Chapter 400: The End Of The World

The little girl made her declaration. And silence was my answer. It was the only appropriate response. 

Her every word might be steeped in malice. But for all a devil’s duplicity, they did not easily lie. And so against her offer and threat both rolled into one, it was all I could do to sit up in my seat as I realised the true extent of the foe before me.

“Did you just say … the end of the world?”

The girl smiled, her eyes narrowing in satisfaction. 

“I did. If you choose not to consider my charitable proposal, then all you hold dear and all you’ve still yet to hold will be lost. That is the precipice you stand upon, though you’ve yet to realise just how far the fall truly goes. That is a chasm deeper than any eyes can see.” 

I was speechless.

“You cannot be serious … do you truly mean to suggest that you’ve enough infernal powers to bring about the destruction of all things?”

The girl giggled, twisting side to side playfully.

“I suggest nothing. I am promising. Sweet as I am, even my own kind respects the notion of my personal space. With a click of my finger, I can bring more calamity than any number of witches huddled around a cauldron. I am, after all, the embodiment of all things wicked and foul.”

My hands covered my mouth. 

A gasp still escaped, barely suitable for conveying my horror. The sound was hollow and distant, just like any thoughts of triumph against such a foe.

After all–

There was no simply no possibility I could force my mouth to yawn wide enough.

I was appalled.

This … This was a problem I’d never had before!

For a princess to merely perform a small yawn was already the height of disrespect! It was akin to a knight disparaging another’s tousled hair as being anything less than naturally wavy! 

For me to offer a yawn which stretched the contours of my mouth was unprecedented–and yet to go ahead and threaten the entire world was something which deserved nothing less! 

Why, that was something so utterly melodramatic that despite whatever magic paralysed the nearby witches, I could practically see their eyeballs rolling!

“I see …” I nodded seriously. “I wasn’t expecting this. To threaten the world itself leaves me with a dilemma I never once thought possible.”

“There is no dilemma. You merely need to draw upon the light of your sword, and both my threats and my presence will cease to be.”

“So you claim. Yet I’m afraid such a response would be woefully insufficient. Your words demand a greater answer … unless, of course, you could maybe make your threat slightly more modest?”

“... Excuse me?”

“The effect would be the same. I’m still obligated to offer a reply. It’d just be less arduous for me. Even a lich summoning a goddess from the sky understood this. He only threatened to obliterate my kingdom. And although I didn’t agree with him, I at least acknowledged his restraint.”

The girl wrinkled her nose.

“I am not a lich, Your Highness. I do not need to beg, plead and grovel to simply borrow a fingernail’s worth of power. I possess that in droves. And I do not show restraint.”

“Well, I hardly see why the entire world needs to go. That’s simply excessive. By all means, destroy the Grand Duchess’s tower. But mine is innocent. If you only wish to prove a point, then there’s no benefit in burning more than the bare minimum. That’s why dragons are satisfied with a single barn.”

To my dismay, not a hint of understanding could be seen upon the girl’s expression. 

“Seeing the world turned to ashes is the bare minimum. After all, only destroying your kingdom would leave a scorched crater of flames and darkness. Such a sight would have every neighbour gossiping for centuries to come–and that is not enough. What I’ll do instead is destroy all memory of your kingdom as well as every witness who might mourn it. For that is within my power. Just as it is within yours to prevent it. And how glad you must be for the chance. For few princesses ever boast of defeating a devil.”

All I could do was groan.

Indeed … I had truly underestimated this foe. 

Here was someone with utterly no sense of scale. A truly dangerous adversary. 

Thus, I steeled myself as I rose from my seat. 

“Very well, then I shall need to call upon assistance. Coppelia?”

“Present~!”

My loyal handmaiden answered with an enthusiastic smile.

She raised an arm in readiness even while holding a slice of polenta cake. The actual cake itself was being shared amongst the hovering imps who’d decided to join the impromptu audience.

That was excellent. They could all assist.

