Chapter 449: Lady Luck’s Finest

As night fell upon the Royal Villa, an owl hooted from a richly decorated rooftop.Like a manor without end, it was a beautiful estate raised for the whims of kings and queens. A walled garden reflecting even the intrusion of the moonlight with its white stone and emerald tiles. 

Even the smoke from its chimneys was decadent. Here and there, a gentle plume gave rise to the scent of burning sandalwood and other rare woods only a princess would know. 

What others used for furniture, they used for hearths.

To anyone looking on, it would seem as far from the mud of the nearby crops as a polished jewel from a clod of soil. 

There was no doubt that within the comforts of the estate, one could reside for years on end without ever once feeling the desire to leave. Although it was no towering palace, the likes of which could be found in Lissoine, that didn’t detract from its opulence.

More importantly, however, it was also no castle. 

And that was why Two Knives Tessa had agreed to spare her services.  

It certainly wasn’t to mingle with the worst group of permanently ineligible bachelors she had ever seen.

Within a copse of trees between the Royal Villa and a village where its only tavern didn’t even have a barkeeper, the spell thief had silently laid claim to the shadows.

She was the only one to do so.

“–And then he said to me, ‘Please sir, this is all I have, I’m just a poor cleric. Please let me go so I can feed my family,’ and you know what I did? I said yes. So I slapped him on the back to get going. Can you guess what I heard? Jingling. But not from the pouch. He’d sewn gold crowns into the lining of his robes. I applied to join the Holy Church that same day.”

“Bwahahahahaha!”

“Look at you, Brambles! First time mugging a holy man and it’s enough to turn you into a saint!”

“Oi, oi, this is useful! Now we can have Brambles listen to our confessions!” 

“Nobody wants to listen to your confessions, Lockjaw. Not even Lumielle sees anything good in you.”

“Shaddup, all of you, the story ain’t over. Brambles, what happened afterwards?”

“What’d you think happened? They said no.”

“Why’d they say no? Too scruffy?” 

“No, it’s because I decided to make a donation–to my own pockets.”

Laughter filled the gathering of the kingdom’s least subtle thieves.

But that’s why Two Knives Tessa was here.

She wrinkled her nose, briefly checking to ensure the [Muffle] spell was still active. Usually, only magic or time could dissipate it. But this was hardly a small amount of noise.

Just like these were not ordinary criminals.

Brambles. Silver Thumb Raul. Half Ear Torley. Ragged Quinn. Lockjaw. Even Big Timmie.

It was a collection of the ugly, the foul and the very lucky. 

Only the latter was important.

All of them had survived the Crown Prince’s purge of Reitzlake. And while not all of them had been a member of either the Thieves Guild or the Smugglers Guild, they had each proven themselves with a tale worthy of a drunken boast.

They’d also still needed to evade the claws of the traitors who settled for his mercy, lured by the prospect of a new little hideaway with an actual roof.

Rose House.

Many of them thought it was a kindness. It wasn’t anything of the sort. 

Rose House was a prison with roomier dungeons. And if it wasn’t for the fact the Crown Prince was cheap enough to use a pretty maid as his stand-in, fewer would have been fooled.

Still, as much as Two Knives Tessa despised that man’s annoyingly handsome, chiselled and strong jawed face, it wasn’t for payback over the loss of 60% of her livelihood that she decided to take part in the Kingfisher’s most daring scheme.

It was the same reason as everybody else.

The only thing that could have brought every rival together without a knife already raised.

To make themselves household names in every tavern throughout the continent … and become stupidly wealthy while doing it.

That’s why–

“Lay off it, you useless louts,” she said, turning her frown away from the Crown Prince’s home. “I’m here to rob the Royal Villa, not to be tossed in its dungeons.”

The commotion instantly quietened.

Despite the veil of night, Two Knives Tessa could count every stupid blink, every scar, every pock mark and every rotten tooth. 

It was the effect of her [Cat’s Eye] spell, made infinitely more potent by the fact she already spent more time roaming the night than the day. Yet as much as she wished to dismiss her magic, this was no time for complacency, no matter what her associates thought. 

The walls of the Royal Villa were close enough that all a knight had to do was seek a bush to relieve himself and that would be that. Her entire night ruined by nature’s call. A threat which drove her away more regularly than any blades ever did.

Given what the others were doing to her nose, they clearly didn’t care.

“You need to relax, Tessa,” said Brambles, with all the grin of someone who thought he was second in charge. He wasn’t. She was. “You won’t make it far in this line of work if you can’t enjoy a conversation among friendly company. Stiff muscles and all that.”

“Yeah, every muscle in my nose is complaining. Even if the knights can’t hear you, they can smell you.”

“Knights can’t smell anything past their perfume. You don’t need to worry. We’re not amateurs.”

“Amateurs would be more useful. They’d help me keep watch.” 

“Yeah. And that’s why they’ll stay amateurs. A professional would pay someone else to keep watch while they enjoy the last night before a wealthy retirement. I won’t lie, my friends. I hate you all and wish you good riddance.”

