Chapter 403: The Angel Of Calamity

I rubbed my eyes.Once. Twice. Three times.

All I saw were the bright spots left behind by a glowing shopkeeper. That was a problem. Only my reflection was allowed to blind myself. And yet as I blinked away the circles which weren’t entirely fading, I was faced with an even more concerning sight.

A simple barkeeper.

One missing his bar.

Indeed, there could be no mistaking him.

He wore the fatigue of a man forced to herd the kind of rowdy guests who required me to test launch objects using Clarise’s Emergency Protocol Princess Propeller Device™.

That could only mean one thing.

“Sir Barkeeper!” My hand covered my mouth in shock. “Why have you abandoned your noble duties? Does … Does this mean the hooligans have escaped your bar? … Is the Royal Villa safe?!”

The man offered a pained expression.

I almost fainted. The thought of what the local hoodlums could do was enough to usher away even the bravest of my knights.

“So far as I know, the Royal Villa’s safe. That’s not why I’m here.”

I gasped as realisation struck.

“Y-You cannot take Apple away!” I said, utterly horrified. “I haven’t even begun to properly groom him! Each time I straighten his mane, a snort undoes it even further!”

Apple snorted–yes, just like that!

“His mane seems glossier to me, at least,” said the barkeeper charitably. “But you needn’t worry. I haven’t come to collect Apple. Just my daughter.”

A sigh escaped him.

The man was neither young nor old. Yet as he came forwards, I could almost see the grey hairs blossoming beneath the weight of fatherhood.

I could certainly see the wrinkles, lit up by the luminance of a waiting mage. 

“You’ve found me again,” said Marina, looking neither perturbed nor vexed as her cage of oaken roots turned to limbs of burnt coal around her. “... Along with the rest of the Golden Hogs.”

The barkeeper shrugged.

“You made it easier this time. We just followed the flames. Oh, and sorry about the magical arrow. Bodkins insists it’ll keep you from teleporting away again.”

“–Woah, I didn’t insist on anything.” The halfling raised his palms. Both of them. The bow he held mysteriously vanished. “I’m just doing my own small … very small part in helping along a warm and fuzzy reunion where nothing explodes and nobody runs away. Don’t mind me.”

“There won’t be any running away,” said Marina as I searched for the softest patch of ground. “I’m actually relieved. I was hoping for another opportunity to talk.”

“Good. That’s good. Because if it’s help you need, well … we’re here to do what we can. You know that already.”

Marina stared in response.

Suddenly, her cloak of golden flames diminished. But not because of the warmth of her father’s words. 

Rather … it was due to the bleakness of her eyes as they narrowed and dimmed.

For a moment, nothing stirred other than the hugging of a lute, the cautious intake of breath and the swinging legs of a clockwork doll as she idly watched from a chimney.

And then–

“Heh … heheheh …”

Marina laughed.

She laughed and she didn’t stop.

Her hands immediately went to placate her diaphragm, all the while lifting her chin.

“Heheheh … ahahaha … ahahahahahahahahah!!”

As the laughter resounded in the air, the magical halfling went to my side and looked up.

“Soooooo … how are you, young lady?”

“Hm?” I tilted my head. “Oh, I’m very well, thank you. Yourself?”

“Excellent. Business has been slow, but so have I. Still, I’m happy to say my next experiment is already good to go. If you’re interested, I can offer a sample.” 

“My, how marvellous. I look forward to judging it … providing that it’s–”

“It’s free, yes.” The halfling paused. “With that said, I’d need my cart to survive the next few minutes. Mind if I ask what happened? I notice Marina’s glowing. And laughing. Loudly. Based on my experience, that’s usually a bad sign when put together.”

“Quite so. She’s traumatised by the thought of people judging her hair.”

“I … what?” 

“Exactly. A thousand reasons to succumb to thoughts of ultimate power and she picks the most dangerous one. Never underestimate the allure of wishing to avoid social oblivion. So long as her hair looks like a portable lighthouse, we are in grave danger.”

A click of a tongue suddenly replaced the laughter.

“Help … ?” said Marina, deliberately not looking at me. “… Help isn’t something I need. It is something for me to give. I now finally understand my place in the world. After all this time, I’ve decided to stop fleeing from destiny. My duty is to embrace it. To seize it. To steer it.”

The barkeeper simply nodded.

“Right, right … it seems like you’ve had time to think since I last found you. As well as change your outfit. That dress looks new. It suits you.”

