Chapter 364: A Tale In The Making

The girl wiped her face with a palmful of water from the stream.It was like dusting off a chimney. Very little happened.

Regardless, I did my best to squint as she rose … from a healthy distance of several steps away. And what I saw was a girl no older than myself. 

Beneath the hint of messy bangs was a smattering of freckles and obvious relief. Combined with a linen dress which remained the colour of mud even after a few splashes had revealed the collar, she was the very picture of a commoner girl. 

If also a comely one.

Large eyes. A small button nose. And a smile which functioned despite the fact she was still very much covered from head to toe in mud. Exactly the type of maiden constantly bothered by my knights until the girl’s father or the knight’s fiancé appeared.

And here she was, terrorising innocent princesses instead.

“Ah, that feels better!” she said, flicking the water from her brows. “Gosh, you’ve no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that. Feels like I’ve got mud behind my eyeballs after how long I’ve had to look through all that.” 

I offered a non-threatening smile so she wouldn’t harm me.

It was the worst possible combination. 

A commoner, mud and the type of cheerful disposition to not realise this was a problem.

“I … I see … and would dousing oneself in mud happen to be a new fashion trend?”

“Not likely. This is just me dressing practically.”

“Oh … did a rival hire you to sabotage an important reception, then?”

“If that’s true, then I haven’t been paid for it.” The girl offered an unassuming smile as she shook her head. “Nah, this is just me hiding from the vampire.”

“… The what now?”

“The vampire.”

“The vampire. As in … the blood sucking variety?”

“Well, I’m not sure how many other varieties there are. But yep. That’s the type. It’s a long story. But basically, I got kidnapped by a vampire, got tied down, escaped, there was a bunch of fire, then I came back and now I’m doing my best to survive. It’s been hectic.”  

I nodded. And then I leaned slightly forwards.

“But are you sure it’s a vampire?”

“Huh?”

“Have you seen one before? There are stray nobility roaming in this area and it’s easy to mistake them for each other.”

“Um, I’ve never seen a vampire before … or much of nobility, either. But I’m pretty sure this one’s a vampire. He had fangs, pale skin, red eyes … dressed real pompously, cackled a lot and spoke something big about a nefarious scheme.” 

I rolled my hands, indicating for her to continue.

She paused in thought.

“He turned into bats too.”

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I didn’t bother hiding my groan.

It was a vampire. After all, if my nobility could turn into bats, then I’d never see them again. They’d just be playing with the ability all day.

This was dire news. 

Any insult I made against a vampire was one which could also apply to the Grand Duchess. I was keeping them in reserve. And since I couldn’t use the same insult twice, it meant I now had to come up with personalised ones just for the encounter ahead.

That was far too much effort for vampire spawn.

Yes … the weakest type of vampire available!

A single glance around the forest made this clear. Aside from the occasional cloud of mist, it lacked all the chief ingredients for any respectably cursed stretch of woodland. 

That’s not to say there was no danger, of course. On the contrary, it meant the worst of the littering was still to come.

“Yeah, I had the same reaction as you,” said the commoner, still chirpy despite her own words. “Except with a lot more screaming. And snot. Not a nice thing to happen during supper with my little brother. And now I can’t even get back to him. There’s too much risk. Both to me and him.”

As she spoke, she beckoned the cow over. 

In a feat betraying her profession, she directed the cow to begin washing away any thoughts of bloodletting that a pile of bones had hoped to impress upon it. 

“I owe you big time,” she continued, speaking the words everyone was legally required to say. “That tracker was after me. He was getting close, too. But he couldn't smell me past the mud. I was planning on getting the jump on him when you showed up. All I can say is I’m glad I didn’t need to put my sword through that test.”

I looked at the sword in question, lying on the damp grass beside the stream.

An unusually shiny sword.

A curious thing. There was little in the way of embellishment or even fine craftsmanship. It was a sword with a simple, inoffensive design, the same that could be found forged by apprentices and sold by unscrupulous merchants as enchanted heirlooms everywhere.

