Chapter 466: Saving Face

Pwoomph.Creaaaaak.

Bwoooosh.

A commotion sounded from within a patch of woodlands nestled beside the lake. 

I carefully observed as several trees shifted and groaned, their branches shaking as though disturbed by another group of errant dwarves scheming underneath. Except this was worse. 

Somewhere was a false princess clearly having a tantrum. 

A horrifying notion. 

She already lacked any grace, but for her to have such a public meltdown just because I dismissed her was appalling. Even the nobility I uninvited from my mandatory tea parties were more dignified. 

True, I didn’t catapult them away since Clarise claimed the presence of a ceiling was an issue. But even so, to take her displeasure out on nature was appalling. 

If I approached, I wouldn’t be surprised if she flung a tree at me. 

Thus, I nodded, steeled myself … then turned to my gawping knights behind me. 

Those not yet fired gulped, their hands upon the hilts of their weapons as they visibly paled at the sight of the trees threatening to fall. 

The ones they’d soon be holding up.

“My gods. To think a doppelganger could do this.”

“Such strength, such anger … could she have turned into some hulking behemoth?”

“I’ve … I’ve heard rumours doppelgangers can shapeshift into monsters too. This must be it.” 

“Indeed, it is not possible for someone of Princess Juliette’s stature to display such violence. They must have discarded Her Highness’s appearance and assumed the visage of some terrible creature.” 

“Then we must act at once! You needn’t worry, Your Highness. We, your defenders, will strike down whatever gangly abomination awaits! No matter how many fangs, scales or claws a creature capable of causing the earth to weep possesses, our vow will be upheld! … We will restore our honour!”

All of a sudden, a rallying cry filled the air as my shamed knights found their pride once again.

Meanwhile, I paused as I considered what terrible thing could cause a small forest to groan. 

Then I started sweating.

“O-Ohohoho … that … that isn’t necessary …”

“Your Highness?”

I offered an angelic smile, bright enough to soothe the concerns of my knights and also any possibility of seeing further into the woods than needed. 

Indeed, imposter or not, if they saw an image of me causing trees to groan, they might mistakenly think that was something I’d ever done! 

“I note your valour in choosing to confront whatever terrible non-princess shaped thing this doppelganger has chosen to become. But it isn’t needed to risk yourselves in battle this day.”

“Your Highness! It is clear that battle is unavoidable. Some wicked evil is taking shape. Let us redeem ourselves for failing to recognise the doppelganger who brazenly took your place!”

“Then you’ve nothing to fear. There shall be plentiful chances for you and your backs to redeem yourselves. But on this occasion, all I require is your faith. Whatever form this doppelganger has taken, I’ve seen into her heart and know she’s not without reason. I’ve no doubt that I can find common cause between us. There need not be any violence.” 

The mouths of my knights widened even further. They turned to look at each other.

“Her … Her Highness is not ordering us to risk our lives?” 

“Incredible. After returning from her royal tour, is this the effect?” 

“Even after a doppelganger has taken her place, she is still proposing a peaceful settlement?” 

“Wait, perhaps this princess is the doppelganger, after all?” 

I leaned forwards and jabbed my finger. To everyone. At the same time.

They quickly snapped to attention.

“I am not a doppelganger and there shall be long conversations afterwards for ever thinking that. Not with me, but with the designated corner you shall be apologising to. Regardless, this is the Royal Villa and I will not have any memories of it soiled by wanton violence. You shall therefore remain here and polish the grass until I’m done.”

My knights looked appalled. As they should. 

They’d clearly been slacking. If their squires weren’t willing to keep the grass maintained, then they needed to do it instead.

“Your Highness … we cannot possibly allow you to confront danger without an escort!”

“Well, in that case, you’ve no cause for concern. I shall be accompanied by her.”

“Excuse me?”

I pointed at the odd one out amongst knights. 

With Miriam watching from the shadows of my bedroom with whispered instructions to remove all my books to the hidden enclosure of the new library, only a smiling harbinger of doom remained. 

The knights were clearly distraught. To allow one maiden to escape their cologne was one thing, but two was emotionally traumatising. 

“Your Highness … is the lady not a receptionist?”

“Indeed, she is a receptionist of the highly esteemed Adventurer’s Guild, and therefore may assist me in matters of diplomacy. She is, however, also a highly studious mage who I’ve had the pleasure of assisting me before. She may aid me should any trouble arise.” 