“It is the raiment of my soul, now worn also as my armour.”

“I see … something to do with this whole … Witch of Calamity thing, I take it?”

Marina offered the impression of a gentle smile.

“The Witch of Calamity is a myth, a rumour and a stain. I shall become something better. Something brighter. I come not representing the end, but the beginning. I shall rise as an avatar of hope, thoroughly erasing all the arrogance of this world. There will be no ugliness left. Only the beauty of acceptance.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Please. It doesn’t matter how much you pave the world in flames. Even without your hair glowing in multiple colours, it still looks like you’ve been standing over an exploding cauldron. It’s not ancient blood magic you need to bring about a change of opinion. It’s a comb.”

Fwooosh.

The flames suddenly expanded. I skipped back as several embers threatened to splutter over me.

“Then I shall work to clear the sin of pride from your soul first.”

“Declined.” I instantly jabbed my finger towards her. “It is far too late for your personality to change now. Stick with being stubborn and angry. Aggressive piousness is for sisters of the Holy Church.” 

“The Holy Church will have their due as well. They are ridden with both sloth and greed. Their preaching fills the halls of their cathedrals, but not their own hearts.”

I paused.

“I … I see! In that case, perhaps an arrangement can be discussed? … P-Perhaps a way for you to selectively set things on fire and then return to normal?”

“Normal is what I now make of it. This is the power granted to me. And no sword can stop my ascension. Not yours … or even Thomas Lainsfont’s.”

The barkeeper pursed his lips.

His hand, unseen by all, had found itself around the hilt of a weapon by his side.

A sword which sang as it was drawn.

It shimmered in the man’s grip. But not because of the golden miasma before it. Its own light was the same as Starlight Grace’s. A blade that was woven as much as it was forged.

Thomas Lainsfont stood tall and proud.

A man whose years of experience were revealed beneath the sudden twinkling of the stars as they fought against the flames bright enough to keep even the dawn at bay.

The smile faded from Marina’s lips.

But then–

Clink.

The man merely tossed his sword aside.

His shoulders sagged, the lack of will as clear in his sigh as it was in his downward gaze.

“Yeah … you’re right,” he said with a shake of his head. “I can feel fate’s gaze on you, Marina. But that has nothing to do with being the Witch of Calamity or anything else. Your heart has always burned as bright as your flames. You are meant to do something great. My sword can’t stop your wings from taking flight.”

He closed his eyes.

And for a moment, his daughter faltered.

A look of puzzlement came over her. Of confusion. Of doubt.

Her eyes blinked as she looked down at herself, as though seeing her new garment for the first time.

“Father? Why is–”

“–But I can hold you down instead!”

His eyes flashed open.

They shone with all the youth of a new squire–no, something more foolhardy … a new adventurer.

After all, not even the most gallant of my would-be knights would attempt to rescue a maiden from her own plans of world domination while she was literally on fire.

This man, however, didn’t care.

He lunged towards the golden flames, daring them to turn him into ashes as he opted to tackle his daughter to the ground.

Fwump.

The flames never had the chance to decide.

With a sweep of an arm, Marina sent a wave of pure magic rippling through the air. The result was a barkeeper sent hurtling into a blackberry shrub also being chewed on by Apple.

“... Thank you, Father,” she said, her voice resonating with a sudden clarity. “For watching over me all this time. Even though you had allowed me to live my own life, I knew you were not absent. I shall now return the favour. I will be your guardian in this new world, brought about from the ashes of the old.”

The golden radiance burned brighter than ever. 

Then, with a flap of her newly made wings, Marina began to rise.

The reaction was immediate. A bow was conjured back into existence. A lyre rose to either be played or thrown. And for some bizarre reason, the elven woman dropped onto all fours.

It was as far as their response was allowed to go.

A flash of light pulsed from her figure, inviting only winces of regret as her wings took her to the sky.

“The Witch of Calamity?” she said, arms raised as her burning silhouette challenged the stars for supremacy above Wirtzhaven. “If calamity is what I must bring, then I will do so as the Angel of Calamity. To deny this duty is to abide the wicked. There can be no room for doubt or reprieve. I will use my blessing to cleanse all that is wrong. This is the gift I was given.” 

“This is not a gift, Marina,” called out the barkeeper as he gingerly rose from the shrub. “This is not a blessing by the heavens.”

The response came with a smile. 

“That is fine. I can remake the heavens as well.” 

My hand covered my mouth.

Why, she was threatening to remake all that was above!