Except there was clearly a hint of magic about it. The fact that it drew my attention was proof of that.

“Your sword would have been wasted,” I informed her. “A wight without manners is deserving only of a rock absolutely dropped on purpose. May I ask how you came to be in possession of it? Did you obtain it from the brigands who populate these woods?”

“Nope. I found it in a wheat field.”

“Excuse me?” 

“It was just there, sticking out of the ground when I was first about to escape the forest.”

My mouth widened in horror.

People were leaving swords lying in wheat fields?! That was abominable! I did not want to find a sword in my next berry éclat gateau! The strangler crabs used by assassins were more than enough!

“Weird, right?” The girl kneeled down and poked at her sword. “Wasn’t expecting to find this thing while running, that’s for sure. But I’m glad I did. It woke me up. Next thing I did was head straight back into the woods. I’ve been doing my best to be a nuisance to the bandits while finding something to help me kill the vampire before it does more … you know, vampire stuff. But that was before I met you. I can’t tell you how happy I am. So listen, I have something important to–”

“Wait.” I held up my hand. “Repeat what you just said.”

“... Hm? Which bit? About the vampire?”

“No. About you. You mentioned a younger brother. What about your mother and father?”

I received a look of puzzlement.

“My parents? Well, they already went the way of the double horned unicorn. But, uh, not because of poaching. I never knew them. Granny found me on the farm and raised me. How come?”

I blinked at the girl.

A farm girl.

A peppy farm girl. 

An orphaned, peppy farm girl. Who found a sword lying in the ground. And who now faced a foe she couldn’t possibly defeat but would still brave regardless.

Suddenly, all thoughts of vampires were punted from my mind like fruit slimes during morning calisthenics. 

I stepped back instead, both hands covering my mouth.

This girl …

Everything about her, from her looks to her very presence … was a recipe for a heroine.

I turned at once to Coppelia for confirmation.

To my horror, stars shone in her eyes, her hands clasped together and a smile filling her face as she looked at a source of future entertainment.

Oh no.

It was her. 

The doom of my kingdom.

“O-Ohoho … ?! Y-You poor thing! You must be so frightened! H-How brave you’ve been to escape the hideous clutches of a dreaded vampire! Here, let’s tidy you up! I’ve … I’ve a handkerchief sewn by a royal seamstress! I’m told the royal family offers them to all its citizens! It’s so luxurious it can wipe away both mud and work-related stress and … oh my–I just realised I don’t even know your name!”   

The girl leaned away slightly, clearly overwhelmed by how soft my handkerchief suddenly dabbing away at her cheeks was.

“Uh … I’m Milly.”

“Milly! Why, that is such a … an outrageously normal name.” 

“Thanks. Granny gave it to me.”

“And what a delightful person Granny is! Why, I’m certain that as a distinguished member of society, she must have spoken adoringly about all the public infrastructure projects the royal family has built over the years!”

“Well … no, she doesn’t talk about stuff like that. Except to complain.”

“Exactly. And that’s how you know she’s satisfied!”

“I’m sorry?”

“Only those who are truly content are able to complain! It’s the right of all to constantly seek higher standards. And that is something the kingdom welcomes. Were this Granholtz, then the Grand Duchess would have your poor grandmother in chains. But here, complaints are thoroughly abided!” 

“I mean, even if they’re abided, it doesn’t always feel like they’re listened to and–”

“Ohohoho?! That’s because the kingdom strives hard to improve every corner and bedroom tower! Although you may not see the changes around you, I can personally guarantee they occur!”

“Um … is that so … ?”

“Indeed, I’m certain your dear grandmother would have no wish for anyone to jeopardise her constantly improving way of life … and that includes by accidentally swinging your sword in a direction others might perceive to be towards, say … Reitzlake Castle or the Royal Villa.”

The girl blinked at me.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Truly?” I clapped my hands in delight. “My, that’s wonderful!!”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m just going to sell this sword. Or maybe just put it back into the ground.”

“Hm? You’ll do … what exactly?”