The receptionist in question blinked several times.

Then, she offered a nod and a familiar smile.

“Of course! I’ll be delighted to assist.”

I smiled in return, grateful to have such a capable mage by my side.

After all, not only did she have a track record of alarming princesses, but between us, she was the only one capable of causing an explosion. That meant if any large balls of flames mysteriously happened in the next few moments, logic dictated I would be utterly blameless.

Ohohohoho!

Indeed, here was the true difference between a princess and her doppelganger!

While she was screaming in the sky, I was already thinking about how to make use of this! 

Did my imposter think she was my priority? … Wrong!

The moment the receptionist appeared, she became my primary concern! 

If I could return with the doppelganger defeated but with a hole mysteriously where I just was, she’d have utterly no defence against the slander which spread about her! By using this as an opportunity to sow the seeds of doubt, I would unmask their harmless nature before the public eye!

Ohohohohohohooho!

Thus, I turned to the woodlands and smiled.

Ignoring the discomfort of my knights as they wondered which grass to polish first, I strolled beneath the shadow of the trees with my accomplice in tow. 

Skipping over the fallen branches, I hummed while admiring the beauty of the sunlight slipping through the willows, even as the chorus of destruction grew ever louder. 

Indeed, although circumstances were less than ideal, all the wooded reserves surrounding the Royal Villa were almost as beautiful as the courtyard.

Many were filled with prospective flora to nurture within the walls, and here within the first days of summer, the scent of dew and pollen was ever dancing in the air. Enough that for a moment, I could almost close my eyes to the shaking, the groaning and the creaking.

Bwamph.

But not to Coppelia as she hurtled past me, striking a tree with enough force to uproot it.

For a moment, nothing could be seen but a small cloud of dust, splinters and a fluttering skirt as all of her was firmly embedded into the trunk. 

Relief filled me at once.

Why, she wasn’t naked!

That was wonderful! The worst case scenario had been avoided! 

… Just perhaps not for who she was fighting.

The dust was swept aside with a wave of her scythe. Except it wasn’t the black mist engulfing the deadly weapon I saw first. It was the manic smile and the eyes lit with burning excitement.

She smashed her soles against what remained of the tree and leapt. 

“Ahahahahahahah~!!”

Twirling her scythe, she swept past faster than the shafts of sunlight could illuminate. Only a dimly lit sword between a pair of willow trees was there to reveal her smile.

And also a less-than-delicate puff of wind. 

Pwoomph.

Coppelia met it with her laughter as much as her weapon. 

She spun as the misappropriated gardening technique buffeted into her, slicing through it as she did armour or magic. Even so, her movements slowed enough to invite a false princess to crudely whack at her as though dispensing with a mosquito. 

The result was just as predictable. 

The shaft of the scythe easily knocked the blow aside. The doppelganger stumbled backwards at once, her error rescued only by the pair of willows as their faces each earned a new scar. 

She needed to stumble further as the scythe promptly found its way between the two trees, digging where her toes just were. 

Coppelia didn’t wait. 

She hopped through the gap with her scythe wedged into the ground like an anchor, lifting it behind her when she went past to bury it once more in a single motion.

Clearly unprepared for Coppelia’s deftness with such a cumbersome weapon, her eyes widened, and yet like a startled fawn to the net of a poacher, she skipped with just enough uncanny motion to avoid it.

And then her borrowed sword swept forwards.

An attack with neither technique nor familiarity.

Even so, it was swift enough to catch just the edge of Coppelia’s hair, sliding a tiny strand off.

It earned a reprisal in the form of the most manic smile yet.

The scythe arced, its edge so sharp it sang through the air. It met only air as the doppelganger awkwardly ducked, her knees barely budging while still somehow able to avoid the deadly swipe. 

Coppelia was unfazed.

On the contrary, satisfaction continued to bloom upon the clockwork doll’s face ... and yet despite her clear delight, the fact she wasn’t choosing to flee was proof of her will.

After all, this was without doubt the most horrifying sight she’d ever faced.

Yes.

A princess covered in sweat, water and bits of woodland.

A dress drenched to a thousand wrinkles. Leaves and a smattering of mud. Skin soaked like a walking puddle dispenser. And a strand of duckweed stuck to her hair.