“I require a yawn,” I said to them all. “The bigger, the better. You may begin now.”

I waited as a pause met my earnest request.

A moment later–

“Aaahhh~”

I smiled in satisfaction as a gallery of wide open mouths duly answered.

“There we are,” I said to a highly unimpressed child. “Although I lack the strength to appropriately answer your threat, know that the audience speaks on my behalf.”

Click.

With a snap of her finger, all the audience with the exception of Coppelia promptly vanished. 

“Your Highness. I’m being quite serious.”

“As am I. This is horrifying. That you haven’t slinked away in embarrassment at your own lack of originality is a feat worthy of your nefarious nature. My congratulations. I am truly at a loss.”

The girl’s nose wrinkled in indignation.

“Then allow me to sketch out your victory. Call upon your sword as you’ve done so often before and thoroughly vanquish me like the wicked being I am. This is something you should be willing to do even without the conversation.”

“What I’m willing to do is not be churlish. I fail to see why I should lift a finger when your own peers will doubtless stop you the moment you sought to destroy their favourite playground.”

A snort came in reply. 

“My peers may try, yes,” she said, her voice almost daring. “But they’ve no right to complain. I do only as instructed. I accepted an invitation from the witches to provide entertainment. That is a very wide remit.”

“Excuse me? You’re here because the witches asked you to provide entertainment?”

The girl shrugged.

“They asked somebody. I answered.”

I couldn’t even find the strength to look surprised, much less groan.

Accidentally summoning a devil to provide entertainment was exactly the sort of thing I expected witches to do. It was also one of the first things I’d ban. 

The list was going to be very long. 

“A selfless request to seek your own end, then. Or is it merely the chains binding you? You may have earned the regret of the witches, but I see they’ve also earned yours.” 

“I’ve actually not the slightest regret. My tea parties have been nothing but fun. And if the witches are wise, they’d share in the sentiment. Believe it or not, they’re lucky. There are worse things than devils out there. Just not too many.”

“And would they also wilfully invite a sword once they wished to return home … if returning is even your wish. Tell me, would destroying your shackles send you back to the darkness or simply allow you to tour the modern streets of my kingdom?”

Far from wilting, the girl’s smile simply blossomed anew. 

“So very mistrustful. So very dubious. So very right. And also so very wrong.”

She flicked her wrist towards the nearest group of witches, as if hoping to accidentally swat one.

“I came at the behest of the witches. But I do not stay because of them. If I wished to, I could be free of their bindings, their hexes and their lunacy. But that’s not why I’m here. No, I didn’t come to this dull village to simply play dolls with witches. I came here for something better. This past decade has been nothing more than a minor moment of fleeting drudgery while I waited for what truly mattered. You.”

The girl twirled for the sake of it, then pointed directly at me.

“... Yes, Princess Juliette Contzen. I, a devil of the hells, am here solely for you.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Words I’ve heard before. And just like the nobility wishing to sit at my tea table, there’s a queue longer than they have bribes to constantly give. To call me out is unlikely to shorten the waiting length.”

“Your petitioners needn’t worry. A moment is all I need for you to give me the only thing I lack.”

“... Standards?”

“No. A reprieve from the great plague called boredom.”

The girl leaned forwards. The shadows parted before her.

“Do not mistake me for the schemers you’ve become accustomed with, their minds set on such trivial frailties as wealth and power and acclaim. I have all this and more. And I know the true cost of such gifts. It is not in conscience or sleep. But sheer and utter monotony. You can change that. I have seen a single page from The Book Of The End. I have traded untold riches for a truth from the Lord of Lies. I have unravelled a maddened prophecy from the Pandemonium Cairn. And all of them tell me the same thing regarding what should happen if I were to come across a little known princess in the mortal realm.”

She raised a finger beside her smile.

“They. Do. Not. Know.”

Click.

I blinked.

All of a sudden, the grass no longer tickled my soles.

