Chapter 390: Adventurer’s Quest

Coppelia nodded enthusiastically at the sight ahead of us.“Oooh~ no wonder the guild talks about you so much! You’re really good at this finding cats stuff, huh?”

My response was to seek comfort in the darkness of my palms.

As a princess, I was excellent at everything I did owing to the fact that I could bribe anyone better than me to deliberately be worse.

But this.

This wasn’t something I wanted to be good at.

It only filled me with despair.

Within a public garden in the centre of Wirtzhaven, nothing of the trolls or their dangerously shiny offerings could be seen. The colours of the begonias and the cedar trees were lit beneath the warmth of a fading afternoon, the petals and leaves gently swaying to a pillowy breeze. 

But that didn’t mean there was no unrest. 

On the contrary, mothers were busy lifting up their children before hurrying away. Drunkards hoping to desecrate a public space retreated with a flash of sobriety. And the squirrels which illegally dug up the soil finally chose to make themselves scarce.

The reason–

“Mreow.”

A cat.

And not just any.

This one boasted a sleek coat of fur as dark as midnight. Jade eyes which burned even against the coming dusk. And also a necklace of pearls worn around its neck. A sparkling promise of wealth as I sold it back to the trolls for every magical bauble and useful artifact they had.

Sadly, far from rejoicing over the stunning discovery of a cat hiding in plain view, I could only groan. 

Partly because it was lounging upon the palms of a statue. A needlessly tall effigy of Lady Lumielle, Goddess of Light and chief patron of tax evasion.

But mostly … it was due to the fact that despite my efforts to avoid the guild, the guild had come to me. 

“Oi, sod off! I was here first! You know the rules!”

“Yeah, you were here first and you failed first! Now move before I deck you!”

“All of you! Stop shoving! … You’re going to scare it away again!”

“Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!”

“Pspspspspspspsps~”

Hooligans.

I slowly raised my face to see the worst that my sewers had declined. 

Still bearing the tankards they wielded upon exiting the local guild hall, every adventurer in Wirtzhaven had flocked together like knights answering a maiden’s cry for help. 

Except that since any distressed maiden would rather choose silence than be rescued by these drunkard layabouts, all that remained was a single lazing cat.

And that meant the usual camaraderie.

“–Bweuughh?!”

I watched as a fist struck a cheek.

A headbutt came in response. And then everything else as well.

Elbows, shins and stomachs were used as the modest crowd of adventurers observed the most traditional method for resolving inconsolable differences.

Rank, age and build didn’t matter. Men and women fought with unyielding disregard for public etiquette. And while not all could remain standing for their effort, each shared the same stain which was the copper ring upon their fingers.

I wrinkled my nose.

“Behold, Coppelia.”

“I’m beholding~”

“The Adventurer’s Guild. An organisation tasked with undermining the sovereignty of every kingdom to ever mistakenly invite them. Parasites who dwell beneath a thin veneer of public approval. And this is how they spend their time. Brawling.”

“Yeah, most of them even don’t know how to headbutt properly.”

“Exactly. It is terrible. How can they do their secret plotting if they’re always nursing a headache?”

“If I had to guess … probably while drooling on the floor. And it wouldn’t even be the worst plan, either.”

I let out a small groan.

It was true. Given the ever decreasing standards of villainy, I fully expected that drunken adventurers would be infinitely more successful–even if it was completely by accident.

Such as now.

To my horror, the cat’s whisker began to twitch as it clearly threatened to find a new home. 

Even so, the violence remained unabated. A truly frightening scene where comrades and friends traded bruises instead of laughter, which only a princess’s voice of reason could stop and an angel’s touch could heal.

Thus, I did what I had to.

“Excuse me … excuse me … excuse me …”

Yes!

I ignored it all!

Weaving between the drunken disorder as though this was a guild hall, I scooted past thrown fists and butting heads, helped occasionally by Coppelia as she cheerfully redirected anyone stumbling the wrong way with a casual toss.  

