Chapter 459: Valued Guests

Within the guest quarters of the Royal Villa, a group of noblemen gawked.Disturbed from whatever treason they were planning, they came to a stop in the middle of the corridor, the horror upon their faces as evident as the Contzen branded napkins stuffed in their pockets. 

However, it wasn’t due to a princess judging them that their faces paled to a ghostly hue. 

Rather … it was because a pair of hobgoblins were blocking their way.

Although they wore no armour and possessed no weapons, neither were needed. Their foreheads alone cast a shadow which formed an invisible barrier I happened to be standing in.

Thus, I smiled in greeting at the stricken noblemen, then gestured for them to pass. 

They did so with more deference than they showed my father.

Squeezing past like slugs through a keyhole, they offered their bows and their wide eyes, before quickly scampering off to tell everybody about my new hobgoblin guards.

Or rather … the doppelgangers expertly disguised as my new hobgoblin guards.

Ohohohohohoho!

Dressed in the largest bathroom robes available, most guests would openly scoff at such a breach of dress code in the Royal Villa. Instead, these hobgoblins were given the respect they deserved as the kingdom’s latest hired help. 

Or rather, re-hired help.

Clearly, I couldn’t leave the doppelgangers to continue as my mother and father. 

Aside from the issues concerning just how many sets of cutlery they were willing to sell off, they smiled far too much. Sooner or later, it was all but guaranteed they’d be discovered.

Yet I wasn’t a princess to discard capable talent. And for doppelgangers who’d already been paid, I intended to make full use of them in a way that pretending to be royalty couldn’t achieve.

“My, how excellent!” I clapped my hands in delight. “You’ve only just arrived and already made your mark! I can hear the constant whispering of conspiracy beginning to lessen!” 

The false hobgoblins blinked.

Whatever that meant, I had no idea. And that was wonderful. 

They might have room to improve as monarchs, but I saw no issues now. Along with the blinking, they also wrinkled their noses, yawned widely and occasionally looked like they were searching for a smaller goblin to bully.

Why, they were impossible to tell apart … with maybe one exception.

“Goodness me. I think you’re right. The noise has gone down. And here I thought I was always hearing things. Perhaps we should have been hobgoblins from the start.”

Yes.

They still spoke like my parents.

“Indeed, it would have served the kingdom well,” I said, pretending that my father’s voice coming from a hobgoblin didn’t suit him. “There exists no danger greater than threats from within. The best way to ensure the kingdom’s prosperity is to ensure all is well at home.”

“A prudent way of thought. And something we can undoubtedly help with. With that said, are you quite certain you wish for us to be hobgoblins? It’ll likely raise questions.”

“I’ve no doubt it will. Other kingdoms will be asking why more hobgoblins aren’t hired to encourage good behaviour from their nobility. Why, they’re practically paragons of society. I’ve never heard a hobgoblin mutter a scandalous rumour. Or anything else, for that matter.”

The hobgoblin formerly pretending to be my mother coughed. 

“There are no issues with us glowering at the guests. Goodness knows some of them deserve it. Even so, are you certain this is all you desire?”

“You speak as though this is a small thing. There’s no task more important than keeping visitors from constantly skulking in the night. And also stealing our spoons.”

“Yes, well, we realised that when they were the only things that didn’t sell in the gift shop. Even so, we were paid in advance for our royal impersonation package. That was a premium. I regret that we don’t offer refunds for any reason.”

“Neither do trolls. But that doesn’t mean contracts cannot be renegotiated.”

“I don’t believe trolls renegotiate contracts, either.”

“Then it seems you’ve never pretended to be a princess before. But this is a matter we can discuss another time. Preferably after I’ve taken a bath. It’s been a very long royal tour.”

Both doppelgangers nodded.

They were no longer royalty, but it was clear that tactfulness was something they kept no matter who they impersonated. A thing that would exclude them from ever becoming the dignitaries they were now tasked with guarding.

“Of course,” said the hobgoblin with my father’s voice. “You’ve only just returned. I deeply apologise for the inconvenience. The hope was to keep our presence under wraps for the sake of your comfort.”

“And you still can–by introducing yourselves to as many guests as possible. Preferably in the middle of the night.”

“As their guards, yes?”

“Indeed, but also their neighbours.”

With a warm smile, I opened one of the few doors in the Royal Villa designed to be deliberately creaky.

“... Welcome to the guest quarters. This room which probably doesn't have someone inside shall be your new lodgings until my mother and father return to be scolded. Within are all the amenities that visitors are charged for upon their exit, but I shall generously waive this fee.”

I gestured inside.

The doppelgangers peered through the doorway, then proceeded within.

Far from wrinkling their entire faces as was proper, they wore looks of curiosity as they took in the sparseness of the décor. 

“Roll, roll, roll~”

And also Coppelia.

