Chapter 464: An Earnest Proposition

A princess’s tower was more than her bedroom.It was also her bathroom. And while these two locations comprised almost everything a princess required, there still existed one more. 

A corner offering comfort and solitude equal to the warmth of any duvet, where they might admire the splendour of their kingdom while their subjects admired them in turn.

A princess’s balcony–and mine was the very finest of them all.

Both spacious and cozy, it was a private stage open only to the sun and stars. 

A semi-circle of polished marble, with slender balustrades draped in hanging vines and a white tea table, perfectly arranged for picnics, embroidery and the leisurely perusal of carefully placed literature. 

As both a sanctuary of quiet introspection and an observation post for approaching tutors, it was only natural that I spent as much time upon my balcony as I did within the tower proper.

Little wonder, then, that even a pretend princess would seek to make use of it.

Having discarded the maid uniform, she wore a white gown pilfered from my wardrobe while sitting alone at my tea table like a spurned maiden. And though I couldn’t see her expression, I knew from her quiet movements that she was in deep contemplation.

It was almost enough for the knights quivering behind me to believe she was the real thing. 

They might be too cowardly to pry the sword from her lap, but it could be forgiven if they were simply too engrossed in this image of me drawn towards the horizon.

A habit I was known for. 

And so long as I could fall asleep with a thoughtful expression, they’d forever think that.

“Oh my,” said the doppelganger, her voice deliberately playful. “What a shame. I’d hoped to have at least a few more hours to supplant you for my nefarious scheme. But I suppose there’s no stopping the wilfulness of a true princess. I’m glad. It’d be a disservice to every tale for a princess to be caged anywhere but her own tower.”

She received no reply other than the closing of the door. 

Even so, she tilted her head slightly, doubtless counting the sounds of a librarian and a receptionist as they entered behind me.

Hearing none of the heavy boots of the knights entering, I could almost see her smile.

“I must say, your kingdom is quite beautiful,” she mused to the smattering of clouds. “I’m envious. To be tucked away where such little darkness can be seen is a gift that no amount of crowns could buy for those in the cities. It’s one I shall treasure. And I hope you do as well.”

She waited for my reply.

As she did so, she turned her gaze downwards, admiring the nearby lake where I spent so many of my picnics, as well as a muddy village which wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I blinked.

The doppelganger gave a theatrical sigh, shoulders falling as she indulged in the warmth.

“... I was not being wholly forthright with you, Your Highness,” she said with a shake of her head. “Although I’ve told no lies, it’d be remiss of me not to admit my yearning for such a peaceful sight. Doppelgangers can mimic the great and the powerful, but it is ever to escape or survive. To merely stand upon a balcony and enjoy the summer wind is a gift I’ve rarely known. All my life I’ve only known ceaseless motion, but here the world moves slowly. It’s a quaint feeling.”

A few seconds passed, during which the chirping of songbirds, the rustling of leaves and the quiet hush of summer settled over the balcony.

Then … several more seconds passed.

Until eventually, the doppelganger looked past her shoulder, an eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Lets see … the red will better suit the light … but the black will allow me to blend into the corners …”

She immediately went back to staring at the horizon.

And why not?

Fraudulent princess or not, even she could see the obvious difficulty I was faced with.

Standing before my wardrobe, I lifted a dress in either hand. 

Both were passable. At least until I spoke with the seamstresses about all the garments I’d need sewn by the time I turned around. 

It wasn’t ideal, but neither were bathrobes. 

Or the fact the doppelganger had opted to wear one of my favourite gowns.

As one of my few dresses not designed for sabotaging ankles, it lacked in sequins and sweat but gained in practicality. Being pure white with little in the way of frumpiness, it was optimised for reflecting the sunlight during long hours spent immobile while reading in my orchard.

Something I still needed to do.

Thus, I nodded … just before walking to the corner where my travelling attire lay. 

I promptly dressed myself in the familiar garments, taking a moment to fix the clasps, smooth the fabric, and ensure every ribbon and seam was even. 

Though originally chosen only to imitate the daughter of a prominent merchant household, it was light, comfortable and most importantly, highly resistant to wrinkles.

My doppelganger should have worn this instead.

Satisfied, I made my way to the balcony where a pretend princess was sitting with two cups of tea at the ready. She offered an unwavering smile as I took a seat opposite her, then carefully observed as I lifted the offering to my lips.

I smiled after a sip.

“Hm. I’m impressed.”

“With the bergamot?”

“Yes. This is awful. That you somehow made the Royal Villa’s tea leaves taste inedible is something no maid has ever achieved.”

“Thank you. That’s a compliment quite a bit kinder than what most of your guests offer.”

“You’re welcome. It’s a 6/10.” I took another sip, then placed the cup down. “I am, however, even more impressed with your shamelessness. Despite your brief tenure here, you’ve already scoured my wardrobe. With such lack of qualms about robbery, you’d be better suited impersonating the nobility downstairs. Your disguise will never be discovered.”