Instead, it was a wooden stage amidst the remains of a play fallen far short of expectations. 

Around me, pieces of a broken tea table lay amidst a hurled chair, destroyed props, and also a child actor as she practically skipped like a maiden in a meadow.

“They do not know,” she repeated, her smile blossoming as she twirled. “The greatest sources of divination below the surface. And they cannot see past the veil of this meeting. That is splendid.”

She lifted her arms in joy, pausing just to deliver her soliloquy.

“I’ve experienced triumph and defeat more than the number of breaths you have ever taken. I’ve enjoyed victory upon a mound of death and suffered death from the throes of victory. I’ve been impaled by lances from demons and angels alike, enough that the mere thought drives me to a yawn worse than any you could hope to deliver. I’ve played the Grand Game since before the rules were written, and yet I’ve never once experienced an adversary as unique as you. So do what only you can–and amuse me. Show me what the augurs paid for in blood and promises could not, here upon a stage I’ve made just for you. Engulf me in a portrait of bristling starlight. Dance to a song of justice. Send me back to the fiery abyss from whence I came. Banish me to a place so deep that not even darkness has yet to explore there. Show me what you offered the soul of an elven knight, a succubus guarding a door and the nightmares which dare creep into your dreams … and all for the small cost of preventing absolute calamity.”

I nodded.

“No.”

The girl’s smile hardened.

“What do you mean … ‘no?”

“I mean what I mean. To you, I am all you’ve ever hoped to meet. But to me, you are a minor detour on the road, no different to the brambles and apples on the side of the road constantly distracting my horse. Your greatest threat is my least memorable inconvenience.”

The girl instantly parted her lips to object.

I raised a finger.

However long this devil had waited like a rodent in a burrow for my arrival, simply listening to her was even longer. 

She was finished. And now so was I.

“But you needn’t fear,” I said, as my princess aura exuded enough warmth that even the frozen witches began to shudder. “After all, I’m a princess as generous as I’m beautiful. And to such an earnest request, what can I do but offer a tidbit of my kindness?”

A glint of maddened expectation filled the devil’s eyes.

“Will you send me hurtling past the Mortis Spire for all to see, Your Highness?”

“Indeed I shall. Whatever that is. For this is my most powerful, ultimate ability. One which fills every loitering hoodlum with terror. And it is called … [Princess Deportation].”

A pause met my words.

Slowly, very slowly, the smile before me faded.

“That doesn’t sound like a sword technique.”

“Because it isn’t. My sword is reserved for caterpillars, fruit slimes and the mice dancing upon my ceilings whenever they dare to honourably challenge me. You are worth less than all of them.” 

“I see … then perhaps I need to repeat my earlier warnings.”

“You may. But only once you’ve navigated the queue. Until then, you are excused.”

A rare moment of silence came over the girl.

“You have no choice in this,” she claimed, her brows denting. “You must abide by my wishes.”

“I decline. If you wish for entertainment, then seek a mirror. It seems you’ve a talent for theatrics. Frankly, you do yourself a disservice by keeping these witches silent. I’ve no doubt their cackling would help satisfy your fledgling self-esteem.”

“Maybe you don’t understand. I will end–”

“The end of the world is when the Summer Kingdoms run out of fresh pillows. It happened once before and we all survived. Barely, yes–but still. Compared to that, you are nothing. Not only are your threats overly dramatic, but they’re not even entertaining.”

The girl stood still.

Her expression became so dark her face could scarcely be discerned. 

But that wasn’t the coldest part about her. 

No … that would be her shadow.

It began to stretch and rise, maturing like an oozing puddle as it towered over her, its silhouette that of a monster–of a fiend both slender and powerful. 

“Then I will entertain,” said the devil, her lips unmoving.

I leaned slightly back from the creeping shadow, shooing it away with my wrist. 

“You’ve had your audition. And you’ve failed. To be a jester requires exceptional talent. And if I cannot trust you to even spill tea without a tossed chair to help, then I’ve no use for you. Your stay here is at an end.”

