Chapter 469: The Shape Of Peril

The campfire gently crackled beside the lake.Its flickering warmth reflected against the surface of the water, now calm save for the occasional skipping of a blood piranha or the peeking of the local giant aquatic monster. 

Every now and again, a bottle-shaped nose rose and a large pair of eyes narrowed in suspicion, before it once again retreated to the safety of the depths.

I didn’t blame it.

Despite the modest size of the campfire made by my sweating knights, the smoke billowed like a chimney. 

No matter where I shifted my picnic chair, I could neither evade it nor shoo it away.

… But that’s fine!

After all, this was a chance to fulfil a wish on Coppelia’s bucket list … and while I didn’t know every item on it, I did know that amongst the most dubious was a desire to set innocent trees alight!

My verdict:

“It’s … It’s delicious … !”

I sat up in my chair, eyes wide as I held up Starlight Grace, its tip smothered by several gooey marshmallows.

“You see!” Coppelia beamed, all the while her cheeks bulged like a squirrel in autumn. “I’ve been telling you, right?! This is way better than eating them indoors!”

“I … I don’t understand! These are the same marshmallows I use to test the integrity of the hearths inside the Royal Villa! Why would they taste better just because they are cooked outside?”

“It’s because this is a campfire. Everything tastes better when it’s cooked on a campfire.”

“That doesn’t make sense. Even the wood used is the same.”

“Sure, but when you cook outside, you get the breeze as well. That means everything is imbued with all the flavours of nature. And you get all the looks by everyone walking past wishing they were the ones eating marshmallows on sticks. Or a multipurpose gardening tool.”

I nodded at once.

My, that made sense!

There was no seasoning better than envy! Knowing that everyone around me was silently regretting their life’s choice not to be a princess made even the most bland food taste exquisite!

Indeed, as the nearby knights wept while tidying away the trees my doppelganger had officially destroyed in her bid for escape, their only joy was in occasionally admiring my smile.

Something they had little right to, of course.

They’d abandoned me in my own dungeons. That meant they were now due a scowl so advanced that they could only see it in their imaginations. I didn’t know what it looked like, but given the frequent fainting occurring around me, I knew it was a suitable punishment.

Meanwhile, a princess’s smile was the finest reward.

So fine, in fact, that it was beaten by only a single thing.

… The smile of two princesses.

“Achoo.”

Hearing a sound like a wounded elephant, I turned in my chair to see Clarise blessing a handkerchief.

Accompanied by a squadron of maids ready to catch her, I was horrified to see my delicate older sister looking even more fragile than usual. Aside from the redness of her nose, she wore garments that could only be described as frumpy.

She sniffled as she approached, put on a brave smile, then promptly erased it with another sneeze.

I was appalled.

“Clarise! I was told you were poorly! Should you not be resting?”

My sister paused, fought back another sneeze, then smiled in victory. 

“I am resting. I heard there were marshmallows. Marshmallows are excellent for rest.”

“Well, yes–but that hardly means you need to walk all the way out here. Could you not simply request marshmallows be brought to you?”

“I could. But the hearth in my observatory isn’t really appropriate for marshmallows. I think they would likely char within seconds. Or take on additional flavours I doubt are suitable for human consumption.”

I nodded at once.

“In that case, we’ve as many marshmallows as you require! Please take a seat … although are you certain you’re able to be here? It’ll become chilly soon.”

“Oh, I’ll be fine. Compared to the cooling boxes, I’m certain I can cope.”

“Cooling boxes?”

“It’s my latest work. They spray an icicle mist to regulate the temperature. I’ve been installing them throughout the Royal Villa in preparation for summer.”

I gasped.

“Truly? Goodness, I had no idea you were working on something so strangely pragmatic! That sounds wonderful! … Is it safe?”

“Yes, but only if you don’t put your face in front of it. I learned that the hard way.”

Clarise gave another sniffle, then left her maids behind to take a seat. A knight hurriedly placed a chair down just as she began the motion of sitting. 

The moment she relaxed, she tossed a little log into the fire, her eyes lighting with brief childishness as a spray of embers answered. As she turned to me with a warm smile, I could see the even warmer blotches upon her cheeks and forehead. But no temperature was likely to stop her being here.

She was my sister, after all.

“Welcome home, Juliette. It’s lovely to see you return safe and sound. It’s been quite lonely as the only princess here. I understand you’ve been quite busy.”

I stood up, placed Starlight Grace and all the melting goo across my seat, then curtsied.

“It’s a joy to have returned. My royal tour was indeed eventful, and yet for all the new experiences it offered, I also learned that nothing was more meaningful to me than what I’d left behind.”

Clarise gave a small giggle.

“Well, I hope you remember that once it gets busy. I’m relieved you came back in time for summer. Even with my cooling boxes, I expect you’ll find little time for rest.”

“Indeed, the petunias must be wild by now. I can only imagine how badgers have sought to make a home amongst them. My apologies if they’ve taken advantage of my absence to disturb you.”