The doppelganger gave a laugh bordering on a snort. 

Out of everything she’d done, that was the only thing to earn her a negative review.

“You say robbery. But I’ve cleaned just about everything in the Royal Villa. As far as I can see, most items were stolen at some point in time. If your guests are prone to quick fingers, that would only be equal.”

“A familiar argument straight from a goblin. I had no idea the matriarchs hired doppelgangers as well.”

“The matriarchs are some of our most repeat customers.” 

“Then I suppose this is why you’re allowed to borrow the form of hobgoblins. If you hope not to embarrass them, I suggest you begin collecting everything of value. You may begin with my favourite hairbrush. It’s been months since I’ve seen it and not even the maids can find it.”

“I regret that I’ve personally never been a hobgoblin. It’s the forehead. Mine is too delicate.”

“A shame. Hobgoblins are forthright and blunt. Qualities you’d do better to have if you ever wish to command those around you under the guise of a princess. This smiling facade is unlikely to inspire the henchmen forced to do the dirty business on your behalf.”

“There will be no dirty business. Or henchmen, for that matter.”

She paused.

“There might be one or two,” she admitted. “But no more. And only for laundry duty. As I said before, I wish only to aid those in need. Sadly, I believe I failed to express myself clearly. I therefore wish to offer an apology.”

“Wonderful. Apology accepted.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that. You may depart for Soap Island immediately. Rest assured, I hold nothing against you and will forget this entire conversation just as I have all the others.” 

The doppelganger’s smile remained unabated.

Even so, she still managed to wrinkle her nose slightly. I was surprised by how well it suited me.

“Ah. Soap Island.”

“Oh?” I tilted my head in interest. “You’ve heard of it?”

“Many have. At least in the Royal Villa. A highly concerning development. I also know you have your hand in it despite the 1st Princess’s name on every stone. Of all the terrible ways to spend crowns, this is the worst. To build a small town on a pirate island for the sake of rehabilitating criminals through soap crafting is utterly ludicrous.”

She pursed her lips slightly, the smile twitching.

“And then there’s this talk of a … fortress of doom or citadel of woe as well.” 

I clapped my hands in delight.

My, such a barely hidden look of distaste! 

That was the exact reaction I wanted! Now I just needed the rumours to spread to every bar and tavern in Reitzlake and crime would evaporate overnight!

“Goodness! That’s excellent news! I’m delighted my sister is making headway into the kingdom’s latest infrastructure project! Perhaps while you’re there, you could mimic the most productive ruffian and improve output by as much as half a bar?”

“I don’t intend to mine soap if I can help it. There are many ways I can be of service to the people, and while hygiene is important, my talents are wasted there.”

“Yes, but I’m afraid there are only so many jesters I can hire at a time, and unlike my knights, I haven’t any cause to fire them yet.”

“I hope you never do. To be a jester is a wonderful thing.”

Ugh.

I rolled my eyes and reached for the nearest servants’ bell.

“I don’t need an application form,” said the doppelganger, reaching out to stop my hand.

“Well, if you want to apply, you’ll need to begin early. I’m certainly not showering any nepotism favours to you.”

“I don’t want to be a jester, thank you … I merely wished to state that their role is to invite joy, just as mine is. And so before you do whatever I can clearly sense you’re planning, I’d like you to know that I deeply regret how I presented myself.” 

“Yes, I can see that. Your face is clearly on my floor. Have you considered that the reason you cannot change into a hobgoblin is because you don’t use every opportunity to flatten your forehead?”

“I don’t need to flatten my forehead to show contrition.”

“True. A bag of crowns will suffice. You may slot it on my palm.”

“I have something far better than a bag of crowns. I have me.”

Oh no.

I really didn’t want to fast track her through the jester hiring process. But everything she was saying was much better than the well written jests I usually yawned at just because panic was more amusing.

“Yes. Me.” The doppelganger sat up straighter. “In hindsight, I allowed my preconceptions towards all princesses to cloud my judgement. I see you’re different. Very different. To have achieved what you can with a sword is not possible without immense amounts of discipline.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“My, is that so? … To receive such a compliment after being the victim of libel is certainly a new level of shamelessness. But I accept it nonetheless. There’s no discipline more strenuous than gardening. It’s to do with nurturing life itself.”

The doppelganger lifted her cup of bergamot to her lips. 

Sadly, that she didn’t shudder instantly invalidated any positive opinion she had about anything.

“Indeed, I greatly, greatly underestimated you. As I imagine many do. Except unlike others, I still have time to crawl back. So allow me to offer a renewed proposition. I suggest we work together.”

“Ah? What’s this? Is self-exile while you replace me no longer an appropriate suggestion?”

“It isn’t,” she said without shame. “Yes, I tried encouraging you into accepting a more lax way of life. But my assumption was that it’s what you wanted all along. I apologise for this. I was very much mistaken. With that said, it isn’t your forgiveness I desire. It’s your pragmatism.”