A few moments later, I stood upon my tip-toes at the base of Lady Lumielle’s statue. The black cat scarcely reacted as I reached up, my arms struggling to swipe at just the back of the Goddess of Light’s cupped palms, much less the feline using her as a hammock. 

And then–I stopped altogether.

Silence filled the air. The insults and grunts were no more.  

Puzzled, I turned around to see the gathering of hoodlums in various states of frozen barbarism. Fists were curled just before a punch. Soles were raised over blinking figures. Foreheads were locked in wrinkled competition.

However, while their ire was still directed upon one another, every eye was fixed solely upon me. 

At least for a moment.

The adventurers traded looks of silence. 

Eventually, the roughest of the gathering stood up, allowing a far scrawnier man to scamper away. He gazed past the scar upon his nose, cracked his neck, rolled back his shoulders … and coughed.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” he said politely. “Can we help you?”

I clapped my hands together and smiled.

“My, you certainly may! Please help me scoop up this cat.”

“Oh? Would you happen to be this cat’s owner?”

“Not at all.”

“Ah. Well, in that case, I must apologise. We’re adventurers here on official guild business, you see. This cat is actually part of a commission.” 

“Is that so? Please don’t mind me, then. Whatever tournament you’re putting on for the cat’s amusement, I’ll ensure that it receives the final result.”

The cat in question yawned.

Showing the appropriate amount of interest that the hoodlums deserved, it gave a flick of its tail before shutting both eyes.

“This isn’t a tournament, ma’am. We’re having a lively discussion regarding which of us will be responsible for the cat’s transportation. If you’re concerned about its welfare, rest assured that whichever one of us is chosen, the cat’s safety and comfort remains a top priority. I believe we’re almost done with our discussion.”

“As do I. The feline will be collected by myself. Whatever reward you hope to earn, mine is greater.”

The adventurer blinked.

A moment later, his demeanor changed as his eyes went to the copper ring disgracing my finger. The polite smile became toothier, his shoulders relaxing.

“Heh. A newcomer, eh? Nice try–just about had me there. But even if you’re a fresh face in Wirtzhaven, know that the rules still apply to you.”

“Ohohoho … indeed they do.” I placed my hand upon my chest. “I shall do whatever I want. Meanwhile, you may compare the size of your bruises. Everybody is happy. Especially the cat.”

A chuckle sounded. As did a pair of fists scrunching against each other.

“Afraid that isn’t how this works, rookie. The reward is fair game. And so is who gets to collect the commission. If you want it, you’ll need to earn it the traditional way. Same as everyone else.”

A round of nods came in support.

Suddenly, every brawling adventurer wore the patient look of a tutor who’d yet to see a princess escape through a window.

I didn’t know what was worse.

The fact that these people were being serious. Or that I’d expected anything else.

“Excuse me,” I said with a bright smile … all the while pointing up and down at my delicate figure. “Did I hear this correctly? You wish for me, a fragile maiden, to engage in your outrageous hooliganism?”

“It’s tradition.”

I leaned slightly forwards.

“... But why?”

“Hm?”

“Why is this tradition? Can you not resolve this peacefully? Perhaps through conversation over tea and cake? Or at least some kind of a system?”

“This is a system. It works.”

“In what world does this work? How do you intend to deliver this cat to the guild if you cannot find it through your blackened eyes?”

I held up my hands to stop the painful answer.

“This conduct is unacceptable,” I declared. “While I do not care about your image, I do about this kingdom’s. You cannot be seen to be brawling in defiance of public etiquette. That is why bars and wedding receptions exist.” 

“Miss, this cat isn’t in a bar or a wedding reception.”

“Then that means you should be adhering to more amicable measures. Ones which those of your age and experience should be willing to accept. This is a disgraceful scene. Quarrelling children would stop just to judge you. Your shameful behaviour can be heard from even the tallest tower. Do you have any idea how troubling that is? Sleep is not a luxury, it is a requirement–and your unruliness threatens the sanctity of every dreaming maiden.” 

