Chapter 394: Knock, Knock

Few things came in as many shapes as demons.They resided in more than children’s nightmares. They were the denizens of the abyss. And just as the below they called home could twist and turn into a thousand grim landscapes, so too could they. 

Sometimes as slobbering horrors. Sometimes as movement in the corner of one’s eye.

And sometimes … as suspicious women wearing far too revealing a dress. 

An alluring beauty who might catch a whiff of attention were I not present.

Even the slightest of her movements were graceful. As she idly leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed, the hem of her dress, the strands of her hair and even the edges of her eyelashes all seemed to flutter as the very breeze was charmed by her beguiling presence.

I expected nothing else.

After all–even without the curled horns of an ewe which sat like decoration upon her hair, there was little mistaking her nature. 

An aura of lecherousness seeped from her like the servants fresh from a tryst far too close to my bedroom tower. And just like them, she would need to depart before objects started falling around her.

“Succubus,” I said, my nose wrinkling.

Indeed.

The tiny horns did little to distract from the unnatural beauty of her face. 

It did even less for her eyes. 

They flashed with a silver hue, her irises alight like a shimmering mirror. As she offered me her undivided attention, it was with a gaze so forceful that it possessed its own weight.

A veritable banshee with flesh. Yet although she lacked either claws or fangs, neither was needed. 

Her smile was crueler than any knife. 

A succubus didn’t leave her victims lying in a pool of blood. She left them an empty husk dryer than any vampire could achieve. Even without raising a finger, her beauty alone was a slow serenade of the end as all thought of food, drink and dignity abandoned those around her.

“Succubus,” she repeated, her voice faintly amused. “The famed sirens of the depths. Demons who wear the guise of beautiful maidens. Temptresses whose words are so potent that even those who know of their nature fail to resist their charms. Me.”

She smiled as she raised a fingertip. But no spell came forth to melt me. 

Instead, she allowed a honey bee to land upon the tip of her nail. 

It eagerly fluttered its wings before being duly blown away. As it took off into the sunset, it swerved to and fro as though lost in a drunken stupor.

I was unimpressed.

That honey bee had a job. And it was more important than anything a succubus dressed for a formal function was doing. But I could fix that.

“You seem ready for a soirée,” I said, nodding at her attire. “I regret you’ll find no such entertainment here. But if you desire, I can secure an invitation to one of the nightly events held in the Granholtz Embassy. There are endless opportunities for scandals that you may cause.”

The succubus gave a modest laugh.

It might even have been a snort. But the worst of the noise was instantly muffled. An impressive feat.

“A generous invitation,” she replied. “But I must decline. Strenuously.”

“I see. As expected, the Grand Duchess has already sucked the life out of her diplomats. My apologies. A succubus deserves better.”

“So does everyone else. I make a point of not attending soirées. I’d be compelled to dance. Such a sight would result in every guest wilting purely from second hand embarrassment.”

“Truly? My, what a surprise. I was led to believe that every succubus was a naturally talented dancer.”

“That’s because the lies of my sisters have made their way through every crack in the stonework. Allow me to tell you the truth. We succubuses have a single talent–and that is for being utterly useless.”

“At dancing? Or just pretending to see nothing while a princess skips by?”

“At everything.” 

The succubus gave a casual flick of her wrist. 

“Dancing, singing, poetry, painting, and most of all, cooking. I’ve seen more calamity caused by an attempted hotpot than by any demon prince. Pans, lids, chopping boards and knives in every direction. There are those with two left feet. But my sisters and I are gifted with two left hands and no eyes at all. We are talentless to a fault, such is the curse my kind must bear.”

I raised an eyebrow, mildly intrigued by a tidbit of knowledge no one else seemed to know. 

“Is that so? … I wasn’t aware there was such a thing. What would this curse be that consigns you to such violent clumsiness?”

“Extraordinary beauty.”

“... Excuse me?” 

The succubus shrugged.

“What opportunity do we have to improve ourselves when those we seek to impress are already waiting upon their knees? How can we learn when all the meals and fineries of the world are brought to us with but a thought? It is a dire existence. We’re served constantly with no regard to effort. I’m certain you must know this feeling all too well. It must be terrible in your position. A princess pampered from head to toe when all you wish is to stand upon your own two feet.”