“Well, I was planning on taking down the vampire. But I’m pretty sure that was never going to happen. I couldn’t really even see myself beating the smaller undead guy. And you managed to do it with just a rock. That’s way smarter than me. I was just going to whack him.”

I was bewildered.

Not because I disagreed with her. But because I didn’t see why that would mean putting her sword back into the dirt. What heroine did that? It was just re-littering!

And then … I gasped.

Why, she no longer saw any reason to wield a sword … because I’d taken away an important learning experience!

If she couldn’t gain invaluable confidence by defeating a henchman, then there was no scenario she could possibly defeat the vampire who’d raised him!

That … was excellent!

…  Or was it?

This was utterly unprecedented.

No heroine in the making had ever been knocked so thoroughly off the beaten trail … and yet rather than celebrating, I was filled with a deep sense of apprehension.

Indeed … the enemy I knew was better than the one I did not!

Every peppy farmer with a sword was dangerous … but the true peril came in not knowing who they were until they were already leading a peasant mob and already scratching the gates! 

If it wasn’t her, it’d be someone else!

I’d be willfully throwing away my own advantage!

“W-Wait a moment …”

“Huh?”

“Before you go burying your sword again, I think it’s worth considering keeping it … perhaps on a mantelpiece … to stare at … from a distance … after all, swords are dangerous weapons and it would be a terrible blot on your conscience if it were to fall into the wrong hands …”

The girl stared at me.

I stared at her back. Remembering her face. Especially as that was the only part of her which was clear.

“Right … um, I can think about it later. It’s actually not what’s really on my mind right now.”

“Of course! You’re worried about–”

“The vampire.”

“Yes. The vampire which I hadn’t forgotten about.” I offered a nod, far more confident in handling undead than peppy farm girls my servants would now need to keep an eye on. “In which case, you needn’t worry. As blights whose actions far exceed any excessive tax policies, I will do my duty as a loyal servant of the kingdom.”

A small pause met my declaration, followed by an appreciative smile.

“Yeah. I figured as much.” The girl pointed at the ring disgracing my finger. “... I know what that means. You’re an adventurer.”

Suddenly, Coppelia pointed at me, her frown in stark contrast to my look of horror.

“Hey! She’s not just an adventurer! … She’s an S-rank adventurer!”

“C-Coppelia … ?!” 

The commoner gasped. Her eyes widened at my semi-loyal handmaiden’s betrayal.

“Wow! Really? … I had no idea! Gosh, I don’t know if that makes me the luckiest unluckiest girl ever. Now it means two incredibly strong people have come to my rescue!”

I temporarily put my grief to one side. 

At least until I spoke to Coppelia regarding the good pillow she somehow always took. 

“... Two?” I asked in confusion. “Did a knight accidentally stumble into these woods?”

“Not a knight, no … but, uh, another vampire. I didn’t just escape. I was rescued. Hard as it is to believe, there’s actually another vampire here. But this one’s good … I think. Or at least she’s not very imposing. She looks like us. A sort of pale, but normal version of us. A girl. In pyjamas.”

I blinked.

“... What colour pyjamas?”

“Pink.”

And thus–the image of a young maiden scratching her tummy while reading a romance book fluttered across my mind. One who I’d last sent off to work in the royal library.

“Really?” I was stunned. “Where is she?”

“She’s in a cave.”

“... Again?”

“Well, I don’t know about ‘again’ … but I put her there.”

“What? Why? Caves are not appropriate places for books. They’re damp and filled with insects.”

“There aren’t any books. Just her. I chose it because it’s safe. Or at least safer than nowhere. Once I picked up this sword, I came back to help. Eventually, I found her hanging over a branch. I think there was an explosion.”

I was bewildered.

Even so, I was relieved to hear that the explosion had apparently already happened. Whatever my librarian was doing, she was doing it as a loyal subject.

“I see … ? In that case, please show me this vampire. I have matters of serious conversation to discuss with her. Also–I’m certain she can be of assistance.”

The commoner looked awkwardly to the side.

“Right, um, that’s a problem.”

“Why is it a problem?”

“Well … I think she’s dead.”