Chapter 461: A Genuine Princess

A maid wearing my face.She offered a curtsey from the doorway, all the while carrying her tray of tea and carrot cake. 

“Salutations, Your Highness,” she said, her voice polite, gentle and overly familiar to my ears. “I’ve more names than I can count. But to those in the maid’s quarters, I am Joy. For that is what I offer, much as I can in this terrible place. Allow me to welcome you back from your royal tour. I hope it was a fulfilling learning experience, although given what I’ve seen thus far, I sadly have my doubts.”

I stared. And an exact reflection stared back.

Here was no illusion that either a spell or potion could mimic. 

There wasn’t a single lie revealed by a feeling of uncanny wrongness. 

But why would there be?

Against a doppelganger’s talents, even a mirror would prove lacking. 

A feeling of cold horror clung to me, despite the warmth of my bath.

“Oh dear,” said my imposter, her eyelashes fluttering. “I see you’re greatly alarmed. Apologies for not extending my welcome when I was serving you in the dining chamber. I had no wish to disturb your reunion with your parents, even make-believe as it was. Yet given how swiftly you were able to discern the sham, I’m surprised you weren’t able to notice one of your maids wasn’t quite your own.”

Her smile became even kinder.

It did nothing but cause my mouth to slowly widen.

After all … it was a smile more beautiful than I had ever realised!

Why, it’s little wonder innkeepers only gawped at me when I demanded a room without a ceiling but still have a roof! To think that I’d travelled the length and breadth of my kingdom without once considering the effects such a thing would have! 

Who knew that all this time, I had left a trail of broken hearts alongside the broken doors?!

“Ah?” The immensely beautiful false princess without a single blemish tilted her head slightly. “Now that’s a rare expression, I imagine. I’ll remember it for when I next hear a complaint about you. It shouldn’t be long now that you’ve returned.”

The delicate eyelashes! The soft cheeks! The cute nose! The intelligence, dignity and wisdom exuding from every pore! It’s no exaggeration to say that every portrait of me was hopelessly inadequate!

“Or perhaps I should practise it now. I feel I need to stop myself from constantly shuddering. Just considering how people will see me with this appearance is a dreadful feeling, although I expect it’s little compared to how they feel in turn.”

Indeed!

Even the way her smile was both sweet yet subtly mocking was a masterclass in elegance!

“... But really, you needn’t look so appalled. Especially the way your mouth is completely open. It’s unfitting for a princess.”

Beside me, Coppelia was equally stunned. 

Blinking repeatedly, she turned between me and my doppelganger while comparing every detail.

After a moment, she offered an approving nod.

“Oooh~ you look really good in a maid uniform, huh?”

“Coppelia!” I was aghast. “That is a highly inappropriate suggestion!”

“But it’s true! Even the way you carry a tray just sort of fits right.”

“That’s … while it’s true I look wonderful in everything, this hardly changes the fact that implying a maid uniform suits me is anything but outrageously improper!”

“I mean, it’s better than me wearing it. I can’t do an apron like you can.”

I shook my head at once.

“Now that’s even more wrong. I’m certain you look wonderful … as you’ll know once you start wearing your officially designated uniform with its infinite frills still to be sewn.”

“It’s okay. I’ll pass. I’m cute enough already.”

“Then I’m afraid you’ve little choice in the matter. Now that you’ve officially seen me in a maid uniform, it’s only fair that the favour is returned. Lots.” 

“Eh?! But this isn’t even you!”

“Well, that much is obvious. She has my face but not my standing. Just look at the way the steam wafts into her face instead of around her. Even so, the general appearance still counts. That means I’m owed one Coppelia in a maid uniform.”

“It means you’re owed one Coppelia doppelganger in a maid uniform. Why not ask her to look like me?”

I gasped.

What … What a wonderful idea!

I could ask the doppelganger to don every outfit I could possibly envisage and avoid Coppelia’s rebelliousness in the process! The possibilities were endless! 