The laughter was enough to drown out a tavern.

After all, there’d be no retiring for any of them. Even after emptying the Royal Villa, the only consequence would be their favourite barkeepers suddenly becoming wealthier.

Unless, of course, half of every rogue here found themselves mysteriously stabbed in the back while they were still counting their gains.

“Everybody hates you more,” said Two Knives Tessa. “Especially guards. That’s why Dorian invited you. You get to be thrown in the dungeons first.”

Shifting from his perch above them, Dorian the Kingfisher gave a small chuckle.

The most calm of them all, he lounged upon a branch with his hands behind his head. But that didn’t mean he was idle. His eyes scanned the horizon as much as Two Knives Tessa did.

This was his plan. And if there wasn’t a payout, he’d be the one who’d need to fork out for their time.

“Quite untrue,” he said. “I only wanted the best for this.”

“Wait, really?” replied Brambles.

“Yeah. That’s why I invited the Snow Dancer. She said no.”

Guffaws came at the man’s expense. But no look of indignation came in response.

Only a keen look of interest.

“Hang on, you actually asked the Snow Dancer?”

“Of course not. She’s not like you lot. She’s busy.”

“Damn, you got my hopes up there. Do you even have a way to contact her?” 

“I don’t. She was never part of the Thieves Guild.”

“You guys didn’t make her an offer or what?”

“We did. Many times. Whenever we accidentally found her, that is. I only saw her once myself. She was jumping into Aquina Castle through a tower window.” 

Whistles sounded as the Snow Dancer’s reputation once again rose.

Usually, being a beautiful elven woman was enough to earn the adoration of anyone who saw her. But she was also one of them. 

Maybe not much better than Two Knives Tessa ... and certainly not the Kingfisher. But that combination was enough to ensure every tale about her only became more preposterous with each telling.

“I’m afraid it’s just us,” said the Kingfisher with a smile. “Frankly, I doubt she even knows who any of us rotten scoundrels are. If she did, she’d most certainly decline. The Snow Dancer doesn’t take easy jobs.”

The smirks lit up the gathering. Yet it wasn’t out of mockery. 

While not a casual stroll through a field, this would be simpler than any of them had imagined.

Along with all the information they had, they could practically hear the snoring. Whatever reason the guards had been chosen, it wasn’t because they were the most awake the kingdom had to offer.

“The Snow Dancer can burgle her own villas,” said Two Knives Tessa. “This one is ours. Dorian, you sure this isn’t a trap?”

“My source has an interest in more than the bounties on our heads.”

“Your source still hasn’t a name.”

“He’s trustworthy. More than any of us at least. You’ve my faith in the matter.”

A few nods met his declaration.

It was more than any of them needed. The Kingfisher was second only to the Dancing Rat. That made him the most reliable out of any of them. 

He was also the most dangerous. 

The man just hid it better behind a smile and kinder words. When the backstabbing happened, Two Knives Tessa would make sure that both of her blades were pointed towards him first.

She blinked.

“Movement,” she suddenly said.

The chatter hushed as swiftly as a candle being extinguished.

In the distance, a pair of guards were seen idly chatting as they patrolled along the walls.

“Like clockwork,” said the Kingfisher with a nod. “It seems only one guard sees fit to sleep on the job tonight.”

“That’s one more than I hoped for,” replied Two Knives Tessa. “I prefer they keep to their schedule. It’s been accurate so far.”

“It should be. Few things change season to season. Blackpouch and his crew being one of them.”

A few sighs came out at once.

Blackpouch still wasn’t here. And while that wasn’t a shock, it was still irritating. 

His group alone constituted half of their tally. 

Not all of them would be involved in emptying the Royal Villa, of course, but they were important insurance nonetheless. If worse came to worst, then they were expected to make as much noise as possible to draw the guards away.

“We all know how Blackpouch is,” said the Kingfisher, forcing himself to wear a professional smile. “We can wait. I’m certain he’ll appear any moment now.” 

***

Blackpouch’s toe was sore.

Nobody had told him that man eating fire breathing death beetles inhabited this accursed forest. And while he wasn’t terrified of them, the same couldn’t be said of his men. 

They were as useful as rotten lemons on most days, but needing him to deal with this issue alone was something he’d be docking their pay for.

He’d stamped on so many of the damnable things that just his big toe was beginning to ache.

… And now it was about to ache slightly more.

Someone hadn’t been keeping watch.

“Oh, hey there.”

There she stood.

A girl in a red hood and cloak.

It was the most bizarre thing he’d ever seen. 

After all, for his group to be approached by any girl who wasn’t a reluctant barmaid was already highly unusual. But for it to happen in a forest in the middle of the night was stranger still.

It was also the last thing he needed. 

They were late to the gathering point, and not only because of the horrible beetles. There was a massive hole in the forest as if every tree had either been eaten or blown down. Somewhere was a giant monster, and that meant they had to go the long way around to avoid it. 

