. 

Then again, she didn’t need a sword to defeat her foes. Just her aura of being up-to-no-good. 

Frankly, I preferred dealing with the dwarves. They, at least, were so forgettable I couldn’t remember their names.

Yes, even when I’d just heard it.

“... The who?”

“The Black Thane. Velstric the Black Thane.”

Stomping to and fro, a newly released golem busily gathered armfuls of discarded loot into the growing heap. Coppelia didn’t bother moving, simply accepting whatever trinkets fell on her.

“I see, and is this hoodlum officially part of the dwarven kingdom’s nobility?”

“Oh, very much so,” she said in the same gossipy way as a lady at court. “The Black Thane is the proprietor of several esteemed trading guilds. I’d say he’s rather high up the aristocratic ladder.”

I clapped my hands in delight. 

Indeed, that was wonderful! 

Even if and when the Kingdom Under The Mountain denied all knowledge of this generic criminal organisation, the fact that one of their own nobility was involved meant a healthy dose of extortion as a result!

“My, is that so? To think that this fair realm has attracted the envy of the dwarven kingdom’s finest.”

“Well, I suppose that finest is a matter of perspective. I’m very thankful for your help in freeing me. He was always polite enough to me, yes, but that’s probably because I’m useful. For everyone else, there’s a reason why he’s feared.”

“The only reason nobility is feared is because of their lack of table manners. But as genuinely frightening as that is, I’ve faced worse. This dwarven variety is no exception.”

“Oh, okay. That’s very confident of you. I like that! … Except I don’t really think you’ll have a chance to face him. Or at least not in the way you hope for. The Black Thane is very good at avoiding fair encounters. He’s a true rogue with no sense of chivalry.”

I leaned down to pluck a goblet inlaid with sapphire gemstones. 

The same colour as the Snow Dancer’s eyes. I tossed it away.

“Good. Those without honour are those without pride. I’m certain he’ll grovel at the first chance.”

“I see.” The golem nodded. “... But did I mention he’s a true rogue?”

“You did, yes.”

“Okay. That’s a relief. It’s just that, well, I can see you’re very good at what you do. And while I’m really not sure what that is, it’s not the ability to do fancy stuff with a sword that will help you. The Black Thane didn’t climb to where he is without facing all manner of really strong people. He’s not afraid to do the dirty work himself. You can’t underestimate someone like that.”

I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.

“Ohohohoh … how quaint.”

“Hmm?”

“My apologies. I find it rather charming to receive such sincere concern from a golem–especially when it’s so often absent in those with hearts. But you needn’t worry. I underestimate nothing. I know this type well. Whether above or below the surface, every noble hooligan shares the same lack of foresight. It is they who must appraise me.”

The golem paused.

Its pale eyes shimmered like a hearth fed with fresh kindling.

“I understand. In that case, you should probably know about the big plan.”

“I can assure you I don’t. The only plan that matters is how this thane intends to put all the bergamot oranges back onto their branches. I assume he’s the one responsible for all the unwanted tremors?”

“Ah, yes, they’re actually also part of the big plan. They’re being caused by a magical artifact.”

Ughhhhhhhhh.

I didn’t bother hiding my groan.

“Please don’t tell me he has a cursed crown. My ears can only handle one set of pleading.”

“No, um, it’s not a cursed crown. Although he probably does own some. This artifact is used for digging.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a mining apparatus.”

“What does that mean? Is it a giant pickaxe?”

“Well, I suppose you could call it that. It’s hard to explain, really. You need to see it for yourself to understand. It’s a thing used for excavating a large amount of earth. As in this amount. But more.”

The golem pointed all around the cavern.

Naturally, I was horrified.

“... Are you saying the earthquakes are because he’s digging an even bigger hole? For what reason?”

“He hasn’t actually shared that with me. Nor to anyone, as far as I know. The Black Thane keeps most of his thoughts to himself. But there are enough rumours, and I’m sure most are by him. Given the amount of space being excavated and the amount of construction material he’s procured, he might be set on establishing a new dwarven domain.”

“A new domain? … As in a new settlement?”

“It’ll be more like a new kingdom. The dwarven realm is made up of 12 great domains. Given what I know of him, I think he wants to create one for himself.”

I was appalled.

“H-How dare he! This kingdom is already taken! Why can he not pick a different spot?!”