I immediately turned to my imposter.

“Could you–”

“No.” 

“Just the maid attire will do. You can even use the one you’re–” 

“No.” 

“If you need time to study Coppelia, I’m certain she’ll–” 

“No.”

It was all the evidence anyone needed to distinguish the truth from the lie. 

After all, I would never turn down the opportunity to array Coppelia in as many outrageously frilly garments as possible. Many of which had nothing to do with her duties and all to do with how wonderful she’d look while dressed in various shades of a peacock.

“Your Highness,” said the doppelganger, her smile sweetening despite the flatness of her rejections. “Far be it from me to suggest prudence, but perhaps you should be more concerned?”

I floated in a circle, poking a toe out of the bubbly surface. 

“Oh? Can you not tell I’m deeply concerned? … The bubble density has fallen by 2% and I see you’ve yet to offer an extra bar of soap. I fear for my dignity.”

“The only threat to your dignity is a doppelganger with uncertain motives taking your place while you’re defenceless in a bath. That isn’t something which demands levity, but your immediate panic.”

I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile. 

“Ohohohoho … and for what reason should I panic? I’m a beautiful princess, famed for my kindness and appreciation for the bars of lavender soap just to your side. Who else would you imitate? If you’ve come to replace me, then you’ve made an excellent choice–but also an unnecessary one. Unlike my busy parents, I’ve no need for your services. I can perform my usual duties without issue.”

“Yes. Yes you can. And that is a problem.”

The doppelganger set her tray down atop a bathroom stool.

I was aggrieved. 

Far from pretending to be a princess, she couldn’t even pretend to be a maid.

“Excuse me, but that is not a table, and nor are those even the refreshments I expected. Why is there a carrot cake present? Where is the strawberry shortcake?”

“I didn’t bring the shortcake.”

“Why not?”

“Because carrot cake is better. And if nobody eats it, then it’s at risk of being thrown away. Just like everything else the kitchens make for you every minute of the day and night just so that you may have your whims answered on demand.”

“In that case, I hardly see why you’ve brought it to me. If I desire to toss a carrot cake through the window, I’ll request it first.”

“A cake isn’t to be tossed. It’s to be eaten. To hurl food through a window is an immense amount of waste. And while what you do with desserts is the least of problems, it’s also representative of what I see.” 

“A princess with standards?”

“No, an absolute slob.”

The imposter stood up straight. Her smile hardened as her brows threatened to knit.

And then–she pointed accusingly at me.

“You … are a lazy, good-for-nothing princess.” 

I covered my mouth in horror.

“E-Excuse me?! Who … Who told you that?! What evidence is there?!”

“The evidence is everywhere. You are sloppy, lazy, and chronically self-indulgent. You sleep until midday, you nap until evening, you bathe until the soap expires, and you snack until the kitchens cry for mercy. You fire servants on a whim. And for all of it, you still have the gall to expect them to tidy up after you as though you deserve any of it. The opinions of you among the staff are universally dire.”

“You cannot be serious! Do the servants truly think so poorly about me?”

“No, they think much worse. I’m being considerate.”

I was appalled at the insinuation … and yet as I took in the serious hue of my imposter’s lovely eyes, I knew there was no lie in her words.

How … How awful! 

Why, if there were servants who’d seen me in such a slovenly state, then that meant there were still servants I needed to fire! I’d been slacking!

“Yes, the impression you leave is woeful. Tales of your nature are everywhere. In just the short time I’ve been shadowing my parents as a maid, I’ve heard your name spoken as an unceasing wail.”

“Well, that’s no surprise! Nobody else can be relied upon to fire those who clearly lack the qualifications to work here! … I see that’s why my two newest guards failed to mention they brought their daughter to work with them. Were they going to admit this once they were far enough away to not reimburse for all the broken plates?”