The adventurers became even more still.

Slowly, the fists, shins and elbows returned to their correct positions. Tankards were awkwardly hugged as gazes shifted away, unable to face the earnest scowl which came their way.

Not a single response came.

Nor did I expect any.

After all … while these layabouts didn’t understand restraint, they did the scolding of an innocent maiden.

Ohohohohoho!!

… Here it was!

[Princess Chastisement]!

The most powerful ability any hoodlum could comprehend! 

No matter how utterly drunk they were, to be told off by one so fair would cause even the most hopeless to slink away in shame to review their life choices … at least for a few hours! 

Thus, I waited for them to dip their heads and make their excuses.

“Miss … perhaps you should reconsider your current path?”

I blinked.

“Excuse me?”

“I can see you’re new,” said the scarred adventurer before me, the solemness clear in his voice. “Which is fine. Being new means you’ve much to learn. But I can see from your way of thinking that rules are important to you. And while that isn’t wrong, you might find yourself struggling to form meaningful connections in the guild. The Oldest Ladder is a long climb. But it’s longer still if it’s a lonely one.”

“Wha–”

My mouth opened wide.

Far from recoiling to my chiding, all I saw were expressions of deep concern exchanged amongst the gathered layabouts, their worried glances like anxious parents taking note of a troubled child.

“Oh, make no mistake, it’s good you feel so strongly about how we act. I dare say we could all do better. But in the end, there’s a reason why we’ve chosen the adventuring way of life. Presentation is a bit of an afterthought. But if they matter to you, then maybe you should consider joining the guard? That might suit your interests more.”

“Being a guard is very respectable,” said a nodding adventurer to the side. 

“A surprisingly good career choice too,” added another. “I know someone who made sergeant after just 2 years. He says the pay isn’t half bad, either.”

“Depends where you work, really. My cousin’s stationed at the Loerstadt Gate. The prince there supposedly adds to everyone’s wages with his own crowns.” 

“Prince Tristan. Yeah, I heard he’s a good leader. I wouldn’t actually mind working for someone like that.”

Whatever complaints I had suddenly stilled.

Instead, I listened attentively as my brother’s name was spoken in glowing terms by the commoners.

“Aye, but he’s more than that. He’s the Prince Of A Thousand Eyes. They say his gaze alone keeps Granholtz at bay. Well, it does more than that. It keeps wyverns in check as well.”

“Now that’s just too much. There are no wyverns in Tirea.”

“You’d think so, huh? Except it’s true. Half the guards saw it themselves.”

“What? Are you serious? An actual wyvern?”

“Yeah. Fire breathing and all. Scary stuff. My cousin says it’d be flying right over our heads if not for the prince. With just a sword in his hand, he managed to not only defeat the beast, but throw its body right into the Rensdalt Fortress. There’s a hole there where they’re still plucking bits of scales away.”

“That’s amazing.”

“Prince Tristan … what a man.” 

“Makes me want to sign up just to work under him.”

“Yeah, but remember there’s more than just Prince Tristan. It depends who you get. The 1st Princess would probably be great. The Crown Prince is scary but I bet the pay isn’t too shabby. Problem is if you end up at the Royal Villa. I heard you’ll be using your own wages as a bribe just to be assigned anywhere else.” 

“Excuse me?!” I threw up my arms in outrage. “Who said that?! I … I will have them demoted!!”

Suddenly, the gathered peddlers of scandals and lies remembered I was here.

The scarred adventurer coughed.

“Ahem … sorry about that, where was I? Ah, right. What I mean is that being a guard is a worthy thing. You could do right without pushing yourself to be more than what you are. I think that’d suit you very well.”

The grief clogged in my throat.

Why, I was a princess!

Even if they couldn’t see my royal aura, to dare suggest I was suitable to be a guard just because I didn’t vomit over barmaids was outrageous! The insult was beyond belief!