“Oh, no need to apologise. They stay away from my observatory. In fact, my only visitors are those you’ve employed. They’ve been very helpful. Countess Miriam has been assisting with her magic and the troll has offered a considerable amount of insight whenever I make modifications to his club.”

I clapped my hands in delight.

“My, that’s wonderful! I’m relieved everyone’s settled in. Especially the troll. Who I notice isn’t here. Do you happen to know where he is? I’ve just had to deal with an issue with some of our guests. He would have been useful.”

Clarise’s eyes wandered to the side.

Were she Florella, Roland or Tristan, she would have taken a moment to inquire about the newly made river, the shattered trees and also the knights doing their best to avoid my attention while still existing just enough to look busy.

Instead, she simply smiled in the knowledge that whatever happened, it probably wasn’t due to her flaming teapots.

“Ah, if it’s the same guests I’m thinking about, then that’s likely why you haven’t seen him. He’s refused to stop guarding the royal vault since being made aware of who’s staying. I don’t believe he’s slept for over 150 hours. I was actually planning to offer him a snack.”

I gave a hum, but nodded all the same.

True, dealing with an errant doppelganger would have been far simpler had he decided to hurl his club. But diligently guarding the royal vault was something I couldn’t fault him for. 

He clearly had his reservations about who we contracted for consultancy services. 

Something Mother and Father could perhaps share as well. 

Indeed, a conversation with them was clearly needed … and that was wonderful.

Ohohohoho!

Why, just look at the mess! 

A hole in my bathroom! A hole outside the Royal Villa! A lake that seemed noticeably more shallow than before! And all of that before I could even get properly changed!

With such severe inconveniences suffered on my part, I could leverage this to get whatever I wanted! … Except that since I always got whatever I wanted, I’d instead use this to make sure that Coppelia got whatever she wanted instead!

I took a deep breath, before offering my brightest smile yet.

“An excellent hire, then. Just as each of them is. And yet amongst them all, none have been by my side longer than my loyal handmaiden, whose calm presence has been a fixture throughout the peaceful events we continuously suffered. I believe I wrote about her several times in my letters. Allow me, therefore, to introduce you to Coppelia.”

I pointed to the seat beside me.

A seat mysteriously empty.

I blinked in confusion, then turned and peered all around me.

Until eventually–

“... Coppelia, what are you doing?”

I found her.

On a branch.

In a tree.

Several metres away.

“Me?” Coppelia offered a smile, all the while doing her best to hide behind the trunk. “Nothing.”

“I … I see? Then why are you in a tree? Weren’t you just eating marshmallows?”

“Mmh~ but then my Coppelia senses activated. Now I’m here.”

I was stunned.

Her senses could tell when she was in danger even when there was no threat of magic or weapons.

Why, perhaps she’d survive yet!

“Miss Coppelia, how wonderful it is to meet you at last!” Clarise stood up at once, all traces of illness whisked away as her eyes sparkled at the sight of her first clockwork doll. “I have indeed heard many great things about you! I hope we can become acquainted in the days ahead.”

“No problem. If you need me, I’ll be out of reach.”

“That’s fine. I’m certain there must be many demands on your time. With that said, I do have a few queries I’d like to make. I have a list.”

My sister, who I hadn’t seen in over two months, instinctively began drifting towards Coppelia.

The response came as a rustling of leaves.

Coppelia climbed the tree like a cat avoiding a larger rival. A problem more for her than Clarise. Every tree had a limit. My sister’s curiosity did not. 

Thus, seeing they would get along splendidly, I did what any responsible princess would do.

… I left them to their introductions!

With a smile of satisfaction, I patted down my attire, then went to attend to other matters.

Making my way over to the newly made river, I followed the current as it coursed back into the woods. 

There, just around the corner from where I could now hear Clarise pawing at Coppelia’s tree, a pair of newly employed hobgoblin guards stood vigilantly around the figure of a girl whose face was no longer mine. 

Especially as she was drooling. Which I didn’t even know how to do.

Standing over their errant daughter, they occasionally tutted while poking her, and although no response other than a faint gurgle was heard, that didn’t stop them from offering their frowns as well. 

Naturally, they shifted to looks of apology as I approached.

“I suppose it’s rather impressive,” said the one who’d maybe been my father. “Even while unconscious, Joy still manages to maintain an impeccable appearance of a comatose human.” 

I offered a nod, pausing just before where her drool was meeting the grass.

“Agreed. She could serve carrot cake as a maid and I’d never remember her long enough to fire her. Such plainness is more effective than any apology.”

“Plainness is a highly sought after feature. For those of us who can assume any appearance, the ability to be nondescript is the hardest thing of all. Joy has always been talented in that regard.”

“Excellent. She’ll be delighted. There won’t be any lack of hoodlums for her to study in the coming days.”

The two hobgoblins exchanged worried glances.

Eventually, the one formerly my mother bowed as deeply as her stiff back could manage.