“You have no authority over me.”

I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.

“Ohohohohohoho … incorrect.”

“What?”

“I am a princess. And within my kingdom, my authority is greater than either the heavens or the hells.”

Against the sound of my melodic laughter, the shadow ceased to grow. 

But it could do better than that.

Thus, I placed my hand upon my chest and nodded.

“... I, Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea, hereby revoke your invitation. I rescind all lawful claims you have to remain. I reject your presence. I void your contracts. I deny your very existence. By my royal command, I declare you dismissed.”

For a moment, the girl offered no response.

She then raised a knee to steal a step forward.

“Royal ascendancy … is not recognised in this place.”

Bwoooooooosh.

She was denied.

Infernal chains broke through the stage, wrapping themselves around her limbs. 

They snapped around her like a dozen burning pythons, dragging her down into the woodwork of the conjured theatre. A melting puddle of quicksand formed around her where she began to sink. 

“Ah.” I feigned a slight gasp. “What do we have here? … It seems you’ve a superior who disagrees with you. A welcome thing. Protocol still exists in the hells.”

The girl’s grimace was revealed as her shadow was forced back into her. 

She struggled in vain, her small arms attempting to shake away the very laws which bound her.   

“You ruin my fun,” she said, the childish disdain in her voice ringing throughout the village. “How dare you ruin my fun. Have you any idea how long I’ve waited? … This is not what I was promised.”

“You were promised nothing. You received nothing. You are nothing. But do be sure to use the ample free time you have to write a letter petitioning to join the waiting list if you wish to meet again. Should I view it kindly, I will give you priority over the hedgehogs. They at least are successful in their mischief.”

The struggling ceased.

The girl had no choice in the matter. Much of her had already sifted through the stage.

“... Very well,” she said, her tiny smile lit up by the infernal chains. “Then I shall at least return matters to how they were before I leave. I wouldn’t wish to spurn your generosity by leaving a mess.”

BwwRRrrUuuuuuUummMmmm.

All of a sudden, the stage began to shake.

As did everything else.

Sparkling dust began to fall from above as the very sky fractured like a breaking mirror. The barrier surrounding the home of the witches broke and shattered, as did whatever magic which held them.

Motion returned to their limbs as smoothly as a newly fixed clock.

Yet how the witches still intended to pay their taxes, I wouldn’t know just yet.

A gentle breeze swept my bangs across my eyes.

With a single blink, the sight of a witchly village coming to life vanished alongside a girl long overdue to return home–just as I was as well.

But while this wasn’t my bedroom, it was at least no further than where I was before.

A herb garden surrounded me.

The gulls had ceased to cry. But the sound of waves could still be heard.

Night had fallen upon the town of Wirtzhaven.

The twinkling of the stars were there to welcome my return–as well as Coppelia’s squeak as she landed directly on her most delicate part, shorn of the comfortable chair she’d been sitting in just moments ago.  

It could have been worse, of course.

Because as the darkness was promptly ushered away by an infernal portal opening directly beside us, it was apparent that our journey to and from the witchly village had taken the scenic route. 

A joy a certain woman in scandalous undergarments wasn’t able to experience.

Nor indeed, the denizens of the hells forced to share their home with her.

“Heheh … heheheh … ahahahahahahahahaha … !”

No fiend stepped through that flaming portal, nor any demonic knights juggling swords.

Instead, it was Rolstein’s local alchemist.

An errant mage and also our very own Witch of Calamity. 

Ribbons of primordial flames danced around her as she came forwards, her eyes alight in the same scarlet hue as her conjured dress and the burning crown upon her brow. 

“I … I am invincible,” she said, the wheezing triumph clear within her voice.

I pursed my lips at the embers swept around Miss Marinara Lainsfont’s cackling form.

Then, I nodded.

A moment later, I leaned down and politely knocked against the ground.

“Excuse me, but I’ve decided you can keep her.”