Despite the fact I’d only just opened the door, my loyal handmaiden was already inside testing the structural integrity of the guest bed. The creaks and stiff springs answered her every roll as she ensured the doppelgangers would pluck pieces of golden hair from their mouths as they slept.

I offered a nod.

“As you can see from Coppelia’s quality control inspection, the guest rooms are comfortable and sturdy. They’re fully furnished and well stocked, but should you require anything, please do not hesitate to shake the provided bell. You will need to do it several times. The servants are instructed to pretend not to hear the first few rings.”

A pause, followed by a small cough answered me.

“Ah … so we’re moving accommodations?”

“You are. But while this is a small room with an unsealable draft, only a single pillow to fight over and most probably haunted, I’m certain it’s far better than what other royalty provide as accommodation.”

The doppelgangers said nothing, doubtless as this was true.

A moment later, the one previously my mother offered the closest thing to a polite smile.

It was … well, somewhat alarming.

I hoped it was used with the next group of nobility.

“It’s true the standards of our lodgings vary,” she said diplomatically. “And more often than not, we have none at all when our identities are discovered. We’re certainly not used to continued hospitality. With that said, there are some excellent suites scattered throughout the Royal Villa.”

“Indeed there are. But the grounds are large with many paths to take. It would be deeply unfortunate if I was unable to find you at short notice.”

“Oh? What would we be needed for?”

“Whatever is required. If, for example, it turns out you inadvertently set off a revolution by inviting commoners into the Royal Villa, that’s something you’ll need to fix.”

“Goodness. I certainly hope something like that doesn’t happen. It’d look awful on our record.”

Both doppelgangers offered the smallest possible chuckle.

They stopped when they realised I wasn’t chuckling with them.

“Ah. You’re being serious.”

“I am always serious. My apologies, but I shall insist you both remain until my mother and father return to be chastened. I’ve been away for a considerable length of time. It’s unacceptable that they not be here to greet me with another 14 layer cake I cannot possibly consume. There’s not even a group of archmages to tamper with the clouds. When Florella leaves for one day, she comes back to several rainbows and the severe weather permutations that occur afterwards.”

They quietly stared at me. A hint of a question formed on their lips. 

Instead, I was offered the sight of two hobgoblins bowing. 

“... Very well, Your Highness. On behalf of the Royal Masquerade Society, we would like to thank you for your continued patronage of our services. We will endeavour to fulfil all expectations until the completion of our contract.”

“Excellent. Then I hope you make full use of this opportunity. Thank you for your assistance.”

Satisfied at this new arrangement, I stepped back from the doorway. 

The sight of two hobgoblins wondering what to do with a still-rolling Coppelia was the last thing I saw before I nudged the door shut.

Then … I immediately snapped my fingers.

Click.

A heavily breathing steward emerged at once, as was required by contract.

“Y-Your Highness?”

“We have new hires,” I said, as I began making my way down the corridor. “They are to assist in guarding the guest quarters.”

“H-Hobgoblins … ?”

“Hobgoblins. Please inform the knights they are to be watched and chaperoned at all times in order to properly assess their abilities. In the event they do anything other than wrinkle their noses, yawn or look displeased, please inform me at once.”

The man stood still, his mouth agape.

It was closed by Coppelia as she skipped merrily past, all the while stuffing branded napkins into her pouch.

I nodded in approval. 

Unlike the guests who pilfered them, Coppelia could put anything she took to good use. Often as a weapon.

That would come in handy when my tingling princess senses proved true.

“Sooo … don’t trust the doppelgangers famed for trickery, deception and mindreading, huh?”

“Please, I trust them as much as I do a pair of hooded noblemen searching for the restroom together in the middle of the night.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad. That’s just normal amounts of up to no good.”

“Indeed, which is why they’re in the guest quarters and not the dungeons. But we’ll know the truth of their claims soon enough. Either my mother and father return or the doppelgangers attempt to flee within the next five minutes.”

“Nah, they’re way too crafty for that. If they do run away, it’ll definitely be in the middle of the night. But not this one. They’ll wait for when it’s optimal.”

“Excellent. It means there’s time to attend to matters of greater consequence. I regret, however, that you’ll be unable to accompany me.”

“Eh? Why not?” 

“The Royal Villa is awash with secrets, Coppelia. And while I trust you implicitly, it’s kinder that you do not know all which occurs within these walls. There’s a task only for princesses I must complete, for which it’s best that you are not present.” 

I scrunched my fists, took a breath, then turned towards the nearest window. 

Far across the white tiled rooftops, my bedroom tower peeked into view.

Coppelia followed my gaze. She tilted her head and hummed.

A moment later, she raised a finger while beaming.

“... Ah, I get it! Do you want to quickly run back to your bedroom and hide the romance books you keep hidden on the top shelf behind the history tomes before I find them?”

I came to a stop.

And then–

“W-Who are you?!” I pinched and rolled her cheeks. “How did you read my mind?! When did a doppelganger replace you?! What have you done with the real Coppelia?!”

“Eheheh~”