The doppelganger pointed towards the horizon. At a lake glimmering beneath the promise of summer and a village I feared for without a barkeeper to keep the louts in place.

Then, her smile faded into a look of utmost seriousness. 

She placed her hand to her chest in a show of earnestness.

“I could sense it the moment I picked up your sword. Your strength of will is undeniable. And with it, your sense of purpose. Although our lives are different, I now believe our paths are the same. I see, for example, that infrastructure is important to you. And while I can’t say I’m particularly supportive of this … soap venture, I can nevertheless support it wholeheartedly by expanding your logistics channels and mercantile networks. Much of the handiwork regarding the Royal Tirea Company is my own. I happen to have a vast amount of experience in commerce, to say nothing of other fields as well. And I would like to offer it to you on a permanent basis. In short, I’m offering you my private employment.”

I stared at her for several moments.

And then–

“Ohohohohohohohohohohohoho!!”

My beautiful laughter rang through the air.

This … This was a new one!

I’d seen shamelessness before. My nobility could backstab from the front while pretending their youngest sibling was holding the knife. But this.

Why, it hadn’t even been an hour since she assumed my face!

I hadn’t done a single indecipherable flick of my wrist! None of the gestures taught to me by Tristan for use against those with an uncanny ability to read thoughts were needed!

She’d simply capitulated!

After a moment, I coughed, then fixed my hair.

“Ahem … my rather obvious answer aside, are you not a mere lackey in your guild?”

“I’m not a mere lackey. I’m unburdened by the fears of my peers.”

“Yes, and their policies regarding taking over kingdoms, I imagine.”

“As I’ve said, repeatedly, I’ve no intention of that. Because unlike those masquerading as hobgoblins, my working hours don’t end just because I’m no longer being paid. I believe in doing good for the sake of it. And there’s nothing one princess cannot do which two cannot do better.”

As she smiled, an almost childish sparkle lit up in her eyes, unseen in any mirror. 

I nodded.

“Rejected.”

“Your Highness–”

“Exactly. There’s one ‘Your Highness’ at this table. Not two. Even in the unthinkable event that you don’t betray me the moment I close my eyes, having two of me is like a 14 layer cake. It’s simply excessive. Now, if you want to be a jester, I’m not saying the door is entirely closed.”

The doppelganger stared long and hard.

“... Ah. You truly believe I’ve no value to bring, do you?”

“Not at all. You have hands and are not drunk. That brings enormous value. So despite you having no shame whatsoever, know that I view you in a better light than most. You can be useful. Just not as a princess. Especially one who now needs to be regularly checked as not-a-doppelganger. This is highly inconvenient.”

“Yes. Which is why I require your collaboration. That’s my strong preference. But if it holds no interest to you, I can offer an alternative that’s less beneficial to your kingdom and more to your rivals.”

I responded by offering my most curious smile.

Then, much to the doppelganger’s slight alarm, I leaned forwards and relaxed, allowing my elbow to rest against the tea table and the side of my face against my palm.

“My, it sounds like you’re suggesting to hold my very face ransom. How daring. You must be quite confident of escaping to have remained just to enjoy my tea.”

“Doppelgangers are escape artists by nature. We are as slippery as the shadows. Although I mimic you, that doesn’t mean I lack abilities of my own. Should I require it, I can be free of knights, vampires and even yourself. You can therefore accept my offer or watch as it eludes you.”

“And yet I’ve seen firsthand how a doppelganger’s appearance can waver when unexpectedly struck.”

“A cat may be startled when relaxing, but rarely when alert. That will not happen.”

I let out a hum.

“Have you ever been to Ouzelia?”

The doppelganger blinked, clearly confused by this sudden question.

“... No, why?”

“If you had, then you’d know that declarations like that rarely permit fate to stand idle. I learned that myself. If you wish to impersonate me, you need to remember that.”

A snort met my very real advice.

“Fate is a perilous thing. But it can only bend, not break. There’s nothing you can–”

“[Spring Breeze].”

Suddenly, the doppelganger half rose from her seat, her entire body jerking upwards.

She blinked as I lazily pointed at her, all the while smiling in amusement.

After a moment, she sat down again and scoffed.

“I see the rumours are true, after all,” she said with a note of derision. “You’re as childish as everyone would suggest. It was a mistake for me to–”

Clunk.

All of a sudden, she blinked at the sound of my foot casually striking the lever hidden beneath the tea table. Her momentarily relaxed expression faltered into brief confusion.

And then horror.

Pwooooomph.

She wore it as she was suddenly catapulted from my sight, courtesy of the Emergency Protocol Princess Propeller Device™ beneath her chair tile. 

For a moment, I simply watched with curiosity as I aided my imposter’s escape–directly into the lake filled with blood piranhas, vorpal jellyfish and at least one very large thing which singlehandedly reduced the number of guests we had.

I turned towards a librarian and a receptionist. 

Both wore differing degrees of stunned expressions.

“Hm. How curious. Even if we approximate my figure using weighted pillows, the angle of landing is different. Please remind me to tell Clarise.”