I almost fainted on the spot.

It was … terrible.

Here was a sight so ghastly that if she had any decency, she would have accepted fate at the hands of the local aquatic life. An abuse of my image so devastating that the only mercy was I couldn’t even recognise myself.

Yet the worst thing wasn’t the waterlogged hair or dress.

It was simply the way she moved.

“Haah haah haaah.”

Grimacing as she went, she awkwardly evaded Coppelia’s elegant strikes like a child escaping the hands of her parents.

It was clear to any that whatever roles this doppelganger had assumed before, none of them required swordplay. Only clumsy acrobatics. As a spectacle involving more stumbling than duelling, it was a complete departure to how I looked when I used my sword in the few occasions I ever did.

Luckily for her, Coppelia obviously had reservations about wounding anyone with my face. 

It wasn’t just the bouts of laughter and the zealous smile. 

After all, I’d seen enough of her scythe being wielded to know when she was earnestly trying to defeat her opponent–and that didn’t involve allowing enough time for Starlight Grace to be furiously twirled directly in front of her.

Pwoomph.

Struck at short range, she was promptly sent hurtling backwards once more.

Except this time, it wasn’t the trees that would be creaking.

It would be me.

For a moment, all I could do was groan as I saw a long stretch of fluffy, golden hair rushing towards me. I thought about stepping to the left. I thought about stepping to the right. I thought about flattening myself to the grass and admiring the newly bloomed buttercups.

I winced while regretting life instead.

Thus, for the very first time, I had the joy of catching Coppelia.

The result–

“Hiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

Exactly the same thing, now with a passenger.

Catching my loyal handmaiden in my arms, I was immediately sent off my feet as the sheer momentum of a doppelganger’s desperation combined with whatever a clockwork doll plus a magical scythe weighed collided into me.

The world turned into a familiar rush of colours once again.

“[Feather Grace].”

However, before I could enjoy the pillow of a hard tree, it all came to a sudden stop. 

A sensation of pure weightlessness overtook me as momentum gave way to a gentle fall, until after a few seconds, I was left sitting on the ground with Coppelia on my lap. 

Blinking several times, I glanced behind me to see a smiling receptionist twirling a finger. 

I was horrified.

Why, all this time, I’d been spun around until I could see stars whenever Coppelia caught me! I could have just hired a receptionist to constantly be ready to lower me using magic! That was far more practical!

“Heheheheheh~”

Indeed, even Coppelia agreed!

Wearing an even wider smile than before, she looked up, golden fringe falling away from her forehead as it nudged against the bottom of my chin.

“This. Is. So Fun! You having a doppelganger is amazing! I want to go again!”

“Coppelia. This is not entertainment.”

“No, it’s education. That [Ball Of Doom] was 27.8% the velocity of the standard one. That’s a 1.2% improvement on the last one she did. But she can do better. I believe in Doppliette!” 

“W-Who is Doppliette?! And why are you encouraging her?!”

“I feel like I’m raising a second you! She was also really slow to start, but her rate of improvement hasn’t reached diminishing returns yet! This is great!”

“How is that great?! … And what exactly do you mean by raising–”

“Mmh! I estimate she’ll reach optimal princess efficiency in 17 hours and 46 minutes. I think we shouldn’t send her to Soap Island until she’s done. If we record what happens when two [Ball Of Doom]s happen simultaneously, I think it’ll advance our understanding of metaphysics by decades.”

I was aghast. 

“Excuse me! There is only one way optimal princess efficiency is measured and that’s in gentle smiles! … Why, just look at her. She’s at zero per minute. That’s awful. And she’s only getting worse.” 

Indeed, if there was any proof that this pretender couldn’t cut it at a mandatory tea table, it was this.

To smile through thick and thin was the ultimate litmus test on whether a princess was fit for her role. Granted, needing to do it while being toyed with by a tutor far worse than any of my own was unfortunate. But that was no excuse to allow standards to fall. 

Nothing was more important than public image.

A regrettable thing for this prospective princess, then.

Given the way she was focusing very hard right now, her grimace was only getting worse.

I understood why, of course.

That specific pose of twirling Starlight Grace above one’s head was highly taxing. It took a considerable amount of effort. And smiling was usually the last thing I wanted to do. 

That went doubly so when I was seeing it.