A pause.

“O-Ohoho?!” I nodded fervently … all the while my hands immediately clasped around Coppelia’s mouth, preventing a comment which didn’t need to be said. “In … Indeed! It is a truly degrading experience!”

“I can only imagine. The stifling dullness you experience must be beyond compare–and I say this as someone who was stuck in a door.”

“Quite so! Why, for me to be seen by every servant whenever I accidentally cough at the exact moment their lunch break begins is both unnecessary and tiring! I … I am but a dove who wishes to spread her wings!”

The succubus nodded, never once noticing as I silently bribed Coppelia with extra strudels before removing my hand.

“And how impressively you do so. Your wings spread more majestically than a dragon … or wyvern as that ridiculous elven king turned out to be. I try not to indulge in my regrets, but agreeing to guard his ruins will forever remain a blot on my employment record. I’m grateful you removed him from his perch.”

“You’re welcome. Standards must be maintained. As a responsible employer myself, little earns my displeasure more than seeing staff allowed to loiter.”

I duly pointed behind her.

“... I see another intervention is required. You haven’t even been given a ruined wall to guard this time. That’s outrageous. What if somebody pokes your door? It’s a wonder it hasn’t already fallen over.”

“If it does, I’d do nothing but weep. My bluebells have only started to grow.” 

“Excuse me?”

The succubus smiled.

Not with a bewitching charm … but rather with a familiar pride.

She stepped to the side, revealing the world beyond her door. 

I was stunned to see that everything was remarkably dull. The forest within the witchly barrier was much the same as the one outside. 

All with one exception.

The world’s tiniest garden.

Measuring the length of a napping princess, it was a rectangle of flowers on the witchly side of the barrier. And yet what it lacked in square metres, it gained in colour. 

Like a fully stuffed bouquet, this little garden boasted white petunias, orange marigolds, blue tulips and everything in between. Petals and leaves danced and dipped. But even with the severe lack of space, there was no sense of anarchy. Each clump of flowers maintained their own little pocket, showcasing all the wonders that Mother Nature and a lack of nibbling horses could offer.

Only one thing shone brighter than this spring diorama.

A succubus's sense of satisfaction. 

“Wonderful, no?” she said, pointing at the giant daisies. “The wild magic within the witchly barrier interferes with the spell imprisoning me. I’m able to leave my door by as much as a handful of steps. It isn’t much space to work with, but I asked the honey bees to bring me whatever seeds they could find. They obliged.”   

I leaned slightly forwards. As did Coppelia, her eyes glittering ominously. 

I tugged her back, then offered a nod. 

“Hm. A miniature landscape garden. How quaint. Even with whatever magic is in the soil to help the flowers bloom, that doesn’t detract from the upkeep required to maintain such an organised variety of competing colours.”

It was something deserving of an above average score. 

Something I never gave when it concerned gardens.

Thus, I clapped my hands together and smiled.

“Very well! I give this a–”

“Nnnnnnnnnnnggggghhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrr~”

Yes.

It was officially a -1.5/10.

After all, as the succubus idly stepped through the doorway, what I witnessed was the only thing which could send any score plummeting into the negatives.

An unabashed yawn.

To my horror, all the elegant reputation of her kind was swept away by the sight of her tonsils. 

This wasn’t the delicate yawn of a princess gently waking up in her orchard and immediately firing anybody who saw it. It was the other kind of yawn. The type krakens made when consuming a shoal of salmon.

It only became worse.

Mistakenly thinking that -1.5/10 was the lowest it could go, the succubus lazily flung her shoes off, drawing a scampering of movement in the shrub they now called home. And then like a princess before her orchard, she kneeled down and brushed her hands across the head of her flowers. 

Flop.

Then, still very much like a princess, she proceeded to do the same thing using her cheeks. 

And also everything else.

The woman in her fine dress simply surrendered on the spot. 

With as little regard to her image as Coppelia jumping into bed, she smothered her face upon a pillow of daffodils, her limbs messily sprawled across her garden.

She inhaled the fragrance of spring pollen.