“Your Highness, we cannot apologise enough for the actions of our daughter. She is, well, quite temperamental and also very inexperienced. A combination we underestimated. Even so, while we’ve little right to ask this, we’d like to request a soft touch in regards to her punishment. Her actions were unacceptable, but we believe she was … misguided rather than nefarious.”

“Of course. It’s only natural that anyone be tempted to become a princess before accidentally setting the kingdom on fire. With that said, she’ll still need to pay for the repairs to my bathroom. That means soap crafting. But also an opportunity to admit that Soap Island isn’t an enormous waste of crowns. That bit is important.”

A moment of silence filled the air.

Happily, it wasn’t due to any confusion over what I meant by Soap Island.

“We understand. When we undertake a commission, it’s more than appearances we accept. It’s also the laws of the land. If a tour of Soap Island’s industrial capabilities is to be her punishment, then relief is all we can offer. But if I may–”

“You needn’t worry. I’ve no intention of depriving you of your daughter for long.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Really.” I offered a bright smile. “After all, you shall both have the opportunity to shorten just how many bars of soap will be needed.”

Despite the size of the two hobgoblins, they almost seemed to shrink.

In fact, my father’s former double most certainly did.

“Uh, Your Highness?”

“At no point during our discussions did any mention of a wayward daughter come about. Had I known of her existence, additional arrangements would have been made. Not disclosing this was a severe breach of expectation.” 

Hm.

How impressive.

Even the way they sweated was exactly how I imagined a hobgoblin would. If they ever had reason to.

“Many apologies, Your Highness. The reason we didn’t mention Joy is because we hoped to avoid any needless complications. She came of her own volition. We’d normally send her away, but as it’s a rare thing to see life inside a royal residence, we chose to allow her to quietly gain some new experience.”

The doppelganger paused.

“... As you can tell, she was somewhat louder than we would have liked.”

“Indeed, her complaints are still echoing in my bathroom. Yet although I take issue with her wanting to inevitably become my evil twin, I also believe that she could direct her zeal into ensuring this kingdom prospers. Under the right supervision. Such as by two experienced doppelgangers.”

“Excuse me?”

I brought my hands together and beamed.

“I judge all by their own merits. And in the two of you, I saw an earnest attempt at improving the kingdom’s finances.”

“Well, that’s much appreciated. We actually had to do quite a bit of improvising.”

“Indeed, you did. Which is why the souvenir shop will need to go. The Royal Tirea Company, however, shows promise. And what I need as much as hobgoblin guards are administrators with knowledge of how to export soap in large quantities and at highly inflated prices to our neighbours.”

The two doppelgangers looked stunned.

“You wish for us to administer the Royal Tirea Company?”

“No, I wish for you to administer the Royal Tirea Company from its new headquarters. On Soap Island. Which you’ll probably need to build. There you may fulfil the rest of your contractual obligations while also ensuring your daughter can put her enthusiasm to good use. Also please make sure she doesn’t swim away. That’s also important.”

A pair of blinks answered me.

For a moment, I could see the start of a reminder about their rates or the wastefulness of employing them as glorified shopkeepers.

Instead, they merely scratched their foreheads.

“... Can we do that as hobgoblins?”

“If you can only do that as hobgoblins, that’d be ideal. The goblin matriarchs hoard more crowns than every kingdom combined. Doppelgangers pretending to be hobgoblins will amuse them to no end. If they decide to visit Soap Island, we’ll need to build a bigger treasury.”

The doppelgangers glanced at each other.

The nods that shortly followed were all I needed to brighten the woods with my smile. Greater than the golden shafts peeking between the foliage, my delight was enough to shoo away the tallest of shadows.

All except for one.

Specifically, the shadow creeping over me that I’d been ignoring throughout this entire conversation. As well as every other.

Feeling her breath against my neck, I slowly turned to the smiling harbinger of doom. 

“Oh, please don’t mind me,” she said, magically standing a respectful distance away.

I considered my options.

That was easy. I only had one.

“My apologies for the wait,” I said politely. “As you can imagine, I’ve been very busy. However, I haven’t forgotten your purpose for being here. Naturally, I’ve no intention of putting the Adventurer’s Guild to one side. I understand you have several important messages for me?”

“I do. Would you like me to convey them?”

“Yes, but not here. We can speak in private by the lake. If you could please wait for me by the campfire, I shall join you after I speak with my sister again. There’s pressing business regarding the kingdom I must discuss with her.”

“Of course. I understand. I’ll be waiting by the campfire.”

The receptionist enthusiastically nodded.

Then, she turned around and neatly made her way back towards the lake.

I waited until she disappeared, then turned towards the two doppelgangers.

“... Are either of you capable of shapeshifting into somebody capable of permanently imprisoning a receptionist?”

A pair of blinks met me.

“That’s, uh, against our code of ethics. It’s also probably illegal.”

“I see.”

I looked around me thoughtfully.

A moment later, I fixed my hair … before doing what my doppelganger failed at.

Fleeing.