Chapter 458: Two Of A Kind

Plates. Bowls. Cups. Pitchers. Trays.If it could sparkle, then it could also sail through the air, its contents spilling in every direction.

Soupe à la betterave gratinée painted the walls in ruby streaks. A cherry soufflé exploded against the ceiling. Cutlery embedded themselves into suits of watching armour. And a carrot confit was discreetly tossed through the window.

Amidst the chaos, only the dining table itself remained as an oasis of stability.

Coppelia’s fork descended like an anchor, breaking through the crust of her gratin as she ensured that our official streak of never having once overturned a table remained intact. 

It was also the only edible food left. 

The rest, after all, was being enjoyed by the local intruders.

With a crash, both charlatans were sent hurtling back along with their chairs.

They slid across the marble floor, their garments, faces and hair lacquered in a slurry that was still significantly more appetitising than the brown sludge served by every innkeeper.

However, it wasn’t the many layers of impromptu terrine that kept me from seeing whatever dissatisfied expressions they undoubtedly wore.

Rather … it was because their faces began to flicker.

Their features warped like a rippling pond, the details becoming lost until all I saw was a pale wash of beige, the colour sitting flat and lifeless. 

Gone was the handsome jawline of my father and the surprisingly soft cheeks of my mother. 

In their place were the hollow eyes of figures unsettlingly similar to wooden mannequins.

I clenched Starlight Grace.

Doppelgangers.

Here they were.

The bane of every knight’s sleep other than the sounds coming from Clarise’s observatory. 

Masters of disguise, subversion, and subtlety.

Their strength was not in swordplay or sorcery, but in the art of infiltration. By peering into the minds of those before them, they plucked secrets as easily as fruit from a branch. Then with a smile and a borrowed face, they toppled courts and kingdoms whole.

A sense of foreboding gripped me at once. 

For if these were doppelgangers … then what had become of my parents?

I held my sword aloft, light spilling across the chamber as I swept past the table, yet my shadow stretched ever forwards as I approached the groaning pretenders.

“How …  How dare you!”

The radiance struck them fully. 

For a moment, their stolen visages tried to return, the familiar features of my parents briefly flickering before melting beneath my judgement. 

However, although their natural faces offered no expression, there was no denying the panic in the hollow of their widening eyes.

“Wait–!” gasped my father’s doppelganger, celery dangling from his sleeves. “Let us explain!”

I offered a scowl wrought with outrage.

“I shall let you do more than that! You will explain your purpose while leading me directly to my mother and father! … What have you done with them?! What foul deeds have you committed?!”

The doppelgangers had the gall to shake their heads. 

They shuffled for dignity on the floor, before sitting upright with their palms in surrender.

“Wait,” said my mother’s imposter, her hair plastered in what was once a soufflé. “Please refrain from stabbing us. You don’t understand.”

“I understand that pleading will not move me! How dare you think to usurp this fair kingdom! To steal them its king and queen to some dark cavern where neither light nor kindness can be found!”

“No, listen, it isn’t what you–”

“Do you have any notion of what cruelty you’ve now promised them?! When they inevitably escape, they’ll be subjected to the outside world for the very first time in their lives!”

The doppelgangers blinked in unison.

“Eh … ?”

I stamped a foot, inconsolable at the scope of their crime. 

“Indeed! They know nothing of what awaits them! Beyond the Royal Villa lies more horrors than can be imagined! There are peasants who only know how to bow upside down! Nobles so incompetent they need two syllables to snort! Mice dancing in ceilings! Mud that clings to boots, hems and the corners of the soul! … My parents will not survive such sights! They’ll be utterly defenceless!”

The imposters stared, the guilt clear in their silence.

Even so, my father’s doppelganger opened his mouth, closed it again, then repeated this several times, before eventually lowering his palms.

“I … well, I believe you’re misunderstanding several things here. But I also think you’re greatly underestimating their fortitude.”

I shone Starlight Grace in his eyes. 

Lacking the eyelids to wince, they simply shrunk instead.

“I only underestimate your lack of shame! Even now you seek to weave the lies between every word, but I shall not be deceived! … Did you sell my mother and father to brigands? Exchange them for barrels of copper crowns? Or are you simply keeping them as hostages until the right buyer can be found?”

My mother’s doppelganger gave a cough. 

Despite no longer feigning her appearance, she still offered the impression of royalty, such was the effect of borrowing a high level queen’s bearing.

“You needn’t fear. The king and queen are quite safe. We’ve neither harmed nor hidden them away.”

“Oh? Are they your guests, then? Do you keep them healthy enough to imitate while you pilfer the kingdom? Who paid you for this task? A rival nation? A jealous duke? Or did you simply scurry in like squirrels seeking opportunity at a princess’s window? Speak, foul schemers! Who set you upon my family?!”

Both doppelgangers hesitated, clearly waiting for the other to speak.

After a moment, the imposter king gave a cough.

“Uh, well … it was your parents.”

“As if I would believe–hm?”

“Your parents. We’re here at their invitation.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this really isn’t what you think it is. Of course, I understand why you’d jump to conclusions. Some of my cousins have been known to usurp a kingdom or two. But this time, there’s no plot, no ransom, no conspiracy. The king and queen of this kingdom hired us.”

I paused, unprepared for this level of subterfuge. 

“... Excuse me? What do you mean they hired you? Hired you for what?”

Slowly, my father’s doppelganger reached into his sleeve.