This … This was such a wasted opportunity!

If she could float all the way to the heavens, the amount of grief her lack of fashion sense could cause would be enough for the Holy Church’s sponsors to declare all hope lost and cease blessing their followers with ways to avoid my tax inspectors!

At the same time, I couldn't let my kingdom melt into ashes even if it meant preventing tax evasion!

I was aghast.

The decision before me was clear … but it still felt terrible!

“Marina,” murmured the barkeeper, his hands clenching together as he gazed forlornly at the shining figure in the night sky. “This isn’t like you. You need to–”

“We need to evacuate Wirtzhaven,” said the halfling, his bow lowering as his target rose ever higher. “Thomas, it’s time to move. Something’s taken hold of Marina. We’ll have to deal with that later. The citizens come first.”

The barkeeper took a deep breath.

He briefly closed his eyes. When they opened again, it was to a curt nod.

“Then that’s what we’ll do. Liriane, get the message out. You as well, Cedric. Help get the people moving. Keep them calm. Bodkins, you and me to the firetower. We can ring the town awake. With any luck, we’ll also be high enough that we can distract Marina long enough to …”

The barkeeper stopped.

After all–I was holding up my palm.

“Ohohoho … thank you for performing your civil duty. But that won’t be needed.”

A round of blinking met me. 

“Miss,” said the halfling. “I appreciate your pluckiness. But you gotta pick your moments. Marina’s become the Witch of Calamity … or rather, she’s become something worse. I can’t rightly say what this is, but from what I see, we’re going to need everyone for this. The Adventurer’s Guild, the Mage’s Guild, the Royal Institute and also anyone else without a drop of sanity. None of us are equipped to handle someone who’s on fire, can fly and is able to spit out spells. Even with this consideration, she’s probably still more dangerous than any of us are giving credit for.”

I nodded.

True, dealing with her was clearly a problem.

After all, for our very own Miss Racy Corset to shield herself in such a monotone colour that nobody would ever want to look at her was both unorthodox and highly effective. 

… But not for me! 

Ohohhohohhohhohoho!

Indeed, no matter how much of a travesty her dress was, I’d seen worse in my father’s court … and that meant I’d also expelled worse! 

Obviously, however, I couldn’t do this now.  

Her destination was Soap Island. And I could hardly expect her to do a passable job while engulfed in an inferno. If she wasn’t melting her own bars of soap, then she’d be melting somebody else’s.

What I needed was to do away with her newly found witchly powers.

I needed to quench her flames.

“Ohohohoho … very well, then. Far beneath me to offer the heavens a favour, I suppose I’m willing to consider this a one-time service in return for future reimbursement.”

I duly raised Starlight Grace over my head.

And then … I started to twirl.

Fwoooosh.

A gentle breeze unconcerned with any blinding flames answered.

Motioning my sword in a tiny circle, I performed the familiar movement required to punt away the most stubborn of caterpillars from my orchard. And that meant a puff of wind upon the very tip, added occasionally by a smattering of leaves, twigs and all the herbs nobody would miss.

A moment later, it was more than the strewn foliage attaching itself towards the gathering ball. 

A whistling could be heard throughout the alleys of the town as I increased the speed of my swirling. Shrubs began to loosen from their hold. Trees groaned and branches dipped. Tiles from a nearby cottage flew past a wildly cheering clockwork doll … and then everybody else, too.

“What the … what the hells … is this?! How are you doing that … ?!”

“Oh gods, not my lute! Please no, I’m still paying off the cost … !”

“Mrreorrrow.”

“Wooooooooooooooooo!! Here comes the [Ball Of Doom]!!”

Off to my side, a halfling was shovelling his bow into the dirt, either as an anchor or to create a burrow. 

Horror mixed with just the faintest glint of adventure filled his wincing eyes. A far cry to the guildmaster tightly hugging his lightweight instrument with all his life. And also the panicking … yes, a panicking dire panther digging its claws into a tree.

I had absolutely no idea where it’d been hiding. But I had no time to contemplate.

As the gathering ball grew ever larger, so too did its lack of stability. 

A deeply uncomfortable sensation weighed down on my arm … all the more so as I did my best to lean away from what was swiftly becoming less a puff of wind and more a spiralling vortex engulfed in arcs of crackling lightning.

“A wind technique,” gasped a kneeling barkeeper, studying my sword even as he braced against the gentle breeze. “Do … Do you hope to extinguish Marina’s flames with a gale?”

I offered a bright smile.