Apparently, the long way was also what the locals used.

“Who the hells are you?” he asked.

The girl gave a friendly smile, her brown hair and eyes peeking out from under her red hood.

“I’m Jenny. Hi again. Have you met the beetles? They’re great.”

Blackpouch threw up his hands in exasperation, all the while wiping gunk from his boots.

“Yeah. Yeah I met them. And I hate them already.”

“Well, that’s probably because you’re not trying them right. They don’t actually need cooking. Their glands mean that once you start biting them, they pretty much melt in your mouth.”

At once, several of Blackpouch’s louts leaned away, disgust upon their muddy faces.

He was no exception.

“You eat these things?”

“Yeah! They have both the crunchy texture but also the gooey softness afterwards. There’s nothing like it. If you haven’t tried, I really recommend it.” 

Blackpouch groaned.

A weirdo in a forest. That’s exactly what he wanted.

Usually, he wouldn’t care less. An oblivious girl meant a swift kidnapping and an easy ransom as they knocked on the door to the nearest farm. But he was passing through this forest to share in more crowns than any of his rivals would live to enjoy. He had no time to waste.

“Yeah, I’m sure they’re the best. I’ll give them a try after we’ve lodged for the night. We’re on our way to a nearby village. Is it close?” 

“Oh, it is! You’re about halfway through the forest. To reach the village, you just need to follow the stream. It’s a bit beyond the treeline there. Once you make it, there’s a small tavern to lodge at.”

“Great. That’s all I need. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Also, are you bandits?”

Blackpouch sighed into his palms.

“No, we’re not bandits. We’re a group of traders.”

“Okay. Because you guys look like the most stereotypical bandits I’ve ever seen. And that’s something. I used to see loads in my old forest before all the howling drove them away.”

Click.

Blackpouch immediately snapped his fingers.

“Tie her.”

His men moved at once. If only they were as good at dealing with beetles than they were at kidnapping, then he’d already be free of this place. 

He didn’t bother watching, instead continuing onwards.

There was no time to go through with the ransoming stage. But he wasn’t going to let an overly talkative girl blab to her parents that a group of bandits were waltzing towards the Royal Villa. If she was lucky, he’d remember to ransom her after he was done.

“Uh … Boss?”

Blackpouch looked up at the forest ceiling, then sighed.

Turning back, he saw to absolute despair that the girl wasn’t tied. 

In fact, all his goons were doing was holding onto her arms.

“... Did you morons forget what to do? Tie her wrists together.”

“Boss … we, uh, we can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“We’re trying. But her arms … they’re seriously not budging.”

Blackpouch was about to lose it.

Instead, he performed the breathing exercises his mother reminded him about, then approached the girl to do the most basic business of leaving her defenceless to the elements.

That’s when she brushed off the hands holding her … before opening up her red cloak to reveal a ridiculous assortment of hand axes attached to a leather jerkin hiding beneath.

Everything changed at once.

“Tch.” Blackpouch drew his daggers, joined by those beside him. “Figures. Not out for a nightly stroll, are you? Who are you? An adventurer?”

“Nope. I work here. New job. I just started.”

“New job? The hells kind of job you have?”

“Groundskeeper. I’m looking after this forest.”

“What? You need those axes for the beetles?”

“Nope. For wolves.”

“There are wolves in this forest?”

“Yeah. You find them in all the least expected places.”

Jenny gave a smile. She drew back her red hood.

A moment later–

The bandits began slowly, slowly walking away.

***

Two Knives Tessa idly tapped at the hilts of her knives.

She wasn’t alone. 

Impatience and boredom made the rounds throughout the gathering. 

Blackpouch wasn’t just late. He was completely absent. A fact the Kingfisher was only now willing to accept, given the reassuring smile he wore.

“... It seems our shares will be bigger, after all,” he said to the approval of everyone. “We can tell Blackpouch about our success once he arrives. We begin without him.”

The group stood up as one.

They all knew their assignments.

Blackpouch’s absence was a hiccup. But hardly one anybody would feel saddened over. 

The most critical members were both here and on time. And less competition to soak up earnings was only a relief. There would also be less chance to be discovered, although none believed that was possible.

Lady Nemireth was the Goddess of Luck. And every thief could feel her smiling down on them.

After all, she blessed those who made their own luck. 

Each of them had memorised the layout of the Royal Villa. They knew the expected time and routes of the patrols. They knew the timetables of the night staff. They even knew where the bathrooms were, just to avoid crossing paths with those in need.

The timing wouldn’t be perfect. But it was enough. 

They had everything they needed. 

Now they just needed the kingdom’s treasures.

Just not any teapots. They were apparently all trapped to spew flames. A defence mechanism as ridiculous as it was alarming.

Still, Two Knives Tessa smiled as she began making her way towards the Royal Villa’s walls, the shadows guiding her steps.

Trapped teapots.

They really needed to do better than that.