“Ahhhh,” said the succubus, rolling onto her back with a satisfied smile. “The softness of real flowers. I can already feel a sneeze coming. How wondrous.”

I was aghast.

Why … only I was allowed to judge the flowers of my kingdom!

“E-Excuse me!” I said as I leaned down to poke the springiness of a peony. “Please do not rub your face in my kingdom! That is my role!”

“This might be your kingdom. But this is my garden. And within it, I’m quite free to roll about as I please.”

“That … That is true, yes, but even so … !”

“Heheheh … once the dandelions become fluffy enough, I can sew them into a duvet as well …”  

I let out a small groan.

Despite her appearance, she was now less succubus and more pixie. 

Being stuck in a door clearly had side effects … and not all of them negative.

“Yes, well, you seem to be enjoying yourself,” I admitted, only slightly envious. “Frankly, I’m not certain how you ended up here … or even how you became a door … but while I’m delighted to meet new apprentices in the way of the gardener, this isn’t why I’m here. I need to see to whatever travesty is awaiting me in the witchly village.”

The succubus ceased to roll.

“Yes, you do,” she said, her smile slightly fading. “But as much as I wish to allow that, my duty as a door guardian prevents me from rolling out of the way.”

“Your only duty is to your garden. And I see you’re tending to it splendidly. Any employer who asks you to do anything else is unworthy of your time. And if loyalty is an issue–well, I’m certain I can persuade whoever’s hired you to relinquish their expectations.”

A gentle laugh came as her answer.

There was no hidden snort behind it. It was sincerity in all its rare form.  

“Regrettably, I’m expected to fulfil what I’ve promised. I have through poor life choices traded one imprisoned existence for another. An employer for another. It’s a poor acknowledgement of my situation that I consider this slightly more spacious arrangement to be a sizable improvement.”

“I see … and who might this employer be, to make a succubus a troll door guard?”

Her smile remained perfectly fixed.

“I am expressly prohibited from speaking the name. My contract forbids it.”

I raised an eyebrow.

My, wasn’t this quaint?

I’d come here for the only person more scandalously dressed than a succubus. And now it appeared that instead of just her unique brand of calamity, I could receive all the fiery spectrum of it. 

How very convenient. 

I could douse them all at once … providing, of course, that I could first squeeze my way past a highly unorthodox door guard.

“Very well. Will another riddle suffice? Or must I simply close this door only to ask my loyal handmaiden to open it again as my retainer?”

“Neither will do. I’m expressly required to not only bar your entry, but to prevent it.”

I looked down at the blinking succubus.

“You don’t strike me as an obstacle. Or is this garden routine perhaps an attempt to charm me with your demonic wiles … ?”

“Hm? Ah, no, this isn’t that at all. I really am just indulging in my flowers. Besides, charming you with my demonic wiles isn’t possible.”

“O-Ohoho … ? Is that so … ? Well, I’m delighted you realise that!” 

“Yes. I’ve no interest in you. At all. Certainly not in that way.”

My hands covered my mouth..

“Wha–?! What do you mean you’ve no interest?! I’m … I’m a beautiful princess!”  

“Indeed, you are. A beautiful princess whose personality I can glean through a single glance–and while I enjoy your company, what I see is more problematic than I wish to deal with. As a result, my powers of manipulation, charm and temptation are limited. Please do not take this the wrong way. But I believe quite strongly that only somebody very ambitious, very optimistic or very insa … yes, very ambitious or very optimistic would deliberately seek your attention.”

“Y-You! You were just about to say something! What was it?!”

“Regardless, while I cannot enthrall you, I’ve other methods at my disposal. All of which I shall regret to use. Few succubuses revel in violence. I am not one of them. But it is only through fulfilling the terms I agreed to that I can be released from my contract. You know how it is.”

I pursed my lips.

“I do. And I know that every contract designed to entrap you can also be wriggled away from.”

The smile wavered from the succubus at last.

“You are correct,” she said, her words deliberate and cautious. “... Normally. But not this one.” 

She fixed her expression.

A moment later–

Fwooosh.

The succubus could no longer be seen as her door became wreathed in shadow and flames.