“I can only guess, but if I had to say … it’s probably because there’s really not a lot down here?”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s quite barren. Surprisingly so, actually. I mean, you’ve got a few bits here and there, but really, it’s weird for a kingdom to be so geologically uninteresting. It does mean there’s no competition, though.”

I poked the golem in the chest. 

“That is slander,” I said at once. “This kingdom is a trove of riches. Otherwise I wouldn’t constantly be evicting miscreants instead of lounging in my orchard.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. But the good news is that you probably don’t need to evict anyone. There are a lot of politics and stuff when it comes to establishing new domains. And by that, I mean it’s the sort of thing which very quickly gets someone murdered. If you don’t mind the earthquakes, I honestly think this will sort itself out.”

Despite the cheerful tone, it was the worst suggestion I’d ever heard.

Neither waiting for the dwarves to murder each other nor to build a new empire underneath my father’s camembert cellar was an option. Both were guaranteed to cause an unacceptable ruckus. 

If there was so much as a single vibration in my bedroom tower, I’d never find sleep again!

“Unacceptable.” I shook my head. “Idling isn’t a path I can allow. This is the Kingdom of Tirea. And here, any and all troublemakers will fall under the purview of our ambiguous justice system.” 

The golem gave a quiet hum.

Then, it pointed at one of the many corridors joining the cavern.

“I understand. If you do wish to meet the Black Thane, he’ll be in the main excavation chamber. Although I don’t advise it. I can try to help, but … well, I’m pretty certain we’ll just be hurled into a bottomless chasm. I don’t really want to turn into bits of pebbles.”

“You’ve no reason to concern yourself, then. The only help I require is ferrying the spoils. If you could begin taking the most valuable to the surface, I’d be most appreciative.” 

“Oh, well that’s easy. This trading post is mostly for daily essentials. There isn’t a lot which classifies as truly valuable.”

I offered a smile.

“Ohohoho … that’s because there’s still more to come.”

Thus, I turned towards the appropriate corridor.

Even without pointing the way, I could tell it was our next destination. It was where the odour was at fault for causing my nose to wrinkle.

Sensing it was time to begin the rest of the mass eviction, Coppelia sloppily rolled down the mound of jewellery, her golden hair falling across her face. 

It was awful. 

The compensation pile needed to be far bigger for that.

“Ooh, are we off to be hurled into a bottomless chasm?”

“Indeed, we are. If we’re lucky, there’ll even be a bakery down there. Let’s proceed at once.”

“Great~! What about the Snow Dancer?”

“We can ignore the Snow Dancer. In fact, now’s our chance to convene while she’s distracted. She’s planning something. I can feel it. This means we need to prepare accordingly. When the opportunity comes, be prepared. We need to backstab her first. If she passes by a well, I need you to suddenly yawn while stretching and accidentally knock her down.”

“Woooooo!” Coppelia raised her arms in joy. “Treachery! Don’t worry, that’s my specialty!”

I leaned away slightly, recalling every night she poked my delicate waist with the key on her back.

It was indeed the worst betrayal any handmaiden could commit. But if she could redirect it towards the insane elven woman before she could do whatever misdeed she was planning, then all was well.

Quack, quack.

Assuming, of course, that we weren’t betrayed first.

I leaned down, jabbing my finger towards a duck with a brightly painted yellow beak.

“I know where you live,” I warned it.

The duck became very still.

Then, it waddled away to sit in a fruit bowl.

“Ahem.”

A cough sounded from behind.

I returned once more to the golem, now framed in an awkward pose.

“Was there anything else … ?”

“There is just a small thing, yes.” The golem paused. “Actually, no, it’s quite a big thing. The corridor leading to the excavation is both heavily guarded and trapped. I can accompany you along the way, but if you don’t mind, I really don’t want to deal with saying hello to Mr. Velstric. I think it’ll be a bit awkward.”

“Is that so? … Well, as I said before, that won’t be necessary.” 

“Oh, okay. Then maybe I should try again. It’s loooads of dwarves. And they’ll be the ones handpicked to do a good job. Even if you make it to the excavation site, I’m certain an ambush will be waiting. They have contraptions, magic and all sorts of things as well. Do you, um, have a plan for getting past all that?”

I hummed in thought.

Then, I clicked my fingers and smiled.

“Ohohoho … why, as a matter of fact, I do.”

“Really? What will you do?”

I looked up to where a large boulder was stuck in a hatch.

“The two things I’m most known for, of course … subtlety and guile.”