He retrieved a small card, the embossed lettering gleaming against Starlight Grace’s light.

I narrowed my eyes slightly.

Drithyx the Faceless,

Licensed Doppelganger Artisan

Royal Masquerade Society

“My apologies for the belated introduction,” said the doppelganger, doing his best to neatly bow. “I am Drithyx the Faceless. With me is my wife and working partner, Melinnyis the Ever Changing. Together we represent the continent’s most reputable guild of royal stand-ins.”

Hmmmmmm?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

“We’ve been commissioned to provide our services,” said my mother’s imposter. “We offer a highly bespoke substitution package for those with the greatest need and the least amount of time.”

“Indeed, kings and queens cannot be everywhere. But we can make it seem like they are.” 

“Our specialisation is in public facing drudgery. We attend meetings, smile at dignitaries, pretend to sign documents and make meaningless small talk, thus allowing our clients to see to other more important matters.”

“When hiring our services, we promise continuity along with a guarantee that none will be the wiser. A talent you’re right to suspect. But rest assured, my wife and I much prefer the challenge of earning a glowing review than a negative one. Remembering a preference for pistachios or almonds on a gâteau macaron is far more fulfilling than rampant destruction.”

“Quite so.”

The pair of doppelgangers did the closest thing they could to smiling. 

A notable feat, considering their mouths were eerily similar to knotholes carved into bark. 

I turned to Coppelia at once. 

Having started snacking on a bowl of mixed nuts, she nodded with shameless enthusiasm, as entertained as she was unshocked by the existence of professional doppelgangers for replacing royalty.

Except this wasn’t Ouzelia.

This was the Kingdom of Tirea. And my mother and father would never do something as unfathomable as leaving the administration of the kingdom to others. 

“Excuse me?!” I turned Starlight Grace away so they could see my indignation. “Do you expect me to believe that my parents hired doppelgangers to take their places?! Their duties are beyond compare!”

“Oh, you needn’t worry,” said my father’s doppelganger, very accurately making me worry. “There are clear boundaries on what we can do. All important decisions are relayed appropriately.”

“Well, clearly not enough! It sounds like you’ve been selling off the Royal Villa!”

“All within boundaries. They did ask us to make improvements regarding the finances. With that said, our only fault is boundless eagerness. If there’s anything you feel is incorrect, we can make amends at once.”

“Excellent. You can begin by explaining your true motives. No matter what you claim, my mother and father would never abandon their responsibilities, least of all now.”

Indeed!

Aside from constantly trying to marry me off, they were paragons of wisdom! 

No matter how demanding their duties were, nothing other than Grandmother returning was so dire that it would require body doubles–especially with summer now here.

This was the season of everything.

There were so many soirées planned that not even a peasant in a field was likely to sweat as much as them. And then there was the Summer Solstice Festival as well. That alone was so demanding that even thinking about it was enough to cause an upset tummy.

Now, more than ever, my mother and father were required to toil for the sake of the kingdom, their brows wet and smiles strained as they worked without rest.

Which is why they would never … simply … find an excuse to …

“... Excuse me, but may I ask where my dear parents are now? Are they perhaps on an urgent diplomatic errand to warrant this supposed hiring of royal replacements?”

“Ah, I’m afraid we’re not privy to the working arrangements of the king and queen. They are, however, currently at the summer retreat.”

I blinked.

Repeatedly. 

“The … summer retreat? What is that?”

“Well, uh, I believe it’s a cottage in the mountains. When I last spoke with the king, he implied that it was recently built. Are you … Are you not aware of it?”

The blank faces before me betrayed no awkwardness over the sudden disclosure of a summer retreat nobody had ever told me about. Or anybody, for that matter.

Even so, the pause spoke more than any bead of sweat ever could. 

Especially as I made no attempt to disturb it.

“They’re not simply on holiday,” said my mother’s doppelganger, swiftly filling the silence with a sincerity usually reserved for confessing to a sister. “I spoke truly when I said the physician made recommendations. The king and queen are both in need of rest. If they happen to be enjoying the first shoots of summer, then it’s nothing less than what they deserve. They are very hard working people. Rest assured, you do not see everything they do.”

Incorrect.

I saw everything clearly.

All I had to do was briefly close my eyes.

Within that darkness, I saw my mother and father traipsing on a wooden veranda as they toasted to a secret well kept, all the while pretending to enjoy the idea of fresh air. Neither bothered wearing socks as they welcomed summer with a private escape, even as their own daughter returned home.

“... Excuse me, but are you quite certain my parents are lounging away? You’re not here to seize my kingdom?”

“Well, while we really can’t say what the king and queen are doing, I can confirm we really have no interest in permanent rulership. It’s something we feel is best experienced in easily digestible amounts. If you’d like further clarity, we can always show you our contract as well.”

“There’s a contract?”

“Yes. Shall I find it?”

My mouth widened in disbelief.

Indeed, I could scarcely fathom it.

Not only was it being suggested that my parents had absconded, but that they had even done so to a location built in secret and hidden from their own children, even as we diligently toiled in the far corners of the kingdom.

An utterly scandalous thought.

I let out a gasp as realisation struck.

“H-How wonderful!! … Why, I can hold this over their heads forever!!”

The shoulders of the doppelgangers drooped in regret.

I hardly saw why. 

My parents might be on holiday, but their apparent guests were not. 

And for doppelgangers famed for subversion no matter what they claimed, I had just the job for them.