“There are no broken plates. I’m an excellent maid. Far more than you make for a princess. The only joy you offer is when you’re absent. Except that even then, your shadow still lingers. Many of the stewards went without sleep, fearing your return would be as sudden as your departure. Your wilfulness is staggering–as is your whole family’s.”

The doppelganger clenched her fists, finally allowing her smile to fade.

“My parents were hired to provide professional assistance. Instead, they were left to literally shoulder all the work … that is something I’ve never seen before. You are all utter slobs.”

“Well, it seems you must spend less time shadowing your parents and more actual royalty, then. The king and queen may be inexcusably away, but they do not rule alone. Even now, my siblings strive to ensure our realm stands defended against every encroaching foe.”

Indeed, no Contzen ruled alone!

It mattered little whether my mother and father were swinging on a hammock in the mountains. Beyond the sight of their wriggling toes, the diligence of my brothers and sisters could always be seen.

“The only sibling I’ve seen is Princess Clarise. And she causes a major fire on a daily basis.”

“Excellent. It means the staff are prepared for when a dragon appears. They’ll be astonished by how many buckets we can throw.”

“A dragon isn’t what your kingdom needs fear. It is you.”

A hint of a wrinkled nose met me, helped by Coppelia blowing bubbles towards the doorway.

“You are undeserving of your title,” declared my imposter, who by failing to fear a sudden dragon attack had no idea what the basic requirements of the role was. “A princess must always aid those around them, yet all I see is a child who has never lifted a finger. It is an absolute insult. And now you would dismiss my parents after all the work they’ve achieved. How do you think they must feel?”

“Highly satisfied. They can now assist the kingdom by striking at the heart of every plot in the guest quarters. Preferably with their foreheads.”

“They will do as expected. But not because it’s worth their time. They are professionals.”

“Then I suggest you cease laying waste to their efforts. This conversation bodes poorly for a repeat order. But since I’m relaxing in a year’s supply of bath salts and can no longer move my legs, I’m willing to forget the whole thing.”

I waited for the false princess to assume her form as a false maid instead. 

And maybe replace the carrot cake.

She did neither.

“I shall do more than that,” said my doppelganger, her imitation of a perfect smile returning like a blossoming rose. “I intend to fulfil the original request by the king and queen to the letter. Improvements will be made just as they desired. Enough that when they return, they might be inclined to enjoy an even longer absence. I shall not stand idly by.”

Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I let out a groan.

A self-righteous doppelganger. 

After all the hoodlums had gone, this is what I had left to work with.

“... My apologies, but could you not seize my kingdom for a more traditional reason?”

“Excuse me?”

“When did subversion for power’s sake stop being fashionable? Or do you all need an excuse these days for the sake of optics? Go on. If you secretly wish to become a princess just so you can enjoy the masses throwing muddy flowers at you, please feel free to admit it. I find no fault in ambition.”

The would-be princess narrowed her eyes.

“I have no wish to take over the kingdom, merely to save it from the grip of injustice.”

Relief flooded me at once. 

My shoulders sank into the bubbles.

“... Oh, thank goodness,” I said to Coppelia. “I thought she was being serious.”

“Mmh, she almost had me for a moment, too. Doppelgangers, huh?”

“I am being serious,” snapped the one who only wanted to take over my kingdom. “The workings of your family is a pox on this realm. I will take it upon myself to cure it.” 

I nodded, then clicked my fingers.

“Better. That kind of line is straight from the villain’s handbook. But to not break the facade, I suggest sticking angel wings on your back. Can you mimic mine even if they’ve yet to grow?”

“This is not a facade. I will make the changes necessary to ensure the people of this kingdom will no longer accept their current lot in life. As a genuine princess would do.”

“Please. You’re not even able to make changes to a tea table. You are no princess.”

My doppelganger answered with a look of amusement.

“Is that so? … And yet here I have proof. A princess’s face. And also something else.”

She leaned slightly to the side, just behind the doorway.

And then–

She held up Starlight Grace.