A bright, twitching smile as I leaned my face away from what was most definitely not a [Ball Of Doom].

“W-Why, not at all! This is only a gentle breeze! I’m simply using it to deliver what she needs most!”

Indeed!

As useful as my delicate gardening technique doubtless was for dispersing her current flames, that would only be a temporary respite!

The true issue for Miss Racy Corset was far more dire.

She could adorn herself with as much golden light as she desired. But no amount of magic could replicate the true glow of healthy skin–nor indeed was it able to hide the blemishes.

I saw it all.

The shadows beneath her eyes. The blotches on her cheeks. The tragic, unmotivated posture. Even the overdone act to usher in a new world bereft of people pointing at her hair.

It was all down to the same thing. 

Why … she was simply tired!

Marina Lainsfont needed sleep. Badly. And so I’d offer her the finest remedy there was.

“[Summon Bed].”

Gasps filled the air as the Winter Queen’s bed appeared just before the gathering ball.

Ohohohoho!

Here it was! 

A crystalline frame topped with a mattress of feathery snow, two pillows (one with slight dent) and blessed with the fragrance of spring!

Indeed, it was a passable piece of furniture, and now instead of dropping to test the floorboards of an inn, it remained steady in the air. Or as steady as a large bed slowly twisting as it was absorbed by an increasingly unstable puff of wind could be.

“Oh no.” A voice suddenly shorn of calm came down from above. “... Do not do this! I’m warning you! Don’t you dare! I will–” 

“Ohohohohhhoohohohoho!!”

“I will end you! I will end you and then I’ll end the tiny pieces of you that–”

I aimed at the distant figure already attempting to fly away.

Unfortunately, while she was many things, natural and graceful with wings wasn’t quite them.

“One blade, one will, ten thousand caterpillars upon the wind … Gardening Form, 7th Stance ...”

A flash of magic filled my eyes, turning all the world to a single bright circle.

It wasn’t enough.

“... [Spring Breeze] … !!”

It wasn’t a duck. And it wasn’t a mailbox.

A curious thing, then.

Because as I released the gathered ball adorned with the colour of the season and a heavy piece of furniture, the noise it created was much the same.

PWOOOOOOOOOOOOOMPH!!

… As was the reason I was still refining the Mark III [Spring Breeze]. 

All the world became a blur as I promptly found myself hurtling through the air. Again.

“–Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

The impact as I found the reliable arms of my loyal handmaiden could never quite be called soft. 

Even so, it was better than crashing headfirst into the back of a pantry.  

I blinked several times.

I’d gone through the same hole Coppelia had made. All around me, the bright spots in my vision were suddenly joined by the sight of dancing pots and pans in an unfamiliar kitchen.

“Hnnnnnnggghhhhhhhh … !”

More concerning, however, was the fact I could still see flames.

Raising my gaze, I was stunned to find the beneficiary of my bed not yet enjoying an early slumber.

Rather … she seemed to be doing everything possible to remain stubbornly awake.

A shield of golden flames, several layers thick, shimmered before Marina’s hovering figure. 

Even from a distance, I could see the sheen of the sweat dribbling past her brows. A grimace made up her expression as both hands poured every drop of magic she had into preventing the indignity that was losing to a piece of furniture still adamantly barrelling towards her. 

However, against the strength of something formed of winter and blessed by spring, not even the harshest of flames could do more than yield.

… Or so I thought.

My mouth widened as steam rose and the crystalline ice began to drip.

“Nooooooooooooooo … !!”

Whatever horror Marina felt, mine was worse.

As the last layer of her golden shield faltered, so too did a magical bed.

A single cry of grief was all I heard as the flames withered like a spent candle. A moment later, the Winter Queen’s gift ensured that a night of rest was to come to our errant mage at last.

Yet even as her silhouette was lost amidst the returning dark of night, another came to ensure her soft landing. A slender figure in a pointy hat snapped into existence, the hem of her robes fluttering as a newly arrived witch arrived to catch Marina in her arms. 

There certainly wasn’t anything else to save.

Nearby, a lute fell to the ground. A halfling mouthed wordlessly. An elven woman hugged a tree. A horse snorted. A barkeeper remained kneeling, his eyes wide as he peered towards the sky. 

“Ahahahha … ahahha … hahaha … ahahahaha~!”

And a certain Coppelia let out her mirth, the brightness of her smile visible even behind me.

I barely noticed any of it.

I was too busy covering my mouth in utter horror.

My bed … had melted?!