“Stop.”

However–

Any need I had to defend myself vanished.

After all, I wasn’t alone in my indignity.

Coppelia stepped forward, her arm raised as a barrier to shield me from the slander.

“I cannot accept these insults any longer,” she said with a frown. “It is opprobrious.”

C-Coppelia … !!

My hands clasped together, joy pouring forth as tears from the corner of my eyes.

She … she was using words I didn’t understand to defend me!!

I was so touched!!

“The words you speak are smears. To dare accuse such a maiden of being anything but worthy of her current station is to insult her every accomplishment … you stand before the most popular adventurer as ranked by guild receptionists everywhere–the kingdom’s newest S rank adventurer!”

My hands clutched at my tummy as I stumbled backwards.

However, even if I saw no blood, it didn’t mean the knife had not sunk.

“W-Wait … that is not … that isn’t …”

I looked up.

Suddenly, only a complete silence met me. 

Eyes went wide as all thoughts of violence and drink fell to the wayside.

And then–

“Bwahahahahahaha!!”

“Ahahaha … haha … ahaha!!”

“The kingdom’s newest S-rank, she says! This girl right here!”

“Gwahaha … maybe if I minded my manners more, I could be S-rank as well!”

I was aghast.

To have my deeds guffawed at was simply awful … and yet I was also delighted!

This meant they doubted someone as innocent as myself could possibly have risen amongst their sordid ranks! … I was so conflicted!

“Young lass,” said the scarred adventurer, grinning from ear to ear. “If an S-rank was here, we’d know without you telling us. Do you know how rare they are? They’re the very symbols of our guild.”

“U-Ughhhh …”

My teeth clenched as the aching in my tummy only grew worse.

“Yeah. I’m afraid you’ve done it for yourself now, newcomer. With the biggest claim comes the biggest opponent. If you want this cat, you’re going to have to prove it against either Thorvald’s forehead or Big Bettie’s jaw. Both of them are C-rank. Otherwise, it’s the back of the queue for you.”

The hooligans proceeded to size each other up, clearly preparing to resume their earlier discussion than to humour any thought that I might involve myself.

They were correct.

As a princess, I would never engage in physical altercation. And no evidence remained to suggest otherwise.

However!

That didn’t mean I had no recourse!

For everything a princess couldn’t do, their retinue did instead … and that meant delegation!

“Coppelia!” I said, turning at once to my semi-loyal handmaiden. “I shall retrieve what we came for! If these hoodlums seek to distract me, you may remove them as you see fit!”

Her smile blossomed at once. 

But it wasn’t only due to the thought of keeping my kingdom’s public gardens tidy.

“Mreow.”

Instead … it was also because of the dark blot of fur.

Hopping down from the statue behind me, the black cat landed upon my shoulder, then sat for all the world to admire.

Jaws dropped at once. Mine most of all.

“A-Amazing … she didn’t even do anything …”

“The cat … it chose her …”

“Wait, could it be … ? Perhaps she’s actually S-rank … ?”

“I heard of an adventurer in Trierport and also in Hartzweise. She broke every record in commissions. A heroine unlike any other. She has a unique power to speak with cats. Maybe … Maybe this is her?” 

I desperately shooed away the cat from my shoulder.

It didn’t budge. 

“O-Ohohoho … ?! Trierport? Hartzweise? Y-You must be mistaken, I … I have never been to those places filled with witnesses yet to be bribed … I certainly have no power to converse with cats!” 

“The girl speaks true,” said the black cat, stretching as it leisurely let out a yawn. “... She has no unique power to indulge our wishes for idle conversation. We must regrettably remain incoherent.” 

The adventurers stared.

Tankards and knees both dropped to the ground as the black cat licked its paws. 

A moment later, the applause began.

Coppelia stepped in front of me, her arms raised as she faced down the awestruck crowd.

“The line starts here,” she declared. “Handshakes are 10 silver crowns each. Exact amounts only. No change.”